Finding Bella
by Rason
Summary: Edward doesn't return after leaving Bella in the forest in Forks. Eight years later, Edward discovers she lives nearby & is persuaded by his family to find her. What he sees will shock him. Can he love the person Bella has become? Lemons. OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, Rason here. This is the first fanfic story I have written. I hope you enjoy it, but even if you don't I hope you review. Let me know what you think. I'm a big girl and can handle it. With that said, this starts out a little on the slow side but it will pick up. I promise. Lots of angst/heart fail and tormenting of Edward on the way, fear not. ;) So please give it a chance. I appreciate it. Furthermore, I know this story won't be for everyone. There will be some unsavory things that take place that many will not agree with (no rape, etc). I just want to say I don't condone everything that happens in this story because truthfully, some of it isn't nice, but I promise to explain everything at some point. Just hang in there with me for a while.  
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**This is a Bella/Edward story. It will just take some time to get there.  
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**The fab Stephenie Meyer owns all.**

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Chapter 1

EPOV

"Edward!"

I groaned. Couldn't anyone just let me be?

"EDWARD!"

Apparently not.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!"

Grumbling, I sat up and looked toward my bedroom door. Four months ago, my family and I moved to Kingston, NY from Oregon and I had been avoiding the family as much as possible since we arrived. I knew that if I didn't answer Alice, which I had no desire to do at this particular moment in time, she would soon come flying through the door in a very annoying fashion. I loved Alice dearly but there were times that I wished she would leave well enough alone. This just happened to be one of those times. UGH. "Leave me alone, Alice."

Sure enough, only seconds passed before she was standing in my room, hands on her hips with a disgruntled look on her face. She glared at me with narrowed eyes. "Edward! I've been calling you for ten minutes now. Why do you have to be such an ass all the time? Did you think that maybe there was a reason I was calling you? That maybe, _just maybe_, I had something important to say that could possibly bring you out of this self-loathing funk you've been in for, how long again? Oh right, about eight years, give or take a century."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb. "What is it, Alice? Just get it over with."

_"You really can be a moody brat sometimes, you know that?"_ she thought.

"I'm waiting," I said flatly.

"Fine, but seriously, Edward, I think this is a good thing. A _really_ good thing." I opened my eyes and glared at her hoping that whatever monstrosity she was about to lay on me wouldn't make me want to throttle her in some way.

"While out hunting with Jasper, I had a vision." She said while bouncing in place, barely able to contain her excitement. "And Edward, I swear to you, I wasn't looking for this. I didn't know she would be anywhere near here before we moved here. I swear to you, I never went back on the promise I made you. So please, don't get mad and all Edwardy on me, alright?" She sighed dramatically and then continued. "Bella is living in New York City."

Bella.

If my heart were beating, it would've stopped right then and there. I had spent the last eight years thinking only of _her_, though I tried not to let that show. It was all in vain, however. My family saw right through me. She was still my everything. Every fiber of my being ached to be with her. Touch her. Hold her. Kiss her. I knew that simply was not possible. I had made a promise to her that I wouldn't interfere with her life again. I owed her that much. She deserved to have a normal life. She deserved to live safely. I could give her neither normalcy nor safety. I couldn't allow myself to bring my world down on her ever again. She deserved so much more than me.

"So I decided to do a quick search. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself, Edward." Alice rumbled on. "I found out she is an interior designer and is actually quite successful at it. I suppose Esme brushed off on her a bit. I'm just so excited! I really want to go see her. I could hire her to redesign my closet for me," she finished thoughtfully, tapping her finger on her chin and looking toward the ceiling.

That is where I lost it.

"Alice," I fumed "You cannot possibly think about seeing her. Just because you haven't seen her in nearly a decade doesn't mean it's alright for you to barge back into her life. We aren't safe for her. We never were and we never will be. Leave her alone, Alice. I mean it."

If looks could kill, I would surely be dead at the moment. If I were still human, that is. "How can you say that, Edward? I know why you wanted us all to leave but that doesn't mean I agree with it. I miss my best friend. I miss Bella. I love her, too, you know, and it's killed me to not be around her. I miss her, Edward! Please! I need to see her."

"No!"

"You are being ridiculous! I should've never agreed to leave in the first place. It was the dumbest thing we've ever done. Leaving not only broke you, you know. It broke us all. Bella included!" Alice stormed. "How dare you keep me from seeing her when we're so physically close, Edward! You can't do it. I won't allow you to keep me from her any longer. So stop fighting it. It's not going to work!"

"I will stop you from going, Alice. I won't allow it. You're not to see her. We're not a part of her world. She's not a part of ours. It's just how it is. It's how it's going to be." By this point, I was seeing red. I was livid at my sister, but before I was able to do or say another word, she turned on her heel and ran out the door. I sat in my room for a while longer, but I was unable to escape the onslaught of thoughts coming from my family two floors below.

Jasper: _"It's not all about you anymore, Edward. Alice needs this. Let her be." _

Carlisle: _"Son, do not tear yourself up over this. Come down and we can discuss the matter and find a solution that works for everyone involved."  
_  
Emmett: _"Damn, bro. What the hell Alice is about to rip you a new one."_

Rosalie:_ "Not again. How much more drama from Edward can we put up with. Hmph "_

Esme: _"Poor Edward. I hate to see him suffering so much."_

This continued for hours.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out. I needed to be alone. To think. So I stood up, not even bothering to go down stairs, and headed toward the window and jumped out. Before my feet hit the ground, I was running. I needed to hunt. I needed to get away.

Just as I was about to take down a considerably large black bear, I heard Emmett's thoughts. _"Dude, come on, Edward, don't run from this anymore."_ Ignoring him, I lunged at the bear hoping it would satisfy the hunger growing deep within me. I knew it was impossible, however. The hunger I felt wasn't for blood. Not thirst. I hungered for Bella. My Bella.

Moments later, I tossed the drained bear to the side and stood up. Turning around I spotted Emmett, arms crossed, leaning against a large oak tree with a stupid grin on his face. He was in full-out dimple mode. I despised that grin with a passion. Nothing good could come from it. Sighing, I walked over to a large outcropping of rock and sat down, waiting. I knew what was coming wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Alice has seen her with you," he said. "There is no need to fight it anymore. It's what you want. It's what you have wanted all along. She's good for you, bro. It's been hard on all of us seeing you suffer. It's time to do something to make yourself happy. Bella is the only thing that can do that. Go to her."

"Damn it, Emmett. You know I can't do that. It's not right," I growled.

"Who says? You? Well, let me tell you something, hot shit. You're wrong. You've been wrong the entire time. This is a good thing," he said.

"For her or for me?" I said through gritted teeth.

"For you, of course. You need her."

"Wrong answer, Emmett. This isn't about me. You know that. It's about Bella," I said.

"If that isn't the biggest load of shit I've ever heard then I don't know what is." Emmett replied. "The two of you were made for each other. You know it or at least you should. Stop being such a damn little girl and suck it up. Be a fucking man about it."

"Emmett, what exactly do you think I should do about it? She has obviously moved on with her life. Do you really think if I walked back into it that it would be a good thing? I refuse to put her in danger. She deserves a life. It seems like she has found one. Just let her be. Please," I begged.

"You do realize there is no stopping Alice, right? One way or another Bella is going to know we're here. So why shouldn't you be the one to go to her first? You want it. Stop being such an idiot about it and just go."

I groaned.

"I tell ya what, little brother, how about you and I make a little trip into the city and just do a little reconnaissance. She doesn't even have to know we're there. Just see her. That's all. See her. Is that so damn bad?" he asked.

"Yes, Emmett, that is bad. If I see her..." I was unable to finish that sentence. I wasn't sure what would happen if I saw her.

"Well, dude, it's totally your call, but maybe if we went, it would stall Alice, for a while anyway."

"Damn it, Emmett "

"Shit, Edward, you love her!" he said and I glared at him with narrowed eyes. "I'm just saying," he finished.

"Yes, Emmett, I love her. I always have loved her and I always will love her. That doesn't mean it's right to force ourselves back into her life. Why do I have to keep telling everyone that?" I was getting angry now.

"Who said we would be forcing anything? Maybe Bella wants this, too. Ever think of that? Oh no, you haven't because you've been too busy acting the fool," he sneered. "Let's just go and see her from a distance. I'm sure you can handle that. Then you can make a decision. I won't force you either way. You need to do something other than this moping around shit you've been doing for the last eight years. Maybe seeing her will help you move on. Hell, I don't know, but you need to do something."

"Get off my back, Emmett."

"No."

"Why is everyone so hell bent on me going to her? What good could come from it?"

"Your happiness could come from it."

"It's not about me," I said, as I felt my resolve slipping.

"Exactly, it's not about you. It's about all of us. This shit is getting old, Edward. It's been hard on us all. Esme can hardly stand to be in the same room with you anymore. Do it for her if for no one else."

I knew it had been hard on Esme but having that thrown in my face was a low blow. "Christ, Emmett. If I agree to go, would you get off my damn back about it? I will not make contact with her. I am telling you that now. Got it?"

Grinning hugely, he simply replied, "Got it!"

I stood up and started walking back toward the house. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and I wasn't looking forward to it. Maybe if I did this, everyone would calm down a bit and let me get back to my misery. I was bound and determined to leave Bella alone, to let her live the life she had built for herself. If I was being honest, I was greatly intrigued about her life. Of course I was curious. I couldn't deny it. Seeing her from a distance couldn't possibly destroy everything I had tried to achieve since we left Forks. At least that was what I tried to tell myself.

_"Race you back, bro,"_ Emmett thought after a few moments of near silence. I took off as fast as I could, knowing he couldn't catch me. We reached the house within ten minutes. It was time to face the firing squad, so to speak. This couldn't be good.

Entering the house, all I heard was a loud squealing from Alice. I looked over to the oversized couch in front of the fireplace and saw her sitting next to Jasper bouncing up and down like a pogo stick. "I knew you would come to your senses, Edward You won't regret this Just let me know when I can see Bella for myself. I won't be able to wait long."

"Alice, I'm not going to speak to her and neither are you. I still have every intention of leaving her alone. We _all_ will be leaving her alone," I said, glaring at her.

_"Whatever, Edward,"_ Alice thought with a smirk. The little pixie really could be exceedingly obnoxious at times.

"Son, I think this is best. Although none of us knew she would be so close when we came here, I can't deny that this is more than a coincidence," Carlisle said softly.

"Fine," I said with a heavy sigh. "I'll do this, but like I said, I have no intention of speaking to her and then I expect everyone to let this drop once and for all."

"We can agree to that, Edward," Carlisle said. _"I just want you to be happy,"_ he added silently.

"So when do we get this show on the road, Eddie?" Emmett boomed. "The sooner the better, I think. Alice, where do we find her?"

"Well, her office is in the heart of Manhattan. You'll be looking for _Swan Interiors and Design_," Alice said while handing Emmett a piece of paper with the address on it. "I'm not sure where she lives so I think it's best to try her work first and then go from there. There will be constant cloud cover in the city for the next two days, so I think it'll be a perfect time for you to go."

"Excellent " Emmett exclaimed and I groaned again. The next couple of days were going to be torturous. Emmett would see to that.

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**All right, tell me what you think! I have chapter 2 ready to go but I want to make sure you all like this before I continue further. And don't worry, I have lots of lemony plans in store....**


	2. Chapter 2

**The wonderful S Meyer owns all. **

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Chapter 2

EPOV

At 10 o'clock the following morning, I found myself sitting in the passengers seat of Emmett's Jeep while it flew down the highway toward New York City. I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I allowed them to talk me into this. I wanted to escape and knew that if I were to jump, even at speeds reaching 120mph, I would still land on my feet unscathed. I considered it for a moment, then realized it would only upset my family more if I didn't go through with this ludicrous plan. I sighed, defeated.

Emmett seemed to sense my discomfort. "Dude, this is going to work out fine! Stop worrying about it so much. No pressure. We go to the office and take a peek, nothing more. Of course, unless you decide you want something more," he said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Emmett, I'm only doing this to get everyone off my back. As soon as we make sure she's doing alright, we're leaving. There will be no more to it," I replied.

"Fine, bro. I hear ya loud and clear."

"Do you?" I asked in disbelief.

"Sure, I do, Edward. Look, even though I don't agree with you, I'm not going to force you into this," he said seriously before an amused expression crossed his face. "Maybe when we're done we can do a little hunting and find out if there really are alligators in the sewers of the city," he chuckled.

I groaned. Emmett really was just like a three year old child.

As we entered the city and made our way to the vicinity of Bella's office, I started to get a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't the trepidation that I was expecting to feel. It was....excitement? It had been eight years since I left her in the forest back in Forks, eight years since I had to mutter that horrific lie to her that I knew had broken her heart. I couldn't help but think that she must hate me now. I hated me now. The months following my departure must have been torturous for her, as they were for me. I wasn't even able to be around my family that first year. I wandered the darkest places of the earth trying to put as much distance as I could between Bella and myself. I had decided: the further away from her I was, the harder it would be for me to go back. The distance worked to an extent, but only because it made it difficult to make my way back to her. However, the entire time I was away, all I saw was her but every time I closed my eyes, her face, her beautiful smile, her warm chocolate brown eyes, would appear behind my eyelids. I didn't hunt and soon, was overwhelmed by weakness. I barely moved. Most of the time I found myself in dusty, rat-infested attics or revolting, disease filled sewers. Those were the only places I deserved after what I had put Bella through. In all honesty, I still deserved far worse.

Emmett's voice broke me from my reverie. "Here we are. Alice said her office was on the 44th floor. What do you think we should do, go up there, or wait for her to come out?"

"We wait," I simply replied.

We didn't have to wait long before a shiny black Mercedes pulled up to the curb. Bella stepped out from the back seat and swiftly walked toward the glass double doors of the building. She was exquisite, as always, and I was unable to stifle a gasp. Her brown hair fell in soft waves down her back. She was wearing a cream dress that hugged her every curve and golden high heals that would surely make Alice proud. Her face was still as beautiful as ever, but there was a maturity about her that wasn't present the last time I laid eyes on her. I took in her every feature, noticing how much she had changed over the years, but she hadn't changed as much as I thought she would. She barely looked older than twenty. As she walked, I noticed that she had a phone pressed against her ear and then I heard her voice even though we were nearly a block away. Vampire hearing could come in quite handy at times.

"No, Natalie, it doesn't matter now. I'm on my way up. I'll see you in a few." She sounded annoyed. She snapped the phone shut and disappeared through the doors.

In that instant, I knew I couldn't walk away from her like I had hoped I would. I found myself drawn to her once again, like a moth to a flame. I needed to get closer.

"Bella's looking hot, Eddie " Emmett snickered and poked me in the chest.

"Damn it, Emmett " was all I could say as I ran my hand through my hair roughly, tugging on the ends. Emmett flashed me a knowing smile. He always knew I wouldn't be able to walk away once I saw her. We sat in the Jeep for what seemed like hours. All I could do was stare at the door that Bella had disappeared behind.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"What do you want to do, Edward? I said I wouldn't force you into anything, and I meant it little brother. So you tell me, what do you want?" Emmett replied.

"I want Bella. I've always wanted her. But now, I just don't know how to make it happen." Knowing I wanted her when I shouldn't was killing me. Couldn't I do anything right by her? Leaving her had been the hardest thing I had ever done, but I also knew it was the best thing for her. I should leave now and never come back, never see her beautiful face again, but the thought of that pained me like nothing else. I couldn't leave. Not again.

"Well," Emmett began, "It looks like we have some planning to do," he said. He clapped his hands together triumphantly and rubbed them back and forth with an evil glint in his eye. "I think we need Alice for this."

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I answered it and before I was able to utter a single word, she was speaking.

"Edward, it's going to be fine, so just trust me on this, please. Get a last look and then come home so we can plan." Alice hung up.

"Well, it looks like Alice knows all," I chuckled. "We need to head back, but I want to see Bella one last time."

"Then damn, bro. Let's roll " Emmett boomed as he jumped out of the Jeep.

"Wait, Emmett What do you think you're doing?" I said, suddenly nervous.

"What do you think we're doing?" he said _"We are going to go see Bella,"_ he thought.

"We can't just walk into her office unannounced!"

"We're not going to. Well, we are, but no one will know we're there," Emmett said with a mischievous grin. "Come on, let's go check things out, or are you scared, little girl?"

Grumbling, I stepped out of the Jeep and we moved at a human speed toward the office building. Upon entering, we walked quickly across the marble lobby and straight to the elevators. Emmett pushed the "up" button and we waited for a few minutes. I quickly glanced around us. Several humans were watching us but none dared to approach.

"Hey! Wazzup!" Emmett boomed, following my gaze.

Everyone scattered like cock roaches under a bright light. Smirking, Emmett punched me on the arm and said, "It's all about the people skills, bro."

The doors to the elevator opened and I rolled my eyes as I stepped in. "Smooth, Em. So much for being inconspicuous."

Emmett pushed the button that would take us to the 45th floor, one level up from Bella's office. We decided it would be better if we didn't walk directly onto her floor. Soon after the elevator started its ascent, the phone in my pocket vibrated. I slowly opened it and saw that it was Alice. She spoke before I was able to offer her a greeting.

"You won't be noticed. Just stay toward the back of the office and you'll be in the clear," she said and quickly hung up the phone.

_"Well, what did the little freak see this time?"_ Emmett thought.

"That we would go unnoticed. I find that hard to believe, however," I responded.

_"I'd never bet against Alice. Let's go, Eddie."_

We stepped out of the elevator and headed for the staircase that led to the floor below. The stairwell was deserted, so at inhuman speed, we reached our destination. We both peered through the small glass window on the door that overlooked the floor to observe our surroundings. I was starting to feel a bit like a peeping tom.

Emmett, however, did not. _"Dude, where's the Mission Impossible theme song when you need it?"_ he thought with a chuckle.

Beyond the door was a long hallway and several doors that lead to different offices. At the far end of the hall was an elaborately carved wooden door with a sign next to it that read "Swan Interiors and Design". Pride swelled within me as I realized what Bella had accomplished. She never ceased to amaze me. I only hoped that I would learn more about the wonderful person she had become. I knew enough about her to know she put her entire heart into everything she did. Her career would be no different. She had grown from an insecure teenage girl into a strong, independent woman, there was no doubt about that.

Seeing that the hallway was void of humans, Emmett slowly pushed the door open and stepped forward. I paused and Emmett gazed back at me. _"Come on, bro. There's no time like the present,"_ he thought with a sly smirk. Sighing deeply, I stepped into the hallway next to him. We moved to the door at the end of the hall and stopped. I closed my eyes and listened to the movement beyond. I could tell that there was a woman sitting at a desk adjacent to the door so I concentrated on her thoughts for a bit.

_"Damn it! All hell is about to break loose if Natalie doesn't get those samples fast enough. I do not want to be here when the shit starts flying. Ms. Swan will have her ass for dinner and all of ours for desert. I better go see if I can help her. Fuck knows she needs it, or we'll all be out of a job,"_ she thought nervously as she stood up and nearly ran down the hall next to her desk.

Hmmm. Odd.

"The receptionist just left her desk," I whispered so low that only Emmett could possibly hear.

_"Hell yeah, let's go!"_ he thought.

Slowly, I pushed the door open and stepped inside, Emmett on my heels. I looked around the space and was immediately impressed. The decor was very stylish, hip and modern. It didn't scream Bella to me, but it was pleasant nonetheless. Three walls were painted a stark white while the fourth was covered in blue-gray, slate panels. The receptionist's desk was long, curved and made of the same slate that adorned the wall. To the right was an elongated cream sofa with a blood red carpet under foot. A few tables hosted plain vases with a single flower in each, orchids.

There were two hallways leading away from the reception area. We quickly walked down the hallway to the right and made our way to the back of the office. We hid ourselves behind an extremely large slate pot which held a host of colorful plants. After listening for a while, a scent that I would know anywhere enveloped me. It smelled of freesia and lavender, it was utterly mouth watering and I quickly swallowed the venom that began to pool in my mouth. It had been years since I was near Bella's sweet-smelling blood, and I was no longer desensitized to the aroma. I was in control of the monster within me, but just barely. I gripped the pot tightly and closed my eyes trying to think of anything other than the smell of her blood.

_"Dude, you're going to destroy that bowl thing you're holding onto if you're not careful. Relax, man,"_ Emmett thought.

I opened my eyes and looked down. Sure enough, there were dents in the slate that were shaped like my fingers. Oops.

With a little pressure, I smoothed out the finger grooves and hoped that the damage wouldn't be noticeable.

Then we heard it.

"What the fuck, Natalie! Your incompetence knows no bounds, does it? Is it so difficult to have the correct samples on my desk when I walk in the fucking door? Honestly, I don't see how you made it past the second grade, let alone graduated from Yale. Who did you have to fuck or suck in order to even be accepted into an Ivy League school? You have five minutes to get the samples on my desk, and if you fail, which most likely you will, then you, along with your cheap ass shit at your desk, will be escorted out of the building. Did you get that or do I need to dumb it down a bit for you?"

A moment later a girl, presumably Natalie, stormed down the hall with tears running down her face. Her thoughts were panicked. _"I'm going to lose my job! Oh no! What am I going to do? Ms. Swan is going to kill me!"_

My mouth dropped to the floor. If I hadn't witnessed what just transpired, I wouldn't have believed it myself. I looked at Emmett with wide eyes, shocked.

Emmett just looked at me and said, "Daaaammmmnnnn! Bella's a bitch!"


	3. Chapter 3

**I know a lot of people are not going to like my Bella. She is very OOC at the moment, I understand that. But I promise you there is reason for all of this madness and I promise to explain it all in time. We just have to get through some not so pleasant moments with our girl first. So, stay with me. It won't always be this way.**

**SM owns all. I just made Bella a bitch. **

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Chapter 3

BPOV

I woke up early that morning, unable to sleep any longer. I rolled over to find a single red rose on the pillow next to me with a note that said, "Thanks for last night, babe. I'll call you later." Ben was always gone in the mornings when I woke up. It didn't bother me. In fact, I preferred it that way. It was easier for me to wake up and not have to deal with someone else. They would only slow me down and get in my way. I didn't want to have to make small talk in the morning. I took the rose, smelled it, and notice that Ben removed all the thorns, like he always did. He really was a sweet man. I just wasn't able to give him everything he wanted. I was completely honest with him about my feelings, and he understood. It was comfortable being with Ben. Friends with benefits. What a beautiful thing.

I slowly got out of bed and walked toward the kitchen, throwing the rose in the trash on my way. I really didn't want a reminder of his feelings for me. I opened a cabinet and grabbed my favorite coffee mug and went over to the coffee maker that was already full of steaming hot black liquid, courtesy of Ben. After filling my cup, I looked out of the window at the city below. God, I loved the view from my apartment. I could never get tired of it. It was worth every penny I spent on this place. I stood there for quite a while, lost in my thoughts of the night before...

Ben really knew how to work me over. That was the main reason I kept him around. Great sex. Mind blowing sex. Definitely better than most of the other men I'd been with. Last night, after I got home from a long ass day at work, I came home to find Ben waiting at the door for me with an evil little grin on his face. I knew that grin. I _loved_ that grin. That grin meant good things were soon to happen, and I was not about to pass that kind of pleasure up. Before I had the door to my apartment unlocked and opened, he had his mouth on me, kissing me passionately. Damn, he was good with his mouth, and I don't mean just the kissing. Although that wasn't half bad in and of itself. I was finally able to open my door while our tongues fought for dominancy over the other.

"Fuck, Isabella," Ben mumbled. "I've been thinking of having you all day."

"Then take me," I replied.

I didn't need to tell him twice. He knew me well. The next thing I knew, the door was slamming shut behind us and he had me pressed against it while his mouth ravished my neck. He roughly lifted me by my ass and I wrapped my legs around his waist, grinding against his erection. Groaning loudly, he pressed me further into the door. My hands made their way up his chiseled chest, around his neck, and into his hair. This man definitely had what was called sex hair, and I couldn't resist fisting my hands in it and pulling it, hard. Damn, how I loved his hair. Slowly, his hands reached the front of my shirt and ripped it open. The buttons flew in every direction, hitting the wall, the floor and any object in their path. His hands came back up to my chest and he grabbed my bra and tore it from my body. _Well hell_, I thought, _I really liked that one too_. He then bent down and drew my left breast into his mouth while cupping the right with his left hand, and I no longer cared about my discarded bra. He flicked his tongue over my left nipple while pinching the right, and I moaned and ground myself against him harder. Then he roughly bit my nipple and the pure lust that pulsed through me was nearly overwhelming. I needed him in me. Right now.

I grabbed his shirt, pulled it over his head and threw it onto the floor. He gently placed my feet back on the floor and stood back to pull his pants down, kicking them aside. He reached for the button of my pants and pulled it open, quickly slid the zipper down, and pushed them to my feet. After kicking off my heels, I stepped out of my pants and added them to the ever growing pile of discarded clothing. We were both completely naked now, and it was driving me crazy with desire.

"Fuck me, Ben. I can't wait any longer," I moaned out.

He quickly lifted me back up against the door, and I wrapped my legs around him again. He bent down low, and then thrust himself inside of me. We both groaned out at the sensation. He pulled out almost completely, and thrust again, harder and faster than before. My arms instinctively went around him, and I dug my fingernails into his back, making him gasp out in pain, a sweet, wonderful pain that only turned him on more and made him thrust into me harder.

"Dammit, do it again, Isabella," he moaned, and so I did. "Fuck! You feel so good. So fucking good. I can't get enough," he replied, while thrusting into me again and again.

The sound of us repeatedly pounding into the door reverberated throughout the room, and I assumed out in the hall too. The thought of someone hearing us only drove my lust into overdrive. Over and over he thrust into me, going deeper each time. Soon, I began to feel the muscles in my stomach tighten and I knew I was close. Ben placed his hand between us, where we were joined, and started to rub my clit. When he pinched it hard, my orgasm rushed through my body and I screamed out.

"FUCK! Oh god! Oh GOD! Yes! AH! "

"Isabella, damn it. Ungh. I'm so fucking close," Ben said, as he continued to slam into me. Three hard thrusts later, his body quivered and stilled within me, as his release overtook him.

We stood there panting heavily for a few moments, then he pulled out of me, and slowly lowered me down to my feet. He looked into my eyes and then kissed me gently.

"I'm not done with you yet," he said, between heavy breaths, as he grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the door.

He led me into my bedroom and pushed me down onto the bed. He crawled on top of me, straddling my legs, and kissed me hard and deep. His lips made a trail down my jaw, over to my ear, and he lightly grazed his teeth along my earlobe.

"I love hearing you scream out in pleasure, Isabella, and I plan on making you scream repeatedly tonight," he whispered in my ear. "But first, I'm going to drive you mad with desire. You are going to beg me to take you before I'm done with you."

My breathing hitched at his words, and my body ached with anticipation. This was going to be a fucking amazing night.

He started to run his tongue up and down my neck, nibbling a bit as he went. When he moved to my shoulder, he bit down hard, and I gasped out in pleasure and pain. Damn, that felt good. I never thought I would be one to like pain as much as I did, but hell, it was fucking heaven. I ran my hands over his muscular body, as he continued to work me with his mouth. Ah, that mouth. Did I mention that I loved his mouth? Again, he captured my breast in between his lips, and sucked lightly at first. He knew I liked it rough, but he loved to tease me like this. I arched my back, seeking out more, and he chuckled.

"Patience, Isabella. Behave, and you will be rewarded," he said, as he continued to lick and bite on my nipple. I was just about to come undone. Sensing my frustration, he slowly licked down to my stomach, and nibbled on my belly button. I moaned when he licked around and in the tiny hole. Who knew that a belly button could turn you on so much? Damn it all to hell, it was fucking hot. He lingered there for a few moments before slowly inching his way further down, and I thought to myself, _ahhh yes, we're finally getting there_.

Just when he was getting where I wanted him to be, the sound of my Blackberry ringing brought me back to reality.

"Hell," I muttered, as I stumbled to locate the phone. I honestly couldn't remember where I ended up dropping it last night. I was a little preoccupied at the time. Following the sound, I finally found it on the floor near the front door.

I picked it up and answered it, "Isabella Swan."

"Ms. Swan, it's Natalie. I'm sorry to call you so early this morning, but I needed to let you know that Mr. and Mrs. Yen called to reschedule their appointment today to 8 o'clock this morning, if that is alright with you."

"I can be there at that time, but you need to send the rest of the updated presentation materials. I don't have the most recent changes with me. Can you handle that?" I replied.

"Yes, ma'am. I will have them sent over ASAP. Is there anything else you need before you go?" Natalie said.

"Only for you to do your job,"

"Yes, Ms. Swan. I will have the Carter presentation ready for you when you arrive back to the office."

"Fine," I said, as I hung up the phone.

An hour later, I was dressed in my favorite dress and the sexiest pair of golden shoes in existence. I grabbed my purse, Blackberry, and presentation materials and headed down to the awaiting car. As I situated myself in the backseat of the car, I began to review the points I wanted to make during the presentation in my head. Mr. and Mrs. Yen had just moved to New York from China, and their taste were a little different than what I was use to designing. This fact thrilled me. I loved a challenge, and I felt confident that I would be able to make their home just the way they needed it, even if they didn't quite see it yet. I spent the remainder of the drive to their estate with my eyes closed, and my head resting against the headrest, giving myself a little mental pep talk. I was ready.

Once the car pulled up to our destination, the driver opened the door for me and I stepped out and walked up the stairs to their massive home. _Time to put on your game face, Isabella,_ I thought to myself. This is the part that I loved. Sometimes, it made me feel like an actor. I could be and do anything they needed, just as long as it landed the account. I raised my hand, and rang the doorbell and waited for them to answer.

......  
An hour and a half later, I walked out of the Yens' home in an extremely bad mood. Luckily, I was able to keep my temper from them, and they still hired me on the spot, loving my design. However, the updated presentation materials that Natalie was supposed to send never arrived. I was fuming. I situated myself into the backseat of the car and closed my eyes. I took several long, deep breaths, trying to calm myself, to no avail. If there was one thing I despised, it was incompetence. Natalie seemed to be the epitome of incompetence these days.

"Faster, Carlos. I need to get back to the office so I can fire someone," I sneered to the driver.

"Yes, Ms. Swan," he replied as the car speed up.

I grabbed my phone and called the office.

"Isabella Swan's office. How may I help you?"

"Natalie. Explain to me, if you can, why I just gave a presentation without the proper materials at hand." I spoke through gritted teeth.

"_What?_ I sent them, Ms. Swan. I swear to you, I personally handed them to the messenger myself. They should have been there. I am so sorry!" Natalie responded.

"They never made it, and it was your responsibility to make sure they arrived. You seem to be slacking on your responsibilities a lot lately. Perhaps you're not happy with your current position and need to look for employment elsewhere...."

"NO!" Natalie interrupted, "Please, Ms. Swan! I am very happy where I am. Please, don't fire me."

For the next several minutes, I basically listened to her beg for her job. I hated when people begged because it only showed weakness. So I sat there and half listened, while drumming my fingers on the seat next to me, hoping she would finish with her pathetic excuses soon. I really didn't care what she had to say at that point.

"Natalie, you are damn lucky that I was still able to pull it off without the proper materials. If they had decided not to go with me, then you would have found yourself in the unemployment line. I promise you that," I said.

"Yes, ma'am. I promise to work harder, and not let something like this happen again," she said.

I noticed we were stopped in front of the office now, and Carlos was opening my door. "No, Natalie, it doesn't matter now. I'm on my way up. I'll see you in a few," I said, as I hung up and walked through the doors to the building. As I stepped into the elevator, I started thinking of what else I needed to accomplish that day. I knew I couldn't let Natalie and her overwhelming stupidity bother me at the moment. Her time as my assistant was numbered. I had known that for a while. When the elevator stopped on my floor, I stepped out and walked quickly toward my office. The door opened before I had a chance to get close.

"Ms. Swan. Again, I am so sorry. I will make it up to you, I promise," Natalie said, as she handed me a cup of coffee.

"I'm really not in the mood to hear you grovel, Natalie. If you really want to make it up to me, then simply do your damn job without fucking it up for once."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I assume the Carter presentation materials are already in my office for my review, correct?"

"Yes, Ms. Swan. I put everything on your desk."

"Fine. Hold all my calls," I said, as I walked into my office, effectively slamming the door in Natalie's face. I walked over to the large floor to ceiling window, and looked out over the city. If one thing was able to help calm me down, it was a few minutes viewing the city that I had grown to love and call home. I stood there for several long minutes, and then walked over to my desk and sat down, preparing myself to get some more work done for the day. I started to look through the information in front of me. Everything seemed to be in order, and it surprised me that Natalie was able to get something right for once. Then, I picked up the upholstery samples and realized they were not the ones for the Carter account. So much for things going smoothly.

"Natalie, I need to see you in my office, now," I said to the intercom.

"Yes, Ms. Swan," she replied.

A moment later, she was standing in front of me, visibly shaking from head to foot. I stood up, leaned over a bit, placed my hands on the desk, and glared at the person in front of me. She recoiled slightly.

"What the fuck, Natalie! Your incompetence knows no bounds, does it? Is it so difficult to have the correct samples on my desk when I walk in the fucking door?" I held up the incorrect samples to her and saw her eyes widen in understanding. "Honestly, I don't see how you made it past the second grade, let alone graduated from Yale. Who did you have to fuck or suck in order to even be accepted at an Ivy League school?" I said, as tears started to stream down her face. _That's right, show your weakness, but it won't help your job any_, I thought. "You have five minutes to get the samples on my desk, and if you fail, which most likely you will, then you along with your cheap ass shit at your desk, will be escorted out of the building. Did you get that or do I need to dumb it down a bit for you?" I looked at the clock on my desk and noted the time, as she flew out the door to retrieve the correct samples. I was hoping she wouldn't make it back on time. I was getting tired of putting up with her and her mistakes.

However, four and a half minutes later, she arrived back in the office with what I needed. I was certain that one of the other girls in the office helped her but I let it slide.

"Today must be your lucky day, Natalie. I'll have you know, that I will not tolerate another fuck up. You may leave," I said, as I sat back down at my desk. She quickly left the room, and shut the door. I spent the remainder of the afternoon in my office making sure every detail of the Carter presentation was perfect. I couldn't afford to lose that account.

At 5 o'clock that evening, I went into the bathroom that adjoined my office, and changed clothes. I seriously needed to burn off some steam, and thought a long run in the park would do the trick. Once I was changed, I picked up the phone and dialed Ben's cell phone.

"Be at my place at 8 o'clock sharp tonight, and be warned, I've had one hell of a day," I said to him.

He chuckled, and said in his sexy voice, "I'll take good care of you baby. How 'bout a repeat of last night?"

I smiled, and hung up the phone.

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**Ahhhhh, so what do you think? What the hell happened to Bella to make her so evil? Hmmmm, I wonder. **

**Reviews keep me alive. Seriously. So review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to CapriciousC and MaggieCullen for betaing this nightmare. I heart you both hard.**

**SM owns all. I just get to play with Edward in my dreams. **

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Chapter 4

EPOV

A few minutes after Natalie walked by, we saw her nearly running back towards Bella's office; her face was stained with the tears she had shed due to the harsh words spoken to her. She apparently was able to find what she was looking for with the help of one of the other employees. Her thoughts weren't quite as frantic as before, but it was clear that she was fearful of losing her job. She was truly terrified of Bella. As she re-entered the office, Bella spoke harshly again. "Today must be your lucky day, Natalie. But I'll have you know that I will not tolerate another fuck up. You may leave."

Emmett and I sat in silence for a few more minutes, taking in everything that had transpired.

"We need to get out of here, Emmett. And fast," I mumbled. I was beginning to feel uneasy being where we were. Our hiding place wasn't all that concealed; although Alice assured us that we wouldn't be spotted, I had a bad feeling about our current location. The thoughts racing through everyone's minds were mostly frantic. Apparently, they too were afraid of Bella. Before hearing her outburst to Natalie I wouldn't have believed Bella had it in her. What had happened to the sweet and innocent Bella that I knew? The Bella I knew wouldn't dream of being so intentionally cruel to someone else. The Bella that yelled at that poor girl was not the same person. I couldn't believe how different she seemed. I had hoped that she was just having a bad day; but upon hearing everyone's thoughts I quickly discovered that she was like this most of the time, and that utterly shocked me.

"_Yeah, let's get out of here. I don't think I need to hear more of Bitchy Bella right now. Dude, did you see what she did to that Natalie girl? I didn't think she had that shit in her,_" Emmett thought.

However, before we were able to do anything, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I quickly grabbed it and read the message that Alice had sent:

_Stay put. Bella is coming out_. _She won't see you if you don't move._ _Hold your breath, Edward._

I held the phone up so Emmett could read the message.

Both of our heads whipped around abruptly when we heard the quiet footsteps approaching. I glanced up just as Bella was rounding the corner. She was walking back toward the reception area. As soon as I saw her I was assaulted by her scent that swirled in the air around me. I wasn't accustomed to it any longer, and it hit me like a wrecking ball to the gut. She still smelled like freesia and lavender, and her blood smelled better than I remembered. Flames burst forth in my throat and venom started pooling in my mouth. I closed my eyes tightly, willing myself to overcome the primal urges racing through my body. I quickly stopped breathing and once again grabbed onto the pot we were hiding behind, not caring if there were damage this time. I had forgotten just how potent her scent was. It was nearly overwhelming for me to endure. I quickly gulped down the venom in my mouth. I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder warning me to remain calm.

"_You got this, bro,"_ he questioned silently.

Eyes still shut, I just nodded my head with a grimace on my face. Once Bella made it back into her office, I slowly opened my eyes; I noticed that a large part of the pot I was holding onto lay in a pile of debris on the floor by my feet, and a long crack ran all the way to the bottom. It was only a matter of time before the entire thing crumbled completely to spill its contents all over the office. I sighed, knowing that there was nothing that could be done about it at the moment. I still hadn't chanced taking a breath. My phone vibrated again and I quickly glanced at the message.

_You're clear now. Go. _It simply said.

Grabbing Emmett by the arm, I started heading in the direction we had come. The receptionist was bending down behind her desk to retrieve a pen she had dropped on the floor. We quickly made our way toward the door and exited at vampire speed. Not bothering with the elevator, we ran down the 44 flights of stairs in a matter of seconds. Upon entering the lobby, we walked at barely a human pace toward the doors and out into open air where I finally took a deep breath. Filling my lungs with fresh air, I desperately tried to purge myself of Bella's intoxicating aroma.

Once we were in Emmett's Jeep he looked over at me. "You alright, little bro?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine. Let's just get home," I replied in a flat tone while pinching the bridge of my nose. Emmett simply nodded his head. We drove through the city for a while before he spoke again.

"Hey, you wanna talk about this shit? I mean, you have to be as damn shocked as I am about what just happened, if not more. That was fucking unbelievable. Intense, man," he said.

I looked over at him for a moment, not really sure what I wanted to say. There were so many thoughts running through my head in that moment that I was temporarily unable to decide how to verbalize them.

"She's so different," I sighed after a few minutes.

"Yeah, at first I didn't think that was Bella. It looked like Bella. It sounded like Bella. Hell, it sure as fuck smelled like Bella. But I couldn't believe _that_ was Bella. What the fuck happened to her," he wondered.

"I don't know," I said, barely above a whisper.

We didn't speak for the remainder of the drive home. I was completely lost in my thoughts for a while, unable to even contemplate anything Emmett was thinking. If he spoke to me I was oblivious to it. I too was wondering what had happened to Bella. The simple truth of the matter was that I didn't know. I had been missing from her life for eight years now. A number of things could have happened to make her change. I knew my leaving affected her greatly, but could that be the reason she was the way she was now? Had I broken her so badly that she resorted to being cruel and bitter? Surely, that couldn't be the sole reason for it. There had to be some other reason for the drastic change in her. I never would have imagined that Bella, _my Bella_, would ever be so crass to another person. The woman I saw today simply wasn't the person I knew, the person I loved. Had I hurt her so much that she gave up on one of her most endearing qualities, her innocent compassion?

I simply didn't have an answer for that.

Emmett's voice finally pierced through my daze, "Edward, you coming or are you going to sit in the damn Jeep all fucking night?" he said. I blinked a few times and looked around. I was surprised that we were sitting in front of the house. I climbed out of the Jeep and started to walk up the steps to the front porch. As I neared the door, it swung open to reveal a somber looking Alice.

"I didn't know. Edward, I had no idea she would be so, so, so...mean. It's been such a long time since I've had a vision of her. I'm so out of tune with her now that I just didn't see it. I'm sorry, Edward. Are you okay," she asked as she wrapped her little arms around my waist.

"I'm fine. Just completely surprised, that's all. I had no idea," I replied.

"I know. None of us knew. I'm so sorry, Edward," she said softly. When I left Bella, I was adamant that Alice not look for her future. She reluctantly heeded my request.

"I don't blame you for not knowing, Alice. You weren't looking for her. You only did what I asked of you."

We turned and walked into the house where I saw the rest of my family standing looking solemn. Saying nothing, I headed toward the stairs and ascending them quickly, seeking the confines of my room. I shut the door a little harder than I intended and it cracked the door frame upon contact. I walked over to the black leather couch in the corner and sat down in front of the window that overlooked the forest beyond the place we now called home.

All the hope I was feeling earlier in the day was absent now completely. I knew I shouldn't have gone to see Bella. Seeing her only made me hope for something that was never meant to be. Hope was a deadly thing. Nothing good could come from hope. That was one fact I learned over the last eight years. During my time with Bella, I had hoped for a future with her. I didn't know how that future would play out, how it would come to pass, but I still hoped. Then her disastrous eighteenth birthday party occurred and at that moment I knew I was a fool to hope for something that was never mine. Bella wasn't mine. She didn't deserve to be in danger every moment of her life. She deserved to have a career and the love of a man that would never harm her. She deserved children. She deserved to be safe. I was unable to give her any of these things.

I sat in my room for hours, not moving, and not breathing. I felt that fissure in my chest burst open once again, the pain crippling me. I knew there was no reason for me to try to go back now. The Bella we saw today would never want me. I was certain that she had moved on as I intended. She no longer loved me. That was plain. The old Bella would have never acted in this manner. It just wasn't possible.

I knew in that moment, if I were physically able to, I would have produced tears. The pain was unbearable, pulling me deeper into the dark meaningless hole that was my existence. I sat there letting the pain take me. It was what I deserved.

Hours later, there was a quiet knock on the door. I didn't acknowledge it. I continued to suffer the mountain of pain under which I was buried. The knock sounded once more.

"Edward? Please, may I come in," Alice asked softly.

I didn't respond.

Alice stood there for a moment before walking in and shutting the door behind her. She walked over to where I was sitting, the normal bounce in her step noticeably absent. Sitting down beside me she leaned over and placed her head on my shoulder, taking my hand in her tiny one and sighed.

"_I don't think we should give up yet, Edward,"_ she thought. _"I know it's a lot to take in at the moment but I know it's not over yet. Please, look._"

My mind was again assaulted by the vision of Bella and Alice with their arms around each other smiling and laughing. The only difference between this vision and the one from so many years ago was that Bella looked older. But only just. She looked like the woman we saw today.

I sighed and said, "I don't see how that can happen, Alice. It just isn't possible. The Bella we knew is gone."

"I don't think she is, Edward. She's there. I know it. I have to believe. My vision proves that she's there. I won't give up on her and you can't either. You love her. Fight for her. Please," she implored.

"I don't know if I can."

"Yes, you can. Don't start the self loathing again. You and Bella are meant to be. So we've hit a speed bump. We can get over it. We _will_ get over it," Alice said.

I sat there shaking my head. I didn't know what to say. I ran my hands over my face roughly letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

Alice continued, "All we need is a plan. You'll see. It will all work out in the end. Let's just plan. Come downstairs with me and let's speak with everyone else. Please?"

I looked at her for a moment. The pain in her eyes was obvious. I knew Alice was hurting as much as I was. She loved Bella too. I hated seeing any of my family in pain, but I was especially sensitive to Alice. Her pain broke my will. I gazed into her eyes and then hesitantly nodded my head. I went to stand but was pushed back down roughly as Alice embraced me in a tight hug.

"You won't be sorry, Edward. You'll see. Really, you will. It will all work out fine. If it doesn't I will stop shopping for you for an entire year!" She said.

I raised an eyebrow at her, stunned by what she said.

"Oh, alright, maybe I won't do that, but it's the thought that counts, right?" she said and I chuckled in response. Only Alice could get me to crack a smile at a time like this.

We both stood and started toward the door. Alice, still holding my hand, squeezed it and looked up at me. _"I only want you to be happy. You deserve it,"_ she thought. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, tugging on the ends lightly.

We descended the stairs quickly and walked toward the dinning room. Everyone was already positioned around the table, with Carlisle at the head and Esme sitting at his side smiling lightly as I walked in. Alice bounced over to where Jasper was sitting. He pulled out her chair and she sat down, leaning over to place a chaste kiss upon his lips. He smiled lovingly at her before turning his gaze on me. I glanced over at Emmett and he was sitting there looking at Rose, rubbing her back. Rose looked mad, as she always did at the mention of anything related to myself or Bella. I shook my head and sat down on Carlisle's left side and looked over at him. He watched me for a moment and then nodded his head and began to speak.

"It seems that you and Emmett had quite the day in the city today. Son, I know it didn't work out as you had planned, but don't let that deter you. It only means that you need to work harder to achieve your goal. Alice has informed us that she sees Bella accepting us once again. We have to trust that to happen. We are all willing to assist you as much as you need," he said.

Rosalie huffed and rolled her eyes. I glared at her before turning back to Carlisle.

"I believe Alice has a plan that will get things started in the right direction," Carlisle continued before pausing to take a breath, "Edward, I love Bella like a daughter. I want her to be a part of our lives just as you do. She belongs here. This family needs her. Without her presence, we are incomplete. She makes us whole. I agree with everyone here, we need to find a way to work this out so she can once again be a part of this family."

I looked around the table at my family. Each of them were nodding their heads in agreement, apart from Rosalie who was looking at her fingernails.

"How do we even start?" I asked, "You didn't hear Bella today, Carlisle. She's not the same person that she was when she was seventeen. She's changed. So much. She's not a nice person any more. I never thought I would see the day when Bella would be intentionally malicious. How could I possibly be able to crack through that? How could any of us? What if the Bella we knew isn't there? The Bella from today would give Rosalie a run for her money," I finished. Rosalie looked over at me with narrowed eyes.

"We just have to have faith, Edward. Give it time. It will work out in the end, son," Carlisle said.

"Edward? I have an idea and I'm sure it will work," Alice said. I looked over at her and raised my eyebrows and nodded my head for her to continue. "First, I don't think you should let her see you just yet. I don't think that will be helpful in the beginning. What I had in mind was for me to hire her. From what I've gathered, Bella doesn't like to turn down a client. She's a bit of a workaholic these days. Either she will take the project on herself or hand it over to one of her junior designers. I've also found out that she will usually work with anyone that asks specifically for her. That is what I intend to do. I know there is a chance that she will try to pass us on to one of the other designers in the office, but she will at least have to meet with us first. By us, I mean Jasper and myself. We need to let her get use to the fact that we are in the area before you see her. We need to ease her into this as much as possible. We don't want to scare her."

"I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea, Alice," I begun but she cut me off.

"I know. But trust me. It will work. I've seen it," she said.

We stared at each other for a long time before I sighed and nodded my head. "Fine, Alice, but I'm skeptical about your plan."

"What's the worst that can happen, Edward? She can refuse to work with us, but then I'll just think of something else. But she won't refuse," Alice said.

"Okay."

"Yay! Thank you Edward! I am so excited! I'm going to call her office first thing in the morning to set up an appointment. This is going to be so much fun! I've always wanted to have a professional designer redo our room, and now I get to do that! There so much to be done! The possibilities are endless," she said as she bounced in her chair. Her excitement radiated off of her in waves. I smiled lightly at her and stood up. Before I was able to take a step toward the door however, she bounce right into my arms hugging me tightly. "Thank you, Edward. Really. I miss Bella so much. I miss my best friend. This is the best gift you could ever give me. Thank you," she said with such enthusiasm that it made me chuckle again.

True to her word, Alice called Bella's office first thing the next morning, and made an appointment for a consultation. It was set up for later the following week.

"Apparently, Bella had a cancellation that day," Alice explained later, "otherwise it would have been nearly six months before we could have seen her. I can't believe we have to wait a week to see her, though. She's really in high demand. It's amazing. I took a look at her website last night and saw some of the rooms she designed. She is really talented. Some of her clients are really famous too, actors and high ranking businessmen. Did you know she did some work for Donald Trump? Seriously! I couldn't believe it. That man has the worst hair ever. Ugh. Anyway, she's also designed for some of New York's elite and Hollywood's finest. It's quite impressive. The style of her work is beautiful. I think I would recognize it anywhere now. Her work has been published in several interior design magazines. Anyone who's anyone in the design world knows all about Isabella Swan. I wonder why she goes by Isabella these days. It's a pretty name, but she looks like a Bella to me. I'll have to ask her about that. Anyway, she's climbed the ladder of success quite quickly. She's only been out of school for a few years..."

As Alice continued prattling on, I sat there and listened to every word. I couldn't help but be proud of what she had accomplished in just a short time.

Alice continued, "Edward, did you know she received a full scholarship to NYU and finished her bachelors degree in business in two and a half years? Then she went to New York School of Interior Design and received her masters degree in design in a year and a half, which should have taken probably three years to complete. I always knew she was smart. And then she went to work for one of the top design firms in the country for a year before opening up her own company."

I smiled. I always knew Bella was smart too. Although it did surprise me that she majored in the field she did. She never seem to be very artistic. I assumed she would major in English literature and become a teacher. I remembered how she loved to read classic novels, Wuthering Heights was her favorite. I wondered what made her take the route she did. Regardless, I couldn't help the pride I felt toward her accomplishments.

Over the next week, Alice continued to recite all of Bella's achievements that she discovered. It was quite clear that Bella worked hard to get where she was. I was happy to realize one thing about her hadn't changed. When Bella set her mind to something, she went at it full force. That held true when she was a teenager and it was apparently still true now.

The night before Alice and Jasper's meeting with Bella, Alice was nearly uncontrollable. She could hardly contain her excitement.

"Alice, I think you're about to kill your husband," I said playfully. The emotions radiating off of her were nearly palpable in the air. I could see the toll it was taking on Jasper, but he didn't seem to mind much.

"Whatever, Edward. Jazz is just happy to see me happy. Tomorrow is going to be a wonderful day. I can't wait to see and talk to Bella," she exclaimed. "Edward, are you going to come with us into the city? Maybe when we're done we can all do something fun. It's been a long time since we all did something together. Please," she begged.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Not that I don't appreciate spending time with everyone, but being that close to Bella right now may not be beneficial to me. Or her," I said.

"Nonsense, Edward. You're coming, so don't fight it. Emmett and Rose can keep you busy while Jazz and I are with Bella. We should only be in there for an hour or so. Then we'll head out for the night. What do you want to do? We can go see a play? That would be fun." Alice said.

I smiled at her exuberance. I couldn't help it. I also couldn't deny that I missed spending time with my brothers and sisters. Maybe some time with them in the city was just what I needed.

"Okay, Alice. Whatever you say."

Alice squealed and knocked me to the ground when she came at me for a hug. I laughed. It had been a long time since any of us truly laughed, and it felt nice to do so. But I couldn't help but wonder if I was allowing myself to fall into a trap that hope would surely cause. I pushed it from my mind and decided to let things just be. Like Carlisle said, I needed to have faith.

The next afternoon the five of us found ourselves driving into the city. I was so nervous that if I didn't know better I would have sworn that I felt nauseous. Was this what it felt like to have butterflies in your stomach? Surely not. This was too intense. Before I knew it, we were pulling into the parking garage near Bella's office. We pulled into a spot toward the back on the ground level. As soon as the car was in its spot Alice jumped out, dragging Jasper with her.

"We'll see you in an hour. Don't worry, Edward. Everything will go fine," Alice said and smiled widely. Jasper chuckled at her side. Holding hands, they started to walk away.

"Good luck with the bitchy piranha, guys," Emmett called out to them laughing. I held back a growl.

I watched Alice and Jasper walk away with trepidation. I wasn't sure what was going to happen during their meeting. Alice's visions of Bella were still hazy. Therefore, Alice was unable to determine if the meeting would run smoothly or not. Once they were out of sight I sat back in the car and closed my eyes trying to think of nothing significant. The time crawled by at a snail's pace.

"So, Eddie, what do you think is going the fuck on up there, now?" Emmett said after a while.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Emmett," I replied.

"Well, it has to be a damn good sign they aren't back yet, right bro? That means she didn't kick them the fuck out, I suppose," he said.

"Honestly, I don't see why we're even here. Esme is perfectly capable of designing anything, and I'm sure she's better at it than Bella, anyway. This is just a waste of time if you ask me," Rosalie snapped.

"Nobody asked your opinion, Rosalie," I sneered.

"You know, Edward, you're just going to mess this up again. It's what you do best, after all," she snarled.

I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to hold my temper in. It wouldn't do well for me to lash out at Rosalie right now.

"Emmett, I think you need to control your wife," I said through gritted teeth. Rosalie glared at me before turning back to her reflection in the hand-held mirror.

"Awe, come on Rosie. Don't get upset, baby," Emmett said as he ran his hand up the inside of her thigh.

"Could you please not do that while we are trapped in this car. I'd rather not get sick," I said. Emmett laughed.

A few moments later I heard Alice, "_We're on our way back out. I think it went...well?"_ she thought.

"They're on their way out now," I mumbled and a short time later they appeared in the doorway to the building and walked over to us quickly. They got into the car and shut the doors.

"She's on her way out right now. She left right behind us," Alice said. "_And Edward, she's not alone,_" she added as a thought. What did she mean she wasn't alone. Was she with a friend? I tried to decipher Alice's thoughts, but she was translating _The Itsy Bitsy Spider_ into Chinese. My brow furrowed as I glanced at her, wondering what she was trying to keep from me.

"What is it Alice? What are you hiding from me?" I said, but before she was able to answer, Bella emerged. She indeed was not alone. She was walking with a tall dark haired man with dark blue eyes. He looked quite fit and muscular and had a slight stubble to his face, as if he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. He was dressed in an expensive designer suit and had his hand on her lower back, rubbing gently.

"Baby, I don't think I can make it until later. How about we have a little fun in the car before we leave," the man asked as his hand drifted downward. My temper flared. I continued to glare at the man and noticed that he was wearing a wedding band. Rosalie noticed it the same time I did.

"Are they married," she asked surprised. I looked at Alice. If Bella was married, then her entire plan was pointless. Before Alice could reply Bella spoke.

"Ben, give me a fucking break. Do I look like a goddamn whore to you? Besides, what the hell would your wife think of that?" she laughed coldly.

"What the fuck?" Emmett bellowed.

"Come on Isabella. Baby. You know I could be more than your fuck buddy," the man named Ben replied. They stopped at a black Mercedes SL65 AMG Roadster and he pushed her up against the passenger side door with his body.

"You will be whatever I fucking want you to be, Ben. Nothing more, nothing less," she said coldly and wrapped her hand around his tie, yanking down on it hard to pull his lips to hers. They kissed passionately, almost roughly.

"Fuck, baby. You're making me hard," he said pressing himself against her more firmly and ran his tongue down her neck. One hand ran up her thigh and his fingers started to push up the hem of her dress revealing her black garter while his other hand reached up to cup her breast. His hand continue to roam up her inner thigh and Bella moaned and then said, "Let's get the hell out of here now, Ben, and you can fuck me all you want tonight."

Ben pulled back and looked at her with a mischievous glint in his eye. "You don't have to fucking tell me twice, baby. I'll fuck you so hard and take you so many ways tonight you won't be able to walk tomorrow. Let's get your hot piece of ass into this fucking car now before I rip this sexy dress off of you, bend you over the hood of my car, and fuck you from behind," he said as he reached into his pocket and found his keys. He unlocked the car, bent over and kissed Bella deeply once more and then walked around and got in the car himself. A moment later they were flying out of the parking garage.

I sat there and gaped at the spot they just left while Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper turned to look at me with shocked expressions etched on their faces.

"Dude!" Emmett said, "Not only is she a bitch, but she's fucking a married man! This is all sorts of fucked up," he said shaking his head.

I couldn't agree more.

* * *

**I KNOW! UGH! I'm not to happy with Bella either. For the record, I'm not condoning having an affair with a married man, or woman for that matter. But unfortunately, it happens. However, like I said before, there is a reason for all of this. Just stay with me for a bit and I promise to explain it all. Just keep in mind, things are not always what they seem.**

**Alrighty, you know the drill peeps! Send me some love (or hate, whatever, I'm a big girl and can take it)! I'd love to hear what you think so far.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Wow, two chapters in just a couple days. Can you freaking believe it? This is part one of Bella's side of the day the Cullens return. I ended up splitting the chapter in two because it was going to be freaktastically long. So the next chapter is when she actually meets with Alice and Jasper. This chapter covers the events leading up to that. Which are pretty crazy if I do say so myself. The next chapter will be up soon, my lovelies.**

**Oh, and a few of you mentioned that you think Edward doesn't seem to think he's to blame for Bella's behavior much. Actually, he feels very guilty and blames himself immensely. However, he has a feeling that there is something else that happened to Bella to make her act the way she does. And he is absolutely right with his assumption. A whole shitload of crap has happened to her to make her the way she is. We will get into all of that in later chapters.**

**Lemon alert in this chapter. You have been warned.**

**Thanks to DreaC and AGirlReckoning for the fuckawesome beta job you did on this motherfucker!**

**SM owns all. I was just the one to make Bella a man stealing bitch. Yeehaw!**

* * *

Chapter 5

BPOV

I walked into the building right at seven o'clock in the morning and walked directly to my office. Natalie was sitting at her desk, checking on God knows what. I slammed the door behind me and sat behind my desk and glanced out the window. It was early October now and the changes in the weather and the scenery were already evident. I sat there lost in thought for a while thinking of nothing in particular, when a soft knock sounded on the door.

"Enter," I said coolly.

The door opened and Natalie walked slowly into the room looking timid. It looked like someone just shot her goddamn puppy in the head. Did this girl have any fucking confidence in her body at all? Probably not. I bet if I whispered the word "boo" right now she would jump and scream at the top of her lungs. I repressed a laugh at that thought.

"I have your schedule for the day here, Ms. Swan," she said as she sat the piece of paper containing my day along with a cup of coffee in the middle of my desk with trembling hands. I snatched the paper out from under her fingers and scanned it briefly. She flinched at my sudden movement. Damn, she really was fucking weak. I smirked at her reaction. It was nearly funny.

"When the Millers rescheduled their appointment last week, I was able to fill it with a new potential client. They will be here today at four o'clock for a consultation. They asked for you specifically, and said they only wanted the best and of course, that would be you. A Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," she said.

Was she trying to fucking kiss my ass here? I wouldn't doubt it; she really needed to do something to save her damn job. Wait, did I hear that right? ...Fuck...Me... My eyes snapped up to hers once I processed what she said.

"What did you say their name was?" I asked, trying not to reveal the slight panic that was beginning to creep up on me.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, ma'am. I spoke with Mrs. Cullen and she seemed like a really nice lady," Natalie replied.

"What was her first name?" I asked.

"Um, I can't remember, Ms. Swan. I guess I didn't write it down. I thought I did but I couldn't find it. I just know their last name is Cullen," she replied, sheepishly. Yet another fuck up by the witless wonder, Natalie.

I glared at her in anger for a moment and she took a small step back, glancing toward the door.

_Shit._ Yes, it was definitely fucking panic I was feeling. It was bubbling up quickly and making my stomach churn and twist into an unbearably painful knot. I was expecting it to leap out of my damn throat at any moment now. I instantly felt the bile slowly ascend my esophagus, burning every inch of its way up to freedom. God, please don't let me vomit right now. It felt like every nerve in my body had instantly burst into flame. It was pure fucking insanity for a simple name to bring forth such an extreme reaction in me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Surely, it was a coincidence. There was no possible way that any of _those_ Cullens would come to see me. They left eight years ago without a word. They didn't want me. _He_ didn't want me. I was nothing more to them, to _him_, than a toy, a thing to play with until something better came along. Until something more interesting distracted them. They played with me for a while and then threw me away like a piece of garbage.

It was all obvious to me now. I was so stupid, so damn naive, to think someone like _him_ would actually love me. I was a fucking idiot to ever fall for it and I hated myself for allowing it to happen. I would never allow myself to be weak like that again. So why would they all of a sudden reenter my life now? Even more, why would they need my service to begin with? After all, Esme was an accomplished designer herself, with nearly a century of experience under her belt. No, it was most certainly not _those_ Cullens. It couldn't be.

"Um, Ms. Swan? Are you alright? You look a little sick. Do I need to get you anything? Some water perhaps?" Natalie asked, nervously.

I blinked quickly a few times, trying to bring myself out of the panic and looked up at her. "I'm fine, Natalie," I snapped. "One of the other designers will need to take that appointment. I am unable to work with them."

Even though I was sure these were not the same Cullens from my past, I knew I couldn't work with them. That name alone brought back all of the memories and pain, emotional and physical, I tried desperately to bury all those years ago. It reminded me of the pain that I would never be able to escape from. The pain that physically affected me everyday of my life, not that I would let anyone know that. No, I couldn't be around anyone with that name. That goddamn fucking name.

I brought my hand up and rubbed the scar that was concealed in my hairline. Then I glanced down and touched the crescent shaped scar on my hand. It still felt several degrees cooler than the rest of my skin. A constant reminder, telling me that I would never be able to leave the past behind me, no matter what his words were to me that day. _"It will be as if I'd never existed."_ Yeah, right. My. Fucking. Ass.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but all the other designers are busy today with other clients, and the Cullens did ask for you. They said they would only work with you," she said in a small voice.

"All the other designers are busy?" I clarified, not really wanting to believe it.

"Yes, Ms. Swan. Amanda is working with the Smith's today. Jeanne is with the Bergin's. Alex is finishing up with the Houston account."

"What about Tina?"

"She flew to Atlanta this morning for the Wakefield account."

"Fuck," was all I could say as I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling of my office.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swan. If I could reschedule it, I would," she said.

"Fine, I'll speak with them. You said, four o'clock, is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am, four o'clock."

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. "Alright. Is there anything else you needed?" I said coolly.

"No, that's everything."

"You may leave then," I said, eyes still closed.

"Yes, Ms. Swan," Natalie said, and a few moments later I heard the door snap shut.

I leaned my head down and started to pound it on top of my desk. Each time my head made contact I mumbled the word, "shit". Over and over and over. Could this day get any worse? And it just fucking started. Hell. I needed a distraction. I sat up and opened my laptop to reply to the emails that I had received since yesterday. Work. Yes, that's what I needed to do to take my mind off of this shitastic day.

About an hour later, I was replying to the final email when Natalie's voice sounded throughout my office.

"Ms. Swan? Mr. Johnson is here to see you," she said over the intercom system.

I sighed. What the hell was he doing here at 8:30 in the morning? Wasn't it a little early? But hell, this was the distraction I needed. "Send him in," I replied as I pushed the button on the intercom.

A moment later, the door opened and a young guy with brown wavy hair and brown eyes walked into the office. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and loose fitting jeans that hung low on his hips, revealing his black boxers underneath. He shut the door softly behind him. I cocked an eyebrow at him when I heard the lock click. He smirked.

"Ryan, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" I asked.

"Fuck school. I needed to see you," Ryan stated.

"And exactly _why_ did you need to see me?" I asked with a smirk on my face.

"You know why. I couldn't stop thinking about you. It was driving me crazy. So I drove up here to, well, ya know."

"Ah, so, Ryan, are you saying you want to fuck me?" I questioned with a little laugh at his shyness.

"Well, yeah," he simply replied.

I stood up from my desk and walked around and stood in front of him. I raised my finger and slowly glided it down his arm, from his shoulder to his wrist. I cocked my head to the side and glanced up into his eyes and saw the desire in them. I looked down and saw the bulge in the front of his pants. All it ever took was a simple touch of my finger to excite him.

"Alright, Ryan. I'll give you what you want..." I started but before I could finish his lips crashed into mine and his tongue forced it's way into my mouth. His hands went straight to my breasts, of course. He was young after all. It was all about the boobs at his age. I grabbed a hold of the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. He pulled back from the kiss to pull his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor next to us and instantly began kissing me again.

He moaned into my mouth when my hands found the button on his jeans, popping it open. I slowly pushed down the zipper, knowing the lack of speed in undressing would fuel his desire. I placed my hands at the waistband of his pants and pushed them down along with his boxers and his erection sprang free. He made quick work of kicking his shoes off so he could remove his clothing completely. I stood back and looked at his naked form, eyeing him from head to foot. Yeah, the cock fairy certainly blessed him when he was born. Fuck. I would kiss her fairy ass if I could.

I placed my hands on his chest and slowly started to push him back to the couch in the corner of the room. When the back of his legs hit the soft leather, he sank down onto it. I stepped back and turned around. I slowly unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it from my shoulders. As soon as it was off, I tossed it on the floor. I slid my hands down my body, knowing how it would torture him to watch. I slowly made my way to the zipper on the side of my skirt. I stalled for a moment and peeked at him over my shoulder. The look on his face was priceless - completely full of need.

His hand was slowly running up and down his erection and he was moaning softly. I made quick work of removing my skirt so then I was just standing in front of him in my black lacy bra, thong, garter belt and heels. I heard him gasp softly and I looked back over my shoulder at him. I hooked a finger under my bra strap and slowly pulled it down over my shoulder. I repeated the action with the other side then I reached up behind me and unfastened the clasp and let the bra fall into my hands. I tossed it behind me and it hit him in the chest. I covered my breasts with my arm and turned around and walked slowly over to him, where he was still stroking himself, more firmly now. I let my arm fall to my side, and a wide smile overtook his face. He reached forward and pinched my left nipple and a moan escaped my lips.

I raised my leg and planted my shoe directly in the middle of his chest, pushing him back. I placed my foot back on the floor and stood there looking into his lust filled eyes for a moment before reaching down and undoing the garter straps so I could remove the garter belt along with my thong. When I was done, I placed my thumb inside the waistband of my thong, but before I could remove them Ryan's arms flew up and yanked them down to my ankles. I quickly kicked them off. His exuberance always made me laugh.

It reminded me of the first time I met him...

Over the summer, I had been redesigning the kitchen in his parents' house. They lived in a mansion just outside the city. His father owned a chain of hotels along the coast, and his mother was basically a drunk without hobbies, other than spending money. Both Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were well educated and immaculate in appearance. They looked younger than their years, both being in their mid forties.

Ryan was the spitting image of Mr. Johnson - tall, brown hair and brown expressive eyes. Mrs. Johnson was petite, slender and fake in all the wrong places. Fake breasts, fake fingernails, fake blonde, fake personality. She was the fucking epitome of fake.

Their kitchen had been renovated not even five years prior, but she needed something to do, so she hired me to redesign it. I was quite proud on how it turned out.

I needed to make a trip to their house to add a few last minute touches, so in late July I did just that. When I arrived, Mr. Johnson appeared to be alone, Mrs. Johnson no where to be seen. He showed me in, and I went to work immediately on the kitchen. It felt a little strange being there without Mrs. Johnson, seeing as he had absolutely no idea what I was doing. The redesign was Mrs. Johnson's thing. He ended up explaining to me that she was ill with the flu, and was sleeping upstairs, which I took as my fake ass wife is fucking drunk and passed out in bed , but whatever.

I didn't think any more on the topic of her absence as I worked quickly and silently. When I was done, I was bending over to pick up my bag from the floor when I felt a pair of large warm hands stroke my ass. I froze. Suddenly, he lifted me up and sat me on the counter. He stepped in between my legs and looked into my eyes as his hands made their way up my thighs, under my dress. Neither of us spoke. I just sat there and looked at him, surprised by what he was doing to me and honestly not giving a fuck that he was.

When I felt his hands slide under my dress and grabbed hold of either side of my panties, I gasped, and he quickly removed them from my body. Instantly, he plunged his finger inside of me and I moaned. He proceeded to fuck me with his fingers for a few minutes, rubbing circles with his thumb on my clit. My breathing was becoming erratic, but I didn't give a shit, he was making me feel too good to care.

He pushed me back onto the counter so I was resting on my elbows, looking into my eyes. He grabbed my hips and pulled me to the end of the counter, pushed my dress up to my waist, bent over and placed his mouth over my center and started moving his tongue up and down my slit, all while his fingers continued to plunge in and out of me. When his teeth nipped at my swollen clit I screamed out.

That is when I noticed we weren't alone. I looked over to the doorway and saw a teenage boy standing there with his eyes wide in surprise. Our eyes met and I was unable to look away. Being caught like this had to be one of the most erotic things I had ever experienced. Mr. Johnson didn't notice his son standing there. He continued to skillfully ravish my body, working wonders with his tongue. I moaned out again and threw my head back as my orgasm took over me. Mr. Johnson continue to suck and lick my clit until I started to come down from my euphoria then he stood up, undid his pants and pulled them down. While he was doing this, I glanced over at the door again, and sure enough, his son was still there staring at us with a shocked expression on his youthful features.

I was starting to feel a bit uneasy with the situation. Hell, the boy couldn't be older than seventeen, but when Mr. Johnson grabbed my ankles, held them wide over my head and drove his cock deep inside of me, all thoughts left my mind. Fuck, let the boy watch if that's what he wanted to fucking do.

Mr. Johnson was pounding into me relentlessly and it was Pure. Fucking. Heaven. I was moaning, groaning and screaming for more. I wanted it harder. Faster. It was quite possibly the best fuck I had ever had. Audience and all. I didn't want it to stop. I wrapped my legs around his waist and was meeting his thrusts with thrusts of my own. It seemed like we fucked that way for hours. Hell, it could have been hours for all I knew. I was oblivious to time. When he started grunting out words in French, I lost it and came again, hard. He pounded into me a few more times and stilled above me, coming inside me.

He leaned down and placed his head on my chest, panting heavily. When I glanced over at the door, the boy was gone. We sat there for a few minutes trying to catch our breath before Mr. Johnson pulled out of me and stood up. He pulled my dress down, placed a kiss on my forehead and pulled up his pants. I jumped off the counter and straightened my clothing.

I looked up at Mr. Johnson and cocked an eyebrow at him. All he could do was smirk and ask me if I was on birth control. Yeah, thanks for asking before spilling your seed inside me, asshole.

Without saying another word, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door to my car. As I was opening the driver side door, a hand shot out and pushed it shut. When I looked over, I saw the boy standing there with a curious expression on his face.

"You just fucked my father," he said.

I mean, come on. What the fuck do you say to something like that? Really. "Um...yeah. Did you enjoy the show?" I said to him.

"It would have been much better if it wasn't my fucking dad. But other than that, yeah. It was fucking hot."

I laughed. Did he really just say that he enjoyed watching his dad fuck me?

"I'm used to him bringing his girls here. Although, he usually doesn't do it out in the open like that, especially when both mom and I are home. I'm never eating at that counter again, that's for damn sure. You been fucking him long? I didn't realize he got rid of the last bitch," he said.

"No. And I'm not one of 'his girls'. He's lucky he got what he did from me. He won't be that lucky again," I snapped.

That made him laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to imply anything. It's just that my dad likes his girls. My mom is usually too drunk to put out. So, if you're not part of his harem then what are you then? I mean, what do you do?" he asked.

Was this kid for fucking real?

"I'm not a prostitute if that's what you mean. I'm a designer. I redid your kitchen. Did you even notice it was different?"

"Oh, you did that?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, I did. Can I help you with anything else? I really need to get back to the office," I said a little harshly.

He smirked. "I'm sure you could help me with...something," he said, suggestively.

I laughed. Did he really think I would fuck around with a kid? "How old are you anyway?" I asked.

"I'll be eighteen in three weeks. I'll be a senior this year."

"Ah, you're just a baby."

He glared at me and it was quite possibly the funniest thing I ever saw. "I'm not a goddamn baby, bitch!"

"Whoa, calm down there, champ. I'll tell ya what. On your birthday, you come see me. Got it?" I said as I opened the door to my car and slid in. I glanced up at him and saw him smiling widely.

"Don't think I won't take you up on that," he said, excitedly.

I rolled my eyes at him and shut the door. I quickly drove away not thinking anything more of our conversation. Three weeks later, right on his birthday, he showed up at my office. He was so happy to be there, telling me how he was fucking legal now and that I owed him for what he saw his father doing to me. So, what can I say, I gave in and I fucked his virginity right out of him in my office that day.

And that is how I met Ryan Johnson. Since then he would show up in my office a couple times a week. He was entirely too cute with his enthusiasm to tell him no. Besides, once I saw the gift the cock fairy gave him, I didn't want to fucking tell him no.

Which brings us back to what he was doing to me now...

He grabbed my hips and pulled me to the edge of the couch. He took hold of my foot and placed it on the back of the couch, making me lean forward and opening me up completely to him. He leaned over and placed his mouth directly to my clit and started licking and sucking. My head fell back and I closed my eyes at the sensation. It felt so fucking good.

His hand reached up and his fingers started rubbing around my entrance before he pushed two fingers inside of me. When he started to hum, vibrating his lips, over my clit I moaned loudly. I'm sure everyone outside my office heard, but I didn't give a fuck what they thought at the moment. He curled his fingers and started to massage my g-spot, making me come undone. My knees nearly buckled due to the force of my orgasm, but I managed to keep myself up right.

When I came down from my orgasmic high, I looked at the smug look on his face. Six weeks ago he was unable to do anything sexual, but I had taught him well. His girlfriend should be fucking thanking me for that shit.

I removed my leg from the back of the couch and pushed him back slightly with my hands. I looked down and saw his cock was standing straight up, waiting for me. I lowered myself onto his lap, straddling his legs, but not touching where he needed me to. I reached over to the table next to the couch and grabbed a condom out of the drawer. Yeah, I kept condoms in my office. Sue me. I quickly opened the package with my teeth and rolled it onto him. He hissed at my touch. I lifted myself and placed his cock at my entrance and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Is this what you want, Ryan?"

"Fuck yes," he said between ragged breaths.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I teased.

"Yes. Fuck me now!" he nearly yelled and then glanced at the door, realizing how loud he had been. It suddenly became extremely quiet on the other side of the door. Good thing I was the fucking boss.

Without another word, I lowered myself onto him and started riding him, hard. I was relentless and didn't fucking care at the moment. I wanted it rough. He didn't seem to mind.

"Fuck! Fuuuuuuuck! Ungh. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" was all that he could manage to spit out. It was still silent outside of the office. Yeah, they were all fucking listening to us. I really didn't give a shit though.

His hands grasped my hips almost painfully as I slid up and down over his cock. I rode him for a while before he leaned over and brought my right nipple into his mouth and sucked forcefully, nipping me with his teeth. I screamed out. The mixture of pain and pleasure sent me near the edge, but not quite. He started pinching and pulling my other nipple, and I threw my head back, enjoying what he was doing to me as I continued to ride him. When he snaked his hand down and started rubbing my clit while he was sucking my nipple, I was overcome by another intense orgasm. My eyes rolled back into my head and once again, I screamed out. When I came down, I looked at Ryan. He had his head back, leaning up against the back of the couch. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold off much longer, so I decided to play with him a bit. I stood up and looked at him.

"What the fuck?" he said angrily.

I laughed and turned around. "Down, boy. I'm about to make your fucking day."

I lowered myself back onto him and started to ride him backward, leaning my back to his chest, this position allowing him deeper inside of me.

"Shiiiitttt," he hissed.

"Don't you dare come yet, Ryan. You better hold it off until I come or I will never fuck you again. You got that?"

"How the fuck can I stop it? I'm so fucking close. Ungh," he panted.

"Hold it off. If you ever want my body again, you better hold it the fuck off," I said sternly and I started to impale myself harder on his cock. I reached down and cupped his sac, knowing that it would be nearly impossible for him to hold off much longer.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" He yelled loudly.

"Not yet, Ryan. You better make me come first."

"Fuck! Shit! God fucking damn!" he grunted, then he reached his hand around my waist and started rubbing my clit. Ahh, yes, thatta boy. His movements became rougher and rougher and I felt my release coming fast.

"Keep it up, Ryan. I'm almost there," I panted. He rubbed my clit as hard as he could, sending me over the edge.

"Oh, God!" It took a while to ride it out but I eventually came back down. I didn't stop my movements though. And I didn't allow him to come yet. I was having entirely too much fun torturing this poor boy into oblivion.

"Damn, woman, you're fucking killing me. I can't, I can't fucking take it. Let me come. Please. Let me fucking come," he begged.

I smiled and waited a moment more before I gave in. "Now, Ryan."

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! FUUUUCK!" he yelled out as he came. When he was played out, I ceased my movements on his cock and slowly stood up. I turned around to face him, seeing his eyes were closed tightly and his head was back. He looked completely spent. I leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"That should fucking teach you to skip class," I said, before I started to dress. It took several minutes before he was able to move. By the time he opened his eyes and lifted his head, I was sitting at my desk working on my computer. He was still completely naked, condom still on and sitting on the couch panting hard.

"Don't you think you should put your clothes on and get to school?" I asked him. He nodded, still unable to speak. He got to his feet, removed the condom, threw it in the trash and reached for his clothes. He was a little unsteady on his feet. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so fucking funny?" he said.

"You are. Do you think you're going to be able to make it there, champ?"

"What you just did to me was beyond cruel, ya know. Fucking awesome, but cruel."

"I know. Now get dressed and get out of my fucking office," I said coldly and looked up at him. "If you skip school again, believe me, you won't be as lucky as you were today."

He dressed quickly, walked over to me to give me a quick kiss and headed toward the door. "Can I come back in a few days?" he asked.

"I'll let you know," I said without looking over at him. When I heard the door shut I looked up and saw that he was gone. I knew I shouldn't be fucking around with a kid but honestly, it wasn't like I was doing anything illegal. The sex was good. Not as good as it was with Ben, or hell, not as good as it was with Ryan's father, but it was still good. So, I would keep him around for that. He would come running anytime I called. I knew that. He was such an easy fuck.

The day passed quickly after my encounter with Ryan. He was the distraction that I had needed. I didn't even think about the appointment I had later that day until it was almost time. When I glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost 3:30, I nearly panicked again, my heart rate picking up dramatically. I reached into the drawn on my desk and pulled out a bottle of pills. Valium. Yeah, I was fucking going to need this shit right now. I popped the pill in my mouth and washed it down quickly with some water. I stood up and walked to the bathroom adjacent to my office to check on my appearance. After I straightened myself up a little bit, I walked back into my office and stood in front of the windows that over looked the city. I stood there until Natalie's voice came across the intercom.

"Ms. Swan? Your four o'clock is here, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," she said.

Fuck! This was it. Why the hell was I so worried? I was sure it wasn't the same Cullens. There was no fucking way it could be them. Sighing out of frustration, I walked over to my desk and pushed the intercom button as I sat down.

"Show them in, please," I said. Did I just fucking say "please" to Natalie? What the fuck has gotten in to me. I bet she just had a heart attack right at her desk.

A moment later the door opened and Natalie ushered them in. I sat there slack jawed and shocked.

Fuck. It. Was. _Them._

* * *

**Ahhh, poor Bella. She just had a little stroke there, I believe. Don't hate her too much for her actions here though. She has changed a lot over the years and has moved on the best she knew how given the situation she found herself in. Yes, she sleeps around more than she should, and I know many won't like that about her. I know. Give her some time.  
**

**If you likey me story, please review. It makes me all hot and bothered and makes me want to send you lots and lots of money. Seriously. So if you like it, just go ahead and clicky on that little button down below and send me some love. You know you wanna. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this took so long to get out. My family was hit by what we lovingly called the Bacon flu (H1N1 virus). We're all good now but I spent a lot of freaking time cuddling with my little girl watching a shitload of Spongebob. And I do mean A LOT. All that yellow sponge viewing lead me to one realization. That Plankton is one awesome motherfucker. **

**Anyway, I wrote a lot of this with a high fever so I'm not completely proud of how it's turned out but that's alright. I hope you enjoy it anyway. There is some more sexin' in this chapter, so beware. Not all chapters will be of the NC17 variety. In fact, there will only be one, maybe two more of the non E/B lemons. You will just have to wait and see if there will be any Edward/Bella sexin' though because my lips are sealed. ;)**

**Special thanks to my seriously amazing beta's, AGirlReckoning and MaggieCullen for making my words pretty. I'm telling you, folks, they've got their work cut out for them. Amazing, they are.  
**

**SM owns all. As always, damn it.**

* * *

Chapter 6

BPOV

I sat at my desk, starring at the two people that walked into my office. I didn't even notice Natalie shutting the door behind her as she left the room, leaving the three of us alone. I just stared. I didn't know what the hell else to do. So I continued to fucking stare.

An eerie and awkward silence filled the room. I swear, I could hear goddamn crickets chirping in the background.

"Bella," Alice said with a wide smile.

I didn't do or say a damned thing, I just continued to stare. I couldn't help it. It was like I instantly turned to stone or some shit the moment I saw them. My gaze fixated on Alice. It was like she was Medusa, minus the creepy- ass snake hair, freezing me completely with one look into her eyes. She and Jasper were fucking mythical after all. I'm sure my mouth was hanging open like some damn idiot, but all brain function had ceased once they entered the room.

I blinked a few times trying to regain my vision, as it had gone slightly wonky, and shook my head slightly, trying to bring myself back to reality. This had to be a fucking dream. How was it possible that they were here, in my office, wanting to talk to me? Impossible.

My memory did them little justice, I realized. Yes, they both were beyond beautiful, but over time, my memory had faded. My fallible human memory, as they would call it. Of course, they looked exactly the same, Alice with her short inky black hair that stuck out in every direction, and Jasper with his soft blonde curls. And their eyes; bright, warm melted gold. Just looking at their eyes reminded me too much, far too much, of _him_. Fuck. Why did they have to be here?

Alice, still smiling brightly, took a step toward my desk as she pulled Jasper along with her. I looked over and met his gaze, and he smiled slightly. I looked back at Alice and I took a deep breath and spoke.

"Um, Alice?" I didn't say I spoke eloquently, I just spoke, wondering when I was going to wake up from this stupid ass dream. Maybe I should pinch myself.

"Hi Bella, how have you been?" she asked.

Something hit me when I heard her voice. I'm pretty sure it was anger, but I refused to let that show. "I've been wonderful, Alice. And you?" I said, stiffly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jasper cock his head to the side slightly. Fuck, I forgot about his freaky little ability. He knew exactly how I was feeling. I took a deep calming breath and saw him smile. Yeah, that fucker was on to me. Shit. I took another deep breath and tried to check my emotions, only to hear him chuckle softly.

"We've been good. It's so great to see you. You look absolutely amazing," Alice replied.

"Thank you, Alice. Now, what can I help you with? Why are you here?" I asked in a business like tone. Yes, business, keep this strictly business. I could do that, right?

"Bella, there's so much to catch up on. I've missed you so much," Alice said, sadly.

"You know, Alice, I don't think we have anything to catch up on, to be honest," I said, harshly, as I watch her flinch at my words. "So let's just get down to why you are here."

She sighed loudly and looked into my eyes for a moment. I hope she was unable to see all the hurt and anger they held, even though I knew Jasper could feel it. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were getting to me.

"Alright, Bella, but before we get down to business, I just want you to know that I never wanted to leave. I love you. You were my best friend. You always will be. I'm not giving up on you. You'll see," she said with a small smile.

I didn't say anything in response. I just waited for her to get past her speech.

"A few months ago, we moved to Kingston. The house is absolutely amazing, and Esme is doing a wonderful job making it our own. However, she's been so busy with everything else, and I simply cannot wait to have our room finished. I can design clothing like nobody's business, but Esme is the interior designer in the family. I don't want to wait until she can get to it. So that's where you come in. I need your help. Please say you'll help me. It will be so much fun."

She looked at me with eager eyes, waiting on my reply.

"Exactly what do you want done? Are we talking a simple redecorate or a full remodel?" Did I really just ask her that? There was no way I could help her on this. I didn't want a fucking thing to do with any of them, so why in the hell would I even consider her request? Fuck. Me and my stupid ass mouth.

"I want it all, Bella, a full remodel. The closet is entirely too small for my wardrobe. There is a spare room adjacent to ours that I would like to utilize. We also need to redo the bathroom, adding a huge shower," she said and then leaned toward me. "Jasper likes his shower time," she whispered with a soft giggle.

Jasper chuckled next to her, and I glanced at him as he said to Alice, "I like _my_ shower time? I don't think I've taken a shower alone since I've met you, Alice."

"Exactly, Jazz, and you really enjoy that, right? At least you did this morning," she snickered.

"Alright," I said, raising my hands in front of me, palms facing them. "I really don't think I want to hear anymore about your shower time. What else do you have in mind, Alice?" I asked. Shit Stop asking her questions about this, Bella You fucking idiot.

"We need new furniture. The bed needs to be sturdy, reinforced, you know. That's a priority. Jasper will need a place for his clothes, maybe a wardrobe of his own or perhaps another closet. Yeah, a second closet would be wonderful. That would mean I could do some more shopping. Yes, we would need a second closet."

"A sturdy, reinforced bed?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. I knew vampires didn't sleep so I knew the only reason they needed the bed was for extracurricular activities. I really didn't want to think about all the crazy shit they would do in that bed with their vampire strength and prowess.

She snickered again and it was starting to get on my fucking nerves. How did I put up with her insane exuberance in the past?

"Yes, it has to be reinforced. That's another reason why we came to you. Any other designer would think I was crazy for requesting a reinforced bed, but it's a must. Regular beds break down too quickly. That's not a problem, right?" she asked.

"No, it's not a problem. A bed can be custom made for you, easily."

"Does this mean you'll help us, Bella? Please, say you will. It will mean so much to me if you will," she said with a slight bounce.

"Fuck, I'm not sure, Alice. Do you really think it would be wise if we worked together, given our past?" I wasn't seriously considering this was I? What the hell was wrong with me? I knew I didn't want to do this. My brain was telling me to run away from it and never look back, but something else was telling me I needed this, for closure.

"I promise not to make it awkward for you, or anything. I just really love what I've seen of your work. I know we can make it work. Please, Bella," she unashamedly begged.

"I can have one of my other designers help you with this. It doesn't have to be me. I think that would be better for all involved parties," I hedged.

"No, I only want you. You know us. It has to be you. Please, I'm begging you."

I sat there for a few moments and thought over my decision. I wasn't sure I could do it. I knew that if I agreed, I would have to spend time with them - all of them. I would have to go to their house. Fuck.

I wasn't sure I was ready to see _him_ again. Actually, I wasn't sure if I would _ever_ be ready to see _him_ again. I had so much hatred for him, and I wasn't sure if it was healthy for me to be in his presence. I wanted to cut his balls off and feed them to him. Not that I could, but the thought made me feel better. Shit. It would be so much easier if one of the other designers worked with them. It would be easier if I declined altogether. However, I couldn't deny that I was intrigued. A part of me wondered what they had been up to all these years, while another part of me only wanted to watch the fire as they burned. Alice and her family meant the world to me at one time. When they left, they broke me. Could I overcome how I felt, push my emotions aside, to work with them? Would I be alright if I saw _him_ again? I wasn't sure.

Would this give me the closure I didn't realize I needed?

Sensing my dilemma, Jasper broke the silence, "Bella, I know you are confused and angry right now. It's understandable. You have no need to worry. Edward will stay away if that is what you desire."

I felt the anger brewing again at the mention of his name, "To be honest, I really don't give a fuck what he does," I lied, and he simply gave me a knowing look. Damn him.

"Please," Alice said softly.

I leaned back in my chair and looked at the ceiling for a while. I honestly didn't know what the fuck to do. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. Without thinking, I started to rub the crescent shaped scar on my hand, the scar that was left by James all those years ago.

"I know what we did was horrendous. We hurt you. We all hurt you. I am so sorry, Bella. Please, you have to understand, that was not what I wanted. Give me the chance to make it up to you. I swear, I will do anything to make up for everything I've done that hurt you. Please," Alice said with a pained voice.

I open my eyes and slowly looked over at her. I sat up and folded my hands on my desk in front of me. I noticed they were both looking at my scar, where my hand was touching moments before.

"Yes, Alice, when you left, it fucking hurt. I won't deny that. But I'm not a goddamn seventeen year old child any longer. I'm an adult and I've moved on," I said and became quiet again. I was stalling. I knew that.

I slowly opened my top desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer. I needed to do something with my hands, so I popped open the lid and squirted a liberal amount onto my hand. I tossed the bottle back into the drawer and closed it with a loud snap. I began rubbing my hands together, coating them with the liquid, wishing I had something to sanitize the hurt from my head - from my heart. I looked over at Alice again and saw her eyes held a deep sadness. The room remained quiet for what seemed like hours, although I knew it was merely minutes.

Closure. Damn it all to Hell.

"I'll tell you what, Alice. I'll do this for you, but I'm charging you fucking double for being a pain in my ass," I said, giving in. Her squeals filled the room, and I swear the damn windows shook.

"Thank you, Bella. I promise you won't regret this. This means so much to me, honestly. And oh my God, Esme will be so happy to see you again - everyone will. You have no idea," she said as she bounced in her seat.

After a moment she couldn't sit any longer and jumped to her feet, still bouncing. "This is going to be so much fun. I can't wait to get started. What do we do now? Don't you need to come to the house to check things out? Just think of all the shopping we get to do, Bella."

"Alice, stop, damn it. You're already pissing me the hell off," I said, starting to regret my decision already.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy. Thank you for everything. I know I have no right to ask this of you, and I am truly grateful for your help. I promise, it will be a lot of fun," Alice replied, her words dripping with sincerity.

I slowly stood and started to walk around the desk, thankful this meeting was almost over. Before I knew it, Alice had flung her pixie ass at me and engulfed me in a near bone-crushing hug.

"Shit, Alice, can't fucking breathe," I said breathlessly, my arms limp at my side, not hugging her back.

"Oh, sorry," she said as she stepped away quickly. She looked over my appearance and smiled. "Really, Bella, you look fantastic. Polished, you know? I can tell so much about you has changed, not just your new potty mouth, that is. You never had that before. I really want to get to know you again. Please give me that chance."

"Alice, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but honestly, do you think we could actually be friends? Don't you think our past fucked up any possibility of a friendship?"

"I know I messed up. We all did. We are all truly sorry for it, and we will do anything we can to make it up to you. I'm not giving up on you yet, though. You'll see. I'm right. I've seen it," she said as she lightly tapped her temple.

"Don't bother, Alice. Really, I don't give a fuck. Let's just call this what it really is - a business transaction. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm going to have you speak with my assistant, so she can set up our next appointment."

"When are you coming to the house? Don't you need to take a look at it? Measure things?"

"Yes, it needs to be done," I said with a resounding sigh. "We'll set that time up with Natalie."

"Okay," she said, an enormous smile overcoming her exquisite face.

I started to walk toward the door, when my hand touched the doorknob, I looked down toward the floor and said, "I don't want him there when I am." Then I opened the door and walked out. I knew they knew what I meant. I couldn't deal with seeing _him_ again. I knew that much. Not yet, anyway.

Alice and Jasper followed me out to Natalie's desk.

"Natalie, I need you to set up a few appointments for the Cullens here. The usual," I said as I picked up my messages from the corner of her desk and stared to flip through them.

"Yes, Ms. Swan. I will get on that right now," Natalie replied before turning to Alice and Jasper. "Is there a time of day that is best for you?" she asked softly.

"Yes, evening. Around twilight is best," Alice said with merriment as I rolled my eyes, understanding her inside joke, although not finding it amusing.

Natalie looked questioningly at me. I never scheduled evening appointments. I simply nodded my head at her in approval and saw the shock in her eyes before she checked the calendar.

We stood there for a few moments while Natalie made the arrangements when I suddenly felt a pair of large, warm arms encircle my waist.

"Hey, baby. Did you miss me?" I heard whispered in my ear.

"Not particularly, no. What are you doing here, Ben?" I asked as I turned around to face him, his arms still around me.

"Don't be like that," he said with a chuckle. "I left the office early and I couldn't wait to see you. Can I take you to dinner? Or we could possibly eat in," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I really don't feel like going out," I said.

"No problem, baby. I can take care of you at home. I'll make a nice dinner and feed you in bed if you want."

I glanced over at Alice and Jasper, only to find them looking at Ben quizzically. I realized they probably thought Ben and I had a more committed relationship than we actually had once the word 'home' came from his mouth. I internally laughed, because I knew they thought Ben and I lived together. Let them fucking think that, I didn't give a shit.

It only took a few minutes for Natalie to get everything scheduled, and soon they were ready to leave.

"Thank you again, Bella, for doing this," Alice said sweetly.

"_Bella_?" Ben whispered in my ear. He only knew me by Isabella, as did everyone else in my life. Bella died the day she left Forks all those years ago. I knew Ben would bring that shit it up later, and I really didn't want to have that fucking conversation.

"I'll be in touch, Alice," I said as I held my hand out to shake hers. She looked down at it questioningly before placing her small hand in mine and shaking it gently. I forgot how cold and unforgiving her skin was. After Alice let my hand go, I turned to Jasper and extended my hand to him. He reached out cautiously before taking my hand in his own, quickly ending the gesture.

"We'll see you soon," Alice said as they began to walk down the hall. I nodded at them.

I turned to Ben and he smiled at me. He was leaning on the end Natalie's desk with his arms crossing his chest.

"_Bella_? What was that all about?" he asked. I saw Natalie look expectantly up at me, confused by the name as well.

"Fuck you, Ben," I spat.

"Gladly," he beamed.

I rolled my eyes at him before responding. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yes, I'm ready to leave, _Bella_," he said smirking.

I ignored him and went back into my office to shut my computer off and grab my purse. I locked my office door and walked back over to Ben.

"Have a good evening, Ms. Swan," Natalie said. I ignored her.

Silently, we headed toward the outer door. Once in the elevator Ben looked at me.

"You look a bit distracted," he noted.

"Do I?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Yes, you do. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just had a fucking horrible day, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it, baby?" he asked gently.

"Why would I talk about it, Ben? Like it would help."

"Isabella, come on, something is bothering you. Tell me."

"It's nothing. Just drop it alright?" How could I explain that my long lost, mind reading, vegetarian, vampire boyfriend, the one that basically ruined my life, and his family had suddenly reappeared in my life and required my services. Yeah, that would go over well. I'd be in a goddamn strait jacket before dinner.

"Alright, but you know I'm here for you, right baby?"

"Sure, Ben, I know. Now let's get the hell out of here," I said as the elevator doors opened to the lobby.

"Don't worry. Later tonight, I'll make sure all your troubles are far from your mind," he said as we swiftly walked toward the exit, heading to the parking garage.

As we walked, I let my mind drift back to my day. Was it really this morning when Ryan came to see me? Fuck, I felt like a whore at the moment, knowing I would be with two men in one day. I shook my head to get that thought out of my mind. It wouldn't do well for me to ponder it. I had more pressing issues at the moment, issues that were sure to create stress and anxiety levels so high that medication would be a necessity. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Ben looked down at me at that moment and placed his hand on the small of my back and rubbed slightly, trying to relax me. We walked into the parking garage just as Ben started to speak.

"Baby, I don't think I can make it until later. How about we have a little fun in the car before we leave?" he said as his hand moved south to stroke my ass. I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Ben, give me a fucking break. Do I look like a goddamn whore to you?" I asked, even though I felt like one at the moment. "Besides, what the hell would your wife think of that?" We both knew exactly what she would say.

"Come on, Isabella. Baby. You know I could be more than your fuck buddy," he pleaded as we reached his Mercedes.

Ever since I met Ben, I knew he wanted more. He would gladly leave his wife for me. I knew he loved me and would marry me in a heartbeat. Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind, however. I didn't love Ben the way he loved me. I had only loved one man in my entire life. I tried to make other relationships work after _him_, but they never worked out. I always ended up breaking the guy's heart. Like Jacob. I couldn't allow myself to do that any more. I may be a cold hearted bitch now, I knew that, but there was nothing worse than telling someone you care about that you didn't feel the same for them as they did for you. Seeing the pain in their eyes was unbearable. I refused to be put in that situation again. Therefore, I kept Ben, and every other man I knew, at arm's length, keeping my relationships purely physical. I could handle a physical relationship. The emotional ones would kill me.

"You will be whatever I fucking want you to be, Ben. Nothing more, nothing less," I reminded him, as I snaked my hand around his tie and pulled his lips to mine, kissing him deeply.

"Fuck, baby. You're making me hard," he murmured, as he ravished my neck with his tongue. I felt his hands roam my body, one caressing my breast while the other moved up my leg, under my dress. His fingers neared my center and I almost came undone.

"Let's get the hell out of here now, Ben, and you can fuck me all you want tonight," I moaned.

Ben looked me in the eye and said playfully as he unlocked the car door, "You don't have to fucking tell me twice. I'll fuck you so hard and take you so many ways tonight you won't be able to walk tomorrow. Let's get your hot piece of ass in this fucking car now, before I rip this sexy dress off of you, bend you over the hood of my car, and fuck you from behind."

He kissed me passionately once again before I climbed into the passenger's seat of the car. I watched as he quickly walked around the front of the car and eased himself in behind the steering wheel. He started the car and pulled out of the parking garage with a loud squeal of the tires. We sped as fast as the city traffic would allow, arriving at my building in what seemed like minutes. We were quiet on the drive, both of us lost in our thoughts.

We exited the car and walked toward the building, where the doorman swiftly opened the door for us.

"Good evening Ms. Swan, Mr. Woodward. I hope you both had a wonderful day today," the doorman said, politely.

"Yes, we did. Thank you," Ben replied with a warm smile as we entered through the double doors. While we were waiting for the elevator, he leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "I need you."

"Only a few more minutes, Ben, and then you can do whatever you want."

"I plan on it," he said as a ding reverberated throughout the lobby, announcing the arrival of the elevator. We stepped in and watched the golden doors close. As soon as they touched, Ben spun me around into the corner and kissed me.

"Fuck it. I can't wait any longer," he said, breathlessly, as he dropped to his knees. He grabbed my left foot and placed it on the thin railing that ran around the walls of the elevator.

I looked down at him with wide eyes. "What the hell are you doing?"

He didn't reply with words, however, his hands made their way under my dress and then fisted around my panties. He gripped them tightly and pulled them from my body, making me jump slightly. Before I could protest, his mouth was on me.

"Son of a bitch," I moaned, as I threw my head back, hitting it against the wall behind me.

"Baby, I'm going to make you come before we hit your floor," he said in a rush, before plunging two fingers inside of me, pumping them in and out quickly. He returned his mouth to my clit and sucked lightly, while he flicked his tongue across the sensitive flesh. I was completely lost to the sensation. I reached out on both sides of me, grabbing onto the railing tightly to prevent myself from tumbling to the ground. I looked up toward the ceiling and noticed the security camera pointed right at us.

"Fuck," was all I could manage to say as I squeezed my eyes shut. Ben continued to ravish my body, and I found myself being grateful that my apartment was on the 88th floor. It didn't take long before I felt the familiar tightening of muscles in my stomach.

"Oh God, Ben, I'm so fucking close," I panted, as he picked up the speed of his fingers thrusting into me. His tongue continued to tease my clit, while his mouth enveloped it with a gentle sucking sensation. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was the camera again. Knowing that we were being watched sent me into a mind blowing orgasm, my legs giving way due to its intensity. Luckily, Ben caught me before I hit the floor, gazing into my eyes with a triumphant smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around me and stood, just as the elevator doors opened to my floor.

Damn that man was good with his mouth.

"Come on, baby. Let's get inside your place so I can do that shit again. I can't get enough of your taste," he said as he half carried me to my door. As we entered my apartment, he made good on his word. My worries about the day were long forgotten. I would deal with everything tomorrow.

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**Okay, my crazy love children, go forth and review. Reviews mean I won't pass the bacon flu to you. So get on it. :D  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad Rason. It took too damn long to get this out. No need to flame me, I did it myself. It wasn't pretty either.**

**I gotta send my love to my AMAZING beta's, AGirlReckoning and MaggieCullen. I don't know what I would do without them.  
**

**A HUGE thank you to everyone that has fav'd me and reviewed. You really don't know how much it means to me. It makes me smile like an idiot. I lurb you all hard. **

**Now for the chapter. For some reason this one was hard for me to write. I redid it like a million times. That's one of the reasons it took so long, and I apologize for my lameness. I'm happy with how it turned out though. Poor Edward is tearing himself up. And while I was writing this, he kept telling me about the song that ran through his head for the last eight years. I'm sure you all have heard of it. But if not, you should check it out. It's called "Wherever You Will Go" by the Calling. It's a beautiful song. Here are the lyrics. I think they are fitting. The last verse really hits poor Edward hard. Bless him.  
**

Wherever You Will Go by The Calling

So lately, I've been wonderin'  
Who will be there to take my place  
When I'm gone, you'll need love  
To light the shadows on your face  
If a great wave should fall  
It would fall upon us all  
And between the sand and stone  
Could you make it on your own

[Chorus:]  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out  
The way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
Through the darkest of your days  
If a great wave should fall  
It would fall upon us all  
Well I hope there's someone out there  
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus]

Runaway with my heart  
Runaway with my hope  
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how  
My life and love might still go on  
In your heart and your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus]

If I could turn back time  
I'll go wherever you will go  
If I could make you mine  
I'll go wherever you will go

**{SM owns all}**

**

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**Chapter 7

EPOV

What have I done?

The Bella I knew and loved was gone. That much I could tell. And it was all my fault. I never should have left her. I never should have told her I didn't want her. If I had stayed, she would still be the same loving, fiercely compassionate, clumsy person she always had been. I knew that for a fact. But I did leave, and now she was none of those things, except perhaps the clumsiness. All because of me. It was all my fault.

What have I done?

I never imagined my actions could affect her to such an extreme. I honestly believed that she would forget about me and move on with her life, finish high school, go to college, start a career, find the love of a man - one that scarcely deserved her I might add - and start a family.

I had truly believed she would have children she loved dearly. Little, brown-haired, brown-eyed children that looked just like their mother. Perhaps they would even inherit Bella's lack of coordination. I could picture her dropping them off at school in the morning, gently kissing them on the cheek and telling them to behave, and picking them up in the afternoon and then rushing to soccer practice while asking them how their day went. I saw her cheering for them during their games as they beamed and waved at her in return, happy she was there. I saw her wrapping her arms around them, kissing their pain away when they fell down and scraped their knees. She would have taught them how to read and how to ride a bicycle. I could almost picture her children's artwork attached to the refrigerator door with magnets from the local dry cleaner or restaurant.

Bella would have been a wonderful mother, and an even better wife. It was what she deserved. It was how it was supposed to be. That's what would have happened if I had never stepped into the picture. If I didn't exist, Bella would have all of those things. But no, I had to be selfish and pursue her. I didn't have that right. I never had that right. And look what my selfishness has caused. I never should have pursued her in the first place. But I had, and now I realized that I never should have left. I was such a coward.

Ever since Emmett and I first went into the city to see her, I had a feeling that something else must have happened to constitute such a change in her. I didn't think it was all my doing. How wrong I was. It was all my fault. What was I thinking?

When we left Forks, I knew she would be safe from the dangers of my world. By leaving, all the risks associated with a coven of dangerous vampires followed us. Bella was safe. We couldn't hurt her anymore. _I_ couldn't hurt her anymore. No longer would she be susceptible to the deplorable creatures that we are.

I made sure of that.

I followed Victoria to South America and was certain she didn't make it back to Forks. Even though I didn't think she would retaliate by attacking Bella, I wanted to make sure she did nothing of the sort. I watched her for months. I watched as she murdered countless, innocent humans to sustain her own pathetic existence. She never realized I was there.

Upon leaving South America, I was sure Victoria would remain there, so I returned to my family thinking they may be able to help ease some of my discomfort. Again, I was mistaken. Nothing helped fill the void. Something was always missing. That missing part was Bella. My entire family, except for Rose, of course, missed Bella. But no one missed her as much as I had. My entire existence was meaningless without her. I was miserable, and in turn, I caused the same fate in my family. We were all miserable.

The emotional pain I suffered was incomprehensible; however, I never imagined the physical pain of Bella's absence could be so overwhelmingly intense. It crippled me. It felt like my cold, dead heart had been ripped from my stone chest and broken into a million tiny pieces, never to be put back together. I died all over again the moment I left her in that damp and dreary forest near her house.

Death, this time, was exceedingly more painful than it had been the first time I suffered through it. I would gladly face the burning pain of my transformation a thousand times over than to feel the pain of losing my love.

Once I returned home from tracking Victoria, I was incapable of functioning. Tracking was only a temporary distraction. Once home, I sat in my room for weeks on end without moving, staring at the same spot on the wall in front of me. I never noticed the rise and fall of the sun. I paid no attention to the wind or rain pelting the windows. It was all meaningless. I didn't acknowledge my surroundings or the attempts my family made to persuade me to move forward, or just simply to move, if truth be told.

As if I could ever move forward without Bella.

So, I continued to sit there, unmoving, absorbing the pain that I thoroughly deserved. I only hunted when I became so weak that I was unable to fight my family from dragging me with them.

Jasper had been unable to be near me for years. Sadly, I was unable to notice.

For eight years, every thought I had was of Bella and the future she was destined to live. That future didn't happen. It didn't happen because I interfered with her life. I created a mess, and I wasn't sure how to clean it up. I knew I needed to - I just didn't know how.

After Alice and Jasper's meeting with Bella, we had planned on spending time together, but I wasn't interested, so we came home instead. That was hours ago. Since arriving home, I stayed on the leather couch in my room looking out the window. I didn't move. I didn't breathe. I didn't do anything other than replay the events in the parking garage in my head, repeatedly.

I couldn't get the picture out of my mind of that man, Ben, touching her. No, groping her. When he ran his hand up her thigh and cupped her breast, my anger nearly overwhelmed me as my vision turned blazing red. I wanted to tear the door off the car, remove Bella from his touch, and teach him a lesson on how to treat a woman properly. I wanted to kill him for treating her with such disrespect. Even though she appeared to be enjoying herself just as much as he did, it still wasn't right to treat her with such a lack of courtesy in a public area. The way he spoke to her was detestable.

I could only imagine what they were doing right now. No, I didn't want to know what they were doing right now. That thought alone made my granite skin crawl and my stomach churn as if I were to regurgitate its contents.

I didn't like him, and I didn't want him near her. I needed to make sure he wasn't complete scum. I needed to make sure Bella was safe around him. He was a married man, cheating on his wife. With Bella. He couldn't be the most honorable of men. His thoughts alone disturbed me. Images of Bella's naked form under him, writhing in pleasure, as he thrust into her swam through his mind. I didn't need to have Jasper's gift to feel the lust radiating off of him. I could practically see it swirling in the air around him, taste it's bitterness on my tongue. It took every ounce of self restraint I possessed to remain seated in the car. I nearly failed.

"_Edward? How are you doing?"_ Alice thought from her room, a floor below. "_I know this is hard on you but trust me, it's not the end."_ I ignored her.

All night the thoughts of my family invaded my mind. Their thoughts were all the same, filled with concern for me.

For the most part, Alice was blocking me from what transpired in the meeting with Bella, but she slipped a few times. It nearly crushed me when Alice let slip the image of Bella standing with her hand on the doorknob to her office as she said, "I don't want him there when I am." She sounded so angry and hurt in that moment and she had every right to feel that way about me. She had every right to keep her distance from me. I didn't blame her in the least. I would feel the same way. However, I couldn't stay away from her. That simple fact remained. I needed to be near her. I wanted to hear her beautiful voice. I ached to touch her. I longed to kiss her and hold her in my arms again. I desired to love her.

Would I ever be granted the chance to do so?

I continue to sit on the couch in my room thinking of Bella. A few hours later, a soft knock sounded from my door.

"_Can I please come in?"_ Alice thought gently, before opening the door. I glared at her upon her entry. "You would have said yes. I just beat you to it," she said with a grin.

"What do you want, Alice?" I said, annoyed.

"I think we need to talk," she began, "about Bella."

"Honestly Alice. I don't even know where to begin. The entire situation is completely messed up. Bella isn't the same person. She's changed, and not for the better from what I can tell. I hate to say that. I feel like I'm betraying her by doing so, but it seems to be the truth. But God, Alice, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't care if she's different. I need her so much," I said as my voice cracked on the last word.

"I know, Edward. I'm so sorry. I didn't foresee any of this happening, but that doesn't mean it won't work out in the end. I know it will. It will just take some time," she said as I sighed loudly and rubbed my hands roughly over my face.

"The man. Who is he? How can we find out more about him?" I asked.

"Jasper is working on that for me. Although, he seemed nice enough when we saw him in her office, I knew you would want more information. We know his name is Benjamin Woodward and he works on Wall Street, but we don't know what exactly he does, yet. He's married to a model named Natasha, but because of her career, they don't see each other much. She's always traveling. As soon as Jasper knows more, I'll let you know."

"I don't like him," I said through gritted teeth.

"I know, he definitely wasn't a gentleman with her, but seriously Edward, he seemed to care for her, possibly loves her."

"Loves her?" I said incredulously, snapping my head in her direction.

"Yes, I believe he loves her," she said softly. "Jasper felt strong emotions coming from him, but he didn't feel the same emotions coming from Bella. She doesn't return his love."

"So, she's just sleeping with him then. That makes me feel loads better," I said, sarcastically.

"It _should_ make you feel better. It means no one has claimed her heart. It means you have a chance," she said.

"She's in a relationship with someone, Alice. It may only be physical, but it's a relationship with someone, nonetheless."

"I don't think he's the only one, Edward," she said, hesitantly.

"What do you mean he's not the only one?" I spat.

"I mean just that. I don't think Ben is the only man she's in a relationship with. When we were in her office, the scent of another man was present," she paused before continuing, "And the smell of sex was strong. It was recent, perhaps hours before. I could smell the man on her, and it definitely wasn't Ben."

I groaned loudly and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think you need to know everything that's going on. I don't know if there's anyone else or not, but we'll figure everything out."

"I can't handle all of this right now, Alice, please," I begged, "It's bad enough that I can't stop picturing Ben's hands all over her body. I don't want to think of another man doing the same."

"I'm sorry, Edward. Really, I am. I don't want you to be blind sided later on. You need to know. She's not the little, innocent Bella Swan anymore."

"I know," I sighed. "I really messed things up, didn't I? I never should have left her. God, Alice, why didn't I listen to you? Why didn't I listen to all of you? Why didn't I listen to Bella?"

"You were only doing what you thought was best. Yes, you were wrong, and yes, you should have listened to us. That's in the past now. The important thing now is to do what's right. I know you will do the right thing, Edward. Don't worry about the other men. They mean nothing to her. I know they don't. Everything will work out."

I needed to change the subject. The thought of Bella having sex with multiple men was too much for me to handle. I knew she wouldn't have remained innocent forever, but I couldn't deal with the idea of men touching her in a sexual way, or any way for that matter. I should be the only one touching her.

Ben's thoughts of being with Bella flashed through my mind again. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers, trying desperately to rid the image from my mind. I messed everything up by leaving her. I now realized it was the greatest failure of my entire existence. Even if I lived ten thousand years, nothing would be worse than the mistake I made when I left.

"Tell me what happened in her office with you and Jasper. Please, I need to know."

"Really, Edward, not much. She's truly angry, at all of us. It took a while to convince her to work with us. But I can tell she's intrigued, so she eventually agreed. Although, she said she would charge me double for being a pain in her ass," she giggled. "She was trying to hide her feelings from Jasper. He found it quite entertaining actually. She's hurt, but the anger is her predominate emotion," she said as she remembered her conversation with Bella.

"She has every right to be angry."

"Yes, she does, and it's our responsibility to make it better. And we will. I have no doubt about that."

"How, Alice? How can we make it better? She wants absolutely nothing to do with me, and it appears she would rather not be around you, either."

"True, but she agreed. She's curious and I'm going to use that to our advantage. Trust me, Edward, my plan will work," she said as she opened her mind to show me a vision of Bella and me dancing slowly in the park, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, before I leaned down and placed a kiss softly on her lips. I gaped out her, taken back by the vision.

"That will happen sooner than you think, Edward," she said with a genuine smile.

Wanting that vision to come to pass more than anything, I asked, "How do we make it happen?" I needed to make it happen.

"I'm glad you asked," Alice began happily. "It's time to start planning."

And so we did.

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**Oooooh! The B/E reunion is coming up fast! Can you believe it? **

**Please hit the ole Review button down yonder there and send me some luvin' or hatin' or whatever you wish. It makes me write faster. Really.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Well, what the hell do you know. Rason is updating early. Hell surely must have frozen over. Naw, just consider it an early Christmas gift, perhaps? Or maybe not. :) Either way, this is the chapter you all have been waiting for. The reunion. Yes, you heard that right. Bella and Edward run into each other in this chapter. Hmmm, I wonder how that turns out? Let me warn you though, there's some dark shit at the end of this chapter. So beware.**

**This is also the longest chapter so far. I enjoyed writing this one. I've had it planned for a while. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Huge thanks to my betas MaggieCullen and AGirlReckoning. They. Kick. Ass. Just sayin'.  
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**{SM owns all}**

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**Chapter 8

BPOV

My eyes suddenly shot open in confusion. I had been sleeping so soundly - for a change - that I was momentarily disoriented by my surroundings. I rubbed my hands over my face and pressed them against my eyes. I slowly sat up and looked around and realized I was still in my bed, in my darkened room. The city lights were shining brightly through the large windows to my left. Everything seemed normal, so why the hell did I wake up so abruptly? Glancing to my right, I read the glowing red numbers on my alarm clock. 5:18 am. Fucking Hell it was early. It was Saturday, so I didn't need to be up for a few more hours. I took a deep breath and slumped back against the pillows on my bed, thankful for the opportunity for a bit more sleep. After last night, I really fucking needed it.

A noise coming from the kitchen of my apartment instantly caught my attention. _What the fuck?_ _Was Ben still here?_ I was sure he left last night after he thoroughly worked my body to release multiple times. My girly parts were still throbbing due to his skillful tongue and magical cock. Did I only dream he left? Huh. I remember specifically telling him to go home to Natasha since she was in town for a few days. It would do him well to have listened to me. Apparently, though, that didn't happen. He always was a stubborn fuck.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up as I grabbed my robe to cover my still naked body. I pulled the soft, silky material over my shoulders and fastened the tie loosely at the front. My legs felt weak as I stumbled across the room to the closed door. Stepping out into the hall, I could tell there was a light coming from the direction of the kitchen.

Ben was about to get a piece of my goddamn mind. How dare he stay when I told him to leave. Natasha would be beyond pissed if he wasn't there when she got home. Shit. Just what I needed, a pissy-ass wife on my hands. I knew he would rather stay with me than go home to her, but I wouldn't let him. I didn't fucking want him to stay. I had plans for the few days that he was with her. Plans that so happened to be namedJack Mitchell.

I hadn't seen Jack in several weeks and I was looking forward to it. He was into some seriously kinky shit. Leather restraints, floggers, nipple clamps, blindfolds; you name it, Jack's into it. Jack was a Dom and I would gladly play his submissive for a few days. The simple thought of what was to come had my body aching for his attention. I wouldn't let Ben fuck it up.

With that in mind, I quietly walked across the living room toward the kitchen. When I turned the corner, I froze. Standing not even ten feet in front of me was the last person I thought I would see this morning.

"Good morning, Bella!" she said happily.

"Alice? What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat harshly, while taking in the mess that was now my kitchen. What the hell was she doing in here? I noticed a cookbook open on the counter and that she was wearing an apron that was covered in flour. Apples were scattered on every surface of the room.

"I'm making pie," she exclaimed proudly.

"Pie?"

"Yes, Bella. Pie. Apple pie."

"Why the fuck are you in my apartment, at five fucking thirty in the morning, making pie?"

"What? Don't you like pie, Bella? I thought humans loved pie," she said as she started to frown.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Alice? How the hell did you get in here anyway?"

"Oh, it was easy. I picked your lock," she said nonchalantly like it was an everyday occurrence for her, which probably wasn't far from the truth. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"You fucking broke into my home, destroyed the hell out of my kitchen, and you expect me to be goddamn happy to see you?" I mean, I know vampires don't sleep, but could she really expect me to be chipper at 5:30 am?

"Come on, Bella, it's not that bad. I wanted to do something nice for you, to say thank you. We're friends right? Friends do these sort of things."

"No, stalkers do this sort of thing," I snapped, which only made Alice giggle.

"You know you love me, Bella," she laughed as she walked toward me with her arms stretched wide, preparing to give me a hug. I jumped back before she had the chance to touch me. She looked at me with a curious expression on her perfect heart shaped face, then looked down at the soiled apron that clung to her small frame. "Oh, sorry. I'm a bit of a mess, aren't I? This pie making business is harder than it looks," she snickered as she removed the apron and gently placed it on the counter next to the open cookbook. Before I could respond, her arms encased me in a tight hug.

"How do you know where I live, Alice? Did you follow me? And how the hell did you get past the doorman? He shouldn't have let you up here," I said as she released me. I was a little angry that she was able to bypass all the security my building prides itself on.

"No, I didn't follow you, Bella. It wasn't hard to find out where you live. We have our way of finding things out," she said.

"Of course you do," I mumbled.

"It wasn't hard to sneak up here either. Your doorman was really nice when I spoke to him. He just didn't see when I snuck into the elevator," she giggled.

"Do you stalk many people, Alice, or am I the only lucky one?"

"Just you, Bella. But I knew you would be okay with me being here. Eventually," she said while tapping her temple.

I bypassed Alice and walked over to the large stainless steel refrigerator and opened the door to grab a bottle of water. I opened the bottle and took a sip. Glancing back at her, I realized I wasn't as angry at her sudden appearance as I should have been. That worried me.

"Why are you here, Alice?" I asked, not wanting her to know my realization.

"I said I wanted to thank you. I really meant it when I said it means a lot to me that you are helping me. I have missed you. So much. I just wanted to see you again," she said with sadness in her golden eyes.

I sighed loudly and looked around at the pie mess that was scattered around my kitchen. It was painfully obvious that Alice didn't spend time in this particular sort of room. It was going to take me an hour to clean everything up. I scowled at the thought.

Noticing my expression, Alice said, "Oh, I probably should clean this up, huh?" Suddenly she was a blur of motion. My eyes were unable to focus on her for more than a second at a time. The experience was making me lightheaded, so I closed my eyes. For a few moments I was only able to feel a slight breeze pass by me and when I reopened my eyes, the kitchen was once again spotless.

"That's much better," she said. "Why don't you go shower and get dressed. I'll wait."

I nodded my head in reply and turned to leave, knowing there was no way I could manage to get rid of Alice Cullen when she didn't want to leave. "Fine."

"The pie will be ready shortly," she exclaimed cheerfully.

Twenty minutes later, I was freshly showered and dressed. I walked slowly back toward the kitchen, my hair still damp and hanging loosely down my back. In a way, I secretly hoped that I had dreamed that Alice broke into my apartment, but I knew that was unlikely. I didn't know how to react to the situation. Actually, I was torn between being pissed off at her and being thankful for her reappearance in my life. I couldn't let her know that, though.

Upon entering the kitchen, I noticed Alice was on the phone, and speaking so low and fast that I was unable to discern what she was saying. I rolled my eyes and pulled out a stool that sat at the breakfast bar, waiting for her to finish. With a dazzling smile, she quietly handed me a plate with a piece of apple pie on it. Not wanting to be a bitch for once, I took a few bites and was surprised by how good it tasted. Since when did vampires know how to fucking cook, I wondered. When she was finished speaking on the phone, she turned to me with determined look on her face.

"Okay, here's the deal, Bella. I know we planned to meet later in the week, and for you to then come out to the house to see the space. However, the sun will be out that day, so we will be staying out of sight. So, we need to change things around a bit. We can't come into the city then, so I thought we could do it all today instead," she said. I just glared at her. I fucking had plans.

Sensing my dilemma, she continued, "Look, I know what you were planning to do this weekend. And I know it's not my place to judge, and I promise I'm not doing that, but I think you should know this man, whoever he is, is planning on bringing a few friends with him today. Do you seriously want that, Bella?"

It wasn't the first time that Jack had included a friend or two to watch our activities, and I honestly didn't fucking mind, but how was I supposed to tell Alice this without looking like a complete whore? For the most part, I didn't care what people thought about what I did behind closed doors, but for some reason it bothered me knowing the Cullen's knew that information due to Alice and her freaky ass gift. I simply continued to sit there and glare at her.

Buying some time so I could think, I asked her the first thing that popped into my head. "Was that Jasper on the phone?" I asked and a sad expression came over her face.

"No, it wasn't Jasper," she said softly.

I instantly knew she had been speaking to Edward. I opened my mouth to speak, but she raised her hand to silence me.

"If you come today, he won't be there, Bella. He's going hunting with Emmett, Tanya, Kate and Irina. The Denalis arrived last night and will be visiting us for a little while. So you have nothing to worry about. You won't see him. He'll stay away."

"I don't know, Alice." Just the thought of Edward made my heart rate increase.

"He won't be there," she repeated. "Please, Bella. I know I haven't been a good friend to you over the last eight years and I want to make that up to you. I want to spend time with you. Please," she said as her bottom lip pouted out. Alice was a master at manipulating people to do as she wished. She was using all her tricks at the moment.

"Son of a bitch," I groaned.

"Yay! Thank you, Bella! I promise we'll have a great time."

"I didn't fucking say yes, Alice," I exclaimed.

"No, but you will," she smiled.

"Shit. What fucking ever. I need to make a phone call," I said as I stood up and promptly left the room. It looked like I had to cancel my plans with Jack. He was going to be pissed.

After I placed a call to Jack, I sent Natalie a text message telling her I would be working with the Cullens that day instead of later in the week. Then I found myself in the elevator with Alice and heading for the parking garage.

"Did you drive?" I asked her.

"No, I didn't. So we'll need to take your car. Is that alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just over here," I said as I pushed a button on the keypad to unlock my car.

"Wow, Bella. I'm impressed," Alice said as we approached my car. "You really have changed. I'm just glad you aren't driving that thing you called a truck," she said with a disgusted shiver. I rolled my eyes at her as I slipped into the driver's seat. I breathed in the rich leather smell and melted into the soft and comfortable seat. Moments later we were on our way.

For the most part, we sat in silence. I wouldn't quite call it a comfortable silence, but it wasn't awkward either. Occasionally, Alice would try to engage me in conversation. I answered her questions, but didn't try to elaborate too much.

"Tell me about NYU, Bella," she said.

"What's there to say, really? It's just like any other college, I suppose. You've been to college many times, Alice. So you know what it's like," I answered vaguely, not wanting to fill her in on my college years of alcohol, drugs, and sex. I was surprised I actually made it through it all.

"Yes, I have. But it was your first time going. Did you enjoy it?"

"Um, I guess. It's all sort of a blur for me now, though. Can we talk about something else? Please?"

"Sure. Tell me about Ben," she prompted and I inwardly groaned. Of course she would ask about Ben.

"Well, we've been friends for a while. We met shortly after I arrived in New York," I offered.

"Friends, Bella? You mean friends with benefits?" she giggled.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that," I sighed. "He's a good man," I added quietly, knowing she would hear. In all honesty, Ben was a very good person. He had a huge heart and truly cared about people. He always treated people with respect. It was the reason I first had an interest in him all those years ago. He saved me in more ways than one.

"I could see that. He seems to really care about you. Do you love him?"

Ah, the million fucking dollar question. As if I hadn't heard that one before.

"No, Alice. I don't love him." I didn't love him. At times I felt bad because I was unable to return the sentiment. Love wasn't a part of my life anymore. It hurt to know that I was incapable of it. I couldn't love anymore and I knew I would never love again. Ben understood, but I still didn't feel right about it. It fucking hurt to know how goddamned damaged I was. However, I was unable to let him go, being the selfish bitch that I was. I needed him.

"He loves you though," she stated. When I didn't reply she muttered, "That's what I thought."

Silence fell over us once more as we drove out of the city toward Kingston. After what seemed like hours, we were pulling up in front of the Cullen's mansion. It was massive. Much larger than the house back in Forks. It was very beautiful and old. Ivy crept up the french exterior, covering the expanse of aged stone and brick. Large wooden beams framed the spacious front porch and carved wooden double doors. Large pots filled with the most beautiful and fragrant flowers sat along the front of the three story house. Other flowers adorned the many wrought iron window boxes that graced the home. The yard was perfectly manicured, with a thick and lush lawn. The house was everything I expected of a Cullen residence. Elaborate and yet elegant, to the extreme.

I grabbed my bag as I stepped out of the car and we headed up the flagstone path that lead to the porch. Before I was able to climb the first step, the door opened and before me stood Carlisle and Esme, smiling brightly.

"It's so good to see you, Bella," Esme said as she embraced me in a tight hug. I couldn't deny it, I had missed Esme. I had always thought of her as a mother to me. It hurt deeply when she was gone from my life.

"Hello, Bella. We've missed you," Carlisle said as he also hugged me.

"It's good to see you, too," I said to them both, really meaning it. I didn't realize how much I had missed them until I laid eyes upon them.

"Please, come in," Esme said softly with a smile.

Walking into the home, I was hit with a sense of familiarity. The foyer was large and opened to an expansive living room. To the right was a grand curving staircase that lead to the upper floors. To the left was a beautiful ebony, grand piano. The interior reminded me much of their home in Forks. Everything was white, except for Edward's piano. White walls, white furniture, white accessories. In true Cullen fashion, the back wall of the house was made of glass with glorious views of the forest that lay beyond.

Looking toward Esme, I said, "This is very beautiful."

"Thank you, dear. I've been working hard to update it. It's been many years since we've been here."

She gave me a quick tour of other rooms on the first floor before we walked into the kitchen area. Esme had always had a knack for exquisite design. In fact, she was my original inspiration. Not that I would let her know that, of course. I placed my bag down next to the counter and took in the monumental space. It really was beautiful.

"Come on, Bella. I'll show you where you'll be working," Alice said brightly as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs.

"Hold on a minute, Alice. I need to grab a few things first," I replied, and I took the needed items out of my bag. A moment later she was practically carrying me up the stairs. Once we reached the second floor, she headed down the long hallway to the very last door on the right. She slowly pushed the door open and we walked in. The room was extremely large and completely empty. I would be starting from scratch, and that made me happy.

"So, I was thinking that we could tear down this wall over here and that would double the size of the room," Alice said as she walked to aforementioned wall and placed her hand upon it. "The bathroom is through that door and it needs a complete remodel. It's absolutely horrendous! Orange tile, Bella. Can you believe it? I refuse to go in there. And to think _that_ used to be in style," she said with a shudder while pointing a finger in the direction of the bathroom, as if the room had offended her in some way.

I walked over to the bathroom and paused in the doorway before bursting into laughter. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was worse. So much fucking worse. Suddenly, I understood Alice's reaction to the room. I never would have thought something like that would ever be seen in a Cullen home. It was a monstrosity. Orange tile covered the floor and the interior of the shower. The walls were an avocado green with bright yellow curtains draping over the large windows in the room. The sun must have come out, because it was now shining across the room. The bathtub and sink were brown. The counter was a mustard yellow color that resembled something that came out of a baby. Holy Hell, it really was ugly. It looked like the fucking seventies threw up all over it. The idea of Alice spending any amount of time in that room was simply hysterical. After I composed myself, I turned around to see a horrified expression of Alice's face, which only made me laugh more.

"See, Bella, what did I tell you? It's...it's just horrible. Jazz and I didn't use this room the last time we were here, obviously. Emmett did this as a joke, and it's just...just...GAH, Bella. I can't live like this!" she whined as she stomped her foot like a child.

"Don't worry, Alice. It won't look like the same room once I'm done with it," I said. "Although, I think it should win some type of fucking award for being the world's ugliest bathroom. Maybe I should send a picture of it to Oprah," I teased.

"It's not funny, Bella," she snapped, and I started to laugh again. It so was fucking funny.

We spent a few hours longer in the space discussing ideas. I couldn't deny it, I was going to enjoy this project for number of reasons. Alice and I seemed to be on the same page, and the fact that there were no budget restrictions made it all the better. I needed to get back to the office so I could start designing.

"Alright Alice, I'm going to head back to the office and get started on this. I'll give you a call soon, okay?"

"Okay, Bella. I'm really excited about everything. We'll have to go shopping soon, right?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes, Alice. Shopping is definitely in our future. We have lots to buy for this room."

Alice squealed and embraced me in a huge hug. "Thank you, Bella. For everything."

"No problem, Alice," I said before heading out to the hallway, toward the stairs. I found that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her and I was looking forward to more.

Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I started to walk toward the kitchen to grab my bag so I could leave. Before I made it to the room, however, I heard a voice I had never heard before.

"Come on, baby. Let's go upstairs for a while and have some fun," the female voice said, seductively.

I continued toward the kitchen and abruptly stopped upon entering the room. Standing on the other side of the large kitchen island stood a woman with long, strawberry blonde hair and even longer legs. She was wearing a tight red shirt and a short black skirt that barely covered her ass. Her arms held tightly around the neck of the man before her. His hands rested on top of her shoulders. With the way they were standing, it was impossible to see his face, but it was obvious that they were kissing. I must have gasped audibly, because they instantly pulled apart and I was then staring at his face. His golden eyes were wide with shock. His copper hair in a messy disarray.

He was more beautiful than I remembered.

"Bella," Edward said, breathlessly, stepping around the beautiful woman he had moments before held in his arms. She scowled in my direction, clearly irritated with the interruption.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," I said hastily as I grabbed my bag. I quickly turned on my heel and headed toward the door. I had to get the fuck out of there. Alice fucking tricked me. She said he wouldn't be there. Fuck! My heart was pounding in my chest and I knew he could hear it. Fucking traitor heart. I swung open the front door and bolted outside.

"Bella, wait!" he said as I made it off the porch. I ignored him as I continue to half walk, half run to my car.

"Please, Bella. It's not what you think," he pleaded.

"It doesn't matter what I fucking think, Edward. You can do whatever the hell you want," I said, harshly, as I approached my car. I reached for the handle to open the door, but his hand stopped me by lightly grabbing my wrist. An electrical current shot up my arm at his cool touch. It was the same sensation I had always felt when he touched me. Only now, it seemed stronger. Much stronger. I looked up at him and I had to stifle a gasp at his sparkling beauty.

"Stop, please. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. Now let me go," I demanded. He instantly let go of my wrist and ran his hand through is unruly hair. I opened the door to my car and threw my bag inside. Then I made the mistake of looking back up at him. His eyes were clearly tortured as they gazed into my own.

"Bella...," he started, but seemed at a loss for words. His right hand reached out as if he wanted to touch my face, but then it dropped back down to his side.

"Edward, darling, come back inside." We both looked up to see the beautiful strawberry blonde standing on the porch.

"Not now, Tanya," he nearly growled.

So that was the infamous Tanya. I should have known they would be together. She was always chasing after him. She was able to offer him everything I was unable to. I was nothing to him. I knew that. Pain ripped through my chest as the old wounds tore open again. Why did he have this effect on me?

"Go back to your girl," I said as I gave him one last glance and got into the driver's seat and slammed the door. He slowly backed away as I started the car. Seconds later, I was heading down the long driveway, away from Edward. I looked in the rear view mirror to see his head in his hands with Alice standing next to him rubbing his back. I can't believe the fucking little pixie lied to me.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Once I was on the highway, I sped up hitting near one hundred miles per hour before I even realized it. It felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest. My breathing was rapid and shallow, sweat formed on my brow and I was visibly shaking. The nausea and dizziness was nearly overwhelming. I was clearly having a panic attack and I needed to calm the hell down. I quickly slammed on the brakes and swerved to the side of the road. I reached for my bag and rummaged through it looking for something that would help. When I realized that I left my Valium at home, the panic I was feeling greatly intensified. How the hell was I going to make it back in to the city in this condition?

Shit!

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white with the exertion. I laid my head back on the headrest and tried to take several deep long breaths. I had to do something to calm down so I could make it back home. If I could just make it back to the city I could do something to relax myself. However, I was helpless where I was.

I don't know how long I sat there trying to control my breathing. The sun had started to set when I finally opened my eyes and looked around. I was finally starting to calm down. I decided to attempt to make it back, so I put the car in gear and once again took off.

The drive was miserable. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Knowing that he moved on was worse than I ever imagined it would be. I always thought he would have found someone else, but having proof nearly did me in. I couldn't take it. I needed to do something to take my mind off of what just happened. I needed to get my mind off of him.

Miraculously, I made it back into the city without any further incident. I knew where I needed to go, so I quickly headed in that direction. I hated coming to this area. It was extremely creepy, but I knew this was the only way. I drove down the darkened streets until I arrived in front of the dilapidated building I needed. I parked the car on the side of the road and quickly got out, locking the door as I went. I walked across the sidewalk and knocked on the rusted metal door. Litter surrounded the entire area and something that looked like blood was splattered on the walls. Moments later, the door creaked open and a rough looking man with a shaved head stood before me. He had piercings and tattoos covering his face and body.

"Well, what do we have here? Hello there, sugar," the beady eyed man said, with a slight southern accent, as his eyes slowly ran up and down my body. I suppressed a shudder at his tone. "I'm Rabbit."

Rabbit? Was he fucking serious?

"Is Damon available?" I asked.

"He sure is, sugar, but maybe I could help you instead."

"That won't be necessary. Please let Damon know Isabella is here."

"If you insist, but you don't know what you're missing," he said with a shrug as he grabbed his crotch, stroking himself a little through his grimy jeans. "I'll be right back. While I'm gone, why don't you change your mind about my help, sugar," Then he shut the door. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked around, hoping this didn't take too long.

A few minutes later the door opened and Rabbit reappeared. "Follow me, sugar," he said and started to walk down the dark hall beyond the door. I quickly followed him. As we walked, I noticed a gun sticking out of the back of his pants. He lead me to a small room at the end of the hall. The only light came from a single bulb in the ceiling. The room was dim and dirty. The walls had years worth of grime covering their surface. I looked around and my eyes found the person I was looking for.

"Isabella, it's good to see you again. It's been too long," Damon said.

"Hello, Damon. How have you been?"

"I've been wonderful. What can I get for you today?" he said, cutting to the chase. Damon never was one to beat around the bush.

"I need some blow."

"How much?"

"A gram will be fine."

"No problem. Let me go get it for you. Rabbit stay here and make sure Isabella is...comfortable," he said and left the room through a door in the corner.

"Yes, sir," Rabbit replied.

The room was then quiet and Rabbit's eyes never left my body. He just continued to eye fuck me. Creepy was the understatement of the goddamn year. My skin started to crawl under his watchful eye. If it wasn't for Damon, I would be deathly afraid of being in the same room, alone, with Rabbit. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long. About five minutes passed when the corner door reopened and Damon walked back into the room and made his way to my side.

"Here you go, Isabella. This is some of my best stuff," he said as he handed me a little baggy.

"Thanks, Damon," I said as I handed him a wad of cash and pocketed the baggy full of white powder.

"No problem. Come back if you need more," he said as he lead me back to the front door.

I smiled at him and headed back to my car. Once I was situated behind the wheel, with the doors locked, I took off, wanting to get out of the damn area as fast as I could. I drove quickly back to my apartment.

Once inside, I headed straight for the kitchen. I pulled out one of the stools at the bar and sat down. I reached over and grabbed the wallet out of my bag, pulled out a credit card and a bill. I poured some of the cocaine out onto the counter, then used the credit card to straighten it into a couple of lines. I took the bill and rolled it up tightly. Leaning over, I placed the bill to my nose and snorted one of the lines quickly. I sat back for a moment, wiping my nose and sniffing slightly. Then I bent back down and snorted the second line.

The effect was immediate and just what I needed. My heart rate picked up dramatically while a sense of euphoria coursed through my body. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warming sensation that overtook me. I finally felt better. Nothing could fucking hurt me now, I thought.

I laid the bill down and stood up. I walked over to the refrigerator and opened the freezer door. It took me a minute to find what I was searching for, but once I found it I grabbed it and pulled it out. Walking back over to the stool, I opened the bottle of Grey Goose and took a long swig. I knew it wasn't really a good idea to mix the two, but at the moment I really didn't give a fuck. I just wanted to forget.

And forget I did.

I sat there for an unknown amount of time, drinking vodka and enjoying the effects of the coke. When I started to come down, I grabbed the baggy and poured more powder out for a couple more lines. Once again, I felt invincible.

Nothing could fucking touch me.

I continued this course until all the cocaine ran out. When I started to come down, I hit hard and started to freak out again. I stood up, grabbed the Grey Goose and stumbled my way into the bathroom to grab my Valium. I popped the lid on the bottle and poured the pills into my mouth. Instead of swallowing them whole, I quickly chewed them up and washed them down with the vodka. I had no idea how many I took, but I stood there for a while until the pills took effect. Once they did, I started to feel lightheaded and it was becoming hard for me to remain upright. I knew I probably took too much. The combination of cocaine, vodka and Valium was a deadly mixture. I decided I needed to call Ben. He was always there for me.

I attempted to walk back toward the kitchen where my phone was still in my bag, stumbling down the hall on my way. Swaying a little, I had to grab onto the wall to prevent myself from falling. It had been a long time since I felt this fucked up. Halfway through the living room, the dizziness became too much.

The next thing I knew, I was laying face down on the floor in a puddle of clear liquid. The bottle of vodka shattered and glass fragments surrounded and covered my body. I tried to get back up but was unsuccessful. My eyes grew heavy and I fought to remain conscious.

It didn't take long for the darkness to take me, and then I knew no more.

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**GASP! Oh Bella what the fuck are we going to do with you? You're such a goddamn mess.  
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**If you liked this chapter hit that little button down there and review. Please. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Holy long ass motherfucking chapter, Batman! This one killed me. Died me completely. I feel so bad for Edward at the moment. I want to pull him into my bed and spoon with him to make it all better. Poor guy. More angst coming your way. UGH.**

**I want to thank everyone that reviewed the last chapter and all of you that put me on alert. It means the world to me. Really. **

**HUGE MEGA THANKS to my killer betas, Maggie Cullen and theswandive (formerly known as AGirlReckoning). I don't know what I would do without them. They are seriously the BEST betas out there. You should be jealous that they are mine, because they are that awesome. And I'm not sharing.  
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**Don't get too use to these long chapters. K?  
**

**{As always, SM owns all. Craptastic.}**

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Chapter 9

EPOV

It was a little before four in the morning and Alice and I were driving down the darkened highway into the city. According to Alice, phase one of her plan was set to begin. She was armed with the ammunition she would need to pull off this particular stage, which turned out to be a plethora of foul smelling human food. Nothing smelled worse than refined sugar to a vampire, and Alice's large bag was loaded with the disgusting substance. I made sure to keep the windows down in my car as we drove to keep the stench from permanently infecting the interior. She was excited and confident that the plan would work. I had to be honest, however; I was a bit worried. No, I was a lot worried, if truth be told. Unfortunately for me, it seemed like this plan was the best chance I had at having Bella back in my life. Therefore, I had no choice but to acquiesce. I was willing to do anything to have her in my arms again. I needed her.

Alice didn't divulge all her secrets, and she was successfully protecting her mind from me, but she constantly assured me that everything would work out. For the time, my only job was to chauffeur her around and then keep my distance from Bella. I could deal with that. If I had to. I just had to remind myself of the end result. I truly hoped Alice's plan worked. However, giving control over to Alice was quite difficult for me. I trusted my sister completely, but I felt helpless with the entire situation. Knowing I had to be patient wasn't really helping matters. I wanted Bella now. I needed to know she was safe and I wanted her to once again be mine.

Luckily, according to Alice, the weather would be cooperating with us for a change. I never thought I would see the day where I would be happy to view the sun shining brightly on the horizon and be thankful for the imprisonment it yielded. Alice would use this bit of fortune to persuade Bella to make the trip to our home today instead of later in the week.

As we drove, I let my mind begin to wonder. I decided, for the time being, to put the thoughts I was having about Bella and other men out of my mind. As Alice so bluntly stated, constantly thinking about it would only drive me crazy and what good would that do? I was reminded multiple times that we didn't particularly need a crazy vampire around. So, as difficult as it was, I let those thoughts go. For now. Instead I let my mind begin to daydream of Bella. I pictured us laying in our meadow back in Forks with her head on my chest, my arms wrapped around her tightly and her soft breathing indicating that she was sleeping. I imagined burying my face in her hair and breathing deeply her phenomenal scent of freesia, lavender, and strawberries. For once, I was thankful of my infallible vampiric memory. I was able to fully recall the way her soft skin and silky hair felt under my fingertips. I could remember the feel of her soft lips pressed against my own and her glorious taste on my tongue. These were the memories I recalled often throughout the years. They helped sustain my pathetic existence. If it were not for these memories, I'm sure I would have wasted away.

Once we pulled up in front of Bella's building, I looked around taking note of the area. I quickly realized that she lived in one of the more expensive buildings in the city and once again I felt pride at her accomplishments. She was never one for the finer or expensive things in life. I always contributed that to her lack of resources growing up. She despised when I spent money on her, even though I had more than enough for several human lifetimes. There were countless times I wished she would allow me to lavish her with gifts. On more than one occasion I wished to purchase her a new car because I detested the dilapidated truck she drove. It wasn't fit for the worst of society let alone an angel like Bella. She absolutely refused every time I mentioned my desires to her. However, from the looks of it, Bella's tastes had finally changed.

"Okay, Edward, just drop me off and head back to the house. We should be there later this afternoon. Make sure you are completely out of sight. Bella does not need to see you today. It could ruin everything. Got it? Go hunting or something," Alice instructed.

"I will make sure to keep my distance, Alice."

"Good. And watch out for Tanya. She's planning something. I just can't tell what it is. She keeps changing her mind."

I groaned loudly. I really wasn't in the mood to tolerate Tanya today. My mood instantly darkened the moment I realized she and her sisters were coming to visit. Most of the time Tanya was harmless; however, the last few times I had seen her that wasn't the case. She seemed even more determined to seduce me and it was only getting worse. She was beginning to get quite forward in her approach. For some reason, she was incapable of understanding that I simply was not interested. At all. There would only ever be one person for me, and it most definitely wasn't Tanya. I would never and could never be what Tanya wanted me to be.

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," I sighed as Alice opened the door and stepped out of the car. She leaned back in for a moment and gave me a bright smile.

_It will all work out in the end, Edward, _she added silently. I nodded my head as she shut the door and started to walk toward the entry to the building. I put the car in gear and took off before she made it inside. It was killing me that I was this close to Bella and unable to see her. I wanted nothing more than to walk into her apartment myself and grovel for her forgiveness. I would happily spend the rest of eternity trying to make up for my past indiscretions if she would allow me to do so.

The drive back home didn't seem to take too long and I once again allowed myself to daydream of Bella during the journey. So much had changed over the last eight years. Bella had changed. But that didn't matter to me, I loved all of her regardless of the events that caused her alteration. I couldn't deny it, I was greatly intrigued by her still. I would do anything for the chance to reacquaint myself to her. I was certain that under her hardened exterior, the amazing person I loved still existed.

Once I arrived back home, I pulled my car into the garage. Even though I now drove a different car than I had when we lived in Forks, it was still a Volvo, and I'm sure Bella would realize that it was mine. Therefore, I needed to make sure it was also out of sight. As soon as the car was safely inside, I opened the door and walked into the house. I entered through the kitchen and made my way into the living room to speak with Emmett.

"Hey bro, you're back soon," he stated as soon as I entered the room.

"Well, there was no reason for me to stick around."

"What do you think the little pixie has up her sleeve?" he asked.

"I'm not completely sure, but I know she will be bringing Bella back here later this afternoon, so I need to make myself scarce. You up for a little hunting?"

"Sure thing, Eddie. Let me say goodbye to Rose and we can head out," he said as he stood up from the couch and walked toward the stairs. He quickly ghosted to the second floor and made his way to his and Rosalie's bedroom to say his goodbye.

I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Alice's number. The wait was killing me. I needed to know what was going on.

"You annoying twit, Edward. Everything is fine. Let me do my job here. Okay?" Alice spat into the phone.

"Sorry, Alice. I'm just anxious. How is she?" I asked.

"She's perfect. She was a little surprised when she saw me in her kitchen, but she got over it. She's just finished getting ready. We should still be there this afternoon. Everything is going as planned."

"Thank you, Alice. For everything."

"You're welcome. Now stop being a pest and leave me alone. Here she is. I need to go. Don't forget, watch out for Tanya. I still can't see what she has up her sleeve, so be on alert, okay?

"I will. Thanks again, Alice," I said and hung up the phone.

"Edward? Do you mind if we come with you? It's been a while since we've hunted," Kate asked as she entered the room.

"No, Kate. I don't mind," I said reluctantly, knowing Esme would be unhappy if I was impolite to our guests. I would much rather they did not come. I wanted to speak with Emmett in private, but now that would have to wait. I glanced over just as Tanya and Irina walked over to stand next to Kate. Tanya had a devious smirk on her face, but her thoughts were relatively innocent. It instantly worried me. This wouldn't be good.

"Okay, bro. Let's roll," Emmett boomed as he ran back down the stairs. Moments later, the five of us were heading out the door and running toward the forest behind our house. We ran east for a while until we were deep in the woods. It took a few hours before we were able to find anything suitable.

New York didn't have the best wildlife population, but it kept us acceptably nourished. Therefore, I was pleasantly surprised when I encountered a large bull moose this far south. I instantly sprang forward and captured the animal before it realized I was there. I placed my hands on either side of its head and quickly snapped its neck. Its body became lifeless just as I lowered my head to its neck and sank my teeth into its fur and flesh. The warm blood gushed into my mouth and I greedily gulped it down. Once the moose was drained I tossed it to the side and stood up.

"Dude, that was a huge one. It had to be more than 1200 pounds," I heard Emmett say from behind me. I turned around to see him leaning up against a tree. Blood and dirt covered his shirt and jeans. He was always a messy eater.

"Yes, it was. I'd like to find a few more of them around here. It looks like you found something enjoyable," I said with a smirk.

"Just a black bear, but she was pretty fierce. I didn't see any cubs around, but she definitely acted like a mad mama bear. She was fun, but I miss the grizzlies," he said as I laughed at him. Emmett made sure before we moved to the area that he would complain of the lack of grizzly population every chance he got. He kept to his word. We would need to make a special hunting trip to Canada for him soon so he could get his fix.

"Come on, I'm sure we can find some white tail deer around here," I said, laughing harder. Emmett loathed deer because they didn't put up much of a fight.

"Now you're just being mean, Edward," he smirked as we began our search. We ran a short distance and came to the crest of a hill. We looked down into the valley below and saw Kate, Irina and Tanya obliterating a small herd of deer. As soon as she caught our scent, Tanya glanced up at us. That devious smirk was back on her face as she started to walk in our direction.

_Dude, this can't be good for you, bro_. _Can her clothes get any tighter?_ Emmett thought as he took in Tanya's appearance. I hadn't realized what she was wearing before we left. I think it would be nearly impossible for her to be wearing less clothing. I groaned again and unfortunately she heard me, mistaking my distress as desire.

"Hello, Edward," she said seductively. _See something you like? You can have anything you see. I'll make it worth it. I promise. Let's find a quiet place to have some fun,_ she added quietly.

"I'm not interested, Tanya," I said coldly, wishing she would leave me alone.

_You can't deny me forever. Just give in to your desires, Edward. I can do all the work. You just need to lay there and enjoy what I do to you. I can work wonders with my tongue alone. Let me use it all over your body. Let me taste you. I want you to come in my mouth before I fuck you. It will be the best experience you'll ever have. _

I narrowed my eyes and glared at her. I couldn't believe she could be so crass. I started to turn so I could walk away, but her thoughts once again invaded my mind.

_Just think about how good we would be together, Edward. I could show you so much. I can give you pleasure you've never known before. I want my mouth around your cock. I want you to fuck me so hard until I scream out in ecstasy. We can start slow. Give us a chance._

I ignored her and looked at Emmett. The look on his face said he knew exactly what she was thinking. He didn't need the ability to read minds to understand it. It was written all over her face. I simply shook my head and started to run back toward the house. I knew Bella would be there, so I decided to sneak in and jump in my car and leave before she had a chance to know I was there. I had every intention of keeping my distance from her until the time was right, but I had to get away from Tanya and her unwanted advances.

Emmett was right behind me as we ran. We made it back to our property in record time. As soon as the house was in view we both paused for a moment at the sight that lay before us.

"Damn, it that Bella's car?" Emmett wondered. We made our way closer to the house, and the beautiful shiny black car that sat in front of it. It was covered in Bella's scent, so obviously it was hers. "Fuck, Edward. It looks like Bella has grown up and gotten a real car. Still a Chevy, but hell, that's a hot ass car. Can you believe this shit? She has a fucking ZR1 3ZR Vette. That's top of the line shit right there. She had to have spent over a hundred and twenty grand for this baby. A bit of an upgrade from the piece of shit truck she use to drive, wouldn't you say, bro?" he said as he ran his finger over the hood. I was a little taken back to be perfectly honest. I never would have pictured Bella in a car like this.

"She also has a Mercedes, remember?" I said to Emmett as we gawked at the car in front of us. True, it wasn't the foreign sports cars that I normally admired, but nonetheless, it was a beautiful piece of American machinery.

"Damn, Edward. Didn't Alice say she lived in some swanky ass apartment too? How much money does she have now?"

"I have no idea," I replied, once again intrigued by her. "But I don't have the time to figure it out right now, Em. I have to get out of here before Bella sees me."

"Right. Scat, Eddie. Be gone with you," he chuckled as I made my way to the door of the house. He remained outside to admire Bella's car for a bit longer. He always had a thing for American made vehicles.

I made my way into the front door and headed across the foyer toward the kitchen. I was able to hear Alice and Bella discussing the room upstairs. They were making various plans and other design decisions. I tuned them out as I made my way across the room. I knew that I wouldn't be caught if I hurried.

I stepped into the kitchen and froze. Tanya was standing in the middle of the room blocking my path to the door that lead to the garage, and to my car. I walked toward her in the hopes that she would let me pass. I should have known better. In an instant she was pressing her body up against mine. When I felt her hand rub my crotch, I cringed and lost my temper. I grabbed onto her shoulders to push her away.

"Tanya, do not touch me. I am not interested in anything you have to offer. I wish you would understand that. Please stop," I spat at her.

"Come on, baby. Let's go upstairs for a while and have some fun," she said, ignoring my previous statement. She was unrelenting in her pursuit. The next thing I knew, she flung her arms around my neck and pulled my face to hers. Her lips crushed against my own. It felt wrong. My stomach churned and it almost felt like I could retch when her tongue slipped out of her mouth and tried to force entry between my lips. My grip on her shoulders increased. I knew I would have to use force to get her off of me. Before I was able to push her away I heard a quiet gasp from behind her. I pushed on Tanya's shoulders hard to get her away from me and looked behind her. There stood Bella, in the doorway to the kitchen, with a look of shock on her face. How could I have been so stupid? I didn't even hear her come down the stairs. I was too wrapped up in trying to divert Tanya that I hadn't been paying attention.

I roughly pushed Tanya aside and started to walk toward Bella.

"Bella," I said breathlessly. She looked beautiful and it was hard for me to resist scooping her up into my arms. Behind me, Tanya was silently fuming.

_Seriously Edward? You would take that human over me? She's nothing special._ _She doesn't even want you._

Again, I ignored her. My only thoughts were of the beautiful woman standing in front of me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Bella said quickly as she bent down to pick up her bag. She abruptly turned on her heel and headed toward the door. I couldn't let her leave after catching Tanya and me like she had. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. She had made it outside and was heading down the front steps already. I needed to move. I needed Bella to know that there was nothing between Tanya and me.

"Bella, wait!" I said as I hurried out the front door. She ignore me and continued quickly onto her car.

"Please, Bella. It's not what you think," I said desperately.

"It doesn't matter what I fucking think, Edward. You can do whatever the hell you want," she said harshly as she made it to her car. I flew off the front porch and made it to her side just as she was reaching for the handle to the door. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed a hold of her wrist. I instantly felt a jolt of electricity run up my arm as I clung onto her warmth. It was powerful, more powerful than I remembered. She looked up into my eyes for a moment and I found myself lost in the beauty of her chocolate gaze.

"Stop, please. Let me explain," I said softly.

"There's nothing to explain. Now let me go," she snapped, and I immediately dropped her wrist. I could still feel a tingle in my hand from her touch. I mindlessly ran my hand through my hair in frustration. She swiftly opened the car door and tossed her bag inside before turning to look at me once more. For a brief moment we gazed into each other's eyes.

"Bella," I whispered as my hand lifted up toward her cheek. I ached to run my fingers along her skin. Before I made contact, however, I dropped my hand back to my side. Would I ever get the chance to touch her again?

"Edward, darling, come back inside," Tanya said from the porch. I cringed as I looked up into her lust filled eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Bella was also staring in her direction.

"Not now, Tanya," I growled, shooting daggers in her direction. I had to put a stop to her advances once and for all. If she ruined my chances with Bella I would never be able to forgive her.

"Go back to your girl," Bella said as she looked at me one last time before sliding into her car and slamming the door. I slowly backed away from her, from my love, from my everything. A moment later the engine purred to life and she threw the car in gear and headed down the driveway. Alice came up beside me as my head fell down into my hands. She gently reached up and rubbed my back.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't see what was going to happen until it was too late. Tanya didn't make the decision until you were walking in the kitchen. If I would have known, I would have stopped it somehow. I am so sorry," Alice said.

I leaned over and placed my hands on my knees, a sob escaping my chest. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Bella thought Tanya and I were together. She called her my girl. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't lose Bella because of Tanya.

"Alice, what am I going to do? I can lose her again. I can't. Oh God. What am I going to do," I sobbed.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she repeated.

"Please tell me it's not the end. Please tell me I still have a chance. Please, Alice. Tell me I still have a chance," I wept without tears.

"It's not over. Not if I can help it. I promise you, Edward, I'll do everything I can. I won't let it be over," she said as she wrapped her tiny arms around me, holding me tightly.

We stood there for a unmeasurable amount of time. I had finally started to regain my composure when Tanya decided to speak again.

"Honestly, Edward, nothing that human could offer you would surpass what I could. What do you see in her anyway?" Tanya said.

By this time I didn't care if I was lacking manners. Tanya had gone too far. I stood up straight and started to walk toward her. Alice reached out and grabbed my arm before I could take more than a couple steps.

_Let me_, she thought.

"Tanya, do you have any idea what you have done? How much damage you've caused not only to Edward and 'that human,' but to our entire family? Do you not realize how much we need Bella? For years now there has been a missing piece to this family. A huge gaping hole that we were unable to do anything about. A void that needed to be filled. Bella is that piece to fill the void. She completes us all. We are trying to get her back and you selfishly come here and fuck everything up. You come in here with your slutty clothing and whoring ways with the hopes of getting Edward into your bed. You have no true feelings for him. All you want is what isn't, and never will be, yours. Edward doesn't want you. He never has and he never will. You have no regard for his wishes or desires. You only think of yourself and nothing else. How dare you even pretend to care about any of us. You need to leave us be. Now. Because so help me fucking God, Tanya, if you don't I will destroy you," Alice said viciously as she stalked closer to Tanya. Tanya took a few steps back as Alice reached her. They glared at one another for a moment longer before Tanya turned around and headed back inside the house.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"You're welcome, Edward. But I didn't do it just for you. I did it for all of us. We need Bella. And I will be damned if I allow that whore to ruin it for us," she said.

I slowly made my way back up to the house and Alice quickly embraced me in a tight hug. I was extremely thankful to have her as my sister at that moment. She may be a little aggressive at times, but I loved her more than I could express. I don't know what I would do without her. Together, we walked back inside and sat down in the living room. We sat there for hours before either of us spoke.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"We regroup and..." she trailed off.

"Alice?" I asked as I turned to look at her. She was overcome by a vision of Bella.

"Oh God, NO!" Alice screamed as she saw Bella lying on the floor, unmoving, not breathing. I watched as my beautiful Bella turned blue and died. I jumped to my feet.

"When will this happen, Alice?" I asked, panicky. "We have to stop it!"

"Oh God, Edward. No, no, no! This can't happen. God, No!" She cried. _It's happening now! In a few minutes, thirty at the most, she will stop breathing,_ she added silently.

I felt my knees go weak. "Carlisle!" I yelled and he was at my side in an instant. He looked at me in terror, knowing something was horribly wrong from overhearing Alice's outburst. The rest of the family followed behind him with similar expressions on their faces.

"What is it, son?"

All I managed to get out was Bella's name before I was running out the door. I didn't bother with my car, I could run much faster. I ran faster than I ever had before. Trees and buildings passed me in a blur of color. I didn't care if I was spotted by humans. I had to get to her. I had to save her. I couldn't lose her - not this way. It was more than a hundred miles away, but I refused to slow down. Each passing minute was more agonizing than the last. Once I reached the city, I took to the rooftops, scaling the sides of the buildings and jumping from one to the next.

It took a little more than twenty minutes before I finally reached Bella's building. I hurriedly entered through the door on the roof and made my way down to the 88th floor, grateful that Alice earlier mentioned Bella's apartment number. I didn't pause outside her door, I slammed right into it and it flew off the hinges onto the floor in front of me. I bolted inside and searched for Bella.

"Bella?" I called out hoping she may still be conscious, but knowing in my gut she was not.

When I saw her, my dead heart clenched in my chest.

"Oh, dear God, please, no," I said in a strangled whisper.

She was laying face down on the cold hardwood floor in the middle of her living room. Shattered glass lay around and covered her body. I could make out the smell of alcohol and something else, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I crouched down in front of her and gently turned her over onto her back and I realized her clothing was damp from the contents of the broken bottle of alcohol. She had yet to turn blue, so I knew she had only just ceased breathing. Her heartbeat was faint but still present. I needed to get her breathing again. I reached my hand out and tilted her chin up as I lowered my mouth to her own. I had always dreamed of our lips touching again, but this definitely was not how I imagined that moment to be. I pinched her nose closed and gently sealed my lips with hers, giving her the precious oxygen to sustain her fragile life. On my tongue, I could taste the bitter flavor of alcohol and what I was certain to be the residue of some type of pills. Her chest rose as her lungs expanded. After giving the first couple of breaths, I softly lifted her lifeless body into my arms, her extremities falling limply toward the ground. I needed to move her away from the debris that surrounded her so it didn't puncture her skin and spill her blood. I quickly walked a few feet to the left, away from anything that could cause her further harm. Less than a second later, I lowered her once again to the floor and resumed my actions. I continued to force air into her lungs, hoping each time would be the last, that she would begin to breathe on her own once more.

"Please, Bella. Breathe for me, love. Don't leave me," I choked out, suppressing the sob that was building deep in my chest.

I continued to breathe for her.

A few minutes later I heard the worst possible sound I would ever hear during my entire existence. That sound was the weak ga-lump of her final heartbeat.

"NO, Bella. Stay with me!" I yelled as my hands flew to her chest, pressing down over her sternum.

One, two, three, four...

Breathe.

One, two, three, four...

Breathe.

One, two, three, four...

Breathe.

One, two, three, four...

Breathe.

I continued until I felt a hand press lightly on my shoulder.

"Let me assist, son," Carlisle said softly. I didn't hear him come in. I nod my head as he took over chest compressions, I resumed breathing for Bella.

"I found her right after she stopped breathing. Her pulse was weak but present. I've been doing CPR for two minutes now," I said as if on autopilot.

"The ambulance will be here in a few minutes," I heard Alice speak from the area I believe to be the kitchen. A moment later she was next to us, holding a one hundred dollar bill in her hand. "Carlisle, look at this. It's covered in white powder," she whispered.

Carlisle glances over at the money between compressions and mutters, "Cocaine."

"I also smell a significant amount of vodka and Valium. She's overdosed on a deadly combination of drugs," he says after a moment.

"We have to get her back," I snap between giving her breaths. "Alice?"

"I don't know, Edward. Everything is blurry right now. I think she makes it, but I'm not sure. It may be too late. I don't know!" she cries.

"NO! It's not too late!" I yelled. "Please, Bella. Come back to me, love. Please!" I begged.

_There's another way, Edward._ _You could change her._

"There is no other way, Alice!" I exclaim. I could not damn her to an existence of endless night. "Besides, her heart isn't beating. It wouldn't work. And the paramedics are here," I said right before two men walk into the room carrying several bags of equipment. Three rescue personnel follow behind them to assist.

Carlisle filled them in on the situation. "I'm Dr. Cullen," he began, "This is Isabella Swan, 26, overdosed on Valium, vodka and an insufflation of cocaine. My son found her unconscious when he arrived approximately fifteen minutes ago, in respiratory arrest, with a pulse. He began artificial ventilation immediately which escalated to CPR seven minutes ago when she went into cardiopulmonary arrest. She is currently asystolic, possibly Vfib."

They nodded their heads in understanding as they crouched down in front of Bella and started to cut her shirt away. I quickly moved to the other side of the room and close my eyes. I did not wish to see her in this condition, but I understood that it was necessary for defibrillation. I heard as they placed several electrodes over her body, ones for the cardiac monitor and defibrillator.

I leaned back against the floor to ceiling windows in her living room and slowly sunk to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my hands. Alice sat down beside me and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. We both began to sob uncontrollably. The pain was overpowering, like a dull knife had been rammed into my cold dead heart and twisted slowly until nothing remained. I gasped for breath. There was nothing more I can do other than listen to the actions of Carlisle and the medics.

"Cease compressions, please," one of the medics said as he read the monitor. "Vfib," he confirms.

"Defibrillate at 200 joules," Carlisle said.

"Clear."

Then I heard a quiet thump as the electricity jolts through Bella's body, causing her chest to rise from the floor. Once again, they consult the monitor.

"Defibrillate at 300 joules," Carlisle mutters and once again the quiet thump fills the room.

"Come on Bella," Carlisle proclaims before he says, "Defibrillate at 360 joules."

Everything is a complete blur after that point. I listened, but I wasn't paying attention to whom is speaking.

"Intubate and start an IV with LR TKO, then administer 1 milligram of Epinephrine and follow with a 20 milliliter fluid bolus. Continue CPR."

"Please hand me a 6.5 ET tube with stylet and the laryngoscope."

"Defibrillate again at 360 joules."

"Administer Lidocaine intravenously."

"Defibrillate at 360 joules once again."

"Hold on. I think we may have a rhythm . Yes, she's in Vtach," one of the medics said and my head shoots up.

"Let's prepare to transport."

"Do you carry Flumazenil?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, sir," one of the medics replied as the rest of the EMS workers placed Bella on the gurney and secured her in place with all of the equipment surrounding her. I was thankful that they covered her with a blanket so she wasn't exposed any longer.

"Very well. It will need to be administered in transit."

"Yes, sir," the medic said again. "Will you be riding with us or will you meet us at the ER?"

"I will remain with you and Bella," Carlisle replies and the medic nods his head. They start to wheel Bella out of her apartment and toward the elevator.

_Son, she's strong and she's fighting. We must have faith._ Carlisle thoughts invade my mind before he followed everyone to the elevator. As I reached the destroyed door, I bent down and picked it up, positioning it back in place. I decided to come back later to fix it properly. Instead of taking the elevator, I headed for the stairs, Alice on my heels. We made it to the lobby before the elevator arrived. I quickly made my way out toward the awaiting ambulance and opened the back doors for them. A moment later, Bella was safely secured in the back, with Carlisle by her side, and the ambulance took off toward the hospital, lights flashing, siren blaring. Alice and I followed quickly on foot, doing our best to stay out of sight of humans.

We followed the ambulance as close as possible and arrived at the ER at the same time. It took no time for the medics to unload Bella from the back and wheel her into the hospital. They quickly took her behind a set of double doors leaving Alice and me standing in the hallway. We walked toward the waiting room and do the only thing we could. Wait. The room was packed with people and was quite loud.

_Edward?_ I hear Carlisle's thoughts from within the room with Bella. _We need to know more about her medical history. Unfortunately, we are not privy to that information any longer. We need to contact someone that is._

"I'll find someone." I said softly, knowing he would hear me. "Alice," I begun, but she cuts me off.

"The only person I can think of that is close would be Ben. Maybe he would know," she says.

"But how do we contact him?"

"I have Bella's phone with me. I grabbed it when I was in her kitchen."

"Alright. Call Ben," I sigh.

Alice stood up and made her way to the door, away from the noises of the waiting room. A few minutes later, she reemerged, followed by Esme, Emmett, Jasper and to my surprise, Rosalie.

"Ben will be here shortly," Alice says.

"Edward, how is she?" Esme asks as she sits down next to me and embraces me in a tight hug.

I quickly scanned the thoughts of Carlisle and the other medical personnel that were with Bella.

"She's not well, but she's holding on."

We all sat there and continued waiting. For once, I was thankful of my gift. At least I knew what was going on beyond the double doors.

Thirty minutes go by and I looked up just as Ben walked through the door. Alice quickly stood up and introduced herself to him.

"Mr. Woodward? I'm Alice Cullen. I'm the one that called you."

"How is she? Is she going to be alright? Can I see her?" he said anxiously as his eyes roamed the room and examined his surroundings.

"She's very sick, Mr. Woodward."

"Please, call me Ben. Please tell me how Isabella is. What happened?" he asked.

"Ben. We found Bella earlier in her apartment unresponsive," Alice began, but is interrupted when Carlisle entered the room. I promptly rose to my feet, as did the rest of my family. Ben turned and looked at Carlisle with a confused expression.

"I think a more private room would be appropriate. Follow me, please," Carlisle said as he looked at Ben then he turned toward the direction of the private rooms, a grim expression on his face.

_Oh God, this is bad. They only use rooms like these when someone is dying. Isabella can't die. God, no!_ _I can't lose her. She's all I have._ The sincerity of Ben's thoughts hit me hard. I realized at that moment that he really did love her.

We all immediately followed. Once we were seated in the small room, Carlisle closed the door.

"Bella is stable, although she remains unconscious. This is to be expected, however. She's been through quite an ordeal. She had high volumes of Valium, alcohol, and cocaine in her system; however, the level of Valium was extreme and is the cause of most of her problems at the moment. That mixed with the cocaine and alcohol was a profoundly deadly mixture. She is lucky to be alive. We administered Flumazenil, which is an antidote of sorts for a Valium overdose. We also found Dilantin in her system."

"Dilantin? An anti-epileptic drug?" I questioned.

"Yes," Carlisle said and then he looked at Ben. "I presume you are Mr. Woodward, an acquaintance of Bella's?"

"Yes, I am," he said as he eyed Carlisle suspiciously. _Who the fuck are these people? And why do they keep calling her Bella? _he added to himself.

"Mr. Woodward, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. My family and I have known Bella, Isabella, since she was in high school. Although, we haven't seen her in several years now. We only recently reentered her life."

"She hasn't mentioned any of you to me."

"That is understandable. There is some, animosity, I suppose you can say, between our families at the moment, which we wish to abolish. Bella is like a daughter to me and my entire family loves her dearly."

"Alright," Ben said hesitantly.

"Seeing that we haven't been in her life for some time now, we are unsure of pertinent information that needs to be known, medical wise. For example, the Dilantin. Do you know why she has this in her system?"

"Yes, she has epilepsy. She's had it for as long as I've known her. I believe she was eighteen when she was diagnosed with it. She mainly takes the Dilantin for it, but she also takes Valium, but usually only when she has a seizure, which isn't very often any more. It's very well managed from what I can tell. She doesn't advertise or discuss her condition. In fact, I believe I'm the only one other than her family that knows of it and really, I don't know much. I only found out she had it by accident," Ben said.

My thoughts match the rest of my family. Epilepsy? Since she was eighteen? How?

"Do you know why she's epileptic? Was she injured? Head trauma, perhaps?"

"Um, yes, she had some sort of accident. She was critically injured, I believe. She's never told me the specifics, however. Every time I would ask, she'd tell me I wouldn't believe her even if I tried. She's always been exceedingly secretive about it. It's very frustrating, to say the least."

"And the cocaine?" Carlisle asked.

Ben sighed loudly, running both of his hands through his hair, gripping tightly. _Fucking cocaine. Not again,_ he thought.

"I don't know why she did it, to be honest. She's been clean for three years now."

"She's had a problem in the past?"

"Yes, she was in quite deep for a while. It took everything I had to pull her out. She was always a high functioning addict, though. Most people were clueless. It wasn't just cocaine though. She'd also shoot heroin and sometimes she would do meth. That shit scared the fuck out of me when she would do it. I was afraid I would find her dead. Luckily, though, she didn't do it often. It didn't grab hold of her like it does most people. There were other drugs, too, but those are the main ones."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. Bella a drug addict? Meth? Heroin? I could have lost her at any moment throughout the years and I never would have known. This was all my fault. I never should have left.

"How often did she use?"

"Daily basically for a few years. Mostly coke or heroin. Eventually, I convinced her to go into rehab. She's been clean since. Until now."

"I see," Carlisle began, "Thank you for disclosing this information. It helps tremendously."

"Is she going to be alright?" I asked and Ben immediately snapped his head in my direction.

_Who the fuck his he?_ he wondered.

"I'm certain she will recover. She will remain here for several days at least. Hopefully she will awaken soon. She will be taken to a room shortly."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, relieved.

_You're welcome, son._ _But you are the one that saved her._ _She wouldn't have made it without you. _"I do need to get back. I will let you know when she's moved," he said before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

We all sat there in silence, lost in our own thoughts. The guilt I was feeling was crushing, consuming my entire being, and dragging me down into an abyss of excruciating pain. So much had happened to Bella since my regretful departure and every single hardship she endured was because of me. I was even more of a monster than I thought. I had no right to do what I had done.

What a fool I had been.

An hour later, Carlisle returned to inform us of Bella's transfer and Ben quickly made his way to her side. Although it was torturous, I, along with the rest of my family, waited outside her room. It was impossible to not hear Ben's honest words or his loving thoughts while he was near her. At that moment, I realized that I couldn't hate Benjamin Woodward like I wanted to, regardless of how obscene his relationship with Bella happened to be. He had saved her when I couldn't. He was there for her when I wasn't. He took care of her when I didn't. He loved her when I was absent. I owed him more than I could ever repay.

He loved her. Did that mean it was too late for me? Would she choose Ben over me? I wouldn't blame her if she did. It was obvious that Ben was better for her. He was more of a man than I would ever be. He didn't run when things became difficult, like I had. He stayed by her side and helped her through the darkest days of her life. Ben was the exact type of man that I had hoped she would find when I left her.

I didn't realize how much knowing she found that would hurt.

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**Wow. I need a nap after this one. Or a stiff drink. Or both. Yeah, I'll go for both. Come join me if you please. I'll be on the Twittah. You can find me if you want. MsRason  
**

**It's been several years since I've worked in the EMS industry, so I was going on memory. On a memory that has failed me greatly over the past few years no less, so if there were lots of errors with all the medical hoopla, I apologize. But I think I got it close. **

**I would really love to hear what you think. So please pressy that little button down yonder there and send me some review love. Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Yes, I'm back. I think I may be on a roll. This chapter is less angsty. I hope you enjoy.**

**A huge fat thank you to everyone that has reviewed or fav'd or added this story to alerts. Y'all make my fucking day. Yes, I said y'all. Sue me.**

**{SM owns all and I'm not particularly happy about that, but what can I do?} **

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Chapter 10

BPOV

Surely, this isn't what death feels like. I imagined something more than this. I thought I would be reunited with loved ones that were gone. I should be someplace beautiful, right? However, I'm not. There's just...nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing. No pain, no emotion, no anything. I see only darkness. Everything is just...gone. It's like I'm floating in a vast dismal abyss. What is this? My eyes look around trying to make something out of the darkness but nothing is there. I try to move the rest of my body but can't. Perhaps I am moving but don't know it. Fuck, I don't know. I don't understand. The void is confusing. The darkness is overwhelming.

I'm not sure how long I've been in this nothingness. It seemed like an eternity but it also seemed like a mere instant. How was that even possible? It can only be one or the other, right? It's like time ceased to exist. No beginning. No ending. No middle.

Nothing. That's all there is.

Suddenly I felt a shift, a repositioning of axises perhaps and it startles me. The sensation is foreign to me. It almost feels like I'm being dragged, or tugged, forward toward something. My whole being is summoned onward toward an invisible force. Out of the corner of my eye I see a small light, a pinprick, smaller than the tip of a pencil. I fix my gaze on the light. It was getting brighter, larger. It's beyond beautiful, like nothing I'd ever seen before. I can't even begin to describe it's beauty. There are no words to accurately depict it. It felt peaceful and welcoming. Like home. I have an overpowering urge to enter the light. What was it? Could it be...? Surely, not, but it must be. There's no other explanation. This is what I've always read about. This is what people see when they die. The light. The tunnel. There is no tunnel though. Where is the tunnel?

Abruptly, I'm being pulled in the opposite direction of the light. This frightens me momentarily. Shouldn't I be going toward the light? Oh God, does this mean...? No! I want the light. I can't handle the darkness. I struggle, trying to reach the light. It's where I'm suppose to go. My struggle is useless. The harder I fight, the faster the light is absorbed back into the darkness.

Then I hear a voice. "Bella, you belong with him. Go back."

Go back? How? Where? To whom? I don't understand.

"Go back," the voice says more firmly. I instantly realize I'm hearing Charlie's voice. Why would I hear my dad's voice in this void? Maybe I'm not dead. Maybe I'm just crazy and it's all an illusion. My subconscious must be playing tricks on me. Am I sleeping, possibly? Is this a dream? If so, I want to wake up. Dammit.

"He's your destiny, Bells. Go back to him."

Another voice makes it's way through from my subconscious. "Please, Bella. Come back to me, love," it says. Who is that, I wonder. The voice is smooth, like honey or perhaps velvet but there is anguish present in it's tone and that confuses me further. "Please," I hear it say again, begging. I know that voice, don't I? Yes, I know it, but from where? I can't place it and it frustrates me. The darkness is still pressing on me from all directions so it's hard to tell what's happening. However, I'm certain I know that voice. I'm instantly drawn to it. It's beautiful, even in anguish, wrapping around my tired soul like a tender caress.

I feel the tugging sensation once more and it's stronger. Pulling me with force that I cannot deny. I can't hold on. Reluctantly, I let go. The fight in me, gone. Now, there is pain. Pain shooting through my entire body, beginning in my chest and working out to my extremities. I feel pressure. Then more pain. Sharp. Dull. All rolled into one. Everything is overwhelming. My senses begin to flood back to me. I can hear noise, though it's unclear. I can feel more pain, unbelievable pain. My eyes are closed, therefore I am still unable to see. I try to open them though it is unsuccessful. My eyelids feel heavy, like dead weight.

I hear the voice of Charlie one last time, by it seems distant. Far away. Like an echo. "Go back."

Excruciating pain finally takes hold and I wish to cry out but can't. It feels like I'm being electrocuted, cattle prodded directly in the heart. I feel my body arch and slump back to the floor. I feel the cold beneath my back and I embrace it. If feels like a gentle endearment compared to the pain. Why the pain? Confusion once again sweeps over me.

"Come on, Bella," a third voice speaks. I realize this, too, is a voice I recognize but am unable to place.

Another jolt of intense pain shoots through my body and I instantly wish for the darkness to overtake me once more. Please, God. Let me die. I can't manage this pain.

More voices start to invade but they are a dull murmur. I don't understand what they are saying. I'm too transfixed on the painful sensations ripping through my body. Will it ever stop?

It seems like hours later before I begin to feel at ease. The pain is slowly start to subside and I am grateful. I realize I'm laying on an uncomfortable bed with scratchy sheets covering my body. There is something in my throat. I try to swallow but can't. The object won't allow it. I attempt to raise my hand to pull the object from my mouth, however, my hand seems to be restrained in some manner.

It dawns on me then, I'm in a hospital. Everything starts to come back to me slowly. I remember being in front of Damon while he handed me something. Cocaine. Yes, I remember the cocaine. I remember going home and finding relief in the drug. I remember the Grey Goose and I remember the Valium. What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I do that? Oh God! I remember.

Edward.

It was his voice I heard, begging me to come back, but why? Why would he say that? He didn't want me. He made that clear the day he left me in that Godforsaken forest in Forks. He never loved me. It was impossible, utterly ridiculous that someone like him would fall for the plain ordinary girl I had been. It never made sense to me.

Seeing him again ripped the jagged edged wounds of my heart wide open once more. The anguish, unendurable, and I succumbed to the pain, running like the fucking coward I was. Running directly back to people and substances that I fought so hard to purge from my life. I thought I had been strong. I thought I would never yield to the temptation of my past indiscretions. How foolish I had been. All it took was once person to bring everything crashing down at my feet.

Edward.

It was because of damned Edward Cullen that I was unable to trust. It was because of him that I was unable to love.

That, however, didn't explain why I heard his voice. I once again found myself perplexed, overwhelmed, wishing it would all float away. I felt consumed. I was entirely exhausted and needed the relief of the nothingness once more and thankfully, I was granted that relief as I drifted back into unconsciousness.

Sometime later, a voice stirred me from my slumber. It could have been minutes, hours or days, I wasn't sure, but I started to come to, fighting the thick haze that engulfed me, struggling to reach the surface.

"Isabella? Baby, please wake up."

Then I felt a warm hand cup the side of my face while a thumb gently stroked my cheekbone.

"Please, open your eyes."

As awareness took hold, my eyes fluttered.

"That's it, baby. Look at me."

Finally, my eyes opened, blinking a few times before Ben's face came into focus. He was smiling, clearly relieved.

"Thank God. I thought we'd lost you," he said.

I tried to swallow but it was difficult. My throat felt like I inhaled a truckload of sand but I realized the object that earlier had obstructed my mouth was no longer there. I tried to find my voice.

"Ben?" I whispered.

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?" he asked as he filled a cup with water and held it up to my mouth so I could take a sip. The cool liquid soothing my throat instantly. I tried to lift my hand to grab the cup, but I felt resistance. I glanced down and saw the IV in my arm and groaned. I still despised IV's and needles. I suppose that was one thing about me that hadn't changed over the years.

"Like I've been ran over by a Mack truck," I said once I was finished with the water. Ben smiled slightly at my reply and placed the cup on the table next to my bed.

"You've been through a lot over the last few days," he replied as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You very nearly took yourself away from me forever, that's what happened, Isabella. You scared the holy fuck out of me," he said, but he didn't seem mad, only worried.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Do you remember anything?" he asked.

"Vaguely. Only bits and pieces, really. I relapsed," I muttered, hating myself for allowing it to happen.

"Yes, you did and it nearly killed you."

"I'm sorry, Ben." I felt ashamed for my behavior.

"You don't have to apologize to me, you know that. I just want to help you, baby. We'll get through this together. Just like before," he said sincerely as he leaned over to place a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Do you want me to contact your family? I haven't done it yet. I wasn't certain. I'm sure they would be here in an instant if you need them to be."

"No, please, don't bother them. They don't need to worry. I'll be fine."

"Okay. Can you tell me what happened? It must have been something pretty intense to make you use again," he said.

"Honestly, I don't know why," I lied. I knew exactly why I had done it but I didn't think telling Ben that running into my 116 year old, mind reading, vampire ex-boyfriend would be such a good idea. I didn't particularly like the idea of padded cells and strait jackets.

"Where did you get it?"

"Where do you think?"

"Isabella, so help me fucking God, please, tell me you didn't go to him," he said through gritted teeth, but all I could do was look at him.

"Dammit, you know the type of man Damon is. You're lucky to have made it out of there alive. Those men, Isabella, they could have hurt you."

"Damon wouldn't hurt me and he wouldn't let any of his men touch me."

"How the hell can you say that? He's the one that fucked you up in the first place. Shit, why can't you see that? Damon is pure evil. He's the most vile person I've ever come in contact with, and that's fucking saying something because I've met some royally fucked up depraved people. He's sadistic, Isabella. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Fuck, I bet half the murders in New England have something to do with him."

"I'm not going to fight with you right now, Ben. Yes, I fucked up. Brilliantly. I'm fully aware of that fact. So lay the hell off," I snapped.

"I'm sorry, baby," he sighed. "It's just that I can't fucking lose you. I love you, Isabella. I know you don't want to hear that shit but it's the goddamned truth. I love you more than anything. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't make it."

I opened my mouth to respond, but the door to my hospital room opened. I turned my head in the direction of the door to see Carlisle walk in wearing a white lab coat over a charcoal grey designer suit and carrying a clipboard, which I took to be my file. Of course I would end up at the hospital Carlisle worked at. Just my fucking luck.

"Hello, Bella. It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?" he asked politely.

"I've been better," I said weakly.

"I'm sure you have," he said with a sad smile then looked at Ben.

"Mr Woodward, would you mind giving us a few minutes? I need to discuss a few things with Bella."

Ben quickly looked at me and I nodded my head, letting him know it was alright. There was no way to avoid a Cullen when they were determined to speak to you. Might as well get the torture out of the way.

"Okay. I'll just be right outside the door, baby," he said as he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. He slowly stood and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

"He seems like a nice young man," Carlisle said conversationally. I merely nodded in agreement.

"He loves you very much, it's obvious. He stayed by your side as much as he was allowed. Only leaving your room when the nursing staff ran him out at the end of visiting hours."

I remained silent. Carlisle was standing at the end of my bed reviewing my file. Then he closed it with a quiet snap and placed it on a nearby table. He looked at me before he walked to the side of the bed and sat down in an ugly mauve paisley chair, moving it as close to the bed as he could. He continued to gaze into my eyes, seemingly unable to find the words he wished to speak.

"Bella," be finally begun, "I'm not sure about all the circumstances leading up to what's transpired but I want you to know that we are all profoundly sorry. I know we hurt you deeply when we left. I wish we could take every inconceivable thing we've done to you back, but unfortunately, we cannot."

I started to shake my head, opening my mouth to speak but he raised his hand in the air, cutting me off.

"Please, Bella, let me finish," he requested gently. When I didn't interrupt, he continued. "Regretfully, I'm not aware of what has happened in your life since we departed and I only hope you give us a chance to make things right. I realize that is asking a lot of you and I don't expect you to welcome us back into your life with open arms. It's understandable if you deny our request and I assure you that is your choice and we will respect your wishes, however, I implore you to let us try. I still consider you a daughter in spite of my inexcusable actions. Please forgive me, Bella. Please forgive all of us."

"Carlisle..." I began but was at a loss of what to say. I was still so thoroughly confused I wasn't sure of anything.

"Alice told me what happened when you left the other day. Please know that it was all a terrible mistake. Neither Alice, nor Edward had any intention of deceiving you. Edward was simply trying to leave the house before you came downstairs. He was accosted, however, by Tanya before he was able to leave. Alice and Edward both feel awful for what happened."

I couldn't look at him any longer. I turned my head and gazed out of the window. I honestly didn't know what to think about what Carlisle had said.

"Edward found you," he said softly. I snapped my head back to him and gaped. He was looking down at his hands, folded in his lap.

"What?" I muttered.

"Alice had a vision of your death and Edward was the first to make it to you. When he arrived, you weren't breathing and a few minutes later, your heart stopped beating. He's the one that initiated CPR."

I had no words. I continued to stare, dumbfounded, at Carlisle. He slowly looked back up to me, meeting my eyes. Sorrow filled his topaz depths.

"He hasn't left since you've arrived. He's stayed in the waiting room or outside your door the entire time."

"But, why?"

"Just like the rest of us, he feels horrible about everything. He cares about you, Bella. We all do."

I just shook my head. No, he doesn't care about me. It was impossible.

"I understand that it's difficult to believe, but I assure you, it's true."

Son of a bitch. Why did it have to be Edward Cullen to save my life. Again.

"Please let us help you, Bella," he said.

"Carlisle, I don't know. Everything has happened so fast. It's too much. I don't know if I can handle it."

"I am so sorry, Bella. Please know that. I will do everything in my power to make it right with you."

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the sting of tears I refused to let fall.

"On a different note, I'm sure you are wondering how long you have to stay here," he said and I nodded my head.

"Yes, I would like to go home. How long have I been here anyway?"

"Four days. I anticipate you to be able to go home within the next week. However, once you are home, I expect that you take it easy for another week or two. You've been through a lot and you need time to recover. Which brings me to an uncomfortable topic."

"Okay," I hesitantly said.

"Mr. Woodward mentioned that this was in fact a relapse. He explained that you had a severe addiction in the past. As the doctor that has treated you during your stay, I need to be certain there will be no reoccurrences. If you need a rehab facility it can be arranged."

"That won't be necessary, Carlisle. I don't intend on using again."

"I should hope not. It nearly killed you this time."

"I know. It won't happen again. Thank you, Carlisle. For everything."

"You're welcome. Now, visiting hours are almost over but there are a few people outside that would like to see you, if that is alright with you."

I eyed him suspiciously.

"Yes, Edward would like to see you, but he will keep his distance if that is what you desire."

"And here I thought Edward was the one with the mind reading capability," I said and he chuckled slightly.

"It's your call, Bella. He will do as you wish."

Did I want to see Edward? Fuck. I wasn't sure.

"Fine. He can come," I ended up deciding. This, too, was something better to get out of the way.

Just when I finished my sentence the door flew open, slamming into the wall behind it, leaving a crack in the plaster in it's wake. A second later, Alice came bounding into the room. Before I knew it, her arms were around my neck and she was sobbing.

"Oh Bella. I've been so worried," she cried tearlessly.

"I'm fine, Alice," I said as I tentatively placed my arms around her.

"It was awful. I thought you were going to die," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

She leaned back and glared at me. "You should be sorry, Bella Swan. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"I don't think that's possible, Alice," I said with a small laugh.

"Maybe so, but still, you scared me," she pouted.

"I know. I didn't mean to, Alice," I said, then I glanced over her shoulder to see the rest of the Cullens and Ben entering the room. Ben made his way to my side once more and placed a kiss on my head. I was surprised to see Rosalie and I noticed Edward stayed back near the door. A look of apprehension on his face. He regard me with dark eyes and I instantly knew he was thirsty, especially since he hadn't left the hospital in days. He hesitantly took a few steps into the room and leaned against the wall taking great care to remain several feet away from me.

The first to speak was Esme. "How are you feeling, dear?" she asked.

"I feel like death warmed over, to be honest, but I've been worse," I said and I noticed Edward flinch. What the fuck was that about?

"Don't scare us like that again, okay?" she said.

"I'll try not to," I said with a smile. It was hard to not smile around Esme because she was entirely too motherly. She stepped up to the bed and gave me a tight hug.

"We love you, darling," she whispered in my ear. What the hell do you say to that? I had no idea, so I didn't respond. Once she stepped back two immensely large arms engulfed me in a huge bear hug.

"Hey, Bells. It's good to see you. I'm glad you didn't fucking die," Emmett said with a chuckle.

"Language, Emmett," Esme scolded quietly. Emmett looked at her apologetically.

"Me too, Emmett. Me too," I laughed. Leave it to Emmett to be blunt. He stood back and smiled at me.

"I'd say you look good, but right now you look like hell." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Thanks, Em," I said sarcastically and he smiled wider. I glanced over to Ben and he was regarding Emmett's size with trepidation. I could only imagine what was going through his head at that moment. Probably something along the lines of "That's one big motherfucker". I laughed inwardly and glanced at Edward to see him looking down at the floor, smirking, confirming my suspicions.

Jasper also kept his distance but he smiled warmly at me. I smiled back. Rosalie looked bored, not looking at me. I ignored her. She didn't concern me.

"Well, we should let you get some rest, Bella. Visiting hours are coming to a close," Carlisle said softly. I nodded, feeling grateful that I would soon be able to sleep. I was beyond exhausted.

Ben leaned over to me and kissed me softly on the lips. "I'll be back in the morning, baby."

"Ben, go to work. You don't have to stay with me all the time."

"I know, but I want to," he said with a small smile.

"Go to work. Then come see me," I said more firmly.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow evening."

"That's better."

"I'll see you tomorrow too, Bella. You can't get rid of me," Alice said.

"I've come to expect it, Alice," I said as she giggled and headed for the door. Everyone started to follow her.

"Edward?" I whispered. He stopped and turned to look at me with wide frighten eyes. I waited until everyone else was out of the room before speaking again.

"You should hunt."

"I will," he said softly.

"Soon," I said.

"Soon," he replied with a nod of his head.

"Good."

He continued to look at me with anguished filled eyes. I was baffled by his expression. Why did he look so miserable? It simply made no sense to me.

"Thank you," I said, barely audibly. I knew he would hear me and understand what I meant.

"You're welcome, Bella," he said with a small smile before leaving, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone. Yes, I know. Author FAIL for me not updating sooner. SORRY! UGH. Real life has been insane the last few weeks so it took longer to get this out than I had hoped. Please forgive my stupidness.**

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**SM owns all, as always.  
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**Now, onto the chapter...**

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Chapter 11

EPOV

I stood at the end of Bella's hospital bed and simply observed her. The last few days had been excruciating, not knowing if she would wake up. It had been four days since I found her in her apartment and I wanted nothing more than for her to open her eyes and speak to me. I needed to see her beautiful eyes and hear her sweet voice. The fact of the matter was that she had been clinically dead for more time than Carlisle or myself would have liked. I knew there was a chance that she would not awake, or if she did, she would suffer brain damage to some extent. The memories of what occurred was eating at me, tormenting me beyond the level I could endure. Every day that passed with her eyes closed killed my hopes and dreams for a future with her a little more. I needed her to awaken. I needed her to be alright. Even once Carlisle extubated her and she started breathing on her own, I still worried. Alice, however, was confident that Bella would be fine.

"Bella will wake up tomorrow and she will be perfect," she had assured me. I wanted to believe her. Sincerely, I did, but it was difficult to overcome my fear of losing her.

Ever since Bella was brought to her own room I had taken to keeping watch over her. I was unwilling to be far away from her because it tore at my heart to have any distance between us. However, Ben was constantly by her side during visiting hours, which left me to pacing outside in the hallway listening to his thoughts. I didn't understand their relationship. It was utterly confusing to me. He was a married man who was obviously not in love with his wife and it made me wonder why he was even married to begin with. The more I listened to him, the more I realized his true feelings for Bella. During his time at her side, he would whisper his affections to her.

"Isabella, baby, God, I love you so much. You have to wake up for me. Please. I need you," I heard him say on more than one occasion. The emotion in his quiet voice was filled with a profound intensity and his thoughts only reaffirmed his words. He truly loved her, deeply. I only hoped she didn't feel the same toward him in return. I felt abhorrently selfish for those thoughts, but I couldn't deny I wanted the chance to win her love once more. If she was in love with Ben, I knew I didn't have that chance. I needed that chance. I needed to be able to prove myself to her. I needed to be able to beg for her forgiveness.

All day long I would watch Bella through Ben's thoughts. She made no sign of regaining consciousness. Every evening, when one of the nursing staff would tell Ben that he had to leave, I gladly watched him exit her room. He never knew I was there, that I made sure of. As soon as he was out of sight, I found myself at her side where I would remain until he returned in the morning, only leaving her when a nurse needed to assess her. Even then, I didn't go far, usually hiding in the bathroom that adjoined her room. I couldn't be away from her ever again.

I slowly walked to the side of her bed and gingerly sat down on the edge. I felt an overwhelming urge to touch her, like she was calling out to me. I reached my hand out to brush a few stray hairs out of her face, tucking them behind her ear before cupping her cheek in my palm. I briefly closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief when her head turned slightly toward my hand. It was the first movement she had made on her own since arriving. Hope once again filled my dead heart and I gasped audibly as the emotion washed over me. I brushed my thumb gently across her cheekbone and then slid it slowly across her soft bottom lip. How I wanted to lean in and press my lips to hers. Instead, I settled for second best. I leaned forward and gently touched my forehead to hers, breathing in her intoxicating scent, my nose grazed the tip of her own. I felt the burn in my throat but it was easily pushed aside, out of my mind. I no longer thirsted for her blood. I only wanted and needed her love. I closed my eyes again and savored the moment. I knew once she awoke I wouldn't get this opportunity for a while, if ever. I don't know how long I stay in that position, but eventually I pulled back slightly and placed my lips to her forehead, giving her a tender chaste kiss. I felt a tingle upon contact and rejoiced that the electric current that always existed between us still remained. In that moment, I knew, without doubt, she would be fine.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "I always have."

Upon my words, she stirred slightly, but did not awake.

When the sun started to rise, I reluctantly stood and left her room, knowing Ben would be back soon. I slowly made my way down to the waiting room and grabbed a cup of coffee, to ensure my human facade. The chestnut colored liquid smelled positively revolting, but it was better than most human foods. Holding the white styrofoam cup in my cold hands, I sat down in a chair next to the window and waited, letting the warmth radiating from the coffee seep through to my granite skin.

After a while, Alice entered the room and sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey."

"How are you today?"

"I'm fine. Anxious a bit, but otherwise fine."

"She'll wake up toward the end of the day, Edward. It's almost over. She'll be okay."

"I know. I believe you now," I said, which made her giggle softly.

"You should never have doubted me, but I understand why you did. You worry entirely too much though."

"She responded to my touch earlier. She hasn't moved at all in days and she responded to me. That alone gave me hope."

We were quiet for a while longer, simply listening to the sounds of the hospital. When Ben arrived, I once again took to his thoughts as he quickly made his way to Bella's room. He kissed her lips lightly before sitting down beside her. His presence triggered a slew of questions I wanted answered.

"Alice, I don't understand their relationship," I eventually said, knowing she would understand my meaning.

"It's odd, isn't it?"

"He loves her, anyone can see that, but if she doesn't love him, then why the relationship? Is it purely physical for her? If she's only seeking physical pleasure, and she has others to aid in that area, then why Ben? She seems closer to him than the others, right? Is there something more she's not letting on? Could she love him but doesn't show it for whatever reason?"

"I don't think so, Edward. Jasper feels no love for him coming from her. In fact, he hasn't felt that emotion coming from her at all. I think she enjoys Ben's company, but not strictly on a physical level. There's something else there, there has to be, but it's not love."

"Is it friendship? It's seems like a lot more to me, but what else is there?"

"Companionship, perhaps? Maybe she's lonely, Edward. Maybe Ben fills that void for her."

I looked over at Alice and sighed. I placed the cold cup of coffee on a nearby table and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. I rubbed my hands roughly over my face then ran them through my hair, gripping the ends roughly.

"Maybe," I said softly.

"I wonder what happened to cause her to have epilepsy. I can't believe she's a recovering drug addict, also. So much has changed. I wish I would have seen it. I would have done something a long time ago. I should have continued looking for her."

"God, Alice, I could have lost her and not even known it. I never should have left her."

"You were only doing what you thought was right."

"Everything is a little overwhelming. I'm not sure what to make of any of it."

"I know."

"I messed up. I failed her, Alice."

"We all failed her, Edward."

"I have to make it up to her now. If it takes the rest of her life, I'll make sure I put it right."

We once again fell into silence and I continued to watch Bella though Ben's eyes. She was responding more and I knew it was because she was starting to come to. Later that afternoon, the rest of my family entered the waiting room. I was surprised when Rosalie walked in. As if she was able to read my mind she answered my silent question.

"_I didn't want to come, believe me. Both Emmett and Esme wanted me here, so I'm here. Don't start to think I give a damn about your little human pet,_" she sneered at me in her thoughts. I ignored her.

"It's almost time," Alice whispered and I quickly rose to my feet and headed in the direction of Bella's room. We all stood outside her door, waiting. We could hear Ben talking to her once more, urging her to wake up.

"Isabella? Baby, please wake up. Please, open your eyes," he said as Bella's eyes fluttered.

"She's almost awake," I said to Carlisle. He was nearly as anxious as I was, wanted to speak to her.

"_Good_," he thought, "_Do you want to see her, son? Speak to her?_"

"I would like to, yes, but only if she will allow it. I don't want to force myself on her if it's not what she wants," I said quietly and Carlisle nodded his head.

"That's it, baby. Look at me," we heard Ben speak again.

When she finally opened her eyes I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Carlisle looked at me and I simply nodded my head, confirming she was indeed awake. I was immensely grateful when she began to speak. She seemed to be perfectly fine, just as Alice predicted. We all listened to Bella and Ben's conversation for a while. I found it interesting she didn't want her family to know about her hospitalization. Surely, Charlie and Renee would like to know their daughter nearly died.

They spoke of her relapse and when Ben mentioned a man named Damon, the man Bella received the cocaine from, I made a mental note to find the sorry excuse of a human being. According to Ben thoughts, Damon was the worst type of individual to walk the earth. He was malignant, a drug dealer, rapist and murderer. He was someone to be avoided. I shivered at the thought of Bella in the presence of someone like him. Obviously, she still lacked a sense of self-preservation.

Looking at Emmett I said, "We need to find this Damon."

"Leave it to me, bro," he said with a smirk on his face and a wink, excited at the idea of hunting down a despicable human.

When Ben confessed his love for Bella, I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers, wondering what her reply would be. That reply never came because Carlisle decided it was time to speak with her, which I was uncertain I was thankful for or not. Did I really want to know how she felt about him? I wasn't quite sure.

Carlisle entered her room and asked to speak with her alone. A moment later, Ben emerged from her room, a look of shock on his face when he saw all of us standing there. I was able to smell Bella's scent all over him and I suppressed the growl that was forming deep within my chest. I still didn't like him touching her.

Carlisle apologized to Bella. He was genuinely sorry for what we had done to her, leaving her, breaking her. He never would forgive himself for the actions of his family. Even though I was the cause of all of the problems, Carlisle had taken on the responsibility of the blame. He didn't deserve it, however. I was the one to blame for all of our indiscretions. It was all my fault. We wouldn't be in this situation, standing outside Bella's hospital room, hoping she would let us back into her life, if it weren't for me.

I wondered if she would be able to forgive us, forgive me. Was our actions too much? Were they unforgivable?

Bella sounded completely surprised when she discovered I was the one that found her in her apartment. She didn't believe when Carlisle told her I still cared for her. Perhaps she believed my lie more than I originally thought. Maybe she really did think I didn't love her when I left. I hated myself even more at that realization. I hurt her deeply. It would take more work, more time, to convince her otherwise, but I was determine to make her see the truth. I had always loved her and I always would. Nothing could ever change that fact. She was my everything.

Alice was at her door before Carlisle even asked Bella if she wished to see us. Thankfully she did, and Alice swung the door open harshly, cracking the plaster in the wall in her haste to enter the room. Luckily, it went unnoticed by Ben or the other humans in the area. We all followed Alice into the room. I was thankful Bella agreed to see me, however, I entered the room with trepidation, not knowing how she would react to me since the last time didn't end too well. I remained near the door for a moment before walking closer to her bed. I made sure to keep my distance, several feet away to give her as much space as possible, and leaned against the wall.

She looked completely exhausted. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark, purple-hued shadows underneath them. It looked as if she hadn't slept in months or was possibly recovering from a black eye. Even in her weakened and fragile state, she was still immensely beautiful.

As soon as we were all in the room, and Alice was finished with her near assault on Bella, Esme walked slowly to the side of her bed and spoke.

"How are you feeling, dear?" she asked.

"I feel like death warmed over, to be honest, but I've been worse," Bella replied and I cringed. What could be worst than her nearly dying? How many other near death experiences could have happened to her during our absence to make her so indifferent to her most recent incident? I looked at her and noticed she was looking at me with a bewildered expression on her face.

"Don't scare us like that again, okay?" Esme said, kindly.

"I'll try not to," Bella replied with a small smile before Emmett engulfed her is a enormous hug.

"Hey, Bells. It's good to see you. I'm glad you didn't fucking die," he said chuckling. I rolled my eyes at him and his choice of words.

"Language, Emmett," Esme chided quietly.

"Me too, Emmett. Me too," Bella said with a small laugh.

"I'd say you look good, but right now you look like hell," Emmett said.

"Thanks, Em," she said sarcastically.

Upon hearing Ben's frightened thoughts on Emmett's physique, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Apparently Emmett wasn't the only one incapable of refraining from colorful language. I smiled again when Bella told him to go to work instead of staying at the hospital all the time. He agreed rather quickly, to my surprise, but I wasn't complaining.

Carlisle reminded us visiting hours were coming to a close so we needed to leave. Of course, I wouldn't go far and would return to her room once she was sleeping, but Ben didn't need to know that as I'm sure he wouldn't entirely appreciate the gesture. We all started to leave the room and then I heard her call my name.

"Edward?"

Complete and utter shock surged through my body and I slowly turned around to look at her. I stood gazing warily into her eyes for a few moments, wanting to lose myself in her and never resurface. Once everyone had left the room, and Carlisle had shut the door, she spoke again.

"You should hunt," she said softly obviously noticing my darkened eyes. They weren't quite black yet, but they were getting near. The surge of poignant emotions I endured over the last few days darkening my irises and expediting the process. I knew I would need to hunt soon.

"I will," I replied.

"Soon."

"Soon," I agreed.

"Good," she said as we continued to stare at each other.

I wanted to run to her and wrap her in my arms. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and that I was sorry for everything I put her through. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg her for forgiveness. I wanted to ask her to take me back, to love me again. I wanted to protect her in all the ways I had failed to do so. I wanted to say everything I've wanted to say for the last eight years, but I knew I couldn't. Not yet. It took all of my will power to remain where I was standing.

"Thank you," she said quietly. I understood. She was thanking me for saving her.

"You're welcome, Bella," I said softly, unable to hide the small smile that graced my lips. Her words gave me more hope than anything else. Maybe I did have a chance after all.

Not wanting to intrude any longer, I turned to leave the room. I felt like I was floating when I walked into the hall. Once the door latched behind me, I leaned back against it. I looked up to see Alice standing there with a smile on her face.

"That was unexpected,"I muttered.

Alice simply walked over to me and embraced me. I reached my arms around her to return the hug, sighing quietly, feeling a little contentment.

"Let's hunt, Edward. We won't be gone long, then you can get back to her."

"Okay," I said and we started to walked down the hall toward the elevator. Once inside, Alice looked over at me and smiled.

"The vision is still there," she said casually, and once again, my mind was filled with the image of Bella and I kissing in the park. "The time line has changed a bit though. It's warmer out when it happens than what I originally thought. If I had to hazard a guess when it takes place I'd have to say next summer, around nine months from now. Are you okay with that?"

"As long as it happens, Alice, I'm thrilled with it."

"She won't forgive you easily. It's going to take a lot of work."

"I never expected her to forgive me or take me back quickly. I know it will take time and I'm okay with that. I've been without her for eight agonizing years. A few more months are nothing. I can wait. I can be patient. I'm willing to do whatever I have to do."

"Good."

"What else do you see, Alice?" I asked, knowing she was keeping things from me.

"Everything is a little hazy still. I'm not used to see her, it's been so long. It's coming back though, but it's just flashes mainly right now. Nothing concrete. When I get more defined pictures, I'll let you know," she said and I nodded my head in reply.

Once the elevator hit the ground floor we quickly left the hospital to hunt. I was extremely nervous and wanted to get back to Bella. Being away from her even for a short period of time was more than I could endure, the pull I felt from her was stronger than it had ever been before. It was almost like I was physically tethered to her in some way. The moment we returned, I headed straight to her room, settling myself in for the night by her side. I reached over and lightly brushed the back of my fingers against her cheek and she instantly leaned into my touch in her sleep. For hours I sat and studied her face. She was stunning, bewitching, radiant...angelic. The years we were apart treated her kindly and I couldn't get enough of her. I could look at her endlessly for decades and never tire of her beauty.

Over the next couple of days Bella continued to regain her strength. She became exceedingly angry when Carlisle refused to let her work while she remained in the hospital. He ended up having the phone in her room removed after catching her doing business several times. I had never seen her so cantankerous before, but she eventually acquiesced to his demands of no work, however, her attitude remained argumentative for the remainder of her stay.

Luckily, Bella didn't seem too vexed about my close proximity, as she had seen me several times over the last few days. Each time she seemed a little less apprehensive, which I was grateful for.

When the time came for her to finally go home, Alice insisted that we drive her there. We walked into her room and saw she was already dressed and ready to leave. She was standing looking out the window that overlooked a park filled with playground equipment where several kids were running and playing merrily. Bella's expression was one of extreme sadness until she heard our arrival. She quickly faced us and narrowed her eyes, knowing why we were there.

"Alice, I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home. I don't need to be fucking babysat," she snapped as Alice and I walked further into the room.

"We aren't babysitting you, Bella. We're just worried about you and want to take care of you. Besides, Carlisle would rather you didn't take a cab home from the hospital," Alice said gently.

"I wouldn't take a fucking cab, Alice. I have my own car, with a driver. If you'd give me my goddamn phone back I'd call him and tell him to pick me the hell up."

"But we're already here, Bella. Edward and I are taking you home and that's that," Alice said while Bella glared at her. The sound of the door opening silenced their argument.

"Oh, HELL, no!" Bella spat harshly when she saw the nurse pushing a wheelchair in the room. "My legs aren't fucking broken, I can walk myself out of here, thank you very much."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's hospital policy," the nurse said kindly.

"Fuck hospital policy. Now get that goddamned thing out of here."

At this, I decided to step in and try to defuse the situation slightly. Glancing at the nurse, I gave her my best smile before speaking.

"Ma'am," I started, using my persuasive voice I knew humans responded well too, especially human females. "I'm sure we won't have any problems if the wheelchair isn't used. You don't really mind, do you? I promise not to say a word to anyone." I said with a smirk as the nurse's heart rate increased and her breathing faltered. Her eyes glazed over for a moment as her eye lashes fluttered. She looked completely dazed before nodding her head and turning to leave the room, stumbling on her feet somewhat on her departure.

"Did you just fucking dazzle the nurse?" Bella asked incredulously as soon as the door was closed once more.

"It got us what we needed," I said with a shrug of my shoulders, trying to be nonchalant. "Are you ready to go?"

"I am, and since it looks like I have no choice in the matter of my transportation, get me the hell out of here," she said as she walked toward the door, brushing against my arm on the way. I instantly felt her warmth through the thick layer of leather in my jacket and I silently wished she would do it again. Her scent enveloped me and I greedily breathed it in. She paused and looked up at me, her eyes boring into mine, before she continued toward the door.

Once we exited the hospital, I walked Bella over to my car and opened the door for her.

"A Volvo, Edward? Seriously?" she asked with a raised brow.

"What's wrong with a Volvo?"

"Nothing, I suppose. I just figured you'd move on to something else by now," she said, but I was able to hear the double meaning in her statement. Yes, she was very bitter and rightly so. I knew I had a long journey in front of me but I would make her see the truth somehow. I simply shrugged my shoulders in reply knowing it wasn't time to delve into that conversation just yet.

After we were settled into the car and heading in the direction of Bella's apartment, she reached her hand out toward Alice without looking at her. "Can I have my phone back now," she said in a flat tone.

"Sure, Bella. Here you go," Alice replied.

She grabbed the phone from Alice and started to dial immediately.

"Be at my apartment in one hour with anything that needs my attention," she said harshly to the person on the other end, hanging up before she received a reply.

It didn't take long to reach our destination and I quickly parked the car at the curb before getting out and opening Bella's door. Alice remained in the car, giving me this time with Bella.

"May I please walk you in?" I asked her gently.

"I can make it on my own, Edward. I'm not an invalid."

"I know that, Bella, but it would make me feel better knowing you made it in alright."

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes, Bella, it does. To me. Please."

"Fine," she said with a roll of her eyes as she started walking toward her building. The doorman quickly opened the door for us.

"Hello, Ms. Swan," he said brightly. Bella glanced his way quickly but otherwise ignored him.

"_Rude as ever, that one. And she has yet another man with her. I guess I shouldn't be surprised,"_ he thought.

"Hello, sir," he said in my direction. I dismissed his silent comment and said a quick "Hello" and "Thank You" before we made our way to the elevator. Once we arrived on the 88th floor we promptly made our way to Bella's door. She froze when she reached it.

"What the hell happened to my door?" she asked.

"Um, I had to break it down in order to get to you, so Jasper and Emmett had it replaced. The locks are still the same."

She opened the door while shaking her head and we went inside. I didn't have a chance to look around her apartment when I was last here so I allowed myself to admire it now. It was beautifully designed with classic furnishings. It felt warm and sophisticated. I was a bit surprised when I saw the baby grand piano sitting in a corner in the living room.

"You have a piano?" I couldn't help but ask.

"It's a great design element," Bella said with a shrug to her shoulders. "It was special ordered for a client but once it arrived they decided they didn't want a baby grand, and opted for a larger size. It couldn't be returned so I thought I'd keep it. I think it works well in the space."

"It's beautiful," I said as I brushed my fingers lightly over the keys, but not pressing down. When I looked back up, Bella was staring at me with a questioning look in her eye. We stood there for several minutes, nether of us speaking, only gazing into one another's eyes.

"Well, I'm all safe and sound. You can go now."

"Right."

"Tell Alice I will be in touch with her soon."

"I will, Bella. Please, if you need anything, let me, let one of us know."

"I'm sure I'll be fine, Edward."

"I know, but please promise me you'll call if you need anything."

"Fine," she said with a heavy sigh.

I wanted to close the distance between us and pull her into my arms but I refrained from doing so. She was still exceedingly bitter about our return and I had to continue to tell myself to take things slow. I couldn't rush it. With that thought, I walked slowly toward the door. I grasped the handle and turned, swinging the door wide, and walked into the hall before turning around to get one last look at her.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward," she said and then shut the door.

I slowly made my way back to the elevator and down to the car. Once inside, I looked over at Alice.

"This is going to be harder than I thought," I said before starting the car and driving away from my life.

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**A little slower chapter here, but I guess they can't all be angst filled craziness. There are more of those to come though.**

**One question I get a lot is "Does Bella forgive him right away?" and the answer to that is a big fat NO. It takes time for her to open herself back up to Edward. He has his work cut out for him. He will grovel and work hard for her forgiveness and love. I guess I'm a realist in the fact that she won't be taking him back easily. If I were Bella, Edward would be eating his balls by now. ;)  
**

**Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what you think. Please hit the review button down there to let me know. While you're at it, let me know what you think Edward should have to do in order to win Bella back. Who knows, I may just use your idea in a later chapter! The first one to review gets a new puppy (alive or stuffed, your choice). **

**Don't forget to check out the all the amazing stories that have been nominated for an Indie Twific Award. theindietwificawards(dot)com**

**Until next time...  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**WOW! Believe me, I'm as shocked as y'all are that I'm posting so soon after the last chapter. I kinda enjoyed writing this one. There's a nice juicy lemon included, just so ya know. **

**I've added a few things to my profile, like links to pictures and shit, and I will continue to add more as the story unfolds. ALSO, there is a link to my Twitter account. Feel free to follow me if you want. I plan on posting teasers and other yummy information there. So come join me if you please. **

**{SM owns all. Like you didn't know that.}**

**Onto the chapter....**

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Chapter 12

BPOV

I stood near the window of my hospital room looking at the playground below and I found myself submerged in sadness. It was entirely ridiculous for me to feel like this while watching children play, but their innocence intrigued and amazed me. Children, yeah, that wasn't something that fit well in my life. I was too fucked up, I knew that. The last week alone proved that point a million times over. Throughout the years, I got used to that fact but I still couldn't help my reaction to them. The wonder in their eyes, the hopes and dreams they had of their futures, it was all fascinating to me. What I wouldn't do to go back to a time before I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, back to a time when I was allowed to be carefree and lighthearted. Who the fuck was I kidding though, I never had that honor. Even as a child I had to act like an adult. Renee was too flighty and irresponsible and I had to learn to take care of myself by the time I entered kindergarten. Sadly, she hadn't changed over the years, but I still loved her deeply. She would always be my best friend. Fuck, she was my only friend. I made a mental note to give her a call later, once I got home.

Home. Thank fucking God, I was going home today. I was so goddamned tired of being in this hell hole, especially once Carlisle refused to let me get any work done. He surprised me when he took the goddamned phone out of the room after he caught me on it. He even refused to allow Alice to give me my Blackberry. What was the big fucking deal? Stupid fucker. Okay, no, I didn't really mean that. Carlisle was a good man, I suppose, he just pissed me the fuck off.

It seemed I was in a continual state of pissed the fuck offness since that moment. I was bitchy, I knew that, but I really didn't give a damn. I hated hospitals. I've spent entirely way too much time in them and they held too many bad memories for me. So the fact that I was finally springing free from this motherfucker, was a relief. I was still pissed though. I had so much work piling up and I didn't know when or how I would get caught up. Luckily, Natalie was able to do her job for once and rearranged my schedule so I would either handle things upon my return or one of my other designers covered anything that needed attention during my absence. Which was one less thing I had to worry about.

When I heard a noise behind me, I quickly spun around and narrowed my eyes once I saw Alice and Edward walk in. Alice refused to let my driver pick me up and I had no fucking idea why. She insisted that she and Edward drive me home. I really wasn't looking forward to being in a vehicle with either one of them, but the idea of being that close to Edward had my nerves on edge. Over the last few days he had taken to showing up anytime one of the other Cullen's did. I still wasn't thrilled with the entire situation, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. The whole fucking Cullen family were a bit overbearing when it came to what they thought was right and what they wanted. I decided, for the time being, to suck it up and blow it off, otherwise I would fucking explode if I allowed it to get to me. It was just a short ride in a goddamned car. I could deal with it, if I had to, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try one last time to get out of it.

"Alice, I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home. I don't need to be fucking babysat," I said harshly. I was definitely still being a bitch but I didn't give a shit.

"We aren't babysitting you, Bella. We're just worried about you and want to take care of you. Besides, Carlisle would rather you didn't take a cab home from the hospital," she replied in a patronizing tone which didn't help my fucking mood any.

"I wouldn't take a fucking cab, Alice. I have my own car, with a driver. If you'd give me my goddamn phone back I'd call him and tell him to pick me the hell up."

"But we're already here, Bella. Edward and I are taking you home and that's that," she said with finality. Fucking bitch. I was just about to retort when the door opened and a nurse pushing a wheelchair entered the room and all thought on my transportation temporarily left my mind.

"Oh, HELL, no!" I spat. There was no fucking way I was being pushed around in that goddamned thing. No fucking way. "My legs aren't fucking broken, I can walk myself out of here, thank you very much."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's hospital policy," the nurse said all nice and shit.

"Fuck hospital policy. Now get that goddamned thing out of here."

Before I was able to say another word, Edward spoke up for the first time since entering the room. His voice was soft, like velvet, and I knew what he was trying to do the moment I saw the nurse's eyes unfocus and her breathing hitch. He was fucking dazzling her. I couldn't believe he would stoop to that, but I watched in astonishment as the nurse agreed and she tripped her way out of the room with the offending wheelchair.

"Did you just fucking dazzle the nurse?" I asked him, incredulously.

"It got us what we needed," he said with as he shrugged his shoulders. "Are you ready to go?"

"I am, and since it looks like I have no choice in the matter of my transportation, get me the hell out of here," I said as I made my way toward the door. I brushed against his arm on my way and I froze. I looked up into his eyes and noticed he must have hunted again recently as his eyes were a warm butterscotch color. It made me want to lick him. Fuck, where the hell did that come from? I pushed that thought out of my head and continued to walk toward the door.

Once we were outside, and Edward had led me to his car, I stood there and gaped as he opened the passenger side door for me. A fucking Volvo. He drove a fucking Volvo. I had to call him out on that shit.

"A Volvo, Edward? Seriously?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow for affect.

"What's wrong with a Volvo?" he asked hesitantly.

"Nothing, I suppose. I just figured you'd move on to something else by now," I said. That's what he does, after all, is move on. He shrugged his shoulders again in reply and didn't say anything else about his choice of vehicle.

As soon as I could, I reached my hand out for my goddamned Blackberry, asking Alice to hand it over. She did and I immediately called the office and spoke to Natalie. I hated letting work pile up and I needed to do something about it, and soon. I informed her to be at my apartment in one hour. That would give me plenty of time to shower and wash the fucking nastiness of the hospital off my body. I felt grimy as all fuck.

When we arrived at my building, I was a little shocked when Edward asked to walk me in. He almost sounded fearful of my answer.

"I can make it on my own, Edward. I'm not an invalid," I replied.

"I know that, Bella, but it would make me feel better knowing you made it in alright."

"Does it really matter?" Seriously, why the fuck did he care?

"Yes, Bella, it does. To me. Please."

"Fine." I was perplexed, wondering why he felt the need to escort me in. I rolled my eyes and started to walk toward the door. What the fuck ever. I never was able to understand the motivations for all the shit he did.

We quickly made our way in and into the elevator. Once the doors opened to my floor I swiftly walked down the hall to my door, pausing when I noticed it was different. When I questioned Edward about it, he informed me he busted the fucking thing down when he found me that night and had to have Jasper and Emmett replace it. I shook it off and opened the door, entering my apartment, my home, at last. I was tremendously relieved to finally be home. This was my haven. It was the one place where I could relax and not let the outside world invade my life, my spirit. Edward followed in behind me and I watched as he looked around, taking in his surroundings. He seemed a little surprised when he noticed the piano. I told him it was a design element and left it at that. He didn't need to know that I could play it now. Mind you, I didn't play well, but I could play nonetheless. When he looked up from the piano we gazed at each other for what seemed like forever. His expression was pained and it again made me wonder what the fuck was going on with him. The silence was starting to get a little awkward so I decided it was time for him to leave.

"Well, I'm all safe and sound. You can go now," I said, basically kicking him the fuck out of my home.

"Right."

"Tell Alice I will be in touch with her soon." Her account was one that I couldn't easily pass on to one of my other designers, so it was put on hold during my hospital stay.

"I will, Bella. Please, if you need anything, let me, let one of us know."

"I'm sure I'll be fine, Edward," I said. Like he fucking cared if I needed anything.

"I know, but please promise me you'll call if you need anything."

"Sure," I replied, still confused as all hell, but hoping if I acquiesced he would leave sooner. Being around Edward was still difficult for me. He still had a hold on me for some fucked up reason, although he shouldn't.

He headed for the door and walked back out into the hall before turning around.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said with that same pained expression on his face.

"Goodbye, Edward," I said. As soon as the door latched, I turned around and leaned against it, trying to check my goddamned emotions. I needed to pull myself together and not let Edward, or the rest of the Cullen's for that matter, interfere in my life. I vowed to myself, that as soon as I was finished with Alice's room, I would be done with them all. For good this time.

I had less than an hour until Natalie arrived so I made my way down the hall to my bathroom. I quickly showered and dressed and was ready when she arrived. It was time to get back into the swing of things. I refused to let the Cullen's fuck with what I had, so I pushed all thoughts of them out of my mind as best I could, and got to work.

....

"Let's sit down here for a bit, baby. You look tired as fuck," Ben said as he pointed to a bench that was nestled between two large leafless bushes. Fall had definitely made it's appearance over the previous weeks and all the lush greenery I revered was no more. We had been walking in the park, trying to get my strength back up to normal but I still felt weak as shit and it was making it hard to get through an entire day without the need for a nap, which I refused to take. I had been home from the hospital for a little more than a week at that point but my body just didn't want to cooperate with me like I thought it should. The pain in my chest finally started to feel better. I was actually pretty fucking surprised that my ribs or sternum wasn't broken due to the chest compressions. Other than that, the only consistent problem I suffered from was fatigue. It made me feel fucking lazy as hell.

As I sat down on the bench, I once again realized that we were in view of a playground, so I quietly sat and watched the few children laugh and play merrily.

"You miss her, don't you," Ben said as he followed my gaze to the playing children, knowing exactly who I was thinking of.

"Of course I do."

"Is her dad still being a douche?"

"Yeah. He's a fucking asshole. Apparently, having children doesn't suit him well."

"When will you see her again?"

"I'm suppose to fly out to get her on Friday. She'll come back here with me for a week or two."

"Will you be alright flying alone?"

"I'll be fine, Ben. Don't worry."

"Okay. It'll be great to have the little squirt around for a while. I've missed her too."

"It's been so long since I've seen her. I don't even have anything that could remotely entertain a four year old."

"Yeah, I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate the kind of toys you have," he said with a smirk as he nudged me with his shoulder.

"Shut the fuck up," I said with a small laugh. "Seriously though, what do four year old girls like to do?"

"Like I would fucking know. I don't have kids," he said with a chuckle.

"That's probably a good thing too. You shouldn't be allowed to breed," I teased, which made him laugh harder.

"Yeah, baby, I'm sure you're right about that."

We continued to sit there watching the children play, and I let my mind drift to the little girl that changed my life. She was the only person I felt a true emotional bond with and I hated that she lived so far away. I would cherish the time I was soon to spend with her. She was my flesh and blood and I would do anything for her. I would gladly give my life if it meant her happiness or safety. After she was born, I realized that I needed to clean my shit up, get off everything I was pumping into my body before it fucking killed me and took me away from her forever. It wasn't easy, but with Ben's help, I finally accomplished it.

"Tell me about these Cullen fuckers," Ben asked after a while.

"What do you want to know about them?" I hedged.

"How do you know them?"

"I went to high school with them. Well, not with Carlisle and Esme, but with the rest of them."

"How is that fucking possible? They all look like kids."

"I guess you can say they have good genes, but believe me, they're all older than me." If he only knew how much older they were.

"Why do they call you Bella?"

"Because that's what I went by back then. As soon as I left Forks, I stopping going by it."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't fucking like it." I seriously didn't want to have this discussion with him right now. There was no goddamned way I was telling him any details about my past in Forks, about vampires and werewolves. About Jacob.

"They all seem a bit, I don't know, different, especially the moody redheaded one. What's his deal anyway?"

"Edward is harmless. Don't worry about him."

"Did you fuck him?"

"Jesus Christ, Ben," I said, exasperated. "What the hell is this? The goddamned Spanish Inquisition? No, I didn't fuck Edward. We dated for a few months but nothing ever happened." Not that I didn't try. The fact that Edward would never touch me should have been a huge ass red flag but I was a stupid girl that was completely blinded by the fantasy I was so desperate to believe in. What the fuck did I know.

"You dated him?" he asked, incredulously.

"Didn't I just say I did?" I snapped.

"He's the one, isn't he? The reason you don't let anyone in? That's why he was so distant with you at the hospital. He's the one that broke you so goddamned much that you won't trust yourself to fall in love again."

"Fuck you, Ben."

"Did you love him?" He asked but I remained silent. "Answer me, Isabella. Did you fucking love him?"

"Why does it matter, Ben? The answer to that won't change anything between us."

"Please, just answer me," he said in a desperate whisper.

"Fuck." I muttered before continuing in a harsher tone. "Yes, Ben, I loved him, but it doesn't matter. He didn't love me. He used me then fucking dumped my ass like a disgusting piece of garbage and moved on. I never meant anything to him and it hurt like hell. Is that what you wanted to fucking hear?"

"No," he sighed as he visibly calmed down, his shoulders relaxing. "I'm sorry, baby. I know I shouldn't pry, but I can't help it."

"I know. You're an ass."

"Yes, I am. Forgive me?" he asked, softly.

"There's nothing to forgive. Just stop being an ass."

"I'll make it up to you, baby," he said as he leaned closer to me. It never ceased to amaze me how Ben could go from being a goddamned jerk to a horny motherfucker ready to dry hump me in the matter of seconds. He leaned in and gently kissed my lips, bringing his hands up to cup my face. It was tender and full of the love I knew he felt for me. It quickly changed to a kiss full of passion and desire as his tongue darted out seeking entrance into my mouth. I obliged, and deepened the kiss. He snaked one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him, while his other hand slowly ran up my thigh. When his fingers ran across my clothed-covered, aching center, I moaned into his mouth.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you home so I can lick that sweet pussy," he muttered before ravishing my mouth again. He quickly pulled away and stood up. "Now. Before I take you right here. It's been too long since my head was between your pretty little legs and I fucking need it."

I was every bit the sex addict as Ben was, maybe more so. I craved it as much as I craved food, or air. The fact that I hadn't had any form of sex since before my hospitalization had me on edge a bit more than I liked. I desperately needed the release. So, I quickly stood up and Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me forward.

We walked as fast as possible back to my apartment. Once inside, Ben lead me to my bedroom and quickly removed the t-shirt and yoga pants I had been wearing. The next thing I knew he scooped me up in his arms and tossed me on my bed. I let out a loud squeal of excitement and anticipation as I landed. His eyes never wavered from my own as he slowly started to remove his clothing. He lifted his large hands and quickly unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground in a puddle at his feet, briskly doing the same with his pants, his boxers falling to the ground along side them. I licked my lips as he stood before me in all his naked glory, cock fully at the ready. He began to crawl up the bed toward me, each movement he made deliberate, ceasing when he was nestled between my spread legs. Leaning over and kissing me, his hands snaked behind my back and unfastened my bra before flinging it across the room. It hit the window with a loud snap, and I giggled.

"A little eager there, are we?" I asked and he simply shrugged his shoulders in reply.

He leaned back down and captured my right nipple between his lips, sucking lightly while rolling my left nipple between his fingers. Moaning loudly, I raised my hands to intertwine in his hair. The soft strands wove lightly through my fingers and I gripped them tightly, almost roughly, causing him to groan out in pleasure. His hands slowly trailed down my stomach before settling over my hips, where he rubbed small circles into my heated flesh, before his fingers ran along the waistband of my panties and started to pull them down my thighs. I raised my hips from the bed as he sat back on his knees, allowing him to remove them completely. They, too, were flung across the room, landing next to my discarded bra near the window.

"Just the way I like you, baby. Bare and spread wide for me," he said as his fingers lightly grazed over my clit. I writhed as a jolt of pure pleasure shot through my body, leaving an intense tingling sensation in it's wake.

Ben gently grabbed my leg and placed a kiss to the inside of my knee before he began trailing kisses up my inner thigh. When he placed a small kiss to my clit, my hips involuntarily bucked forward, begging and needing more. He settled himself between my legs and looked up at me with a devilish smirk on his face. I once again grabbed onto his hair and forced his face where I wanted it to be, making him chuckle lightly before his tongue darted out and flicking my clit. He ran his tongue along the length of my center, making me moan out once again. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to be lost to the sensations, feeling nothing more than Ben's mouth on my overheated pussy. He slowly inserted two fingers, hooking them and pulling out slowly, hitting my g-spot while nipping and sucking harder on my clit. A loud, throaty groan escaped my mouth, but I honestly didn't give a fuck. The intensity of what he was doing to my body making my mind empty of all thought. Before long, I felt the tightness in my lower stomach, knowing my climax was near.

"Fuck, Ben. I'm so close," I moaned, making him quicken his movements, fucking me harder with his fingers.

My breathing became erratic, my body tensing up, moaning out louder than before. He pressed his fingers to my inner spot and bit down lightly on my clit, forcing my body over the edge, exploding into orgasm. He continued to lick and suck, lapping up my juices and riding me through my climax. He pulled back and looked up at me again when I relaxed into the bed. Crawling up my body, he continued to place kisses, until he reached my mouth.

"You taste so fucking good, baby. I could never get enough of that shit," he said as he ground his erection into my sensitive flesh, making me squirm at the contact. Chuckling, he leaned forward and captured my mouth with his own, kissing me deeply. I whimpered at the flavor of myself on his tongue, a sweet and tangy mixture. When we needed to take a breath, he moved his mouth to my neck, kissing softly and tasting my skin with his tongue.

Reaching down between us, I grabbed hold of his cock, lining him up at my entrance. He brought his mouth back to mine as he pushed himself inside of me. We both moaned out as he filled me completely, intense pleasure rocking through my body once more. He slowly began to pull back out before slamming back into me with force, making me cry out. He continued to pound into me relentlessly, showing me no fucking mercy, just how I liked it. I didn't need any of that making love bullshit. All I wanted was a good, hard, primal fucking.

"So fucking good, baby," he groaned.

"Harder, Ben. Fuck," I said as he quicken his pace, ramming into me as if his fucking life depended on it. He raised his upper body up on outstretched arms as I lifted my legs over his shoulders, the new angle allowing him to penetrate me deeper. I quickly felt the tension building in my stomach again, my release imminent. I felt my entire body shudder as my climax took hold, warmth spreading from my center, making me convulse in pleasure. He continued to slam into me, riding me through my orgasm. I was spent, my limbs falling limply on the bed as Ben continued to fuck me.

"Baby, I want to come in your mouth, okay," he panted between thrust of his hips. I nodded my head, giving him permission to do as he pleased.

"Fuck, I'm close," he said as he pulled out of me and quickly scooted up to my head, straddling my torso and pinning my arms down with his legs. He stroked himself a few times before his cock rubbed against my lips. I opened my mouth and he thrust himself inside deeply, groaning loudly. He started roughly fucking my mouth, leaning over and grabbing a hold of the headboard with both of his hands. I ran my tongue around the head of his cock when he pulled back and sucked harder as he trust himself in deeper.

"Shit," he moaned, the noise loud and gritty, as I felt his cock hit the back of my throat. He stilled his movements and I felt several long, thick streams of his cum shoot into my mouth. I quickly swallowed everything he gave me and licked his cock clean. For several minutes, he remained where he was, cock still in my mouth, his breathing erratic. Once he came down from the high of his orgasm and regained control of his breathing, he pulled himself up and out of my mouth, rolling to my side with a satisfied sigh. He pulled my back up against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me, and we both quickly fell asleep, without a word to the other.

....

Friday finally came and I found myself sitting in a first class seat, thirty thousand feet in the air. Excitement overwhelming me as the airplane neared our destination. In less than an hour, I would have the one person that I truly cared about in my arms. I had missed her more than words could portray. She was my everything, my reason for existing.

Once we landed, I quickly made my way through the airport, thankful I only had my small carry on bag with me. I made my way passed security and started to scan the area for any signs of her. When my eyes met a pair of chocolate brown eyes, wide with glee, I sprinted in her direction, dropping my bag a couple feet before I reached her. Falling to my knees, I brought her into my embrace, nuzzling my face into her thick, long, brown hair. Her curls tickled my nose slightly as I breathed in her scent.

"I missed you so much, baby girl," I whispered into her ear.

"I missed you, too," she replied in her sweet, childish voice as she squeezed me tightly to her.

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**Hmmmm.....**

**Don't worry. That right up there is the last lemon I will be posting of Bella with someone other than the one we want her to be with. Not that she's not going to continue to play with her toys, it's just that I won't be writing about them. Although I may mention something, this is the end of those type of lemons. They were, however, essential to the story, but that's it, folks. You can thank me later. Hehehe ;)  
**

**I would love to know your thoughts and would greatly appreciate if you left a review. They seriously make me write faster. That ain't no lie, my friends. So click the button down yonder there and make this author squeal with glee. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! Finally, I know. Damn. It. This chapter tried to fucking kill me. Seriously. But I prevailed and kicked it's ass. I hope you enjoy.**

**Thank you to all of my faithful readers. You all fucking make me happy. So. Much.  
**

**{SM owns all, and yeah, I'm not happy about that.}**

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Chapter 13

EPOV

It had been a several days since Bella had been released from the hospital and I found myself standing on the roof of the building across the street from hers. It so happened, that the roof lined up quite well with her apartment, allowing me clear visual access to her. I had been sitting up here for the better part of two days, and although I knew it was what Alice would call, "horror movie grade stalker creepy", I couldn't help it. In my defense, I did my best not to continually watch her, keeping my eyes averted as much as I could in order to give her privacy. I merely wanted to be close in the event she needed anything.

Although, who was I trying to kid? I knew Bella would never call me for help. She had Ben now and he was more than happy to occupy the roll I desperately wanted to fulfill. Nevertheless, I stayed near, hoping I was wrong, hoping that Bella would need me. For something. Anything.

Watching their interactions was sometimes challenging and it only elevated my confusion of their relationship. It was obviously clear how Ben felt about her, always attentive and caring. That was, when he kept his hands to himself. During his more, should we call it, playful times, he was anything but. Bella remained indifferent for the most part and I was always consumed with delight whenever she made him leave. Those were the times I would allow myself to watch her.

It was during those times that I realized just how broken she truly was. On more than one occasion I would catch her looking off into space for an immeasurable amount of time, lost in her own thoughts. I never wished to know what she was thinking more than I did at those times. She looked genuinely sad and it broke my cold, dead heart even further than it already was. I wanted to comfort her, hold her in my arms, but I knew that I couldn't. I didn't like seeing her upset, but there was nothing I could do, except watch.

Ben would always return in the evening once he was finished working for the day. Today was no different. As soon as he arrived he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her passionately.

"Isabella, let's get out of here for a while, take a walk in the park, try to get your strength back up, okay?" I heard him say. She quickly agreed and moments later they were leaving her apartment. They didn't have far to go before they were in the park. The entire time, Ben firmly held Bella's hand in his own, or had his arm wrapped around her waist, guiding her to their destination. After a while, when exhaustion started to overcome Bella, they sat down on a bench next to a playground where a handful of children were playing.

A little ways beyond the playground was a small grove of trees and I quickly made my way toward them so as to camouflage my presence. I was able to settle myself between a rather large Pin Oak and an outcropping of rock, effectively hiding myself from view. My obscured position was the perfect place to observe and not be seen.

Bella looked utterly exhausted, but her expression of sorrow while watching the children play confused me. It was the same expression she wore in the hospital when she was gazing out of the window at the park below.

"You miss her, don't you," Ben said after a moment. He, too, was watching the children play. His thoughts were relatively clear, therefore, I was unable to make anything more out of his statement.

"Of course I do," Bella replied, softly. Her gaze never wavering from the children playing in front of her.

"Is her dad still being a douche?"

"Yeah. He's a fucking asshole. Apparently, having children doesn't suit him well."

"When will you see her again?"

"I'm suppose to fly out to get her on Friday. She'll come back here with me for a week or two."

My confusion increased dramatically. Who was this child? Why did the mention of her bring a spark to Bella's eyes that I had yet to see since our return?

"It's been so long since I've seen her. I don't even have anything that could remotely entertain a four year old."

Was it possible that Bella had a daughter? It was the only explanation I could come up with, and it only added to the list of questions I had of her past.

Where was the little girl? Why didn't she live with Bella? Who was her father?

I grabbed the phone out of my pocket and dialed. I needed some answers and there was only one person that could remotely help me at that moment.

"_Is everything okay, Edward?"_ Alice answered.

"I'm not sure. I'm mean, yes, everything is fine," I said, distractedly.

"_What's going on?"_

"I think Bella has a daughter, Alice. She and Ben are talking about a four year old little girl. It has to be her daughter. Right?"

"_A daughter? I haven't seen anything about a child though."_

"Bella is picking her up on Friday."

"_What's the problem, Edward? I know Bella having a child is a little unexpected but it doesn't change the way you feel about her."_

"No, Alice, it doesn't. I love her regardless. My concern is for the child."

"_How so?"_

"Do you think it's advisable for us to welcome a child into our world? We wouldn't be able to tell her what we are, but she will eventually realize something isn't quite right about us."

"_Rose would love it. As would Esme."_

"That doesn't mean it would be appropriate or fair to Bella and her daughter."

"_Edward, we don't even know if she's Bella's daughter. Let's simply wait and see how things play out. In the mean time, I will try to look for something about the little girl."_

"Okay, Alice. Thank you."

"_No problem. And make sure you come home later. Esme misses you. We all miss you."_

"I will," I said. I hung up the phone in just enough time to hear Ben's next statement.

Tell me about these Cullen fuckers," he said and I narrowed my eyes. I didn't appreciate his tone. Although, I had long since accepted humans questioning nature of us, I still didn't care for the disrespect Ben was showing.

"What do you want to know about them?" Bella replied, hesitantly.

"How do you know them?"

"I went to high school with them. Well, not with Carlisle and Esme, but with the rest of them."

"How is that fucking possible? They all look like kids."

"I guess you can say they have good genes, but believe me, they're all older than me."

I laughed lightly. Good genes, indeed.

"Why do they call you Bella?"

"Because that's what I went by back then. As soon as I left Forks, I stopping going by it."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't fucking like it," she snapped at him, anger etched on her perfect face, her brow furrowed deeply.

"They all seem a bit, I don't know, different, especially the moody redheaded one. What's his deal anyway?" he said as I suppressed a growl. The more he opened his mouth, the less I liked his interrogation.

"Edward is harmless. Don't worry about him," she said and I was surprised she was defending me.

"Did you fuck him?"

At that, I felt the growl bubble up and escape. I quickly stood and my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I was visibly shaking with anger, and it was near impossible to restrain my desire to approach them. A red haze clouded my otherwise perfect vision. How dare he speak to her that way. I wanted nothing more than to teach him a thing or two about manners, about how you treat a person like Bella.

"Jesus Christ, Ben. What the hell is this? The goddamned Spanish Inquisition? No, I didn't fuck Edward. We dated for a few months but nothing ever happened." Her tone made me flinch as a cold bitterness oozed from her words.

At the time, when we were together, I wanted nothing more than to be able to make love to her. I wanted to worship her in every way possible, only I knew it wasn't feasible. I could kill her. I couldn't take that chance. I could never do anything to cause her harm. I would have never forgave myself if I hurt her in any way. So as difficult as it was, I refrained from any overly physical or sexual contact with her. I knew it bruised her ego, thinking I didn't desire her in that way. The truth of the matter was, nothing was further from the truth. It took all of my years of self-restraint to deny her of her wishes.

"You dated him?" he asked, incredulously.

"Didn't I just say I did?" she snapped again.

"He's the one, isn't he? The reason you don't let anyone in? That's why he was so distant with you at the hospital. He's the one that broke you so goddamned much that you won't trust yourself to fall in love again."

I gasped audibly upon hearing his words, my eyes widening, fearing her reply.

"Fuck you, Ben."

"Did you love him?" he asked while Bella remained silent. "Answer me, Isabella. Did you fucking love him?"

"Why does it matter, Ben? The answer to that won't change anything between us."

"Please, just answer me."

"Fuck," she muttered before speaking louder, harsher. "Yes, Ben, I loved him, but it doesn't matter. He didn't love me. He used me then fucking dumped my ass like a disgusting piece of garbage and moved on. I never meant anything to him and it hurt like hell. Is that what you wanted to fucking hear?"

I sank back to the ground, defeated, and rested my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut. Devastation washed over me and the air left my lungs in a loud whoosh. It felt like I had been sucker punched in the gut, unable to catch the breath I didn't need. I had always known I had hurt her, but hearing it from her first hand was more than I could tolerate.

She didn't think I loved her. I hurt her more than I ever realized.

I was a monster.

After a moment, I slowly raised my head and allowed my gaze to fall on them once more, only to find Ben caressing her cheek and kissing her gently. Suddenly their kiss became more heated as his hand slid up her thigh, grazing the apex between her legs. I quickly looked away, unable to endure the sight of his uncouth advances. Rage filled my very being and I tried my best to push it aside. It wouldn't do well if I were to run over and teach him a lesson in respect that he sorely needed to learn.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you home so I can lick that sweet pussy," he said. I once again closed my eyes tightly and tried my best to tune them out, pinching the bridge of my nose with the fingers on one hand while grasping my hair roughly with the other. A instant later they were walking back toward Bella's apartment and I remained where I was, unable to move. I knew I didn't want to follow them at that point. It would only bring more anguish my way seeing them together. Knowing what they were about to do was tormenting me enough. Hearing and seeing them was an entirely different matter. I knew I would be unable to restrain myself if I had followed them.

I sat at that location for an immeasurable amount of time, the daylight fading into darkness. I remained there, lost in my thoughts, lost to the past I had with Bella, until I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked up and was immediately surprised to see the pair of golden eyes staring down at me.

"Are you okay, son?" Carlisle asked.

"No," I whispered.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to the spot next to me. I simply nodded my reply and he gracefully sat down beside me, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his thighs.

"There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy," he quoted, softly.

"Dante," I replied and he nodded his head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"She doesn't think I ever loved her, Carlisle. She said I used her then threw her away like a piece of garbage. She told Ben she never meant anything to me. Granted, the way I left was atrocious but I never thought she would believe I didn't cared for her. She was my everything. She still is my everything. What I did to her is unforgivable. I am truly a monster."

"You are not a monster, Edward."

"How can you say that, Carlisle? I devastated the person that meant the most to me. I obliterated her kind heart, broke it completely. I took an innocent girl and turned her into a bitter woman. If that isn't the definition of a monster, I don't know what is."

"You made a mistake, son. Yes, it was a grave error in judgement, but that does not make you a monster. You've realized what you have done and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it better. You have been given the rare opportunity to correct your wrongdoing. I know you will make this right. I understand that you feel the situation is daunting, and rightly so, but you must remember, hope is not lost. Take this second chance you have been given and use it wisely."

"I think she has a daughter," I whispered, inaudible to human ears.

"Children are wonderful things, Edward. That just means you will have one more person to love and have them love you in return. Bella's child would only be a blessing to us all."

I knew he was right. Anything that Bella created could be nothing less than magnificent. I just feared she wouldn't want her daughter around a coven of vampires. Not that I wouldn't blame her if she didn't.

"I don't deserve the trust and faith you have in me, Carlisle," I said as he rose to his feet.

"You're a good man, Edward. Your heart is pure and absolute and your nature is kind and gentle. You deserve everything good in this world. You are more than worthy of my trust, faith and praise. You have made me a better person just by being in your presence and for that I am grateful. Our family wouldn't be what it is without you, son," he said gently as he reached his hand out to me. I grasped a hold of it without hesitation and rose to stand next to him.

Once I stood, he enveloped me in a warm, fatherly embrace, patting me on the back lightly.

"Let's get home. Esme wishes to see you," he said with a small smile. _"It will all work out, son. Have faith."_ he added silently.

With that, we made our way home.

....

"Hurry up, Edward! I want to see Bella and her daughter," Alice nearly screeched.

Bella had arrived home the day before from her trip to pick up the little girl and since then, Alice had been begging me to see her.

"I don't think it's wise for me to go with you, Alice. After all, I'm not the one she's working with, not to mention we would be showing up uninvited and without warning."

"Nonsense. She won't mind. I'm sure of it."

"And you've seen this?" I asked a little sarcastically.

"Of course I have," she said with a devilish smirk.

"What else have you seen, Alice?" I asked, exasperated.

"I'm not telling you but I will say it's a good thing. Now hurry up. I don't want to wait any longer."

"Fine," I acquiesced.

The drive into the city was tiresome, to say the least. Alice was effectively blocking her thoughts from me, in which was never a good thing. Every time I questioned her she adamantly refused to answer.

"Trust me, Edward. It's going to be a perfect day," was all she would offer.

When we made it to Bella's building, Alice exited the car before it fully came to a stop. I rolled my eyes at her exuberance and finished parking the car. It was just before lunchtime and I hoped we wouldn't be intruding upon their meal.

We made our way to the building and the doorman swiftly opened the door for us, ushering us inside with a polite, "good day". Alice was able to distract the man at the security desk long enough so we were able to sneak by him and into the elevator. The ride to Bella's floor was quick and before I knew it the doors opened and we promptly made our way to her door and Alice reached her hand out and knocked. A moment later the door swung open and my love stood before us.

"Hi Bella!" Alice said as she stepped forward and hugged her.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bella said as she looked between Alice any myself, bewilderment encompassing her expression.

"Oh, we were in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by to see how you were doing," Alice lied.

"Um, alright," Bella said as she stepped to the side to allow us entrance into her home. The moment we walked in the door we heard the rapid heartbeat of the little girl, although she wasn't anywhere in sight. We followed Bella further into the apartment and stopped once we reached the living room. Suddenly, we heard the quiet pattering of tiny barefeet on the hardwood floors. I quickly spun on my heel just as the little girl came running at full speed into the room.

"I made you a picture," she said, excitedly, in her small, sweet voice as she flailed her drawing in the air over her head. She looked up and I stifled a gasp when I saw her clearly. She had long, slightly curly brown hair that fell to the middle of her back. Her face was heart-shaped and her skin was creamy and pale, but what really surprise me were her eyes. They were the exact shape and color of Bella's. She was beautiful.

"Hi," she said cheerfully when she noticed Alice and I standing there before making her way to Bella's side. Bella crouched down so she was at eye level with the little girl and smiled warmly at her.

"This is beautiful, sweetie."

"It's a donkey," she said, proudly, as she thrust the drawing into Bella's face.

"I can see that," Bella replied with a giggle, although the drawing didn't resemble anything remotely like a donkey. It was more like a brown and white blob with five legs. I seriously hoped one of those "legs" was suppose to be a tail.

The little girl leaned in close to Bella so she could whisper in her ear.

"Who are they?" she asked with wonderment, forgetting to lower her voice to the level of a whisper. Bella laughed lightly and the sound was music to my ears. She looked up at us and sighed before she introduced us.

"Alice, Edward, this is Olivia," she said. "Livvi, this is Alice and Edward Cullen. They're old friends of mine."

Old friends. I guess it could be worse.

The little girl walked over toward us and reached her hand out to me in order to shake. I smirked and obliged, grasping onto her little hand gently and giving it a small shake. She didn't seem to notice or mind the cold temperature or the hardness of my skin.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Edward. I'm Olivia Grace Dwyer," she said softly although it sounded more like she said Owivia Gwace Dwhyer.

"Dwyer? You mean she's not..." Alice began.

"She's my sister," Bella clarified.

"She looks just like you, Bella," Alice said.

"Yes, she does. Everyone confuses her for my daughter. So you're not the only one."

Olivia walked over to Alice and once again held her hand out. "It's nice to meet you, too, Miss Alice."

"May I give you a hug, Olivia?" Alice asked. Olivia smiled widely and nodded her head enthusiastically as a deep blush overcame her little cheeks, instantly reminding me of Bella. Alice bent down to her level and reached out to embraced the little girl.

"You're really pretty," Olivia said with awe once Alice released her.

"Thank you, little one, but I believe you are prettier," Alice replied as she touched the tip of Olivia's nose.

"Nuh uh," she said as she shook her head back and forth overzealously, making Alice giggled.

Olivia turned quickly to face her sister. "Bella, can they come to the park with us? I want them to have fun with us at our picnic."

"Um, baby girl, I don't know about that. I'm sure they have other plans," Bella said.

"It's alright, Bella. We'd love to come. Wouldn't we, Edward?" Alice said brightly.

"Of course," I replied, calmly, although inside I was bursting at the seams, erupting with joy at the opportunity to spend the afternoon with Bella.

"YAY!" Olivia squealed as she spun around in circles, nearly losing her balance and falling over.

"You don't have to do this, guys. It's alright. Really," Bella said as she looked from Alice to myself.

It amazed me how different Bella was when she was around Olivia. The little girl changed her somehow and I saw a glimpse of the old Bella emerge. Her bitterness and anger seem to abate some and her kindness reappeared. That made me immensely happy. I knew I would take any part of her she offered to me but I couldn't dismiss the fact that I missed the compassionate and tender Bella of her youth. Perhaps that part of her wasn't as far away as I thought.

"We don't mind, Bella," I said gently. She gazed into my eyes for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and walking toward the kitchen. Olivia grasped onto Alice's hand and pulled her after Bella. I followed and when I entered the kitchen, she was filling a large basket with food for their picnic.

"Wow! You got a real picnic basket! You remembered," Olivia exclaimed.

"Sure did. All for you, baby girl," Bella said as she placed a tender kiss to her forehead and Olivia beamed. "Go get your shoes on and grab your jacket and we can go."

"Yes, ma'am!" Olivia said before running out of the room and down the hall.

I turned around just as Bella started to pick up the basket and a blanket that lay on the counter.

"Let me get that, please," I said as I stepped forward to grab the items. My hand brushed against hers and she gasped quietly and quickly pulled her hand away.

"Thanks," she said, flatly, without making eye contact. Keeping her eyes averted, she walked back into the living room to wait on Olivia.

"Let's go!" Olivia yelled as she ran back into the living room, crashing into a chair on her way. She seemed every bit as clumsy as Bella and that fact made me smile.

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting under a large maple tree in the park. The weather was relatively mild for late autumn and although the trees were now bare of their foliage, it allowed humans one last moment of enjoyment before the harsher winter conditions took hold over the city.

Bella had spread the blanket out and begun to pass Olivia her lunch. I tried not to cringe when I heard what she was about to ask me.

"Do you want part of my sandwich, Mr. Edward?" Olivia asked as she held it out to me. I did my best to hold back my grimace.

Peanut butter and jelly. Disgusting.

"Thank you, but no, Olivia. I'm not hungry," I said gently and saw Bella silently snickering next to me.

It didn't take long for them to complete their meal. Once they were finished Olivia jumped up and asked Alice to play with her. The resulting smile that formed on Alice's face was brilliant. As she stood, her thoughts were nothing of pure delight and joy.

"_She wants to play with _me_!"_ she thought with absolute glee.

"Oh, hey, Livvi, I have something for you," Bella said quickly as she produced a small pink bottle.

"Bubbles!" Olivia exclaimed, loudly, grabbing the bottle before running a short distance away with Alice.

We watch the two play for a while. It was quite endearing, actually. I wasn't sure who was enjoying themselves more, Alice or Olivia. Both wore exceptionally bright smiles as Olivia chased after the bubbles that Alice blew. Rapturous giggles from both floated back to us on the wind and I couldn't conceal a grin at their happiness. The little girl was indeed bringing joy to our lives, even though we had only met her.

"She's a very polite and well mannered little girl," I said to Bella after a few minutes.

"Yes. It appears Renee is doing a better job parenting this time around."

"You were always polite, Bella," I said and she merely shrugged her shoulders in reply.

"How are Renee and Phil?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence that fell between us.

"Divorced. Phil turned out to be the world's biggest ass."

I looked at her incredulously. "What happened? I thought they were happy."

"Well, his _promising_ baseball career ended when he broke his leg a few years ago," she began and I could hear the sarcasm in her words in reference to his career. "After that, he changed, became bitter and unreasonable. He found a job coaching a bunch of kids but he hated it, always complaining about anything and everything. Then one day, a couple months after Livvy was born, Renee came home early from work and found him screwing one of the kid's mothers in their bed. Then the fucker had the balls to tell her to put the baby down so Renee could join them."

"That's horrible," I said quietly, completely shocked.

"Since then, he's tried to make her life a living hell. He doesn't give a shit about his daughter, claimed he never wanted her to begin with, but he fought her constantly with visitation, trying to get full custody. He wants Renee to suffer so he tried to take Livvy away from her because he knew it would destroy her. The divorce was pretty fucking nasty."

"I can imagine."

"Renee ended up with full custody after I hired a private investigator to follow Phil around. When he had Livvi, he would basically ignore her, too busy fucking anything with two legs. He hardly fed her and sometimes he would get physical. At times, she would come home with bruises. The bastard is lucky to still be alive, if you ask me. So now, Renee is trying to put her life back together."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I was utterly appalled with Phil's behavior. I wished more than anything that I was there for her during this time in her life.

"Things are getting better now. Renee is moving back to Phoenix. That's why I have Livvi right now, because she's there looking for a job and a house."

"Why don't they move here to be closer to you?"

"I wish they would. I would love for Livvy to be close, but Renee hates the cold, always has. I suggested it but she was adamant about going someplace sunny and warm, and since she's familiar with Phoenix, she decided to move back there. Well, that and the fact that it's far away from Phil. I can't change her mind, although I've tried, many times. You've met her so you know what's she's like. She hasn't changed."

"Yes, I do know what's she like," I chuckled lightly and Bella smiled.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while as we continued to watch Olivia and Alice play. Alice would blow the bubbles and laugh as she watched Olivia jump and chase after them, falling down often. It had been a long time since I had seen Alice this happy.

"She's the reason I stopped using," Bella said softly after a moment. I turned my head to look at her and saw that her expression was pensive and a little sad.

"How so?" I asked. Bella readjusted her position, bringing her legs up and wrapping her arms around them, almost defensively, before she spoke.

"I was so fucked up, Edward. I can't even describe how bad it was. Of course, I didn't think anything of it at the time. For nearly five years, barely a day went by where I didn't have some sort of shit running through my body and it got progressively worse as the years went by. Luckily, I was still able to function, but just barely. I realize that now when I look back."

I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but I didn't know how. I was slightly surprised that she was opening up to me the way she was, but extraordinarily grateful that she did. I knew she had been clean for three years now, therefore, it sounded like she began using shortly after I left. Once again, I felt like a monster, realizing I had yet one more thing to apologize for.

"Right after she was born I flew to Florida to see her. I didn't want to go. I was so strung out on heroin at the time and all I wanted to do was find more. I basically went to get Renee off my back. I knew she wouldn't stop bitching about it until I came. But when I held that little baby girl in my arms for the first time I just knew I had to stop. It was killing me, quickly. I would have been dead in a matter of months if I hadn't stopped when I did. I can't explain it, but when I looked into her eyes that first time..." she trailed off. "She saved me," she whispered.

I didn't really know what to say at that point. My dead heart felt heavy in my chest, knowing how bad she had had it during my absence. I had no one to blame but myself and I vowed to make it right to her, somehow.

"When you found me, Edward, it had been a while since I had used. I'm not proud of relapsing. I never want to get caught up in that life again. I hope you know that," she said, her words filled with shame.

"I know, Bella," I said then added to myself, _I'm sorry, love_.

"I know I'm not the same person I was before and I never will be that girl again, but when I was strung out, I was unrecognizable. I never want to be that again. Ever."

"You're a strong person, Bella. I have no doubt that you can overcome anything," I said and she snorted, disbelievingly.

She turned to face me, place her hands in her lap, and gazed into my eyes. "Thank you, Edward. If you hadn't found me that day, I would be dead. I'm sure most people wouldn't mind if I were gone, but it kills me to think that I wouldn't be here for Livvi."

Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed her hand and squeezed, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles lightly. She tensed slightly and I quickly pulled away, however, I still felt the warmth tingling throughout my fingers and relished in the sensation. At that moment I knew I wanted to tell her everything, confess my love and beg for her forgiveness. Unfortunately, I was unsure how to begin. This wasn't a conversation that would go over well, I knew that, and being in the presence of a small child when it occurred probably wasn't the best of ideas.

"_I have an idea, Edward,"_ Alice thought. I glanced up to see her smirking as she began to whisper in Olivia's ear. Sneaky, evil, Alice, bringing the one person Bella seems unable refuse into the equation. God, how I loved my sister at times.

"You don't have to thank me for anything," I said to Bella just as Olivia ran over to us and jumped on her, causing her to fall over onto her back. She started laughing and hugged her sister tightly.

"Bella, please, please, please, can I? Please?" Olivia begged as Bella looked at her questioningly, unable to decipher her meaning.

""What are you talking about, baby girl?"

"Miss Alice wants to have a playdate tomorrow with me! Please can we? Pleeeease?" she begged once more as she pulled back and looked at Bella. I nearly laughed out loud. She had jutted her bottom lip out and was looking at her with those large chocolate brown, puppy dog eyes. This little girl knew how to play people. Bella didn't stand a chance.

Bella groaned. "Alright, Livvy. But you owe me. I had things I was suppose to do."

"Yay!" Olivia squealed as she wrapped her little arms around her sister once more before jumping up and facing Alice. "Come on, Miss Alice. Let's play some more," she said as she dragged her back to where they were playing moments before.

"I can never say no to her when she's like that," Bella said as she watched them skip away.

"I can see that," I chuckled.

Bella looked at me and sighed and I wondered what she was thinking. She didn't seem unhappy. In fact, she seemed content.

"Look, Bella, there is something I would like to discuss with you, but here in the park with your sister probably isn't the best place to do it. Would you mind speaking with me tomorrow while Olivia is with Alice?"

"What do you need to discuss?" she hedged.

"It's....complicated," I said, lamely. I couldn't very well get into it at that point. I knew what I had to say probably would not go over well. At all. Therefore, Olivia not being present was essential.

"Complicated," Bella muttered, more to herself than anything, as she plucked a blade of brown grass from the ground and began ripping it to pieces.

"Please, Bella."

Her chocolate gaze was filled with questions as she sat silently for several moments, simply looking at me. I couldn't look away. I was mesmerized.

"Okay," she said, softly, still holding my gaze.

"Thank you, Bella. It means a lot to me. Truly."

I hoped by tomorrow she would know exactly how much it meant to me. It was time to lay everything on the line, confess my sins, acknowledge my wrongdoings, admit my injustices, confide my love.

I only hoped she would understand.

* * *

**Well, there you have it. I was surprised that only like two people figured out who the little girl was. Yep, she's her sister AND the catalyst to Bella ending the drugged out stage of her life. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've already started on the next and will get it out as soon as I can. It's gonna be a doozie with Edward pouring his heart out to Bella. How will she take that? How will Edward?  
**

**I would love to know what you think. Reviews are the best thing for fanfic writers. It's the only payment we ask for. So, I'm asking, okay, I'm begging, please hit the button down there and review. Thanks, awesome people of the fic world. **

**Don't forget to follow me on Twitter for posting updates, teasers and a whole bunch of stupid fuckery that floats around my highly messed up brain. It may not be entertaining but it sure is, um, informative, perhaps? Hell, I don't know. But join me if you'd like. The link to it is on my profile along with some Finding Bella pictures (like of Ben, Bella's and Edward's cars, The Cullen's home, etc).  
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**Love to all. ~Rason  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**I KNOW! OMG, I know! I'm so so so friggin sorry it's taken so long to get this one out. If you've been following me on twitter you've seen that I've been suffering from an epic case of writers block. It was BAD. I was finally able to spit this sucker out though, after many tantrums. To make it up to you, it's twice as long as other chapters. I really am sorry I'm such a fail as an author. There's a reason I don't write for a living. **

**There is A LOT of shit going on in chapter, lots of information. This is where Edward begs for forgiveness. Does Bella forgive him? Could be, could be not. This picks up from our last BPOV when she is picking Olivia up. I also want you to notice how much Bella is changing just by having her sister around. Even her inner dialog seems to be clearing up, not so many f bombs and GD's being dropped. **

**I also want to thank everyone that reads and reviews. It means a lot to me. There are hundreds of you that have place this story on your fav list or story alert. I thank you. I would love for you all to leave me some lovin, if you can. **

**{SM owns all}**

* * *

These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.

~Foolish Games by Jewel~

Chapter 14

BPOV

"You call me if you need anything, sweetie, okay?" Renee said as she embraced me in a huge hug. I felt bad that I wasn't spending more time with her before Olivia and I went back to New York. However, it just wasn't possible. This time, anyway. I knew she longed to spend more time with me and I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted to spend more time with her, too. Over the years, our relationship had changed. I know I had let her down on many occasions. I fucking hated that I had been a terrible daughter to her. I was intentionally cruel to her, refusing to see her or to even speak to her at times. When I did speak to her, it wasn't pleasant. She didn't deserve any of my shit, but she endured it all. She had to suffer through my "bad years" as she so rightly called that time in my life all while she was suffering through a miserable marriage. The effects of my disregard and the divorce had taken it's toll on Renee, aging her physically and draining her mentally and emotionally. I hated not being there for her more than I was. I knew I had been fucking ungrateful over the years and I hoped to change that as much as I could. I wanted to do anything I could to make life easier on her now.

"And we will talk about that ridiculous amount of money that magically appeared in my bank account later," she scolded. I knew she didn't like when I gave her money or tried to help her in any way but the truth of the matter was that I wanted to take care of her. It was ingrained in my very being. Hell, I was raised taking care of her, basically. However I also knew my mother. There was no fucking way she would simply take a check or cash from me, especially for the amount I gave her. So, I had it wired directly into her account. Problem solved.

I knew without my help she wouldn't be able to afford a home in the safer neighborhoods in Phoenix. Just thinking about the shit hole she would purchase without my help made me fucking shudder. I wanted the best for her and my little sister, things that I didn't have growing up, so I made sure that money wasn't a factor. The amount I transferred would be more than enough to purchase a nice home with some left over for a good, dependable car and whatever else they needed. I didn't want them to have to worry about anything. Olivia deserved it. So did Renee.

"We'll call as soon as we land, Mom," I said. "And don't even think about fighting about the goddamned money. You know you'll lose."

Renee chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Bella. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Probably eat goddamned Ramon for the rest of your fucking life," I quipped, earning another laugh from her. I was joking, sort of.

"Watch your mouth, young lady. Not in front of your sister," she chided. Hell, she had a point. I shrugged my shoulders in apology.

"Sorry. I'll try," I said. It was the best I could offer.

She bent down and hugged Olivia tightly. "You behave and listen to your sister, you hear me, baby girl?"

"Yes, ma'am," Olivia said in a small voice, on the verge of tears, clutching her favorite teddy bear tightly to her chest.

"Oh sweetie, please don't cry. You'll have lots of fun with your sister and I'll see you real soon. I promise. You won't even have time to miss me. When you get back you'll have a new home, a new bedroom and all of your toys and stuff will be waiting for you."

"Okay, mommy," Olivia sniffed loudly as a big fat tear ran down her cheek. She was trying so hard to be brave for Renee and it broke my fucking heart. She had been through so much. The divorce was hardest on her, being torn between two parents before one giving up on her completely. I still wanted to fucking kill Phil for what he did to her.

"I love you, mommy."

"Oh baby, I love you, too," Renee said as tears of her own formed, spilling over when she blinked her eyes.

"We need to get going," I said softly, hating to take Olivia from Renee, but it needed to be done otherwise we would miss our flight. Renee kissed Olivia on her cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen, and then stood to hug me once more.

"Thank you for everything, Bella. I'll see you soon. Make sure to call me when you land."

"I will. Bye Mom," I said as I grabbed onto Olivia's little hand and started to walk toward airport security. I placed our things on the conveyor belt so it could run through the x-ray machine and walked through the metal detector, Olivia right behind me. As soon as we made it through, I grabbed our items and Olivia looked back toward Renee. Her tiny arm came up as she waved goodbye to our mother, more tears running down her sweet little face.

We quickly made our way through the crowd of people and made our flight just in time.

For a boisterous four year old, a flight from Jacksonville to New York was exceptionally long and unbearably miserable when in actuality it only took a couple hours. By the time we landed, however, Olivia was sound asleep, snoring lighting as a bit of drool dribbled from the corner of her mouth. The sight of her, her innocense and carefree nature, made me smile and my heart thaw ever so slightly. I knew I was a cold hearted bitch, but my baby sister brought out the best in me. She always did.

After slinging a bag on each shoulder, I gently picked her up in my arms, carrying her off the plane. I stumbled through the terminal because, lets face it, she along with the bags was heavy as fuck.

Finally, we made it out of the airport to where Carlos was waiting with the car. Upon spotting us, he immediately grabbed the bags hanging from my shoulders and opened the rear door to the car. I easily slid in and situated Olivia in her seat before fastenings her seat belt. I laid my head against the headrest and closed my eyes for the duration of the drive, thankful that I would soon be able to go to bed. It had been a long couple of days. My health had been steadily improving. I was feeling exceptionally better, but I still got tired easier than normal.

The next morning I awoke to a little monster jumping on my bed.

"Bella!" Olivia exclaimed as she jumped and giggled with joy.

"Isn't it a little too early to start tormenting your big sis, baby girl," I asked as I hid my face in my pillow.

"Nope," she said but she stopped jumping suddenly and crawled on top of me, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tender hug.

I slowly sat up, gently moving her to my side before rubbing the sleep from my eye and glanced out the window. The day was overcast but thankfully it wasn't raining.

"I tell ya what, kid, let's get some breakfast and then later on we'll go to the park for some fun."

"Really?" she asked, excitedly, sitting up on her hands and knees.

"Really," I replied as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I stood up and stretched my hands above my head. I had slept well. Better than I had in a very long time. Having Olivia around relaxed me like nothing else.

After we ate breakfast, I decided to return a few emails while Olivia played in her room. Having her there was comfortable, and I would miss her once she was gone. Therefore, I wanted to make the best of my time with her, spending as much quality time with her that I could. I decided that I would not work for most of the week, opting to take her to various places throughout the city instead. Unfortunately, I couldn't put off my responsibilities completely, but I was grateful that I could keep work to a minimum.

She always love picnics. The times that I would visit her in Florida or when she would visit me here, we always made sure to have at least one picnic together. She was adamant about having a proper picnic, with basket, blanket and the right foods, otherwise it wasn't a "real picnic". Therefore, I made certain I had everything I needed this time and that included a basket and red checkered blanket. I knew she would be thrilled.

A little before noon I decided to gather everything we would need so we could head out. As I was packing the food into the basket I heard a knock at the door. It slightly confused me seeing how I wasn't expecting anyone. I quickly made my way to the door and opened it.

"Hi Bella," Alice said as she sprung forward to hug me.

What the fuck were they doing here, I wondered. When I asked them Alice simply said they were in the neighborhood. Reluctantly, I moved to the side and let them enter. I wondered how Olivia would take to them. She was normally a very friendly little girl but sometimes you just didn't know.

As we made our way into the living room, she emerged to proudly show me the drawing she had made for me. I loved it, knowing how much time and thought she had put into it. Although, I wasn't quite sure it looked like the donkey she proclaimed it to be. It didn't matter though. I would cherish it regardless.

When she asked me who Alice and Edward were I felt a brief moment of panic. Did I want to introduce her to them? I was a little goddamned edgy if I were being honest, but it didn't seem like I had much of a choice, seeing how everyone was looking at me expectantly. I could tell by the look in Alice and Edward's eyes they were under the impression that Olivia was my daughter. This wasn't anything new. Everyone thought she was mine. If you took a picture of me at four years of age and held it next to her, it would appear we were nearly identical. The resemblance was fucking uncanny despite the fact that we had different fathers.

I looked back up at Alice and Edward and sighed in defeat. I knew there was no way around this.

"Alice, Edward, this is Olivia," I said. "Livvi, this is Alice and Edward Cullen. They're old friends of mine."

In true Olivia fashion, she approached them and introduced herself with a handshake. Her manners were impeccable and it always made me smile. I definitely wasn't that polite when I was a kid.

They were both surprised when they realized she was in fact my sister instead of my daughter, but I was even more surprised when Olivia asked if they could join us on our picnic. I couldn't deny her anything, so I reluctantly went along with it.

This was going to be entertaining.

Once we made it to the park I set out the red and white checkered blanket and we all sat down. I gave Olivia her lunch and started to eat my own.

"Do you want part of my sandwich, Mr. Edward?" she asked and I tried to suppress a laugh, which was unsuccessful. I would love to see Edward eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

We ate our lunch quickly and in relative silence. I really didn't know what the fuck to say. Alice kept smiling at me in that freakish "I know something you don't know" manner. Edward looked, well, like sex on legs like he always had. I quickly pushed thoughts of sex and Edward far from my mind. It wouldn't do well for me to think of him in that fashion. I couldn't deny that I was still extremely attracted to him because he was an unbelievably gorgeous man, but I knew sex with him was something I would never let happen. Too much fucked up shit had occurred over the years. Besides, he didn't want me. So the point was moot anyhow.

After we finished eating, I produced a small bottle of bubbles for Olivia. Bubbles were the bane of my existence. She had a knack for getting them everywhere and she especially loved to get them into her hair. Her reasoning was that we wouldn't have to use shampoo later on because she was already covered in soap. Obviously, she lived for bubbles. Although I loathed them, I wasn't against using them to get her to do what I wanted. They were the only leverage I seemed to have when it came to her.

She greedily grabbed the bottle and headed out to play with Alice. It was rather amusing. Clearly Alice wasn't an experienced bubble blower, as Olivia would call it. Eventually, Alice perfected the art and Olivia was squealing with glee, chasing the bubbles as they floated on the wind. They played for quite sometime, Alice blowing through the little yellow bubble wand and Olivia madly chasing the little orbs of soap, giggling as they burst between her dainty fingers.

Edward and I sat for a while and watch our sisters play merrily. Eventually, Edward and I began to speak. It was....odd. In a way I was still uncomfortable being around him. I hadn't forgotten what he did to me. I never would forget. It still hurt. However, a part of me felt at ease next to him. Like I said, it was odd.

I ended up spilling my fucking guts about Renee and Phil's divorce. It was like once I started I was unable to shut my goddamned mouth. That conversation lead to me blabbering about my addiction and how I overcame it, thanks to Olivia. That wasn't something I divulged to just anyone. So why Edward?

Beats the fuck out of me.

Subsequently, I apologized to him. Again. Then he touched me. He reached over and grabbed my hand that was resting in my lap, squeezing it gently as his thumb rubbed over my knuckles. It felt intimate and it freaked me the hell out a bit, causing me to visibly stiffen. The electric current that surged through my skin at his contact startled me. I felt it deep within my bones. It confused me, but once I realized I had enjoyed it, it frightened me.

What did this mean? Why was I allowing him to get under my skin again? I knew I didn't want anything to do with him any longer. However, why did the thought of never seeing him again tug at the fissure in my heart, the fissure he created eight years ago.

Fuck.

I couldn't think about that any longer. I had to do something to distract myself from these thoughts.

"Livvy, time to go," I said, loud enough so she could hear me.

"Ah, not yet, Bella, please," she begged.

"It's starting to get colder and your nose is red. It's time to go, baby girl."

She sighed dramatically as she and Alice started to walk back over to where Edward and I were sitting. I stood up and started to gather the blanket in my hands, but before my fingers brushed against the fabric, Edward grabbed it and draped it over his arm and picked up the picnic basket.

"My arms aren't broken, Edward. I can carry something," I said, irritated.

"I know, Bella," he said with an arrogant smirk before walking away.

Damn smug vampire.

We made it back to my apartment just as it started to rain. As soon as we were inside, Olivia decided her playtime with Alice wasn't over.

"Color with me, Miss Alice. Please?"

Alice looked at me for permission and I shrugged my shoulders in response. If it made Olivia happy then I would go along with it. That little girl had me wrapped around her little finger so tightly that she could get me to agree to anything.

"Okay, little one. Show the way," Alice replied.

Olivia grabbed her hand and led Alice down the hallway toward her room. Moments later they were back in the living room carrying several coloring books and a large box of crayons. They both laid down on their stomachs on the rug in front of the window and set to work.

I sat in a chair next to the fireplace while Edward sat on the couch, both silently watching them. He looked goddamned edgy, almost like there was something he wanted to say, but he remained quiet. I decided to disregard it. Edward had always been a little uptight and high-strung.

Before long, it was time for Alice and Edward to leave. Of course, Olivia didn't want them to go and grabbed onto Alice tightly. After a few minutes, Alice disentangled herself from Olivia's little arms and stood up. Olivia's bottom lip jutted out, once again on the verge of tears. She hated goodbye's.

"We'll see you tomorrow, okay little one? We can play all afternoon," Alice said as she made her way to the door.

"Okay, Miss Alice," Olivia sniffed as she followed her into the foyer.

Alice looked at me woefully, plainly worried over Olivia's reaction to their departure.

"She'll be fine once you're gone, Alice. She always gets a little emotional during goodbyes," I offered. Alice simply nodded her head and turned to leave. I walked them toward the door, Olivia at my side holding my hand tightly.

"Goodbye, Bella," Edward said to me. He surprised me by leaning over and placing a kiss on top of my head.

My body reflexively reacted to his close proximity. I felt my heart begin to pound rapidly in my chest and I knew he could hear it. He smirked as he pulled away. Yes, he heard. Fucking vampire senses. Fucking traitor heart. Simultaneously, I wanted to slap the look off his face and pull him to me and kiss it off.

Shit. Why did he still have this control over me, over my body?

"See you tomorrow, Bella," Alice said as she encompassed me in a firm hug. Once they were in the hall outside my apartment, I shut the door and turned around to look at Olivia.

"Come on, baby girl, let's get you some dinner."

....

After putting Olivia to bed that night, I was unable to sleep. Therefore, I grabbed a glass of wine and sat down on the couch in the living room, intent on relaxing. The evening had turned out a bit on the cool side so I grabbed the soft blanket that I had draped over the back of the couch and wrapped it snugly around my legs. Earlier, I had turned the fireplace on, so I sat there and watched the flames flicker and dance in vibrant shades of yellow and orange as I sipped on my wine. I sat there for hours thinking about inconsequential things mostly, however, my thoughts continued to focus on Edward.

His sudden reappearance in my life troubled me. On one hand, I was more than a little apprehensive about it. However, on the other hand, I was happy. That realization surprised the fuck out of me. Why would I be happy? I hated Edward Cullen.

Didn't I?

He fucking ruined me. He left me for dead in that forest and never bothered to check to see if I was okay. I was far from okay. His departure, and the subsequent events, nearly took my life. I faced death head-on on more than one occasion the first year alone. I was certain if he never had left, those events would have never happened. Yet he did leave. He left me unprotected and vulnerable which proved to me that he never cared.

If he had truly cared about me, he would have been there for those times, wouldn't he?

Wouldn't Alice have seen what was going to happen? Wouldn't she have seen Laurent? Victoria? Yet still, Edward never came back.

Yes, I fucking hated Edward Cullen.

Then why the hell was I happy to see him? Why did my heart race when he was near? Why did I want to touch him and be touched by him in return? I knew the answer to that question, but I simply refused to let myself believe it.

Fuck.

I had to stop thinking about him before it drove me fucking crazy.

I sat there for a while longer finishing my third glass of wine and I must have drifted off to sleep. When I woke, it was morning and I was in my bed having no recollection of getting there. The wine must have affected me more than I thought. I sat up and glanced around my room, rubbing my eyes trying to rid them of sleep. The sun was shining brightly through the window, bathing my room in it's warmth.

I crawled out of bed and made my way down the hall to Olivia's room. She was still sound asleep, clutching her teddy bear tightly to her chest. I sat down on the side of her bed and watched her for a few minutes. She looked so peaceful and the sight of her made me melt. Without thinking, my hand reached out and brushed the stray hairs off of her face. Her mouth was slightly open and a soft snore was escaping between her lips. Her eyes were moving behind her eyelids, indicating she was dreaming and I instantly wondered what they were. She was so beautiful in sleep. I couldn't get enough of her.

I knew I couldn't let her sleep all morning, otherwise she wouldn't sleep later on that night. Therefore, I decided to wake her even though it meant I couldn't watch her any longer.

"Olivia? Baby girl, it's time to wake up," I said softly as I gently nudged her shoulder a few times. She began to stir at once. She opened her eyes and peered up at me. A smile crept over her face when she saw me sitting there.

"Good morning, baby girl. Did you sleep well?" I asked. She nodded her head in reply, sitting up and stretching her arms over her head. Her pajama shirt rode up exposing her cute little belly. I couldn't resist and went in for the kill, tickling her and reveling in her laughter.

"Stop, Bella," she said between giggles. "You're going to make me pee."

"We can't have that, now can we?" I laughed.

"No, ma'am, we can't."

"Come on, up you get. No peeing in the bed," I said as we both laughed. She quickly got out of bed and ran to the bathroom to take care of business.

"Wash your hands," I yelled over my shoulder as I made my way back toward the kitchen.

Olivia and I spent the morning basically being lazy. I made strawberry pancakes for breakfast, a favorite of hers, and we ate them together while I listened to her talk non stop. After breakfast, we sat on the rug in front of the fireplace and read her favorite book together, both of us taking turns reading a page. She never ceased to amazing me. She was so smart. One book lead to several others, but I didn't mind in the slightest. I loved spending this time with her. By the time we were finished, it was nearly noon and time to get ready to leave. After a quick lunch, I dressed Olivia in an adorable Matilda Jane knot dress that Renee had sent. I decided to dress comfortably as well, in a pair of dark jeans and grey cashmere sweater. I didn't get to dress casually often and was grateful when I could.

Soon we were in my Range Rover heading north in the direction the Cullen's home. The drive was long and Olivia slept most of the way. Once we arrived, I pulled next to Edward's silver Volvo and parked, quickly stepping out of the car opening the rear door to help Olivia out. I lifted her into my arms and started to walk around the front of the car toward the front door only to notice the entire Cullen family standing on the porch waiting for us.

"Hi Bella! Hi Olivia," Alice exclaimed as she gracefully jumped off the porch and walked toward us. I put Olivia down and she ran over to Alice.

"Hi, Miss Alice," Olivia said gleefully before wrapping her arms around Alice's waist, giving her a fierce hug. "I missed you."

"Hi, little one. I missed you, too. I want you to meet the rest of my family," Alice said as she picked Olivia up and made her way toward the house. I follow behind them.

"Olivia, this is Carlisle and Esme," Alice said as she pointed them out. Olivia smiled and gave them a shy wave. "This is Emmett and Rosalie. You know Edward, of course. And this is my husband, Jasper."

"Hi," Olivia said quietly as she took in all the smiling faces around her. Each of the Cullen's greeted her in turn and I could almost see the gears turning in Olivia's head thinking about all of her new friends to play with.

I let my gaze wonder over each of them, pausing a moment on Rosalie before stopping on Edward. He was once again looking at me with trepidation and it made me want to ask him what the fuck his problem was.

Before I could open my mouth, however, Esme approached me and wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"Welcome back, Bella," she said, softly. "Olivia is beautiful. She will have a wonderful time today."

I didn't reply, only smiled in return.

I followed Alice and Olivia into the house, and as I did so, I unintentionally brushed my hand against Edward's. He reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me next to him.

"Bella," he muttered.

"Edward."

"Later this afternoon, will you please accompany me out back to the creek. It's more private out there and I still wish to speak to you. If it's alright with you, that is."

"I said I would talk to you, Edward, and I will."

"Thank you. But first, I'm sure the others would like to spend some time with you and Olivia. Shall we?" he asked, gesturing toward the open door.

Upon entering the house, I noticed how everyone was doting on Olivia. She was, of course, enjoying all the attention she received, the little ham that she was. What shocked me, however, was Jasper. From what I could recall, he kept his distance from humans. He always had more difficulty resisting temptation, which resulted in the disastrous birthday party that set my life spiraling out of control. Not that I blamed him for what happened. Sure, he lost control, but I understood. It was Edward that destroyed everything.

Sensing my confusion, Jasper looked me squarely in the eye and smiled lightly before glancing at Edward. They must have shared a silent conversation because Edward leaned in and spoke in my ear, his cool breath fanning across my earlobe, nearly making me shiver.

"The blood of children is unlike adult blood. It's less potent and much less appealing. Don't worry, Bella. She'll be fine."

I turned to face him. "I know she will," I said softly. I had no doubt that they meant her no harm. I knew they would never hurt her.

We all sat around the massive living room and watched Olivia play for a while. Every move she made seemed to be pure entertainment for everyone in the room and before long, she had everyone laughing, even Rosalie. I had to admit, Olivia was a pretty cool little girl. I loved watching her play.

One trait that my sister had that I didn't was a love of all things girly. So when Alice asked her if she wanted her hair braided and curled 'bohemian princess mermaid style', whatever the fuck that was, Olivia squealed and ran up the stairs, dragging both Alice and Rosalie behind her.

That left me sitting in uncomfortable silence with the rest of the family. Thankfully, Esme took the opportunity to engage Carlisle in conversation.

"Kate called while you were at the hospital this morning, dear," she began. "She mentioned that Irina decided to go to Russia to search this time."

Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "She won't find him. If he wanted to be found he would have been discovered by now."

"Yes, that's what the others think as well, but she's in love, Carlisle. She won't stop until Laurent is by her side once again. He's her mate."

"Laurent?" I asked, unable to conceal the shocked tone in my voice as my head whipped in their direction. "But don't you know?"

Five pair of confused golden eyes flashed in my direction.

"Know what, dear?" Esme questioned.

"Laurent is dead," I said. How the fuck did they not know this? Surely, they would have found out by now, wouldn't they? I mean, it had almost been eight years for fucks sake.

"How do you know this, Bella?" Carlisle inquired.

"Because I was there. I saw it."

At my confession, Edward abruptly stood. I could hear the beginnings of a growl forming deep within his chest.

"What do you mean you were there?" Edward asked, visually upset. His fist were clenched at his side and his voice was strained.

"Exactly what I said, Edward. I was there. Trust me, it was kind of hard to miss."

Edward opened his mouth to speak again, but Carlisle placed a hand on his forearm, silencing him.

"Bella, can you explain to us what happened, please? As I'm sure you are aware, it's very difficult to kill one of our kind, so I'm somewhat confused. How was Laurent killed?" Carlisle requested.

I stood and walked toward the large window at the back of the room, crossing my arms over my chest and gazed out into the large landscaped backyard. Fuck. I really didn't want to have this conversation. I would rather cut my fingers off with a dull butter knife than dredge up these old, painful memories, but the expectant looks on the five other faces in the room clearly stated the need to recount this unpleasant time in my life.

I took a few deep breaths, contemplating my words. Yeah, this was going to be fun. Cue the fucking sarcasm.

"It happened not long after you all left," I began in a flat, monotonous voice. I knew I needed to keep my emotions in check. I didn't want to indicate how much this particular event still troubled me.

I could see Edward tense further in the reflection of the glass as I trudged on.

"There had been reports of what authorities thought were bear attacks in the woods and I, being the complete idiot I was, happened to find myself wondering around in the middle of the forest. Alone. At that point in time, several hikers had gone missing. Some of their bodies were found, while others were never discovered. Come to find out, it wasn't bears attacking people. It was a vampire. I found that out the hard way."

I turned around to face them. My eyes met and held Edward's intense gaze. He looked as if he were about to be sick. If it were possible, his face seemed paler than normal. His shoulders were slumped forward. He appeared defeated and tortured.

"I found myself in a meadow," I nearly whispered as Edward's eyes widened slightly, the tortured expression intensifying on his face. I'm sure he understood which meadow I was referring to. Our meadow.

I went there searching for a connection with him. What I found instead was a clearing that was cold and dead, void of the connection I so desperately sought. It was nearly unrecognizable without the soft grass, swaying wildflowers and warm, gilded air. The magic I remembered it to possess was absent, gone without the one person that made it special. I remember falling to my knees as complete and utter disappointment overwhelmed me, causing me to hysterically gasp for air, my lungs protesting against the sobs reeking havoc in my chest. The pain paralyzing me to the extent that I didn't notice when Laurent stepped into the meadow.

"I was only there for a few minutes before I saw Laurent standing off in the distance. He said he came back for me." I closed my eyes as I recalled the events of that dreadful day. "He just happened to be hunting when he found me. Lucky for him. Not so much for me."

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. All eyes were still fixated on me.

"He hadn't expected to find me there, obviously, but he was pleased nonetheless. He attacked, promising to make it quick and painless," I said as a bitter, mirthless laugh escaped my mouth. Unconsciously, I reached up to feel the left side of my neck.

"It's like I can still feel his teeth grazing the side of my neck," I whispered, barely repressing a shudder that threaten to violently claim my body. It was odd, even after all these years, and all the shit I had been through, I could clearly remember the sensation of his razor sharp teeth pressing into my skin. If a split second longer had passed, he would have broken through my flesh.

I remember how his hands gently caressed my face and arms as he held me captive. It felt strangely like a lovers embrace, yet I was immobilized by his strong grasp. Not that I would have been able to flee from him seeing how I was completely fucking frozen in place, sheer panic gripping my very soul. If I thought about it, I could even recall the way he smelled; a woodsy cedar and citrus combination.

"Bella, please," Edward said, his voice breaking, and I realized I had stopped speaking, lost in the memory. I shook my head slightly to clear it.

"Before he was able to draw blood, the wolves came," I said, as I looked pointedly at Carlisle.

"The wolves? You mean..." Carlisle trailed off.

"Yes, the Quileutes," I finished for him. "There were five of them and Laurent was no match." The image of Laurent's body being ripped apart by sharp teeth then set aflame was burned into my memory forever. The sight of the deep purple smoke that rose in graceful spirals toward the overcast sky and the pungent odor that wafted over the area as he burned would always remain with me.

"It was kind of a shock to discover your friend was a werewolf," I muttered more to myself than to anyone else in the room. "I later found out that Jacob had been keeping an eye on me. He knew me better than anyone and constantly worried that something would happen, especially since I had a history with vampires."

"Jacob Black?" Carlisle asked. I nodded my head in reply. "Did you know the others as well?" he questioned, unable to hide the astonishment in his voice.

"I did."

"And there were five of them?"

"Yes." At the time there were only five. Of course, those numbers increased dramatically as the months went by. I decided to omit that bit of information for the time being seeing how it would only open up another slew of questions I didn't wish to answer.

"Extraordinary."

At this point, Alice suddenly appeared at the foot of the stairs. She glowered at me. "_Wolves_, Bella? Seriously? Leave it to you to friend the first monsters you can find after the vampires left town."

"Don't you fucking start with me, Alice. If it weren't for those _wolves_ I would be rotting in the Forks cemetery right now," I snapped and felt a little satisfaction upon seeing both Edward and Alice wince.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just that wolves are so volatile. They're dangerous. You could have been hurt."

"They wouldn't hurt me, Alice."

"How could you know that though?"

"Because I knew them, Alice. _They_ were my friends. _They_ took care of me." I knew my tone was harsh, full of double innuendo, but I couldn't find it in myself to care.

"Friends with werewolves," she muttered incredulously, shaking her head in disbelief. I merely glared at her.

Carlisle took that moment to step forward.

"Thank you, Bella, for letting us know. It seems that Laurent deceived us all. I'm sorry you had to endure that," he said, softly, placing his hand on my arm. Turning to Esme he said, "It seems we have an unfortunate call to make."

Moments later Carlisle and Esme left the room together. Once again, I glanced around only to discover golden eyes upon me. Edward continued to look pained, his brow furrowed and his eyes saddened.

"Bella, I'm so sorry..." he began as he stepped in my direction.

"It was a long time ago, Edward, and I survived," I said, cutting him off.

"That doesn't make it right," he said with conviction.

"Perhaps not, but I'm over it. I've moved on," I said. His face crumpled in further pain at my words. He looked down and closed his eyes, seeming deep in thought for a moment. When he looked up again, the pain was still present in his eyes, but there was a determined air about him.

"Do you mind if we talk now, please? I have some things I need to say," he pleaded.

"Alright. Show the way," I said, gesturing toward the door with my hand.

He led me out the back door and across the beautiful manicured yard. Off in the distance was a gazebo. What appeared to be flowering plants and ivy climbed its surface, although the greenery was currently in a dormant state. I'm sure it would be a beautiful sight come spring. Along side the gazebo was a babbling creek, heavily swollen with the rainfall of the last few days, the rushing water spilling over the bank, flooding the area surrounding it. We quickly made our way up the few steps into the interior of the small structure.

"Please, sit," Edward requested and I immediately complied.

I looked up at him and I realized he was purposefully diverting my gaze.

"I'm listening," I said.

His head snapped in my direction quickly and he sighed, running his long fingers through the messy strands of his hair.

"To be honest, Bella, I'm not entirely sure where I need to start."

"The beginning is usually the best place."

Edward nodded his head as he continued to look at me. Suddenly, he cocked his head to the side, a curious expression adorning his face.

"Can I ask you a question first?"

"You can ask whatever you want, Edward, but it doesn't mean I'll answer you."

"I suppose that's fair."

He set down upon the bench across from me before speaking. "Bella, what is your relationship with Ben?"

"What do you mean?" I hedged.

"I mean, are the two of you serious? Are you a couple?"

An unladylike snort escaped my mouth. Was he fucking serious? "We don't have a relationship. Not in the traditional sense anyway."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice laced with confusion.

"He's not my boyfriend if that's what you mean." Could I really tell Edward Ben was my fuck buddy?

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to pry. Really, I don't. It's just..." he trailed off.

"Just spit it the fuck out, Edward," I snapped.

He sighed loudly and ran his hand nervously through his hair again. His golden eyes bore into mine. Suddenly he straightened his posture, squared his shoulders and a determined expression encompassed his face.

"Alright," he began. "I suppose I don't understand the relationship due to the fact that he's married."

Ah, and there it was. Of course he would know Ben was married. Stalking was always a part of Edward's molecular makeup.

"Yes, he is married, but it's not what you think. Our relationship, which is nothing more than physical, isn't really what you think. I'm not a home wrecker, Edward," I said.

"I didn't mean to imply that you were, Bella."

A unamused laughed once again bubbled out of my mouth "Sure you did. Everyone that knows about Ben and me implies that. You're not the first. I don't make it a habit of sleeping with married men, you know."

That happened to be the honest truth. I had only been with two married men in my life. Ben and Mr. Johnson, Ryan's father. Mr. Johnson and his wife didn't have a marriage, really. Not that that's an excuse for my behavior, I knew that. However, he and his wife both had their toys on the side and knew of each others infidelities.

Ben was a unique case.

"Ben and his wife, Natasha, have a unique marriage. They didn't marry for love. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but I guess you can call it a business arrangement more than anything. Natasha knows about me. In fact, I usually have lunch with her when she's in town. She's also dating someone herself. Like I said, it's a unique marriage."

"I see," Edward said.

"I'm not a home wrecker," I stated again with conviction. "I would never do that to someone. I would never tear a family apart like that. I'm not that cold." I stood up and placed my hands on the railing that surrounded the gazebo, looking out over the creek. The sun had begun to set in the sky and it started to rain lightly. The heavy clouds making it appear darker than it normally would be at that time of day.

"I know you're not, Bella. I know you still care. You're not a cold person. You're still the same as you always were."

"That's where you're wrong."

"I'm not wrong. I can see it. Jasper can sense it. Underneath your tough exterior, you're still the same Bella I've always known."

"No, Edward, I'm not. That Bella died a long time ago and this is all that's left," I said gesturing to myself.

He abruptly stood and walked over to stand by my side.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. There's just so many things I need to say, so many things I need you to know."

I turned and faced him. His brow was deeply furrowed and once again he appeared anguished.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, so sorry."

"Yeah, I think you've already said that."

"No, you don't understand," he choked, his voice full of emotion, sorrowful. "I'm sorry about _everything_. I'm sorry about everything I ever did to you. I'm sorry for the things I should have done but did not. I'm sorry about questioning you about Ben. I'm sorry for not protecting you against Laurent. I'm sorry you had to put your trust in werewolves to ensure your safety. I'm sorry for leaving you in that forest the way I did. I'm sorry I removed myself from your life. I'm sorry that it took eight years for me to return. I'm sorry for being dishonest with you. I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry for _everything_. It's _all_ my fault."

My heart ceased beating for a moment before restarting with overwhelming force, it's pace accelerated to the extent of near pain. I could feel my blood rushing through my veins. I could hear it pounding in my ears. What the fuck was he saying. He was _sorry_? Fucking sorry? I was frozen in place. My brain suddenly incapable of functioning properly.

"What did you say?" I whispered.

"Leaving you was the worst thing I have ever done. I will regret it for the remainder of my existence."

I staggered back, nearly losing my balance trying to distance myself from him.

"You regret leaving me?" I asked, flatly.

"Yes, Bella. Not a single day went by where I didn't think about you, where I didn't long to be with you."

"No, that's not possible. It's not," I said, shaking my head back and forth.

"It is! You mean everything to me, Bella."

"You didn't fucking want me, Edward. You left because you didn't want me. You told me you didn't want me."

"I _lied_. I have _always_ wanted you. Always. I _lied_, Bella," he said as he took a step in my direction, placing himself immediately in front of me.

"No!" I exclaimed, squeezing my eyes shut. It was impossible. I couldn't allow myself, my heart, to believe him.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he reached out to touch my cheek.

"D-don't," I said as I stepped back once again, out of his reach. I turned to look out over the creek again. It was raining harder. "I don't believe you. Why are you doing this? What good could come from this?"

I felt like he was playing with me, like a child's toy, for his own enjoyment, savagely casting my feelings aside. It simply wasn't possible, his words making absolutely no sense.

"I'm telling you the truth, Bella. You need to know the truth. I'm not lying now. I know you may never want to speak to me again, but I had to tell you. You had to know."

"You lied?" I croaked, my voice betraying my emotions. It felt like my heart was being ripped in two, brutally divided along the fissure I attempted to patch up years ago. I felt the stinging of tears at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"Yes."

I spun around to face him once more. "Why? Why would you lie to me? Why would you leave then?" I asked, angrily. Edward closed his eyes tightly, dropping his head and took a deep breath. My impatience nearly overpowering me.

"TELL ME!" I yelled, feeling my throat protest at my outburst. Edward's head snapped up, eyes wide, fearful. I had never raised my voice to him before.

"I had to protect you. I had to protect you at all costs, Bella. Being around me was too dangerous for you. I needed you to be safe. You deserved more than what I could offer you."

"You left me to protect me? Are you fucking serious, Edward?"

The words began to flow from him at an alarming speed. It was nearly impossible to keep up. "I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I couldn't give you that. All I was doing was putting you in the constant path of danger. There was always something from my world threatening you. I couldn't continue to risk your life every moment I was around you. I had to do something. I had to try. That's why I left. I thought you would be better off without me. I wanted you to be happy."

"_You_ made me happy, Edward. All I ever wanted was you. Why couldn't you see that? Why couldn't you get over yourself for one goddamned minute and realize that I didn't want a normal human life?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry."

"You lied," I repeated.

"Yes, Bella. I'm so sorry," he said, taking another step in my direction, reaching out for me. "I have always and will always love you. I love you. I love you so much. Please believe me."

That was my breaking point. Hearing him tell me he loved me was too much. I felt the traitor tears spill over, running down my cheeks.

"You can't _say_ that to me, Edward! You can't! It's not fair!" I exclaimed, my voice breaking on the last word. I was overwhelmed and I had to get away from him. I ran down the steps of the gazebo and into the rain. I ran a short distance between the trees that bordered the creek until I felt Edward's hand grab my arm, stopping me. He spun me around to face him. The rain was heavy now, drenching us both.

"Please," he pleaded. I took another step away from him, stopping when my back made contact with a tree. He followed, standing right before me. His hand reached out to cup my face, his thumb gently stroked my cheek. "Please," he muttered again, before he bent forward and inched closer until his face was right in front of mine. I closed my eyes, losing myself in him momentarily.

"Bella," he whispered. I could feel his lips moving lightly against my own as he spoke, his nose brushing gently against mine. His breath washed over me and his scent assaulted my senses. I felt his arms reach out, one hand coming to rest on my hip while the other snaked around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His embrace instantly bringing me back to reality.

"No," I said as I pushed him away from me. He complied and took a step back, his hands dropping limply at his sides. "You can't do this. You can't! You made your choice, Edward. It's done. It's over."

"I can't accept that. I need you," he cried.

"You have to accept it. I can't allow you back in my life the way you want. I can't and I won't."

"Please. I won't give up. I won't lose you again."

"I'm not yours to lose."

"I won't give up," he repeated. "I have to try. You don't know how much I've missed you. I should have never left."

"Do you have any idea what your lie did to me, Edward? It fucking destroyed me. It was impossible for me to live anything remotely like a normal life after you left. Everything reminded me of you. EVERYTHING! It took _years_ and a shit load of drugs before I could stop thinking of you, wishing you would return." I felt the anger bubbling up, close to spilling over the edge. "Your leaving changed me. It broke me completely. It prevented me from have that normal life. You wanted me to be happy? Yeah, well, that never happened. Nothing in my life has been normal or happy. You fucking ruined me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"STOP IT," I screamed. "Stop telling me you're fucking sorry. It doesn't matter. Nothing you say or do now will take any of it back. The damage is already done. You can't come back after eight fucking years and expect anything from me. I have nothing left to give you. Things will never be the same between us. It will never be _okay_ between us. I can't forgive you for what you did. I can't forgive you for leaving me, basically for dead in that forest. I can't forgive you for abandoning me when I needed you the most. And I most certainly can't forgive you for the lie you told me about the entire thing. YOU FUCKING DESTROYED ME, EDWARD!" I roared as tears continued to fall down my face. "I can't forgive that!"

Edward reached out for me again, dropping to his knees mere inches away. He placed his hands back on my hips, his fingers digging into my skin, and touched his forehead to my stomach. "Don't. Please, Bella. I love you. I can't live without you."

"I guess you should have thought about that a long time ago," I said coldly, desperately trying to regain my composure. Seeing Edward on his knees, begging me for forgiveness was more than I could endure. I couldn't forgive him, though. Too much had happened. There was too much hurt, too much pain to consider forgiving him at the moment.

He didn't reply verbally, instead, his grip on my hips tightened and he pressed his head against my stomach firmly. I heard him inhale deeply and understood he was memorizing my scent. I let my hands drop to his head for a moment, touching his silky hair. I forgot how soft it was. I resisted the temptation of running my fingers through it, rather letting my hands fall down to my side in an attempt to pry myself away from him. My fingers wrapped around his wrists, trying to pull him away. I knew I wouldn't be able to budge him, but I tried anyhow.

"I can't. I can't let go," he whispered.

"You have to," I whispered back, still trying to pry his arms away from me. Reluctantly, he let his arms fall to his sides, but his head was still pressed against me. His shoulders were slouched forward in defeat. I took a tentative step back only for him to slump over further, his hands on the ground in front of him as his arms held his body up in a sitting position. I actually felt sorry for him.

"Edward, look at me," I demanded. He slowly raised his head and his troubled, golden gaze met mine. "What did you expect? Did you think I would forgive you and welcome you back with open arms? Did you think I would want to pick up where we left off? Too much time has gone by and too much has happened. I'm sorry, but I can't do it. I can't forgive you. Not yet, anyway." I said, softly.

"Do you think you ever could forgive me?" he asked, his voice full of distress.

"I honestly don't know."

"I won't give up on you, Bella. I'll never give up. I'll prove to you that I'm worthy of your love. I'll somehow regain your trust, if it's my final act."

I couldn't respond. We continued to look at each other for several minutes. Neither one of us wishing to say anything more. Eventually, Edward stood up and reached for my hand.

"You're soaked. You must be freezing. Let's get back in the house and find some dry clothes for you."

"Okay," I said. I surprised myself by taking his hand, allowing him to lead me back to the house.

Once we were back inside, Alice had clothes ready for me. I took them and walked down the hall to the nearest bathroom. It was only then that I realized how cold I actually was. My body was trembling, in desperate need of warmth. I quickly discarded my wet clothing and pulled the dry ones on. When I went back out to the living room I sat down on the couch just as Esme walked into the room carrying a hot cup of tea. She handed it to me with a sad smile and once again left the room. I took a sip of the warm liquid feeling the heat inch down my throat.

I didn't realize until that moment that the rest of the family most likely heard what happened between Edward and I. They weren't in the room with us at that moment and I was glad I didn't have to face them. They had heard me yelling at him. They heard him begging for forgiveness. They heard me rejecting him. I couldn't help but feel guilty.

A few minutes later, Olivia came into the room and made her way over to me. Her hair had been curled and braided and looked every bit "bohemian princess mermaid style". It made me smile. However, she eyed me curiously.

"Do you need your medicine, Bella?" she asked. "I don't like it when you shake." Of course she would mistake the shivering from cold for a seizure.

"No, baby girl. I'm fine, just a little cold," I answered her softly.

"Okay," she said.

I noticed Edward standing on the far side of the room, brow deeply furrowed and his gaze still transfixed on me. This time, however, he didn't look tormented, instead, he looked concerned.

"I'm fine, Edward. Don't worry," I said. He nodded his head slightly, but didn't appear to relax any.

I quickly finished my tea and stood up just as Esme was walking back into the room.

"I'll take that, dear," she offered, extending her hand for the cup I held. I handed it to her with a small smile and a word of thanks.

I turned to Olivia.

"Baby girl, we probably need to be going. It's getting late."

"Ah, do we have to? I've been having so much fun with Miss Alice, Miss Rosalie and Miss Esme. I don't want to leave."

"I know, sweetie, but we do need to go. I promise, you can play with them again soon, alright," I said.

"Okay, Bella. Can I say goodbye to them first?"

"Of course you can," I said. She quickly darted off to say her goodbyes, leaving me alone in the room with Edward. I turned in his direction when I heard his voice.

"Can I see you again soon?" he asked.

"I don't know, Edward. Maybe it's best if we didn't."

He looked down at his feet and nodded his head again. "I really am sorry, Bella. I know you don't want to hear it, but I truly am."

"I know," I said softly.

At that moment Olivia came back in the room, dragging Alice with her. The rest of the family, sans Rosalie, followed behind them.

"Come back anytime, Bella," Esme said as she embraced me in a tight hug.

"I will."

I turned and headed out the door, grabbing Olivia's hand on my way. The family walked us outside on the porch where we quickly exchanged goodbyes. I noticed it stopped raining and was immediately thankful I wouldn't have to drive in the heavy downpour. I walked across the driveway over to my car and helped Olivia into the back, making sure she was secure in her seat. I could tell she was exhausted and knew she would be asleep as soon as we left. When I shut the door, Alice was standing next to me. She gave me a tentative smile.

"I know it's been a hard day for you, but please consider forgiving him. I know what he did was wrong. He never should have lied to you. Hell, he never should have left you in the first place. I know it hurt you tremendously. I've known it all along, but he really does love you. We all love you, Bella. So, please, just consider it," she pleaded, her eyes were wide and hopeful.

"I'm not sure I can, Alice. It's too much. It's all too much right now."

"I understand."

"Thank you."

"I'll call you later this week," she said as her arms flew around me, hugging me tightly.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon," I said as I opened the car door and slid onto the leather seat, shutting the door once I was inside. I promptly started the engine and placed the car in drive, pulling away from the house. The last thing I did was look in the rear view mirror. Edward stood alone on the porch watching me drive away from him. I watched him until he was out of sight. Once we were gone, I let silent tears fall, my heart breaking all over again.

I realized I didn't hate him like I had thought. How could I hate him? Even after everything he had put me through, after everything that happened because of him, how could I hate him?

I never stopped loving him. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life. Yet, I knew I couldn't forgive him.

It all hurt too much.

* * *

**Well, there ya go. I hope you enjoyed it. I would really love to know what you think, so please hit the button down yonder there and hit me up with a review. I'll love you long time if you do. In return, I promise to stop sucking so much with my updates. My RL is super crazy, but who needs sleep, right? Don't forget to follow me on twitter for updates and other random craziness from yours truly. **

**~Rason**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, um, yeah. Hi! How are you all? I'm just great. Lame, but great. I KNOW it's taken me waaaaay too long to get this chapter done. I have redone it about 60 times. Seriously. Still, no excuse. But how about this? From here on out, I promise not to make any more promises on updating, because obviously I suck at it. So, yeah, that is my promise to you. *snort***

**Huge mega thanks and bewb gropes to AGirlReckoning for helping me get this bitch out. She is not only a kick ass beta, but a dear friend. She is also writing a hot little femme slash story and you MUST check it out. The link is in my favs. It's called Red Letter Year. **

**I'll stop yapping now. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 15

EPOV

The events of the last few weeks were constantly replaying in my head, like an old, damaged record stuck on the same screeching note. Bella's recollections and exclamations, Alice's ire at my actions, Rosalie's longing for more interaction with Olivia, and just the utter sorrow I felt was beginning to take it's toll. It all began the night after Alice and I spent the day in the park with Bella and Olivia. The conversation I had with Alice summed up the events well enough.

...

"You did _what_?" Alice shrieked into the phone.

"I broke into Bella's apartment and..." I began before she cut me off.

"I know what you did, Edward. I saw it. I just can't believe you would do it."

"Then why did you ask?" I asked, irritated.

"Edward, do you know what could have happened if she had woken up while you were in her apartment, or while you were carrying her to her bed? It could have ruined everything we've been trying to accomplish."

"I know," I sighed, heavily.

"We have to tread lightly, or we will scare her away."

"I know," I mumbled, again.

"She's not entirely comfortable with our return, yet, and you sneaking into her apartment while she's asleep could seriously freak her out, Edward."

"I _know,_ Alice. Believe me, I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I suppose I wasn't thinking clearly. She'd been so restless all night and when I saw that she fell asleep on her couch, I just acted. I know I could have messed things up, but thankfully, I didn't. No harm done."

"Not this time, but I'm telling you now, if you mess this up, I will never forgive you. Ever. Do you really want to put up with my wrath for eternity?"

I felt the corner of my lips tug up into a smirk. I knew she wasn't joking, she would indeed make the rest of my existence extremely difficult if messed this up. She needed Bella as much as I did. Although, the situation was far from amusing, I couldn't help but find Alice's fury somewhat entertaining.

"Just because I'm not there with you at the moment doesn't mean I can't see that smirk on your face. Cut it out, Edward."

"Sorry," I said with a chuckle.

"Alright, fine, I won't help you any more. Do it yourself," she replied with a huff.

"You don't mean that, Alice," I said as my smile grew.

"You're right, I don't. But I'm still mad at you for almost ruining everything. Just don't do it again, got it?"

"Got it. Seriously, Alice, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Edward. I'm just happy to see you happy again. Well, I guess I should say _almost_ happy. You're not there yet, but you will be."

"I can only hope."

"You will be. Come home as soon as you can, alright?"

"Okay, I'll see you soon," I said as I disconnected the call. I sat there for a few minutes, letting my mind drift back to the last few hours...

I stood in the corner of Bella's bedroom watching her sleep. I knew it was absurd for me to be where I was, but I simply couldn't help myself. It was like my body was completely out of my control, which was quite unsettling for a vampire. My need to be near her, overwhelming.

After Alice and I left Bella's apartment earlier in the day, I made my way over to the spot I had been inhabiting for a fortnight on the rooftop of the building adjacent to hers. Spending the day with her had been as close to heaven as I would likely ever get. If felt right sitting on that red checkered blanket with her under the tree in the park. I realized by her side was where I belonged, and I decided I would do whatever it took in order to solidify the place I desired in her life.

Standing on the rooftop, I watched Bella and Olivia interact for hours. While playing and laughing jovially, they prepared and ate dinner then watched a movie, cuddling together in front of the fireplace. It was quite captivating watching them together. It was obvious their bond was intense and unyielding.

Eventually, Bella put Olivia to bed and shortly thereafter made her way into the bathroom that adjoined her bedroom, I presumed to shower. I didn't have visual access to her while she was there and despite the fact that I knew it was inappropriate, I let my mind wander while she was absent from my view.

I envisioned her body as the water cascaded down her beautiful, womanly curves. I tried to imagine the aroma as she lathered her hair in scented shampoo. The memory of strawberries invaded my mind and I briefly wondered when she had stopped using the shampoo she was so fond of when she was merely a teenaged girl. I pictured how her hands would tentatively trail over her soft skin as she washed herself, soap gently cascading down her slim torso. Those thoughts led to thoughts of joining her, wrapping my arms around her wet, naked body as my lips found hers. My cold, unyielding, stone-like skin meeting her delicate warmness, unhindered by undesirable garments.

I shook my head trying to bring myself back to reality and away from my improper thoughts. It was impossible for that fantasy to ever come to pass. I still had my doubts that Bella would ever want anything more from me, regardless of what Alice had said. I also knew that the conversation I would have with Bella the following day could change everything. All of Alice's visions could easily change, leaving me no better off than I'd been the last eight years.

What a sobering truth.

My head snapped in the direction of Bella's apartment when a soft light flickered on in her bedroom. My eyes widened in surprise as she emerged from the bathroom in a light blue robe that was so unbelievably short it barely covered her intimate areas. Her legs were exceptionally toned, muscular, but not unflattering for a woman. She had always been beautiful, but now she was simply magnificent. It was obvious she took care of herself, exercised often, although I had yet to see her do so.

Her hair was damp from her shower and as she walked across her room she ran her fingers through it gently. She made her way over to the dresser and slowly opened a drawer to pull out her undergarments. I groaned audibly when I saw the scanty black and red lace.

When her hands rose to loosen the ties of her robe, I closed my eyes tightly and turned my head, wanting to give her privacy. I waited a few minutes before chancing a glance in her direction only to find that she was finishing dressing for the night, pulling a tank top over her head. In the faction of a second before her shirt was pulled down over her mid section, I caught a glimpse of something dark on her left side. She was facing away from the windows so I was unsure of what it was. Perhaps it was simply a play of light and shadow.

She laid down in her bed and I prepared myself for the night ahead. I could never tire of watching her sleep, even if it was from a distance. She appeared restless, however, and after a short while she hastily flung the blankets off of her and stood up. She made her way back out to the kitchen, helping herself to a glass of wine before sitting down on the couch in the living room. She grabbed a blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch and snuggled into it.

She remained sitting on the couch for hours, gazing into the fireplace, lost to her thoughts. After her third glass of wine, she finally fell asleep leaning up against the arm of the couch. It couldn't have been comfortable sleeping in that position, could it? I continued to watch her for a while and it appeared she was falling into a deep sleep. I decided to take a chance.

Without delay, I jumped to the rooftop of her building and entered through the door that lead to the floors below. I briskly made my way to her floor and stopped outside of her door.

When Emmett and Jasper had replaced her door, they had extra keys made for the lock. Their reasoning was if anything were to happen again, we would easily have access to her. At first, I was outraged they would do such a thing, invade Bella's privacy so blatantly, currently, however, I was thankful.

I reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled the key out. I deftly unlocked the door, slowly pushing it open and stepped into the foyer. I made my way down the hallway and into the living room to stand in front of the couch where Bella was sleeping. She looked peaceful, her slow, rhythmic breathing indicating she was deeply asleep. I knelt down in front of her and gently brushed the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She didn't stir, so I watched her intently for several long minutes.

Eventually, I stood and ran my fingers through my hair. I sighed quietly before bending down and gently sliding one of my arms under her legs as I placed the other behind her shoulders. I lifted her into my arms as smoothly as I could, trying not to jostle her too much. If she were to wake and find me here, it would be disastrous. I held her close, feeling her warmth, and brought my nose to her hair and inhaled. The smell of strawberries was replaced by almonds and pears. It was enthralling. I closed my eyes momentarily to savor her alluring aroma.

I started to walk toward her room and pushed her door open with my foot before padding quietly across the floor. Gently, I placed her on her bed and as I reached for the blanket to cover her, she shifted her position, turning to her left side, facing away from me. The motion caused her shirt to rise slightly and once more I saw a flash of the dark area marring her creamy skin. Again, I was unable to get a decent look, but I was certain it wasn't a play of the light as I originally had thought. I hoped it wasn't a bruise, because it was a large area, but I was unsure of what else it could be.

Instantly my anger flared when I considered the fact that she could be injured. I wonder if it was self inflicted, one of the many accidents she was prone to, or if someone had injured her.

I took several steps backward, away from the bed, away from Bella. I needed to rein in my anger before I did something that would surely wake her. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers and closed my eyes, taking a deep, cleansing breath. Once I felt I was under control, I reopened my eyes and gazed at the astonishing creature that slept before me.

I made a mental note to ask Alice or Carlisle about the mark I saw on her side. There was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I decided to think no more on the matter for the time being.

I stood there for an undetermined amount of time watching her sleep, cherishing each breath she took, each beat of her heart. When the light in her room began to change, indicating the approaching dawn, I quietly retreated from her room, shutting the door behind me.

I paused in the hall, listening to the other heartbeat in the apartment. It's rate was quicker and quieter than Bella's. Without conscious thought, I slowly walked down the hallway and stopped outside of Olivia's bedroom. The door was ajar and she was curled in a ball under the blankets, clutching a teddy bear tightly in her small arms. She had a peaceful smile on her face and when she started mumbling to herself, I felt my lips curl in a smile of their own. She was dreaming of the day spent with us in the park, playing with Alice.

Smiling, I turned and headed for the door. It wouldn't do well for me to be here when they awoke. What I didn't realize, however, was that it would be awhile before I would speak with her again.

...

"Stop sulking. It's been two weeks, man." Emmett said with aggravation, waking me from my inner musings and bringing me back to the present.

"I'm not sulking, Emmett," I replied coolly.

"To hell you aren't, bro. You want Bella? Then go out there and fight for her, dammit."

"I'm trying to give her a little space. She's distressed enough by everything as it is, I don't want to push her too far."

"I call bullshit. Get off your sorry ass and do something about it."

"Emmett, leave him alone. He's only doing what I've told him to do," Alice interrupted. "Now, go away."

"Whatever, I just think something else can be done," Emmett replied as he grumpily left the room.

"Now who's sulking?" Alice asked Emmett's retreating form, earning a growl from him.

"What's with the tux?" I asked, indicating the garment draped over her arm.

"This is what you're wearing tonight, Edward."

"Why am I wearing a tux?"

"You are wearing this tux, which is Armani, by the way, because we have a date. We're going to a charity gala."

"Stop hiding your thoughts, Alice. What's going on?"

"No, I'm not telling you. But I will say that Bella will be there," she said as she placed the tux in my lap and exited the room. "Oh, and bring your checkbook," she called over her shoulder.

An hour later, Alice and I were driving toward the city. She still hadn't told me exactly what we were doing, but I happily went along with her in the hopes of seeing Bella.

As we drove, I let my mind once again wonder to Bella and recent events.

...

"They'll be here in five minutes," Alice exclaimed, joyfully, as she made her way to the front porch to await their arrival. "Come on. Everyone outside."

Not wanting to argue with Alice, the family followed her outside. A couple minutes later, we heard a vehicle pull onto the long drive, then it came into view.

"Damn, sweet ride," Emmett muttered as he watched the black Range Rover pull up to the house. _"Girl's got more vehicles than we do," _he thought.

We all stood and watched as Bella and Olivia emerged from the car and approached the porch. Alice was the first to greet them, quickly making her way to their side before lifting Olivia in her arms and introducing her to the rest of the family.

"_My goodness, look at her," _Esme exclaimed silently. _"She looks just like Bella. Absolutely beautiful."_

I quickly looked at Rosalie when her thoughts turned to a yearning nature, immediately understanding the reason. The one thing she wished she had above all else, was a child. She would give up everything, including Emmett, if it were possible to have one of her own. I hadn't realized how much she had been looking forward to Bella and Olivia's visit. Or, should I say, Olivia's visit. Rosalie didn't care about Bella's presence.

Once all the pleasantries were completed, Bella made her way toward the house, accidentally brushing her hand against my own on the way. I momentarily closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth and electricity that shot through my arm. When I opened them, I reached out to grab a hold of her hand.

"Bella."

"Edward," she replied, causing my motionless heart to clench in my chest upon hearing her say my name.

"Later this afternoon, will you please accompany me out back to the creek. It's more private out there and I still wish to speak to you. If it's alright with you, that is."

"I said I would talk to you, Edward, and I will."

"Thank you. But first, I'm sure the others would like to spend some time with you and Olivia. Shall we?" I said, gesturing toward the open door.

Once we were inside, she froze, watching as my family interacted with Olivia. After a moment, Jasper glanced in Bella's direction before his eyes focused on me.

"_She's confused, Edward. She's not fearful I will injure her sister, but she doesn't understand how I can be so close to her without losing control. Maybe you should explain,"_ Jasper thought.

After explaining to Bella that the blood of children was weak and undesirable to us, I led her further into the room. We all sat around watching Olivia for a while, reveling in her innocence and being entertained by her endearing personality.

The atmosphere was light and cheerful until Alice and Rosalie departed upstairs with Olivia. The air quickly turned exceedingly unpleasant at the mention of Laurent. I literally felt sick to my stomach when Bella recounted her story of him attacking her.

The fact that she was in our meadow when it occurred was not lost on me. I wondered how she managed to locate it since it was quite difficult to find, especially for a human. I also realized she was alone on the five mile journey through the forest, a forest that was host to a savage vampire intent on killing her. My knees nearly bucketed at the thought.

I hoped Laurent was burning in the fiery pits of Hell, where he belonged.

I was torn between absolute dread and utter gratefulness for the werewolves involvement in that atrocious day. I didn't like the idea of Bella associating with such deplorable, volatile creatures, however, I couldn't deny that she would be dead if they were not there.

Not only did the werewolves save her that day, but they were also her friends. Friends with werewolves!

This was just one more matter that made me realize leaving was the worst thing I could have possibly done. It would haunt me for the rest of eternity. What else had happened during my absence?

I wasn't so sure I wanted to know.

Shortly after, I escorted Bella outside to the gazebo. It was time I told her the truth.

She had screamed and yelled at me, tears stained her porcelain cheeks, rain drenched her silky hair.

I had almost kissed her. How I _wanted_ to kiss her. She had closed her eyes and took a deep, shuttering breath. My lips had lightly brushed against hers as I whispered her name, pleading with her to understand. Her warmth had radiated to my lips as I stood there breathing in her intoxicating fragrance. All I had to do was press my lips to hers. But I didn't and she had pulled away when I wrapped my arms around her.

The look on her face had been one of intense pain and I hated that I was the cause of her anguish. It was my fault that she had suffered for so long, my fault that she had changed so much, my fault for everything.

When she had said it was over, I felt despair seep through my entire body. I protested, but she had pointed out that it wasn't my choice, that I had to comply with her wishes. She made it abundantly clear that she was no longer mine.

She had told me how much damage I had inflicted on her when I left her, saying I ruined her. Seeing her now, I believed her. I took the sweet, innocent, young girl with a heart of gold and turned her into a bitter woman that seemed to hate the world. I had ruined her.

I had _ruined_ her.

Several things she had said to me that day hit me harder than anything else, they replayed themselves endlessly in my mind.

"The damage is already done."

"It will never be okay between us."

"I can't forgive you for abandoning me."

"I can't forgive you..."

"I can't forgive you..."

"I can't forgive you..."

I begged her as tearless sobs erupted from my chest. I had clung to her, holding her tightly, never wanting to let her go. I feared if I let go, I would never get to touch her again. That thought had nearly paralyzed me. I needed her far too much. I had took several deep breaths, devouring the sweetest scent I would ever know, committing it to memory once again. I only released my hold on her when the realization struck that she was attempting to forcefully remove my hands from her hips.

Reluctantly, I stood and was surprised when she took my hand, and I lead her back into the house so she could change and warm up.

Once we were back inside, Bella made her way to the bathroom on the first floor to change into the clothes that Alice had left out for her. I stood back against the wall, not caring that I was soaking wet.

"I am so sorry, dear," Esme said as she laid a hand on my arm.

"I am, too, Esme. I don't know what to do now."

"It will all work out in time, Edward. It has to. You and Bella were meant to be together. I just know it. I don't need to have Jasper's gift to know that you both still love each other."

"She doesn't love me, Esme. Not any more. I hurt her too much. Too much damage has been done. I fear she will never forgive me, let alone love me."

"She does, and she will. A woman knows these things, dear."

Esme gave me a pat on the arm and a small smile as she made her way back to the kitchen to make Bella some hot tea.

Once Bella re-entered the living room and drank the tea Esme offered her, she announced that it was time for her and Olivia to leave.

Watching them drive away, I allowed myself a small bit of hope with three of the words she had spoken. "Not yet, anyway."

I remained on the porch long after they were gone, unable to move from the spot, watching the driveway where Bella disappeared from my view.

…

"We're here, Edward. Snap out of your Bella daydream," I heard Alice say, bringing me back to reality.

We pulled up to the valet and I stepped out of my car and handed the keys to a kid that couldn't have been more than eighteen years old, glaring at him, sending a silent message that clearly stated, "You injure the car, I injure you." His recoil showed me he understood. I smirked as I walked around the car to meet Alice. I offered her my arm as we walked toward the building.

"You have to give me something here, Alice. What type of gala is this? I will look like a fool if I have no idea what's going on."

"It's for a foundation called _A Little Hope_. It was founded in early 2002 by a woman that worked in the World Trade Center. She and her husband were on their honeymoon on September 11th and she later found out that most of the people she worked with died during the attacks. While she was attending the numerous memorials of her friends and co-workers, she realized there were many children that had lost their parents, and wanted to do something to help. Therefore, _A Little Hope_ was founded to help grieving children regardless of the circumstances of their loved ones death. It's a wonderful foundation."

"Yes, it sounds like a good cause."

"It is. But there is one more thing," Alice began as a doorman dressed in red opened the glass door for us to enter. "We will probably have to eat human food."

I cringed. "Lovely," I muttered.

"Now, non of that, Edward. This is all for Bella. Oh, look there she is," Alice said as she pointed across the crowded ballroom.

When my gaze landed upon her, my first thoughts was of complete adoration and love. She was absolutely breathtaking. She was wearing a long green halter type dress that had crystals adorning the bust. Her hair was up in an elegant twist with a few strands of hair framing her delicate face.

"Wow, she looks amazing," Alice said.

"That she does," I muttered in reply, unable to take my eyes off her form.

As I watched Bella, I allowed Alice to lead me to where I needed to go. Moments later, we were sitting at one of the many square dinner tables in the large room. The table was set for eight people and decorated with black and white square plates. Two glasses sat on top of the plates, one filled with a napkin folded into the shape of a rose. Red rose petals adorned the white table linens along with candles and a red and white flowered centerpiece. It was quite pleasant to look at, however, I knew it would only bring discomfort to Alice and myself once the food arrived.

The tables quickly filled with people, all dressed elegantly in flowing gowns and sharp tuxedos. I was grateful that Bella's table was in my line of sight. She looked radiant and happy even though Ben was at her side. She had yet to see us, but I knew it was only a matter of time and I wondered how she would react to us being there.

Dinner was served and I tried my best to not make a face at the stench. It appeared to be chicken, or perhaps fish. I really couldn't tell.

"_It's Halibut,"_ Alice thought, clearly interpreting my confused expression.

"Wonderful, not only do we have to eat human food, but we have to eat human food that lives in dirty water," I replied, too quiet for mortal ears. Alice lightly laughed next to me and I gave her a weak smile in return.

"_Dig in,"_ she thought.

At that moment, it came in quite handy my family was so well practiced with our human facade. It would have been nearly impossible to make it through this dinner if we hadn't spent years perfecting our actions.

To say the food tasted horrible was an understatement. Everything about the meal was horrible, the smell, the texture. It was all equally repulsive. But still, we ate.

At least tonight I wouldn't have to fake a trip to the Men's room. I couldn't wait to remove the disgusting substance from my stomach.

It wasn't until the table was cleared and a short, pudgy man made his way to the podium to speak when Bella became aware of our presence. My eyes had remained on her throughout the meal, watching as she ate and spoke with the people at her table. As I continued to watch her, her eyes slowly began to sweep the room. She did a double take when she saw Alice and me sitting there. It was almost comical how fast her head snapped back in our direction, but it wasn't. The look of utter surprise on her face made the moment less than funny.

I tipped my full wine glass and nodded my head in her direction just as she mouthed the words, "What are you doing here?" I was unable to reply seeing how I was on the other side of the ballroom, so I just smiled at her.

The evening speaker eventually finished his speech and people rose to mingle.

"She will come find us shortly, Edward," Alice whispered in my ear. We rose from our seats and strode across the room, directly across the room from the bar area. A waiter walked up to us and offered us each a glass of champagne and we both took the offering. It wasn't long before Bella made her way over to where we were standing, Ben at her side.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked.

"It's good to see you, too, Bella," Alice replied.

"Cut the shit, Alice. Why are you here?"

"Oh, we just wanted to help out this amazing foundation," Alice said, nonchalantly.

"Ben, will you please get me a drink," Bella asked, obviously trying to get rid of him.

"Sure, baby. What would you like?"

"Anything, I don't really care."

He nodded his head and turned started to make his way toward the bar, glaring at me as he went.

"_He better not fuck up our night. I'll kick his fucking ass,"_ he thought as he walked, earning a chuckle from me.

"Spill, guys. And don't even think about lying to me," Bella snapped as soon as he was out of ear shot.

"Bella," Alice began. "Sure, we wanted to see you, and it's the main reason we came, but we really want to help out here. I wasn't lying to you."

Bella didn't say anything, she just looked at Alice. It was impossible to decipher her expression.

"Please don't be upset with us, Bella," I said, softly. She looked at me quickly and I saw something change in her eyes. She didn't look mad or upset, but I was uncertain what it meant.

She sighed loudly. "I'm not upset with you. And thank you for helping out. This really is a wonderful foundation. It means a lot to Ben and me."

Ben and me. I didn't like the way that sounded.

"Ben is on the board of directors. He lost his parents when he was a teen and there wasn't anyone to help him through it. Now, he likes being able to help other kids out that are going through something similar to what he did."

Right then, Ben made his way back to Bella's side, kissing her lightly on her temple while handing her her drink. "Here you go, baby."

He placed his arm around her waist, a move clearly stating, _"She is mine."_ I bit back the growl that wanted to escape. I didn't like him touching her and I wanted to forcefully remove his arm from around her, and from his body. Perhaps hitting him with it along the way.

"_Don't even think it, Edward,"_ Alice thought. I didn't even realize I had made the decision to dismember him.

The four of us stood there for a few minutes before Bella excused herself to the ladies room.

"I'll come with you," Alice said, cheerfully. _"Behave, Edward,"_ she added silently. At least she was going to be able to rid herself of the meal we had to endure. I was only slightly jealous.

As soon as the girls were out of sight, Ben turned to me. I knew what he was going to say and I concealed the smirk that overcame my face by taking a drink of my champagne. Disgusting.

"Look, I know who you are and I'm telling you here and now, _she is mine_. You had your chance with her and you blew it. You fucked her over and now you have no right to come back here and act like you ever gave a shit about her when you never did," he said with authority.

"With all due respect, Ben. You have no idea what you're talking about," I replied, calmly.

"Like hell I don't! She told me what you did to her. You broke her, you son of a bitch. Stay the hell away from her."

"I have no intentions of leaving her alone, Ben. I appreciate what you have done for her over the years, but Bella belongs with me. Not you."

"You think so? Then why am I the one with her here tonight and not you? If you are suppose to be with her then why am I the one in her bed at night, making love to her?"

I took several deep breaths, attempting to calm myself, when all I really wanted to do was slap him around with his own arm.

"We all make mistakes," I said.

"And you think she is making a mistake by being with me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Who the hell do you think you are, pretty boy? You want to _fight_ for her? Win her for your own? Is that it? You only think of her as a trophy to be won! Fine, let's fight for her, but I _will _win."

"I don't think of her as a trophy, Ben. This isn't a game to me and I refuse to play any with you, but I will have Bella again. Make no doubt about that," I said just as the girls came back into view from the ladies room.

"We'll see. And her fucking name is Isabella," Ben replied.

Alice gave me a stern look as she made her way to my side. The atmosphere was tense, and I was sure Bella noticed it, but she remained quiet. A few moments later, the short, pudgy man that spoke earlier made his way over to the four of us.

"Hello, Ben. Isabella," The man said as he approached.

"Mr. Schimel, it's so good to see you again," Bella said.

"You, too, beautiful," he replied. "I don't believe I know your friends."

Oh, this is Alice and Edward Cullen. They are old friends of mine."

"Ah, it's nice to meet you both. Any friend of Isabella's is a friend of mine. I hope you are enjoying your evening?"

"Oh, yes, we are enjoying it a great deal, Mr. Schimel," Alice said cheerfully. I was thankful when he didn't offer either of us his hand to shake.

"Wonderful! I'm glad to hear it," he said. "So, tell me, what brings you to our little gathering tonight?"

"We are very blessed and would like to give back and help such a wonderful cause," Alice said.

"We appreciate your generosity. Unfortunately, not everyone is so blessed. It's heartbreaking to lose a parent at a young age, as I'm sure Ben and Isabella can attest to. Ben, you were thirteen when your parents died, is that right? How old were you again, Isabella, when you lost your father, I can't remember."

"I was twenty-one. Not exactly a child," Bella replied in a quiet voice, glancing at Alice and myself.

"Perhaps not, but still difficult nonetheless," Mr. Schimel said. Bella nodded her head in reply, but said no more.

Charlie was dead? How was that possible?

"_I didn't know, Edward. I never saw,"_ Alice thought, sadly.

"Ben, do you mind giving me a hand for a little while?" Mr. Schimel asked after a moment.

"Sure thing," Ben replied. I happily watched the pair walk away.

"_Ask her to dance with you, Edward. Find out what happened to Charlie," _Alice thought.

I turned my head to look at Alice, I was sure Bella wouldn't want to dance. She hated dancing. And I was quite certain we couldn't get away with her standing on my feet this time.

"_Stop thinking about it. She'll say yes. Now go,"_ Alice thought as she gave me a little shove to my back.

"Bella, would you care to dance with me?" I asked, trying to sound as confidence I as I could, although my nerves were nearly overwhelming. She snapped her head in my direction, a confused look on her face.

"You want to dance?"

"Yes. We wouldn't be alone," I said, gesturing to the dance floor where numerous couples were already swaying to the music that was being played by a band on stage. Bella continued to look at me, contemplating her decision.

"Please. I promise, I'll behave. I'll be a perfect gentleman," I said, earning a small smile from her in return.

"Okay," she agreed. That was easier than I thought it would be.

I held my hand out to her and she slowly placed hers in mine. Her warmth was electrifying and I couldn't wait to have her in my arms, even if it was merely to dance with her. I lead her to the middle of the dance floor and turned around.

"Do you need to stand on my feet?" I joked, earning a larger smile from her this time.

"No, I actually know how to dance now. You kind of have to learn when you attend events like this one. I still don't like it though," She said with a small laugh.

I pulled her to me, placing one hand on her waist and interlocking my other hand with hers and holding it against my chest. She didn't seem to mind as she placed her other hand on my shoulder.

"_That stupid motherfucker,"_ I heard Ben sneer in his head. I glanced in his direction to see him glaring at me. His thoughts clearly stating he wanted to injure me. I couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked.

"Nothing. Sorry," I said as I began to move us around the dance floor.

"It's never nothing with you, Edward. Tell me."

I chuckled again before answering her. "Ben is extremely upset because I am dancing with you. He wants to take me outside and beat me with a baseball bat."

"That poor bat," she teased and I smiled at her. "He's a little protective of me. Ignore him. He doesn't own me," she said with a roll of her eyes, dismissing him.

We danced for a couple of songs before I began to hear Alice in my head, yelling at me to ask about Charlie.

"Bella, what happened to Charlie?" I asked, watching her closely. She closed her eyes momentarily and when she reopened them, I could see the sadness swirling behind them.

"A little over five years ago he was killed. He was working, doing a routine traffic stop on the highway. He was standing next to the car he had stopped, speaking with the driver when another car came around the curve and hit him. It killed him instantly."

"I am so sorry, Bella."

She smiled sadly up at me and then continued her story.

"The driver that hit him was a drunk seventeen year old boy. Charlie never saw him coming, never had a chance to try to get out of the way. The kid was charged with vehicular manslaughter. Luckily for him, his dad was a lawyer in Seattle and was able to pull every string he could in order to get him off.

After his acquittal, Ben suggested that I sue them for wrongful death, but I didn't have the money to hire an attorney. I was living in the dorms and barely had money for food or anything else. Ben ended up hiring some of the best New York lawyers for me, though, so we battled it out in court. I won. That's where my money comes from."

"I sorry. Charlie was a really wonderful man. I'm glad I had the chance to meet him. We never knew. If Alice had seen, If we had known it was going to happen, we would have tried to stop it."

"Stop, Edward. It's not your fault, okay? Yes, it broke me and I lost complete control after he died; money tends to buy more expensive drugs. None of it is your fault, though. I miss him terribly, but I'm finally at peace with it now."

I could tell she saw the regret in my eyes, but she didn't say any more. She allowed me to wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me, hugging her. I cherished the feel of her, but I couldn't help the fact that I felt like I had let her down once again. She had lost her father. Charlie would likely still be alive if I had never left.

After dancing one more song in silence, we made our way off of the dance floor and back to Alice's side. Ben had yet to return, and for that I was happy. Bella and Alice spoke more of Charlie and I listened silently at their side. When the night was over, they had made plans for Bella to return to the house the following weekend to work on Alice's bedroom. For that, I was thankful. Knowing that I would see Bella again soon, lifted my spirits immensely.

Too soon, we said our goodbyes, and I lead Alice outside and retrieved my car. The drive home was silent, my thoughts on Bella. It seemed we had made a bit more progress tonight.

Maybe she would forgive me after all.

* * *

**Whew. And I'm sorry about Charlie. It had to be done. Don't kill me.**

**Check out my blog for pictures and other random crap (link on my profile). Don't forget to follow me on twitter (link also on my profile). You can harass me there for my epic lameness if you wish. It's cool.**

**Until next time,**

**~Rason**


	16. Chapter 16

**So...um...yeah. Hi. Remember me? No? Yeah, I deserved that. **

**I could sit here for hours and give excuses for why it's taken me so long to update, but in the end it doesn't really matter. What it all comes down to is that I am the lamest person in the entire whole history of lameness. So, really, I have no excuse. Except that I'm lame.**

**All I can do is ask for forgiveness. And possibly lick your feet. Whatever works. **

**So, if I'm lucky enough, and you're still reading this insanity, thank you. And I hope you enjoy.**

**Many thanks to theswandive for her support and harassment during the long break. I lube her forevers y'all.  
**

**SM owns all.  
**

* * *

Chapter 16

BPOV

To say I was surprised to see Alice and Edward across the ballroom would be an understatement. At first, I was pissed off. Royally. But as I watched him take a sip of his wine, I realized, with satisfaction, that the evening wasn't exactly comfortable for them. I suppressed a smile, knowing not only were they ingesting wine, but they were also forced to eat human food. When I glanced at Alice, she had a slightly nauseated look on her otherwise beautiful face and Edward's wasn't much different.

Serves them right for crashing this party. However, I couldn't deny their discomfort was slightly entertaining and amusing.

I tried to pay attention to Mr. Schimel's speech, but I kept feeling Edward's eyes on me, like they were burning deep into what was left of my soul. Every time I would look his way, he was intently watching me. If it were anyone else, I would be more than creeped out. I learned a long time ago, however, that that was just how Edward was made - a lot of sexy with a side order of creepy.

"What are they doing here?" Ben whispered in my ear, aggravation thick in his voice. I glanced at him and saw him shooting daggers across the ballroom toward our extra guests. Ben had made it perfectly clear that he did not like any of the Cullens. Especially Edward.

"I'm not sure. I'd like to know myself."

"I just want to punch the fucker in the face. He looks like he could use a good kick in the ass."

I laughed.

"What? You don't think I could take pretty boy?"

"Be civil, Ben," I urged, trying to avoid the topic of a Ben versus Edward high noon show-down . All Ben needed was a broken hand caused by a simple slap to the face of a vampire.

"Civil my ass, Isabella. That fucker has no business being anywhere near you. I don't want you to talk to him. Fuck, I don't want you to even look at him. I want him gone. Now."

"For Christ's sake, Ben! Why don't you just piss on my leg and get it over with. Besides, it's not like I'm going to let him into my pants or anything. Even if I did want to sleep with him, it's non of your concern," I snapped, exasperated. Like Edward would ever let that happen anyway. "You would do well to remember that you _don't_ own me. I will speak with whomever I wish, whenever I want. So knock off the obnoxious caveman routine and stop trying to claim me as yours, because I'm far from ever belonging to you."

"Damn, baby, I know I don't own you. I just want what's best for you. That guy fucked you over before. Don't give him the chance to do it again."

"Edward's harmless, Ben," I said as I sat back in my chair, crossing my legs and bringing my wine to my lips and taking a sip. "He's not going to hurt me, because I won't let him. I'm not the same insecure girl I was back then. So lay off, alright?"

"Fine. I'm sorry, but I still don't like them being here."

To be honest, I didn't understand why Ben was getting under my skin like he was, or why I was defending Edward. But I couldn't tolerate Ben's negative attitude towards him. I didn't like Ben speaking poorly of him.

And I hated that I didn't like it.

Try as I might to hate Edward, I just couldn't. It was useless. My mind, for the most part logical and rational, told me to keep my distance. And although my heart desperately hurt when I saw him, it wanted to be near him. It wanted to crawl into his strong arms, hold on securely, and never let go.

I couldn't let that happen, though. I could never let myself be that vulnerable again. I would end up hurt if I ever allowed Edward access. For my own sanity, I just couldn't do it.

The night went by smoother than I thought it would. Ben hadn't tried to kill Edward, although I was certain they had words while Alice and I were in the bathroom. The amused gleam in Edward's eyes upon our return nearly confirming my suspicions.

In the bathroom with Alice. Now that's an experience. I was fairly positive she was hacking up her meal in the stall next to me due to the fact that she looked extremely relieved while she was washing her hands afterward.

Disgusting. Although, comical.

I hadn't meant to tell them about Charlie, seeing how it was really non of their business, but Mr. Schimel just had to open his big, fat mouth. That guy always creeped me out anyway with the way he would look at me, so I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less of him.

Alice and Edward were quite shocked to hear of Charlie's death, which dumbfounded. I guess I assumed Alice would have seen something that big occur in my life. But then again, she hadn't seen many of the events that had happened. Like Jake or Victoria, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Explaining what had happened while I danced with Edward wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, though.

Dancing with Edward. Gah! I never thought that would happen again. Luckily, this time I knew what to do. Thanks to all of these ever so lovely charity events Ben and I attended, I had learned to dance. I still didn't care for it, but I could do it when I needed to. Without damaging the toes of my partner, mind you. But then again, Edward's toes were indestructible.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't deny that I enjoyed Edward's cool arms wrapped around me, although I would never admit that to anyone. I missed his embrace, even after all these years. He smelled utterly amazing, better than I remembered, and much better than any man I had ever been with. My head swam, and I really didn't want to pull away.

The thing was, I really needed, too. I couldn't fall into that mess again. It would ruin me.

Once the night was over, I had plans to work on Alice's room the following weekend. She had finally settled on a design she liked and we needed to begin construction. Normally, I would contract the work out, but Alice insisted it would be best if we did the work ourselves. The less human involvement, the better. Someone was always bound to bleed at some point during a renovation and that was best to be avoided in this case. So, I found myself making the long drive to their house that following Saturday, my SUV packed full with supplies. It was going to be an interesting day.

When I pulled up to the Cullen home I was surprised to be met by Emmett. Before I had a chance to put the car in park he had my door open. A second later he was pulling me out of the seat and embracing me in one of his bear hugs, spinning me around in almost too fast circles.

"Are you excited, Em?" I asked with a laugh I couldn't manage to hold inside.

"You bet your ass I am," he said as he placed my feet back upon the ground. He held on to me as I stumbled, an amused gleam in his eye. "I get to tear things up without getting in trouble. It's going to be the best day ever."

As we were walking up the steps to the house, the door opened and Edward appeared, quickly being pushed out of the way by Alice. She looked equally excited as Emmett was. She was wearing what appeared to be an old pair of men's denim overalls that hung loosely from her petite frame. They were threadbare and frayed in places and I couldn't tell if they were stained or just dirty, but they were hideous. She had the pant legs rolled up to what would be the knees of the overalls just so her feet would show. It was the first time in, well, ever, that I had seen her dress so sloppy. She noticed my stare.

"They're Emmett's. I lost a bet," she explained with a shrug of her shoulders.

"How can you, the all seeing know it all, lose a bet, Alice?" I asked, curiously.

"It happens," she replied simply.

"Apparently, she plans on destroying them today. Rose paid her off," Edward spoke up finally, smiling at his sister. She playfully punched him in the stomach.

"No! Alice, you cheated," Emmett exclaimed, horrified, and ran inside the house. "Rose, don't let her do it."

We could hear Emmett's whines and pleads with Rosalie as we walked inside. It seemed he'd had the overalls for decades and, to Rosalie's horror, still wore them often. She hated them, as did Alice, so they plotted against the poor bastard, making him think he finally won a bet against Alice, her punishment being to wear the overalls. By the sounds of it, Rosalie wasn't going to budge and the overalls were going to be history.

This was definitely going to be an interesting day.

"Emmett and Edward went into town earlier and purchased all the drywall and nails and stuff you asked for," Alice said as we stood inside the room. As she spoke, the door behind us opened and Edward walked in, stopping a few feet behind us.

"Good, I guess we should get started then," I said, ignoring Edward and looking around the space. I was excited to see how it was going to turn out. I always got excited at the beginning of a project. "We should start by tearing down this wall...,"

Just as I said the word "wall" there was a loud crashing noise and dust instantly filled the air. I let out a squeal of surprise and jumped back, my body colliding with something hard. When most of the dust settled, I saw an Emmett shaped hole in the wall I was just talking about. Emmett stood in front of it, covered in dust and debris with a huge smile on his face.

"Done," Emmett exclaimed cheerfully. "What's next?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded, for a moment before I realized that my back was still pressed against the hard thing. That was when I realized not only was it hard, but also cold, with it's cold hands holding me lightly by the shoulders. I instantly knew who was behind me then. I could feel the electricity hum between us, but still, I slowly turned my head and looked behind me.

Edward's face was mere inches from my own, his smoldering, honey gaze nearly penetrating my soul. And I was lost; lost in the memories of what we had, remembering his cool touch, his kiss, his love. His lips were right there, slightly parted and I watched as his tongue darted out to moistened them. His sweet smelling breath washed over me like a cooling balm, calming my blistered spirit.

Then his leaving came to mind and the words he said that destroyed my life. He may have said he didn't mean them, but that doesn't mean they didn't hurt, that they still don't hurt.

"Sorry," I muttered, awkwardly, as I stepped away from him. His hands dropped from my shoulders and hung limply at his side. He didn't say anything, simply stepping back away from me. He almost looked disappointed that my back wasn't pressed against his chest any longer.

When I turned to look at Emmett and Alice they both had a strange look on their face, both of them smirking in a knowing way. What they knew, I couldn't say, but knowing Alice, I was sure I didn't want to know.

It was amazing how quickly things could be accomplished when you had a coven of vampires doing all the labor for you. All I had to do was sit back and watch them work, their movements but a blur to my human eyes.

It wasn't long before the sheet rock was up and we were ready to start painting. Unfortunately for them you couldn't paint at vampire speed, the paint nor the brushes could handle it.

"Behave," Esme said, as she handed Emmett a paint brush. He smirked wickedly in response and Edward groaned. It was obvious Emmett was planning something.

As we painted, I would occasionally glance around the room and look at the seven people that I once called my family. All of them had an endearing quality that I was once drawn too, that I had admired. Including Rosalie.

I found myself wondering what my life would have been like had Edward not left. Would I be one of them now? I'm sure I would still be whole, the gaping wound in my chest that I had now would be nonexistent, but would I be happy? I knew the answer immediately. Yes, I would have been very happy. I had loved this family with all my heart and I knew that my life, whether human or vampire, would have been wonderful. Inwardly, I mourned the lost of that life.

"Are you all right?" Jasper whispered next to me as he brushed paint on the wall in front of him. I didn't realize he had moved so close to me.

"I'm great," I replied, forcing a smile on my face. He saw through my facade, picking up on my emotions, of course, but was gentlemanly enough not to mention it.

"I owe you an apology, Bella," he said, softly, after a few moments.

"What for?" I asked, confused.

"For your eighteenth birthday party. I have regretted my actions ever since."

"Jasper," I began, placing my paint brush down in the can of paint at my feet. "I have never blamed you for what happened. Not once throughout the years have I thought poorly of you because of that night. You did nothing wrong."

"I tried to kill you, Bella. And I would have succeeded if the others hadn't restrained me. How is that not wrong?"

"You were just following your instincts. You can't be blamed for that. Even if I was the one it was directed toward," I said, giving him a small smile. I never put the blame on what happened on Jasper. That honor was always on Edward's shoulders. It was solely his burden to bear. I blamed Edward, never Jasper.

"Regardless, I do apologize for my actions," he said. "I promise it will not happen again. Since that dreadful night I have vowed to myself, and to my family, to work on my control."

"Is it easier for you now?"

"Much. Although, I'm no Carlisle," he said with a chuckle.

"Hell, Jasper. _I'm_ no Carlisle," I said, causing him to laugh harder.

"Indeed," he whispered, smiling at me.

It had gone quiet in the room so I looked at the rest of the Cullens only to find each of them watching us. Alice had a smile on her face, clearly happy that the air had been cleared between her husband and I. The rest of the family had similar expressions on their faces, save from Rosalie and Edward. I paid Rose no mind, because she always looked like an angry bitch, but Edward's face looked tortured again. I suspected he was remembering the events of my eighteenth birthday and the nights that had followed.

We stood there, his family surrounding us, and just stared into each others eyes from across the room.

I found it hard to be angry with him anymore, which was quite the change from a few months ago. I now realized just how angry I had actually been for the last eight years - an anger that I took out on everyone in my path. If Charlie was still alive, he would be greatly disappointed in me. I knew at that moment I needed to change. I needed to release all the anger I had built up inside of me and let it go.

It was clear that Edward had paid for his mistake. He had suffered the last eight years, too, although in a much different way that I had. Still, I couldn't completely forgive him for what he had done. I hoped someday I could get to that point, but I just wasn't there yet.

The anger may have been gone, but the hurt was still a part of me.

"Emmett, no!" I heard Alice exclaim a second before I saw something fly through the air in front of me. A paint-filled brush hit Jasper, who was still standing next to me, squarely in the chest. Paint splattered in all directions, covering my left arm and the left side of my shirt in white.

"Paint fight!" Emmett yelled as he picked up another brush from a near by paint can and flung it across the room toward Alice.

Then all Hell broke out.

Paint was flying everywhere, from every vampire in the room. I tried to focus on what was going on, but they were too fast and my eyes couldn't keep up with their movements.

"Holy fuck," I muttered, raising my arms to shield my face. I looked down into the paint can that had been at my feet moments before only to find it missing. I was completely unarmed in a room full of dueling vampires.

Edward quickly appeared in front of me, taking the brunt of the war of white that was transpiring in the room.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" I heard Esme yell. "We have a guest, children."

"Bella's not a guest. She's family. Let's get her," Emmett said, menacingly, as a splatter of paint landed on the wall next to my head with a loud splat, cracking the drywall slightly, clearly having been flung a little too hard.

Edward backed closer to me, a growl erupting from his chest. Abruptly, everyone stopped and looked at him.

"Bella is off limits. She could get hurt," he said as he kept his protective stance in front of me.

"I'm fine, Edward," I said.

"You could get hurt," he repeated while he kept an eye on his family.

"Edward, look at me," I said. I needed to get him to chill out a bit, but when he turned around I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I couldn't help it. It was the most ludicrous thing I had ever seen. His beautiful face was mostly covered in white, making his otherwise pale skin seem tanned for once. Only a few locks of his copper hair had gone untouched and those few strands were standing straight up into the air giving him the appearance of devil horns.

"What?" he asked, confused at my manic outburst.

"Jesus, Edward. You look absolutely ridiculous," I snickered.

"Do I, now?" He questioned, eyebrow raised, as his eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Extremely," I gasped out between breaths.

"Fine," He said. I saw his arm come up quickly, but there was no way I could stop him or move before he reached me. Luckily I closed my eyes and mouth the moment before he swiped his brush down the left side of my face. "Now we both look ridiculous."

"I can't believe you just did that," I said, shocked, the laughter now gone.

"Me either, to be honest," he said, a smile playing on his lips, but apprehension in his eyes. We stood there for a long moment looking at each other covered in paint and at the same time we both exploded into laughter, his family quickly following. I laughed so hard tears were running down my face, no doubt leaving streaks through the drying paint.

We laughed for what seemed like hours, but in actuality it was mere minutes. And it felt damn good to laugh like that. It had been years since I had last done so. I could feel the stress float away from me with every amused breath.

"Perhaps we should get cleaned up," Esme said once everyone quieted down. I looked over at her and although her face was free of paint, the entire right side of her was covered, like someone had poured an entire gallon of paint down her side. I looked over at Carlisle only to find him holding said gallon of paint and wearing an enormous smile. He, too, was splattered from head to toe.

Most everyone else fared the same as I did, however Emmett was completely covered. There wasn't a spot on him that was paint free and he looked like a cartoon ghost standing in the middle of the room. Apparently everyone had ganged up on him. Serves him right, I thought.

"Edward, take Bella to your room and let her get cleaned up in your bathroom. Give her a shirt and a pair of shorts to wear for now until I can get her something else," Alice chimed in, still unable to contain the smile on her face.

Edward nodded his head and gestured for me to follow him. As we passed Emmett he stepped in front of me causing me to stop.

"You've got a small somethin' somethin' on your face there, Bella," he said, grinning, reaching his hand out to brush the "small somethin'" off of my face. His booming laughter filled the room at his idea of a joke. I rolled my eyes and continued to follow Edward out of the room.

Once we were out in the hall, and the rest of the family had headed to their rooms to clean up as well, he turned to me.

"Truly, I'm sorry for getting you with the paint. I shouldn't have done that," he said.

"It's all right, Edward. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. I needed it. So thank you," I said and watched the smile spread across his face again, clearly relieved I wasn't angry with him.

We reached his room and he went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of black shorts. They had a drawstring in them so I would be able to adjust them to fit me better.

"You can choose a shirt in the closet if you would like," he said, gesturing toward the small door on the far side of the room.

The door may have been small, but the closet was not. In fact it was larger than the bedroom I'd had back in Forks. There were rows of shirts and pants, hanging neatly along the racks. Crisp designer suits and even a few tuxedos alined the walls, dozens of expensive shoes lie upon the floor. Most of the items in the room look to never have been worn.

I walked toward the back where I saw several t-shirts folded and started to rifle through them. They all appeared to be concert shirts and instantly my interest was piqued.

After searching a moment I pulled one out of the stack that made me laugh. When Edward heard me he walked into the closet and stood in the doorway.

"ABBA, Edward? Really?" I asked, holding the shirt up for him to see.

"Alice made me go to that one," he said, somewhat disgruntled.

"Sure she did," I laughed.

"No, she really did."

"Whatever you say, Chiquitita," I said as I walked by him, patting him on the cheek. Edward chuckled.

"If you're going to call me an ABBA name, at least call me Fernado. It's much more manly" he said, playfully.

It was slightly shocking how well we were getting along at the moment. I felt relaxed being around him and was honestly enjoying our banter.

"The bathroom is this way. Everything is in there that you need to clean up," he said, leading me in the right direction. Once I was inside the room, I saw the various items I would need, shampoo, towels, etc., so I turned toward the shower. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him standing in the doorway watching me.

"Ya know, I don't have a problem with you watching me shower, but I'm sure you do," I said, emphasizing my point by lifting my soiled shirt up a ways, as if I were going to remove it. For a moment his eyes were trained on my stomach but quickly flashed to my face. Instantly, I knew what he had seen.

"I'll be downstairs," he said quickly, clearly embarrassed, and left the room.

It felt good to clean off all the dried paint although it took forever. When I was done and had dressed in the clothes Edward had given me, I made my way downstairs. The entire family was sitting in the living room watching TV. When I entered, Alice jumped up quickly and ghosted to my side.

"So, you have a tattoo? Edward said he saw it. Show me," she said, grabbing for my shirt.

"Alice," Esme chastised. "Perhaps she doesn't want you to see it."

"No, it's all right," I said as I lifted my shirt up, exposing my abdomen. The tattoo was rather large, encompassing my entire left side, going from my underarm to beyond my hipbone, so all of it wasn't visible to them. It was of a gnarled branch, covered in cherry blossoms, with a few of the blossoms falling away. Intertwined in the branch was a banner with a date on it.

"It's beautiful, Bella," Alice said with awe as she reached out and touched one of the bright pink flowers. "What's it mean?"

"Well, the cherry blossoms represent the fragility of life," I said. "And the branch, to me, means the difficulties we face during that life. Although, it means different things to others."

"And the date," Alice asked.

"The date Charlie died," I muttered.

"What about the scars it covers?" Edward asked when Alice did not. There were many deep scars, crisscrossing upon my flesh that were somewhat hidden beneath the ink. The scars were hideous and were the second reason, next to the loss of Charlie, that I got the tattoo in the first place. Most people didn't notice them, but of course, Edward and his super eyesight could.

"That's a really long story," I began. "Am I'm sure it's one that you won't like."

"Tell me. Please," he implored, standing and walking toward me.

"I can't," I whispered as he stopped right in front of me.

"Why?" he asked as he looked down at me, my own sadness reflected in his golden eyes.

"I just can't. Not now, anyway. Give me some time, okay?"

"Okay," he said with a nod of his head, and I was glad he was letting it drop. It was too painful a subject to discuss and I wished to put it off for as long as I could. I wasn't ready to bring all those memories back to the surface just yet.

I knew at some point I need to tell him what had happened with Victoria. He needed to know that she had come back for me and nearly killed me despite the wolves best efforts to protect me. I dreaded telling him the story, and not just because he would take it really hard. I knew he would beat himself up endlessly over it for a very long time. Telling him would be difficult, yes. But there were other things I needed to include in the story that I would rather not tell, like what had happened between Jake and I, what all was lost during Victoria's viscous attack.

Edward may be back in my life now, and I may be okay with that. But I still didn't fully accept what had happened back then. If I couldn't handle it all, how could I ever expect Edward to. I didn't have an answer for that and I wasn't sure if I ever would. Only time would tell.

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**OKAY! So...here's the thing. Chapter 17 is like 99.99999% done (and it's a GOOD one.) Just gotta do some tweaking and stuff to it and it will be ready to roll. BUT I'm considering finishing the entire story before I post again. Why? So there isn't another long break between updates. **

**However, if you think this is a stupid idea and would rather I not do it then let me know. Hit review and tell me to stop my douchebaggery and I will listen. If you don't care either way, I would still love to hear from you. **

**Please, tell me what you think, about the chapter, update schedule or about me as a lame idiot in general. If you do, I will give you...um...whatever you want. Sorta. **

**~Rason**


	17. Chapter 17

**No, FFn isn't playing nasty tricks on you. I actually am updating! Which is totally insane, I know. **

**Big, huge major thanks and boob gropes to theswandive for just being awesome. She deserves for all of you to send her lots of money. Really, she does.**

**A slight time jump here of like a couple months. You all may like this chapter. But I refuse to say why. So just read it.  
**

**SM owns all.**

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EPOV

I sat there, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of my nose. How did I get dragged into this, anyway? Mere feet away from me, hot, sweaty bodies gyrated to the blaring music in the dimly lit room. I despised the club atmosphere. Clubs were simply extended foreplay rituals for the lustful humans.

The moment I stepped inside the wretched place the thoughts of hundreds of people hit me like a ton of bricks. There was one thing on all of their minds. Sex. How to get it. Whom to get it from. What positions they wanted to try with which girl. Whether they should spit or swallow.

Humans were so predictable.

There were so many voices pondering the same things in this place that I couldn't tell who was thinking what. It was the same all around. Like it really _mattered_. I tried my best to tune it all out. The only reason I agreed to come in the first place was because Alice said Bella would meet us here. We'd been here for nearly an hour and she still hadn't shown.

Alice and Rosalie were on the dance floor making quite the scene; every male eye in the room was focused on them. Each guy was hoping they could score with one of them and were thinking of ways to make that happen. Some were cleverer than others, but all of them were loathsome fools.

_Was__ that guy actually drooling?_

Disgusting.

I sat with Emmett and Jasper at an old, round wooden table near the bar on a level lower than the dance floor; three full bottles of beer sat in front of us. How humans could drink that stuff, I didn't know. It smelled like cow urine. Don't ask me how I know that either.

"Hey there, sexy," I heard a voice say in my ear. "Why don't you come and dance with me for a while?" I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head toward the sound. Next to me, stood a tall, curvaceous blonde. She was bending over at the waist allowing a view of her obviously enhanced breasts, that were definitely too large for her small frame.

Did she think she was being sexy?

I turned my face away from her. "I don't dance," I said coldly. She wasn't the first woman to hit on me tonight. It was getting rather old.

"Then why are you at a dance club?" she asked, still trying to keep up her seductive facade.

"The wives wanted to come," I said gesturing toward Alice and Rosalie on the dance floor. Maybe she would get the hint that I wasn't interested in what she could offer me if she thought I were married. She glanced toward the dance floor and then quickly back at me.

"Married, huh? What's a shame. I could have shown you a really good time, ya know. I still can if you want. The wife can watch," she said as she placed a piece of paper in the pocket of my shirt.

"No, thank you," I replied coldly, as I took the paper with her phone number out of my pocket, balled it up and tossed it in a nearby trash can. She stood up abruptly, mumbled something about how all the hot guys were taken and stormed off.

"Didn't like that one either, bro?" Emmett laughed. "I wonder how much she paid for those boobs anyway. Waste of damn money if you ask me. They looked uneven."

I rolled my eyes and looked back toward the door, thinking of Bella. Alice swore she was going to make it, but I was starting to think she was wrong.

_She'll be here in five minutes so you better stop acting like an ass. It's going to be fun._ Alice thought as she and Rosalie made their way back toward our table.

It was quite possibly the longest five minutes of my existence.

I glanced back over at the door just in time to see it open; my breath ceasing when I saw her. She was exquisite.

She began walking down the stairs near the entrance, her hand gliding down the railing. She was wearing a knee length black trench coat that completely obscured her clothing underneath. Only her long legs were visible, sheathed in sheer black stockings, with a pair of black leather high heeled stilettos that made a crisscross pattern over the top of her delicate foot.

It still astounded me that she was able to walk in shoes like that. She would have broken her neck in them when she was younger, but now she wore them gracefully. I laughed a little to myself when I thought of a graceful Bella.

Her hair cascaded down her back in soft curls and bounced lightly as she descended the stairs. Her eyes were wondering around the room, looking for us no doubt. A moment later, her eyes made contact with mine and she smiled slightly. I returned her smile, rose to my feet and headed toward her.

"Hello, Edward," she said simply when I reached her.

"Hello, Bella," I said as I offered her my hand. She hesitated for a moment before placing her small hand in mine. I slowly brought her hand up to my lips and placed a soft chaste kiss on her knuckles, all the while gazing into her eyes. We stood there for a moment longer, our gaze locked on each other. I didn't want to look away, but knew I needed to. I dropped my eyes a minute later and began walking over to the rest of my family, her hand still clutched in my own.

Once we reached the table, Bella unfastened her coat. I helped her slip it off her shoulders and stifled a gasp when I saw what she was wearing underneath. She had on a red halter dress that exposed her entire back. The neckline was sinfully low, too, accentuating the soft curves of her breasts and the hem hit mid thigh. I noticed parts of her tattoo peaked out from the sides of the dress.

"Hi, Bella. I'm so glad you were able to make it," Alice said, "You look amazing, by the way. Love the Jimmy Choo's. I never thought I would see you in four and a half inch designer heels, though. They're so much better than those nightmares you use to wear," she said, laughing and Bella smiled at her.

"Yeah, well, I guess you rubbed off on me a little," Bella teased and Alice beamed. "Surprisingly, I'm only clumsy now when I take the heels off. Ironic, don't you think?"

We all laughed at that, remembering how she could find something to trip over on a flat, empty surface. I had to catch her from falling countless times as she tripped over her own feet. It never bothered me, though. Instead it gave me an excuse to wrap her in my arms. I always thought her clumsiness was endearing and I somewhat missed that about her.

Emmett stood up and enveloped her in a huge bear hug, lifting her off the floor by several inches, spinning her around in a circle. "It's good to see you again, Bella," he said as he placed her back on the ground, placed a kiss on top of her head and pulled a chair out for her. She looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow.

"What? I have manners," he said, incredulously, making her laugh. The sound was so carefree that I couldn't possibly tire from it. I would do anything to hear that astonishing sound again.

For a while I simply sat there and listened to Bella and Alice's conversation. Alice discovered that Bella had a friend that was a buyer at Ralph Lauren and she had worked for several other top designers. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that Alice was about to pass out due to that bit of information. When she told Bella that they needed to go shopping, Bella simply rolled her eyes.

"Alice, I haven't changed that much, ya know. I still don't like to shop. I only do it because I have to."

"Yes, Bella, and you _have_ to go shopping with me! Since you know all the designers now it will make it so much more fun," Alice squealed while bouncing in her seat. Jasper leaned over and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down, to no avail. It was nearly impossible to calm Alice down when it came to shopping for designer clothing. "Rose and I will pick you up tomorrow morning at seven o'clock."

Bella moaned and admitted defeat. "Whatever, Alice," she said, but I noticed a faint smile touch her beautiful lips.

"So, little sis, how about you and me? Dance floor. Now," Emmett said with a wink.

"I'm not going to dance with you, Emmett," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh, yes you are!" he said as he stood up, walked around the table and swiftly scooped her up in his arms and hurried to the dance floor, Bella protesting the entire time.

"This should be interesting," I said and Alice and Jasper laughed. Rosalie, of course, scowled.

While he carried her toward the dance floor, an atrocious Britney Spears song started blaring through the speakers, making me wish I could cover my ears and drown out the noise. Alice said it was one of her older songs called _Toxic_ or something. Regardless, it was a horrible song. Toxic indeed.

As soon as Emmett placed Bella's feet on the floor he started doing a terrible Austin Powers impersonation. He looked like a complete moron with his arms and legs flailing in all directions. Bella looked at him in shock for a moment before doubling over in laughter.

She rolled her eyes and turned to walk away from him, still laughing. Before she was able to step too far away, he reached out and grabbed her hand, spinning her around toward him and pressed her gently to his body. One of his hands wrapped around her and landed on her back, the other held her hand in his over his chest.

Then he started to move, looking her directly in the eye. He spun her gracefully around the floor, a little provocatively even, like the dancing expert he was. Emmett loved to dance. Surprisingly, Bella was able to keep up with his every move. She really did appear graceful and I couldn't tear my eyes off of her.

A few moments later I heard a low growl next to me. I looked over and saw Rosalie had a disgruntled look on her face. She was staring directly at Bella.

"Relax, Rose. They're just dancing," Alice said.

"I don't like it. Bella's a bit of a whore now," she said and I couldn't withhold the growl that escaped me. Rosalie glared at me before turning her eyes back to Bella.

"Her emotions are strictly platonic, Rose. She sees Emmett as nothing more than a brother. You have no reason to feel jealous," Jasper said.

"Jealous? You think I'm jealous of that...that _human_?" Rosalie screeched. We all knew she would give anything to be human. She would give up her marriage and family without a second thought if it meant she had a chance at humanity again. She had always despised Bella for wanting to throw her life away and becoming one of us. Rosalie had always envied Bella's humanity above all else.

"I know you're jealous of her," Jasper began, calmly. "You always have been. Whenever you're around her the jealousy radiates off you in waves. But there's no need for it. Especially now. Bella has no desire for your husband or your way of life. She doesn't want to be a vampire anymore so I don't see what your problem is."

Rosalie glared at him and then stood up. "Come on Alice, let's go dance," she snapped, grabbing Alice by the hand and dragging her out to the dance floor. Her thoughts clearly stating she was taking her husband back. She was definitely jealous.

I watched as Alice and Rose joined them on the dance floor, Bella gladly letting Rose cut in. I was still angry at Rose for calling Bella a whore, though. I didn't know the extent of Bella's past, but I was quite certain she was nothing of the sort.

"It's true, you know," Jasper said quietly.

"What's true?" I asked, unsure where he was going with this for he was keeping his thoughts well protected.

_That she doesn't want to be one of us any longer, _he thought.

"I figured as much. She's a completely different person than she was eight years ago. Although, I can't deny the pain I feel knowing she doesn't want anything to do with me any longer. I hurt her too much. I know that. I don't deserve her. I never did."

_You're wrong. You deserve to be happy, Edward. She's the only thing that will make you happy. You need her._

"I don't see how that really matters, Jasper. She doesn't love me."

_Again, you're wrong. I feel the love she feels for you. It's as strong as it ever was. Maybe stronger. More than you know._

I gaped at him. "Impossible. She can't love me. She's moved on."

_But she does, Edward. She may not realize it yet, but it's definitely there. Her love for you runs deep. You have always underestimated her feelings for you. I haven't felt such strong emotions in a human before. Bella truly is extraordinary._

"I know she is. She always has been."

_Give her time, Edward. She'll come around. You will be happy again, _Jasper thought.

I sighed. I wanted to believe Jasper. I truly did. I just couldn't see how it was possible. Once again, I found myself lost in my thoughts.

Soon, everyone had rejoined the table and we sat and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. It felt right with Bella here. Like Carlisle said, she completed us. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy as I looked at her, a joy that had nothing to do with Jasper's gift. I almost felt selfish for feeling this way, but I couldn't help it. Bella indeed made me happy. She made me happier than I had ever been and I didn't ever want to let that - or her - go. I didn't know how I could make this right, but I knew I wanted to try.

"I'll be right back," Bella said after a while. I gave her a questioning look. "Um, human moment," she explained, sheepishly.

I watched as she walked toward the ladies room. She really was exquisite. I would happily spend the rest of eternity watching her. Jesus, that sounded creepy. I couldn't help my feelings, though. Bella was it for me. I would never love another.

She was an extremely attractive woman now. She always had been captivating, but now she had physically matured and the results were phenomenal.

Just like the boys at Forks High, all the men in the room wanted her, several of them watching as she walked across the room. Many thoughts of her in sexual positions flashed through my mind from several different men in the club. It was disgusting, to say the least. Some of the men pictured Bella laying naked on a bed underneath them as they thrust into her. Others were simply twisted, imagining her bound and gagged as they did an assortment of deviant things to her as she moaned out in ecstasy.

My jaw and fists clenched in response to their loathsome thoughts.

I tried to repel the images that were bombarding my mind, not wanting to think of Bella with any man. I wanted to imagine her to be as pure as she was when she was seventeen, even though I knew she wasn't. The thought of another man touching her that way nearly made my granite skin crawl in disgust.

A few minutes later, Bella emerged from the ladies room and started to walk back toward our table. She was about halfway there when a dark, curly haired man that was sitting at the bar reached out and grabbed her arm. His thoughts were of the twisted variety and it took all my strength to not run over there and remove Bella from his presence, caveman-style. I knew she would not appreciate that, though. So, as hard as it was, I remained seated and simply watched in disgust.

She stopped and he stood up in front of her, only inches away from her. He was definitely too close for my liking and too close for Bella's by the look on her face. The man bent over and whispered something in her ear that I was unable to hear due to the distance and the loud music playing in the club. I tried to pick what he said out of his thoughts, but it was hard to bring my focus from all the other unsavory thoughts floating around the bar.

Whatever he had said, though, made her smile. He said something else to her and she shook her head. He looked disappointed for a moment before his expression changed back to one of extreme arrogance. Then he slowly raised his arm and brushed his finger down her bare arm, starting at her shoulder and ending at her hand. She turned her head and watched his finger slowly slide down her arm then she looked back up at him. He took hold of her hand and lifted it up between them and he looked down, placing something in her hand and folded her fingers around it. He whispered something else in her ear and I saw her visibly shutter and then she pulled back from him and walked away.

Once she approached our table I heard her mumble the word "creep" as she threw what the man placed in her hand in the trash can that was next to our table. As the item flew through the air I realized what it was.

"Was that a room key to the Ritz Carlton?" I asked, stunned.

"Yes, it was. That guy was beyond appalling," she replied as she sat down and crossed her legs.

"What else did he say to you?"

"Does it really matter? It's not like I'm going to give him the time of day or anything."

I just looked at her, not really sure what to say.

"Fine, if you must know, he wanted to buy me a drink and then take me back to his hotel room and do all kinds of perverted, sexual things to me," she said with a shrug to her shoulders, like it was a normal occurrence for her to be propositioned as such. "He's a pig."

"Why did you take his room key if you thought he was a pig?" Rosalie surprised us all by asking.

"So he would run back to his room and wait for me all night. Of course, I'm never going to show up, so it will effectively ruin his evening. Poor guy will have to take care of things by himself tonight, I'm afraid," she said with an unamused laugh.

"You could have at least taken the drink he wanted to buy you," Rosalie said in disbelief.

"Oh, no. I learned that lesson the hard way. You never take a drink a strange man offers you," she said with a shake of her head.

"Why not?" I couldn't help but ask.

Bella sighed and slowly turned to look at me before speaking softly, "Because you never know what they will put in it."

We sat there and looked into each other's eyes for a long moment and something passed between us. I wondered what could possibly have happened to her because something apparently had occurred. I wanted to ask her, but knew that it wasn't my place to question her about it, at least not yet, so I bit my tongue. Before long, however, Emmett broke our silence.

"It's hard to believe that our little Bella is all grown up now," he said with a laugh.

"It's hard to believe that you haven't grown up any at all, Emmett. Still as immature as ever," she retorted and we all laughed.

"Ah come on, little sis. Don't be a hater. There's so much more we can talk about now. Especially since you're not some innocent little girl anymore," he said while wiggling his eyebrows, suggestively.

"And what exactly would you like to talk about?" she teased, leaning over the table, toward him.

"Hmm, maybe you can teach dear ole Eddie here some, um, tricks."

"I don't buy that. I think you want me to teach _you_ some new tricks. How old are you now, by the way? Surely you're in need of some new moves, right old man? But I'm not sharing," she said, playfully and laughed when Emmett's eyes went wide in shock. "Damn, was I actually able to shut you up?"

Emmett shook his head in disbelief. "Like there is anything that you could do that Rosie and I haven't already tried and perfected."

"I think this conversation is going nowhere but down," I said glaring at Emmett. How could he even think talking to Bella about sex was a good idea?

"What's the matter, Eddie? Afraid of learning something new?" Emmett boomed. _Or something at all?_ he added quietly as he reached across the table to punch me on the arm. _Come on bro, just having some fun with the new and improved Bella._ _You can't say you're not even the least bit intrigued. _

"Hardly," I replied. I didn't want to know anything about Bella's sex life. I squirmed in my seat a little at the idea.

Ignoring my conversation with Emmett, Bella directed her comment to him, "I actually know there are things I could do that you couldn't do," she leaned in closer and whispered, knowing we all would still be able to hear her above the loud sounds in the club, "I guess you can call it an occupational hazard of being a vampire. You may be able to take things to the extreme due to your strength, but some things you couldn't do at all."

"To hell! Like what?" Emmett said, incredulously, curious to know what she thought she was able to do that he couldn't.

"Oh no, I'm not telling," Bella said, raising her hands in the air in front of her.

"Fuck. You're killing me here, Swan. Either spill or I'm going to think you're not being honest. You wouldn't lie now would you?"

Bella sat back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest and appraised the situation for a few minutes before she spoke.

"How about I show you?" she finally said.

"What! Damn, Bella, I didn't mean it that way. I'm a married man. Come on, do you really think...," Emmett blundered, but stopped when he saw Bella laughing again. "What's so fucking funny?"

"_You_ are, Emmett. You should see your face right now. You'd be blushing if you could. Besides, I didn't mean I would do anything to _you_. That's gross. But I would need a volunteer. Maybe I could ask Mr. Room Key over there for his assistance," she snickered.

I growled loudly and Bella whipped her head in my direction. "Does that bother you, Edward?"

"Immensely. That man isn't going anywhere near you, Bella," I said and she smiled widely at me.

"Still overprotective, I see," she said and I just stared at her. Yes, I was overprotective of her. I would kill anyone that wanted to harm her.

"You help the girl out then, Eddie," Emmett said with a smirk and a wink as my eyes snapped to his in a death glare. _What's wrong? Can't handle it?_ he thought quietly._ I'm just trying to help you out, man._

"Hmm, Edward will work just fine," Bella said with a little amusement in her voice.

Then I heard Alice giggle. I looked over at her and she was bouncing in her seat again. _This is going to be so much fun, Edward! You have to do it! You will thank me for it later,_ she thought. I tried to decode her thoughts, but she was effectively blocking me by picturing Jasper naked. I winced at the image.

Bella looked over at me. "Are you in, Edward? I promise that we will remain fully clothed. Well, almost fully clothed," she said, a hint of seduction in her otherwise amused voice.

Was she flirting with me?

"Bella, I, um, I'm not...," I mumbled.

"Come on, bro, don't be a fucking baby about it. Let's see what Bella here can do that we can't," Emmett said with excitement in his eyes.

Bella leaned into me closely and whispered in my ear. "It's alright, Edward. I won't hurt you," she teased and I felt her lips graze my earlobe as she spoke, and I nearly moaned out loud from her warm touch while I shuddered slightly. She pulled back and smiled at my reaction.

She was enjoying this.

Before I said anything else, Bella stood up and walked over to the bar. The bartender walked over to her and she whispered something to him. He smiled at her and nodded his head as he looked at her cleavage; a moment later she walked back over to us and stood there looking at me, with a mischievous grin planted firmly on her face.

"Bella...," I began, but was interrupted when a waitress walked up to us and slowly started to place a few items on the table in front of us.

Abruptly, Bella raised her right leg up and placed her foot on my chair between my thighs. The tip of her shoe was millimeters from touching my crotch. I gasped loudly and looked at her with wide eyes as she slowly raised the hem of her dress a little higher to reveal the black garter straps at the top of her stockings. Slowly she ran her hand across the top of her thigh and ran her fingers into the inside of her stockings. She pulled out some money and passed it to the waitress without breaking eye contact with me.

"Am I scaring you, Edward?" she said, softly.

"Quite honestly, yes, you are, Bella," I replied, causing her to laugh again.

As the waitress took the money in Bella's hand she mumbled a, "Damn, girl," before walking away.

Bella lowered her foot and reached over to the items the waitress left – Tequila, salt, lime. What was she planning?

"Okay, Edward. Are you ready?" she asked as she took a step closer to me.

I was unable to articulate words at the moment and just nodded my head. She smile and hitched her dress up a little higher, once again revealing the top of her stockings. I closed my eyes at the marvelous sight, filing it to permanent memory.

Suddenly, I felt Bella lower herself to my lap. My eyes snapped opened and I gaped at her. She was straddling my thighs, looking directly into my eyes. I gripped the seat of the chair and heard it crack under my touch. Bella looked down and noticed it, too. She took hold of my hands and placed them on top of her thighs, so the garter straps were directly under my touch.

"Bella...," I began, again, but she raised her finger to my lips to silence me.

"Do you trust me, Edward?" she asked, seriously. I quickly glanced over to my brothers and sisters before I looked back at Bella.

"Edward? Do. You. Trust. Me?" she repeated, with more force, emphasizing each word.

"Um, yes, Bella. I trust you."

"Good. Keep your hands right here. Don't move them. I really don't want to fall to the floor because you broke the chair," she said, wryly, as her hands reached up to the top of my shirt.

My eyes never left her face as she moved. When I felt her fingers slowly unbutton the top button on my shirt I nearly panicked. No, I actually, truly, completely panicked.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I said, frantically, as my hands flew over hers to cease her movements.

"Trust me, Edward," she said firmly.

I sat still for a moment gazing into her brown eyes, then lowered my hands, nodding again, taking in a deep calming breath. I couldn't deny the overwhelming sense of lust I felt at that moment. Whatever she was doing I didn't want her to stop, although it was frightening me.

I had no idea what she was about to do, but she couldn't do anything too risqué, I didn't think. We were in a public place, in the middle of a crowded club. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle too much, so I had to keep myself in complete control.

I would have to stop her if she went too far. But Jesus, I didn't want her to stop. It had been too long since I felt her touch and I wanted it badly.

Did that make me just as bad as all the other perverted men in this room? I truly hoped it didn't.

_Chill out, Edward. You're conflicting emotions are killing me._ Jasper thought. I closed my eyes and nodded at him knowing the movement was so slight that Bella wouldn't notice.

Bella continued to unbutton my shirt until it was completely open, exposing my chest to the entire club. Her warm hands ran up my chest at an exceedingly slow pace and then she opened my shirt further, sliding it over my shoulders slightly. Although she had seen my shirt undone in the past, I had never been this exposed to her before.

I noticed my breathing was a bit fast and I tried to slow it down. She was already driving me crazy and now I was terrified of what she would do next. I felt a wave of calm rush over me, courtesy of Jasper.

"Okay, Edward. Don't freak out on me now, alright?" she said in my ear and then glanced back over her shoulder at Jasper. Again, I nodded and felt another wave of calm hit me.

She turned back to face me and looked into my eyes for a moment. I could feel her warm, pleasant breath on my face; I could taste her magnificent flavor on my tongue.

"Lean back a little," she said quietly, and then slowly she bent down so her face was directly over where my unbeating heart was. I hadn't moved so she reached her hands up to my shoulders and pushed back. Knowing she wouldn't be able to physically move me, I obliged and leaned back in the chair as far as I could. She smiled up at me and then turned her gaze back to my chest as her hands slowly ran down the length of my arms. I again closed my eyes. When I felt something warm and wet my eyes quickly snapped open and looked down. The sight before me, left me completely stunned.

_Damn_. I heard come from each of my sibling's thoughts.

Bella was slowly running her tongue up my chest, leaving a wet trail in her wake. She licked up my sternum, across my collarbone and up the side of my neck to right below my left ear. My breathing stopped completely as she moved.

She pulled back and looked at me with hooded eyes and accelerated breathing. She continued to look in my eyes as she reached over to the table to pick up the salt. Slowly she started to sprinkle the salt over the trail she made with her tongue. When she reached my neck, she placed her hand on the side of my face and pushed slightly, letting me know I needed to turn my head a bit. I did as she wanted and felt the salt land on the wetness on my neck. I heard her place the salt back on the table so I turned to face her once more.

Looking at the table next to us, she picked up a wedge of lime, and then turned back to me. She raised her other hand slowly to my mouth and rubbed her finger across my lips gently.

"Open," she said, softly. I opened my mouth slightly and she placed the piece of lime between my lips.

"Don't bite," she said, sternly. She reached back over to the table and moved a shot glass full of tequila closer to her. I chanced another glance at my siblings and saw identical looks of shock and awe on their faces. Their thoughts were surprisingly quiet. When I looked back at Bella she smiled at me.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Mm Hmm," I muttered around the lime in my mouth. She smiled wider.

"Good," she whispered as she bent low over my chest again. "Get ready."

This time I kept my eyes open to watch her every move. The moment her warm tongue touched my chest I felt the growl forming deep within me. She took her time licking the salt from me, making sure to get every grain, her tongue darting back and forth over the trail.

I was utterly lost to the sensations of it. Again, she licked up my sternum and across my collarbone as she lapped up the salt. My head fell to the side when she reached my neck.

When all the salt was gone, I felt her lips lightly suck on my earlobe. The growl I was holding back burst forth and I bit down slightly on the lime wedge, the bitter juice running down my chin.

I heard her laugh so I turned to look at her once more. She reached back over to the table to pick up the shot of tequila and quickly brought it up to her lips, tipped her head back and downed the amber liquid. She sat the glass down and leaned in closer to me, her eyes bore into mine.

With deliberate slowness she inched closer to me. As she leaned down a bit I felt her tongue lap up the lime juice on my chin and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. When she reached my mouth she placed her lips on either side of the lime wedge and sucked it from my mouth.

I moaned loudly when her soft lips touched my own. How I have wanted to kiss her. This was the next best thing, I thought.

When the lime was secured between her lips she sat back away from me.

Bella removed the lime from her mouth and tossed it on the table. Her eyes locking on mine, she brought her thumb up to the corner of her mouth to remove a bit of juice that lingered there and mutter a quiet, "Yummy."

Then I snapped.

My self control was merely a puddle on the ground at my feet. I couldn't resist her any longer. I brought my hands from her thighs and quickly wrapped one around her waist pulling her hips closer while the other one flew to the back of her head. I pulled her to me and kissed her passionately.

I was astounded when she didn't pull away from me.

My lips parted as I deepened the kiss, kissing her as I never had before. Her lips parted in response and I groaned when our tongues touched for the first time.

I swear, time stopped at that moment and I never wanted it to restart.

This kiss was so much more than the chaste kisses I shared with her in the past. I never wanted to stop. Her tongue was so soft and warm against my own and I couldn't get enough of her incredible taste. I pulled her closer to me as our tongues battled between us. A shiver ran up my spine when I felt her hands twist in my hair at my neck.

I forgot where we were until I heard Rosalie.

"Gross! Get a room!" she huffed.

I finally broke the kiss and place my forehead against Bella's and closed my eyes. "Wow" was my ingenious reply.

Bella laughed softly and tried to pull away from me but I held her tight in my arms, never wanting to let her go. I knew she didn't feel the same towards me as I did her, but I couldn't bear the thought of never holding her again. I loved this woman with every ounce of my being. At that moment, I vowed to do everything I could to win her love in return.

"Damn! You just did a body shot on Edward. That was fucking hot! It makes me want to consume human food," Emmett said in a shocked voice. Bella laughed when she noticed his expression matched his tone.

"Hmm, maybe you couldn't do it with tequila, but I bet you could do it with blood," she said, thoughtfully, and then laughed loudly when she heard the rumbling growls from the three male vampires at the table.

"Rosie, baby. We need to hunt. NOW!" Emmett boomed as he stood up and tossed Rosalie over his shoulder and bolted for the door. I winced when I saw him picturing a naked Rosalie, drizzled with blood while he licked her clean.

I heard Alice giggle and looked over to see Jasper whispering in her ear, pleading with her to hunt as well.

"Um, Bella, we have to go. Sorry to cut the night so short, but it's all your doing. We'll see you in the morning, okay? Seven o'clock sharp!" she said, happily, as Jasper scooped her up in his arms and headed for the door. Alice peeked over his shoulder and mouthed "Thank you," to Bella on their way out.

"Well, I know how to clear a room of vampires, don't I?" Bella laughed as she turned back to me.

"You have no idea what you just did to them," I said.

"I think I can guess," she said as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through my hair.

"I can't believe you just taught Emmett something about sex though," I said and she laughed again. I never wanted this night to end. I wanted to stay here with her sitting on my lap, my arms wrapped around her tightly with her fingers running through my hair. I couldn't get enough of her, but it was getting late and I knew she would need to sleep soon.

"How about I drive you home?" I said, reluctantly, hoping to get a few more minutes with her.

"Okay," she said, sighing and started to move away from me again. I held her tight, not letting her move.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. "I'm just not sure if I want to let you go."

"Edward," she said, her voice pained, and closed her eyes, placing her forehead to mine.

We sat there in silence for several minutes, our bodies pressed against each other. The music in the club was still blaring, but I barely noticed it. I was completely consumed by Bella, her warmth, her softness, her smell. I ran my fingers gently through her hair and she sighed, pulling back away from me.

Slowly, although I didn't want to do so, I loosened my grip on her and she stood up. I stood with her and reached over and grabbed her coat, sliding it over her shoulders. She turned around and looked at me.

"Are you alright? That didn't freak you out or anything did it?" she asked, cautiously.

"No, Bella. I'm perfect. More than perfect, actually," I said, flashing her the crooked smile I knew she had once loved. She smiled and turned toward the door. I walked as close to her as I could and reached down and grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers. I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles softly again. She looked up at me and smiled shyly as we continued toward the door.

As we left the club I thought to myself, _maybe clubs aren't such a bad place after all__. _

* * *

**And they kissed! Not romantic or anything, but they still kissed. With tongue. No teeth. No venom. It's all good. I do believe this is a turning point for our love birds though. And don't worry, Bella will spill what happened with Victoria and Jake soon. It's intense.  
**

**I'd love to know your thoughts. Love? Hate? Meh? TELL ME! **

**It seems like most of you want me to post whenever I can and I'll do my best to do that. No promises when I'll have the next chapter out, BUT I do believe I'm getting my mojo back. This is a good thing. Maybe. **

**You can always come harass me on Twitter. It makes me write faster. So do it. (at) MsRason. **

**~Rason**


	18. Chapter 18

**So...Um...Hi there. It's me again. It would appear that I'm starting to update more regularly, doesn't it? I sure the hell hope it stays this way. **

**Anyway, this chapter was a lot longer, but I decided to split it in two because there's a lot of shit that's about to happen and I didn't want it to be too overwhelming. So, you get a short chapter now and hopefully a longer one really soon. **

**I think some of you may like this chapter because you've been asking for this to happen. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Big boobie grope thanks to theswandive for being so awesome. I lube you, Sparky. **

**Importantness below. Be sure to read the A/N down yonder there.  
**

**SM owns all.**

* * *

Chapter 18

BPOV

If I said the last couple of months hadn't changed me, I'd be a liar. They had changed me in more ways than I could count. A year ago, if you had told me the Cullens would re-enter my life – and that I would be happy about it – I would have laughed my fucking ass off. And then I would have promptly taken out my uncontrollable rage on someone else - nost likely Ben or my assistant. Neither of which would have deserved it, of course, but that was the place I had been at the time. Very irate. Very bitter.

It had taken some time, but even I couldn't deny the change that had occurred in me now. I was happier, like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders, freeing me, releasing me. The Cullens, once again, barged into my world and worked their vampire voodoo magic on me.

Damn them.

I'm sure all the time I had spent with them, working on Alice and Jasper's room, had been part of their master plan. I had no doubt it was a total ruse on their behalf, of course, just to get me back into their lives. I'm sure they had the whole thing plotted the moment they moved to the area, and I'm sure both Alice and Edward were to blame for it all. No, I take that back. I _know_ Alice and Edward were to blame for it all. Together, those two were nothing but trouble.

Their plan had worked, though. I was back in their lives.

I was finding it difficult to blame the amount of time I had been spending with them completely on the design job. Although, it was the excuse I was using, both to them and myself, deep down I knew that excuse was shit. I never saw clients unless it meant I was getting paid for it. I didn't hang out with them or call them on the phone just to talk. And I sure as hell didn't go to bars with them. Or do body shots on them.

Yeah, that excuse _was_ total shit. The job had become secondary at this point, but I still refused to fully admit it to myself.

Working on Alice's bedroom was wonderful. I had thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but the project would be wrapping up soon and I began to worry what reason I could use to be with them when it was over. I needed to justify it to myself, for some unknown, stupid reason. I wish I could tell myself it was so I could just be with them – be with Edward – but I couldn't.

Perhaps I haven't changed as much as I thought.

Edward. Damn him. He was, once again, worming his way into my heart, a heart that had been thought to be long gone, dead to all. Looking back, I knew it started the first time I saw him standing in their kitchen with Tanya. Ever since the night at the club, ever since that kiss, I just couldn't stop thinking about him.

That kiss. It had to be the most unexpected, and the most amazing kiss I had ever had. It was nothing like the kisses I remembered from him, where he would always hold back while I begged for more. I knew I was pushing him that night, propelling him beyond his level of comfort and self-control, but I couldn't help it. Something in me wanted to see how he would react to me physically.

I wasn't disappointed.

I couldn't stop thinking of his taste, a wonderful honey and spice blend that was of the gourmet variety and instantly made my entire body tingle. His tongue was surprisingly soft, velvety. Granted, it was still not as yielding as that of a human man, but it wasn't solid stone like the rest of his skin. It was a welcomed surprise and made me want to kiss him again, but I had refrained, for my own sanity.

"You're spacing, babe." Ben's words brought me crashing back to reality. I realized I was rubbing my finger across my lips, remembering the feel of Edward's mouth upon my own. I dropped my hand and focused on the man sitting across the table from me.

"Sorry, just thinking about a job," I said, trying to play it off as nothing.

"It looked like more than work to me," Ben said, eying me cautiously. "You haven't even touched your lunch."

I looked down at the spinach salad on my plate, my appetite gone. We were sitting at a small table at a little outdoor cafe. The warm breeze was blowing around us, churning up the wonderful perfume of the nearby flowers. We had come here often over the years. It was a quiet, peaceful place that we both enjoyed. Spring was in full bloom and people were walking by us on the street, enjoying the warmth the bright sun offered them.

I brought Ben here for a reason, and suddenly, I felt like a fucking coward. The thing was, I felt guilty, almost as if I was cheating on him, although I knew I was doing nothing wrong. How many times had I slept with other men and didn't give a damn, justifying it by saying we weren't in a relationship? I honestly couldn't count how many times that happened. Hell, I gave Samantha Jones a run for her money. I never felt guilty for any of it. Yet, one kiss from Edward had me feeling like I was unfaithful, a wife cheating on her loving husband. I needed to come clean to Ben. He deserved that much. I owed him that much.

Man the fuck up, Bella.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and decided to just do it. Rip it off like a band-aid. Make it quick and to the point. Maybe the sting wouldn't be as painful that way.

"Ben, we need to talk," I started, hesitantly, looking back up at his face. He looked at me for a moment, obviously trying to read me like the open book I was for him, flipping the pages to the climax in an instant.

"Ah, hell, babe. Don't say what I think you're going to say. Please, don't do this," he said, placing his napkin on the table next to his plate.

"I can't do it anymore," I whispered.

"Yes, you can, Isabella. Nothing has changed."

"Everything has changed."

"No, it hasn't," he said, stubbornly, desperately.

"We can't be together. It's not fair to you anymore."

"Let me be the judge of that," he said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Ben, please," I replied, despairingly.

"It's the redhead motherfucker, isn't it? He's taking you from me," he said, the desperation abruptly gone from his voice, anger quickly taking its place.

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"Yes, Isabella, it does matter. He hurt you before, what's to say he won't do it again?"

"He won't."

"That's bullshit and you know it," Ben spat.

"You don't know him. You know nothing about him or his family. You don't know what they've done for me."

"I know he fucked you over before and destroyed your life. That's all I need to know," he said, glaring at me from across the table, his arms still tightly crossed over his chest, disgust clear on his face.

"Ben, honestly, did you think you and I had a future together? You're married for fuck's sake," I snapped. I was starting to get pissed off at him and his assumptions of Edward.

"It's a piece of paper, not a marriage. I don't love Natasha and she doesn't love me. I love _you_, Isabella. You know this," he said.

"Then maybe you should learn to love _her_, because I will never be able to return the sentiment."

"That's not going to happen. _This_ isn't going to happen. It's not over," he said, defiantly, waving his hand between the two of us. We stared at each other for several moments. He was trying to mask the anger and pain on his face, but I could tell it was there. I was hurting him. The one man I trusted, the one man that had taken care of me, and I was hurting him.

"You're fucking him, aren't you?" he spit out after our mini stare-down.

"No, I'm not. He's just a friend."

"Fucking bullshit, Isabella. Don't lie to me," he hissed.

"I haven't fucked him, Ben. Ever. I didn't fuck him back then and I'm not fucking him now. I haven't been with anyone other than you in a really long time. You know that. I have no reason to lie to you."

"I'm not gonna let you do this," he said, the defiance thick in his voice once again. "I have put way too much fucking time and energy into this, into us, for it to just be over like this."

"Please, Ben. Don't make this harder than it has to be. You're a great guy. Really, you are. But I can't be with you any more. I'm not good for you. I've never been faithful to you. God, I've only been a bitch to you. I've used you as a punching bag and as a sex toy. I know that now. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. You deserve to be with someone... better than me," I said, quietly. He should be with someone that would take care of him, love him. That person wasn't me. And I hated that. I was unable to give him what he needed. I just didn't have it in me.

Again, we sat in silence, staring at each other for several minutes, our meal long forgotten; the passersby became merely background noise in the distance. I just sat there watching him, seeing the different emotions flicker across his face. I would give him all the time he needed to work it all out in his head.

"You know who I blame this on other than that redheaded motherfucker?" he asked after what seemed like an eternity. "Damon. If you hadn't gone to him for a fix, we wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't have fucked yourself up on that coke and landed your ass in the hospital with redhead motherfucker's daddy taking care of you. This is just as much Damon's fault as it is redhead motherfucker's. I should hunt that drugged out, son of a bitch, asshole bastard down."

"Will you listen to yourself? Stop trying to blame this on everyone else. This is all me, Ben. I'm the one ending things, here. No one else. Edward isn't to blame, and it most definitely has nothing to do with Damon. He didn't make me buy shit off of him. It was my idea to go to him. It's _all_ me. All my fault. If you're going to be pissed at someone, then be pissed at me," I snarled. He was seriously starting to lose it if he was blaming this on a drug dealer.

We sat there for several more minutes, continuing our stare-off, Ben's anger was radiating off of him like heat waves. I could practically feel his ire baking me to the core. After a while, he once again broke the silence.

"This is really what you want? To never see me again?" he asked, quietly.

"Yes," I replied. I never meant for this to be the end of our friendship, but perhaps not seeing him again would be for the best - a clean break.

It would be better for him.

He nodded his head, morosely, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. As he got to his feet, he tossed a wad of cash on the table to pay for our barely eaten lunch, and then he turned and walked away without saying another word or giving me a parting glance.

I remained frozen in my seat, watching the only man that ever cared enough about me to stick around, walk out of my life. He was the only man that stood by me regardless of how I acted. He loved me in spite of my hatred for the world and the people around me. He loved me in spite of myself. He was the only man that I remotely let into my life. And I just cut him loose, like a frayed edge of an old shirt. I knew he wouldn't come back to me. I knew he was gone now. Ben was out of my life for good.

What in the hell had I done?

* * *

**YAY! No more Ben for Bella. For now. Maybe. Now, a couple of things...**

**First, _TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!_ So that means I have no problem begging for reviews just because I'm older. So yeah, if you love me, and you totally should, you should hit me up with a review. _JUST BECAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!_ Or because you like the chapter. Whatever works. JUST DO IT! Please. **

**Second, Finding Bella has been nominated for several Tomato Soup Awards. It's up for BEST ANGST - THE STORY YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHT READING - PERVIEST AWARD - STORY YOU DROP EVERYTHING TO READ. _THANK YOU_ to all the glorious people that nom'd me. I love you. Lots. If you would like to vote (coughformecoughcough) then head on over to www . thetomatosoupaward . blogspot . com (remove the spaces) and vote! For me. As a birthday gift. =D**

**Thanks for reading. I'll have more ASAP! AND Party at my place in 15. There will be cake. And Vodka. And Vodka Cake. But only if you REVIEW!  
**

**~Rason**


	19. Chapter 19

**I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY! I know I did. Even though my kid talked me into putting a temporary tattoo of a cartoon character on my ass. Next year I won't by those as stocking stuffers. **

**A little more of a time jump here. It's late Spring now (mid-late May) and Edward has been back for around 9 months.  
**

**Anyway, a lot of you have been asking for a while now what exactly happened in the past with Bella, Jake and Victoria. Well, this chapter tells you. Everything. So hold on tight, it's a bumpy right. It's not pretty and there is some violence involved. So read with caution. **

**You have been warned. **

**Many thanks to the AMAZING beta goddess theswandive for getting this chapter back to me today. She's just awesome like that. You should go follower her on the twitter. (at) theswandive. **

**SM owns Twilight. I own a truckload of used wrapping paper.  
**

* * *

Chapter 19

BPOV

Over the next few weeks, I didn't hear from, or see Ben at all. I couldn't deny that I felt bad for how things had ended, but what was I suppose to do? I couldn't lead him on any longer, letting him think I was still interested in a relationship with him when I couldn't stop thinking about someone else. I had to let him go. And even though it was killing me inside, knowing that I, once again, hurt someone that cared about me…I knew it was better for him. He would find someone else, or realize that his wife was the one he should focus on.

Of course Alice knew what had happened before I did. My next conversation with her was a bit uncomfortable.

"So does this mean you're going to give Edward another chance?" she had asked.

The thing was, I wasn't sure what the answer was. I hadn't even let my mind wander that far in to the future. I wasn't sure if I should allow myself to be that vulnerable - especially with Edward. He could destroy me and I wasn't sure if it was worth it to take that chance again. Besides, there was still so much that needed to be said between us before any decisions could be made. I blew off Alice's question the best I could and made plans to come to Kingston to bring the last item for her room.

I packed the framed pictures I had taken of Alice and Jasper in the trunk of my 'Vette and drove the two and a half hour trek to their house. The closer I got, the more my stomach churned.

Edward had come clean to me last Fall and now it was time for me to do the same; I owed him that much. Hell, I owed myself that much, too. I wanted no more secrets between us.

And holy fuck, that was going to be difficult.

As soon as I parked the car in front of the Cullen house, my door opened and Edward was extending his hand to help me out.

"Hi, Bella," he said, softly, with a smile on his face.

"Thanks, I mean, Hi," I said as I got out of the car. I walked around to the back of the car and opened the trunk, pulling out the package I had inside.

"Let me get that," Edward said as he took it from me, reaching up and closing the hatch.

"Thanks," I lamely said again.

"No problem. Where do you want it?" he said, his smile wider.

"In Alice's room, it's the last thing for the space," I said.

"She'll be thrilled," he said I followed him inside and toward the stairs that led up to her room.

As soon as we stepped across the threshold to Alice's room she blindsided me, hugging me tightly.

"Oh, Bella, I love them! We've never had anything like this before, and they'll complete the room perfectly. Thank you so much!" she exclaimed while her arms were still holding me tightly.

"You spoil all the fun, Alice. It was supposed to be a surprise," I said a little petulantly.

"Let's pretend I know nothing of it. I'll step outside while you work your magic," she said with a large smile as she made her way toward the door, pulling Edward with her.

As soon as the door to her room closed behind me, I picked up the package and walked over to the bed, running my fingers over the black and white duvet. I opened the package, revealing the three framed black and white pictures inside of Alice and Jasper embracing and being affectionate. I hung the ensemble over their bed and took a step back, looking around the space. It was simple, yet elegant, mostly black and white with a hint of color here and there. It was finally finished.

What a bittersweet moment.

"Can we come in, Bella?" Alice said through the door.

"Yes, of course you can come in," I said with a laugh, grabbing the box the pictures had come in, holding it under my arm. The door swung open and Alice bounced into the room. She literally bounced, which was still annoying, yet endearing at the same time.

"It's so perfect, Bella!" she squealed, stepping next to the bed and admiring the pictures. She looked around the room, smiling widely. "The entire room is perfect."

"I'm glad you like it," I said with a twinge a sadness, knowing I had no real reason to be here any longer.

"Like it? I love it! I knew hiring you was the right thing to do," she said, giving me a knowing look just as Jasper walked inside, his eyes sweeping the room, nodding his head in approval.

"Now go play with Edward, Bella. Jasper and I need to christen the place."

"Eww, gross, Alice. I didn't need to know that," I said as she pushed me from the room. As soon as the door slammed in my face I yelled through it. "You're defiling all my hard work!"

The only response I got was a lot of high-pitched giggling and a few low chuckles.

"Damn horny vampires," I muttered to myself.

"So ungrateful," I heard behind me. I turned to find Edward smiling at me.

"Tell me about it," I muttered, looking back at the closed door.

"They're going to be in there for a while. Might as well find something else to do," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. He looked a little nervous. I understood the feeling.

"Actually, I'd like to talk to you. If that's okay with you?" I asked hesitantly. Edward's brows knitted together as he looked at me.

"Sure, Bella, I'm always here whenever you need me," he said.

A loud bang sounded from the door behind me, echoing throughout the hall, immediately followed by more giggles from Alice. It seemed they were testing out the steel reinforcements on the bed I'd had custome-made for them.

"Can we go some place a little more private?" I asked, looking up into his eyes. This conversation was going to be unpleasant as it was. I didn't need to hear Alice and Jasper having sex as background noise.

"Of course, come on," Edward said, calmly, extending his hand for me to take. "Will the gazebo work?"

"That's fine," I said grabbing a hold of his hand. How fitting it would be for us to talk in the gazebo. Edward had spilled his guts out to me there; it was only fair I did the same to him.

We made our way through the house, and I deposited the box I was carrying in the trash, then we went outside walking around the landscaped backyard, hands still linked. Six months ago I'd never have thought I would be in a place where I would be okay with him holding my hand, platonic as it was. Somehow, as strange as it felt, and for a reason I couldn't' yet decipher, it felt right. It felt like home.

When we reached the gazebo, I dropped his hand and stopped, taking in the view around me. It was so much different from the last time I was out here. This time, the vines and flowers that covered the structure were in full bloom, no longer in their dormant state. The brook was no longer overflowing its banks. .

Today the sun was shining brightly, and as I turned around, I saw the rainbow patterns Edward's skin was making radiate around him, like an aura.

He was utterly beautiful. It still felt strange to be standing in front of him again, but I also couldn't deny that it gave me peace.

He sat down on one of the many benches and waited for me to begin. It took me a while to gather my thoughts, yet he still waited patiently, never pushing me to start. I stood with my hands upon the railing, looking over the brook a few feet away.

It seemed like hours I stood there trying to think of what to say first, how to start, but I'm sure it was only a few minutes.

"When you first came back into my life, I was pissed," I began. "I have to admit that, although I'm pretty sure you knew it all along. I'd gotten to a point in my life where I thought I was finally over you. It took me a really long time to get to where I was. I thought I had moved on. At the time, I thought you coming back would ruin everything I had worked so hard to achieve."

"And now?" he asked quietly, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer or not.

"Now, I'm glad you're here," I said, turning around to face him. "Now, I see that I really wasn't over you at all. I was hiding. My life was nothing but a lie. I see that now," I said, sadly.

"Bella...," he interrupted as he got to his feet, reaching out for me.

"No, let me say this, Edward. I need to say this," I said, raising my hands in front of me, stopping him from reaching me.

"Okay," he said, timidly, sitting back down and placing his hands in his lap.

"For the second time in my life, you opened my eyes to what being alive is like. What truly being alive is like. Which I know you probably think is ironic, seeing how you're not technically living," I said with a small laugh.

He smiled at me.

"Anyway, I want to thank you for that," I said.

"You're welcome, Bella," he said, softly.

"I also want to tell you that I forgive you," I said, and his eyes went wide, not expecting my forgiveness. I knew that if I was going to truly move forward with my life, whether that life was with him or not, I had to forgive him for what happened so long ago. The past was in the past.

"I understand why you did what you did. I can't deny that it really hurt me, but I understand your reasoning. I was young and stupid and completely blinded by you. I couldn't see what I would be giving up by being with you, by becoming one of you. And although, I would never have regretted my choice by being with you, I'm glad to know there was something more out there," I said.

There was a lot more out there than I ever thought there would be. Not all of it good – definitely not all good – but so much more. I was a sheltered child with clouded sight back then, thinking I knew it all.

"You gave me a chance at living. And I blew it," I whispered.

"You didn't blow it, Bella," he said, pain in his voice.

"Yes, I did. I completely blew it. I may be better now, but my life was really fucked up there for a while. I blamed it on you, but it was all my doing. I chose the path I went down and I only have myself to blame."

I walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just want you to know that."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered.

"That's not true. I was so horrible to you when you first came back. I took my anger out on you when I should have been making changes within myself. I'm sorry. Forgive me, please?" I felt like a horrible person, treating him as I did. I had no excuse for my actions. I may have been scared, but that didn't give me the right to be a bitch to him.

"Of course," he said, tenderly.

"And now I need to be completely honest with you. You need to know why I acted the way I did when you came back, my reasoning for being so awful," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"You need to know what happened back then, after you left, the real reason why I changed so much."

"I'm not following you, Bella," he said, bewildered.

"It's a long story. A lot of things happened that I'm not particularly proud of and other things that were completely out of my control. You have a right to know it all."

"Okay," he said, still confused, his eyes searching my face for answers.

I took a deep breath, twisting my hands in my lap. Sensing my unease, Edward reached over, grabbing my hands in his own, holding them tightly, silently telling me he wasn't going anywhere.

"After you left, I was a zombie. I didn't eat, I didn't talk. I didn't do anything other than go to school and make sure Charlie was fed. It was bad. Poor Charlie was at a loss. He had no idea what to do with me. He called Renee, and she came to take me home to Florida with her. I completely flipped out on them, refusing to go. In my head, I was hoping that you would change your mind and come back to me."

I kept my gaze on our hands. I couldn't look him in the eye as I told him the rest.

"You never did, of course, and I started trying harder to live my life. Well, not really. I started trying harder to fool Charlie into thinking I was better, that I was getting over you. It was all a lie. I couldn't bring myself to reach out to anyone at school, they had all long since written me off, so I started hanging out with Jacob."

I smiled sadly, remembering Jake's big, silly grin and sunny disposition. He was the one person that could make me laugh; make me think of other things besides the bottomless pit of despair I was living in.

"Jacob was wonderful, he was bringing me out of my funk. We became very close and I was thankful to have him in my life. After a while, he began distancing himself from me and I had idea why. I didn't know what he was at that point and he was forbidden to tell me that he was a werewolf. The solitude brought on by losing Jake sunk me into a deeper depression, and that's when I first started using drugs. It was only weed, but still, I think I was hooked instantly. It took the edge off and all I wanted was more."

"Eventually, I found out about Jake being a werewolf in a roundabout way, I was so thankful he didn't have to avoid me anymore and that I had him back. We spent all of our free time together and he really helped me, brought me back from the dead, so to speak. I only saw him as a friend, though. I knew he wanted more. We talked about you and why I was unable to give him anything else. It really pissed him off, but he stood by me."

I paused for a moment, my gaze still on our intertwined hands. Edward reached over and stroked my cheek, again letting me know he was there for me.

"One night during Spring break we decided to go camping on the beach. I talked him into getting messed up. I had some weed and some of Charlie's beer with me, and he grabbed a couple bottles of Vodka from I don't know where. It was just the two of us and we sat around the fire, smoking, drinking and just being stupid, immature teenagers. We were so drunk and high, that I really don't remember anything else. The next morning, we woke up inside the tent, both of us completely naked and he was still partially on top of me. We had obviously had sex during the night before. It was the first time for both of us and I was horrified by what I had done. I swore to myself that I would never touch drugs or alcohol again after that."

I felt Edward's hands twitch as they still held my own a deep breath coming from him when I mentioned having sex with Jake. It was the only time he and I were together that way. I didn't blame him for how it had happened. To be honest, I'm pretty sure I was the one that instigated it.

What a way to lose your virginity, though. I still remember opening my eyes that morning to the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. It hurt to blink.

I remember feeling the intense heat that was Jacob lying halfway on top of me, his right leg draped across me, resting between my thighs. A smear of blood was smudged on my leg, giving proof to what we had done. His arm was still flung across my chest with his hand still cupping my naked breast. We must have both passed out as soon as we were done and didn't move the rest of the night.

When I realized what happened, I panicked, totally and completely freaked the fuck out. Screaming "Oh my God," didn't help with the massive hangover I was suffering, but it sure the hell woke Jake up with a start, causing him to jump up into a crouch. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he looked at my naked body, the blood on my thigh, and then his own nakedness.

The fight we had after we put our clothes on was terrible. He continued to apologize for what happened, swearing he didn't realize what he was doing, but I was so angry that he took my virginity. I was so angry it was him, and not Edward.

"After that," I continued, "I distanced myself from Jake somewhat. I was embarrassed, angry and just overwhelmed by everything that had happened. It was all too much for me and I found myself withdrawing from life again, turning back into that zombie. I stayed away from the drugs like I promised myself I would, but I also stayed away from Jacob, despite how often he tried to contact me. Charlie was pissed. He was even more pissed off when I found out I was pregnant a month later."

At this, I saw Edward's face crumble in pain. I knew the pain was only beginning for him, though. The story wasn't pleasant. Not by a long shot, but still, he needed to know everything.

Remembering the details, I couldn't help but spew more about that awful period in my life. "God, Jake was only sixteen at the time. Of course, Charlie and Billy demanded that Jake and I get married. That really surprised me, seeing how well Charlie's marriage to Renee worked out, but he thought things would be different for us. At first I refused, but after awhile, after all the pressure from everyone, I agreed. Jake and I decided to do it after I graduated."

"So, you and Jacob were married?" Edward asked, quietly, the pain still clear in his voice.

"No, we never made it that far," I said, standing up and walking to the other side of the gazebo, staring out into nothing. I felt cold, despite the warm breeze that was blowing around us, so I wrapped my arms around me and closed my eyes. The worst part was coming.

"We set a date for the wedding. It wasn't going to be anything special, really. We would simply go to the Justice of the Peace one afternoon.

I had already received my scholarship to NYU, so we were going to move out here. Jake would get his GED while I started my first year of college. None of that ever happened, obviously."

I opened my eyes and turned to face Edward. He was watching me intently, sadness etched on his flawless face.

"You've wanted to know about the epilepsy, right?" I asked.

"I do, but only if you want to tell me," he replied. I could tell he was worried about what had happened. Still, his eyes told me he wanted to know.

I turned back around; I couldn't face him when I told him what was next. I couldn't see the self-loathing that would surely take over his face. For years, I blamed him for what happened next, but now I knew it wasn't his fault.

"Do you remember when I told you about Laurent, and how the town thought it was bears attacking people, when in reality it was a vampire?" I asked.

"Yes. Laurent attacked you and the wolves killed him," Edward said matter of fact, as if it were an every day occurrence.

"Right. Well, he wasn't the only vampire out there. There were many of them."

"What do you mean?" he asked, aghast, his voice rising in volume and pitch.

"There were about twenty of them. All sent by Victoria," I said, letting the name linger in the air between us.

"Victoria?" he said with a growl.

"She came back, Edward," I said and heard him stand up and begin pacing around the gazebo behind me.

"How is that possible? I tracked her to South America. I made sure she was no where near you." I didn't have to see his face to know that his hand would be fisted in his hair, baffled about how Victoria made her way back for me.

"I don't know, but she made her way back to Forks with a lot of friends helping her out. The wolves' numbers grew to about seventeen by that point. They knew something was going on, that more vampires were coming because they only transform out of necessity, to protect their people. Since you and your family were gone, that meant others were out there."

"What happened, Bella?" he asked, his voice strained.

"At first, it was only her. She would try to break through the wolves' defenses, and she nearly did a few times, but they held her off. I knew she wanted me, Laurent told me as much. So the pack set up a constant patrol around my house or anywhere I went. They were extremely protective of me since I was carrying one of their young. Normally, I would have found that kind of thing annoying, but I knew how lethal Victoria was."

"Toward the end of June, it was becoming obvious that I was pregnant. I was about fifteen weeks along by then and starting to show a bit. Jacob was terrified and angry – his future wife and child were in danger and there wasn't much he could do about it."

"I didn't know this until later because they kept it from me, but one night, the night before Jake and I were suppose to get married, Seth Clearwater picked up the scent of all the vampires. They were headed toward Forks and the wolves decided to head them off, not let them get that far. They ended up fighting in a clearing in the woods. Luckily, the vampires weren't aware of the wolves and were taken out fairly easily. Collin, one of the youngest wolves, stayed behind to guard me. Charlie was working all night, and I was home alone and exhausted, so I went to bed early."

"I woke up in the middle of the night feeling that something was wrong. At first, I thought it was the baby, but that wasn't it. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw Victoria standing over my bed. She had a curious, but pleased expression on her face. I remember hearing a lot of howling in the distance, and praying the pack would be able to get to me quickly."

"I remember so clearly, how Victoria smiled at me so wickedly, and then reached out and stroked my stomach. She was able to hear the baby's heartbeat, and it thrilled her. I was frozen, I couldn't move at all."

I recalled her cold, hard hand rubbing my stomach gently, back and forth in a agonizingly slow motion. It was almost in admiration, but I knew better. I knew she was figuring how this new piece of information would play out for her.

_You're with child,_ she had said with amazement, here eyes lighting up.

_And it can't be Edward's _she said, laughing. She watched me for a while, that same expression on her face.

_Do you know why I'm here? _She asked me, but I didn't respond. I _couldn't_ respond.

_Your Edward killed my James. He killed my mate. I think it's only fair you die as well. But your Edward isn't here, is he?. I wonder why that is. Did he toss you aside, human? Does he not love you after all?_ She asked, faking concern.

"I told her you were hunting and that you should be back any minute. I tried to scare her into leaving me alone. It didn't work, of course. She knew you weren't coming. She had been to your house and had seen that it was empty."

A strangled, half-choking, half-sobbing sound came from behind me. I knew if I turned around, I would see that self-loathing look upon his face.

"The howling was getting closer so she was running out of time. When she attacked, it was brutal. She wanted me to suffer for a while before she killed me, but she made an effort not to spill my blood. She took particular joy in hitting and kicking me in the stomach."

I remembered begging her to let my baby live. Every time I pleaded with her it seemed to spur her on. She thoroughly enjoyed what she did to me. She relished killing my baby.

"The pain was unimaginable, the intensity so bad I could hardly breathe. Every time I would cry out, beg her, she would only laugh and hit me harder. She tossed me around that room like I was nothing more than a rag doll. The last thing I remember is hearing the wolves right outside just as she picked me up from the floor and threw me through the window. I don't remember this part, but apparently I hit the tree outside the window before falling to the ground below. I guess the branches on the tree slowed my fall, but I hit each one on the way down."

I didn't realize it until I stopped talking that tears were streaming down my face. I had never told anyone what happened inside that room that night. Not even Jacob. I rested my hands on my flat stomach, thinking of the child that never had a chance to live.

I felt Edward come up to me and place his hands on my shoulders. He slowly turned me around to face him. He reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes with his fingertips and then pulled me to him. I grabbed a hold of him tightly, letting the tears continue to fall onto his shirt. I felt his chest shudder, and I knew that if he could produce tears, he too would be crying at that moment.

After a while I pulled myself together enough to finish the story. Tears were still coming from my eyes, but I was able to speak. Edward's arms were still around me. I have to admit, that made it easier to continue.

"I woke up almost three weeks later in the hospital. My baby was gone," I said, fresh tears coming to my eyes.

"I am so sorry, Bella. If I had known...," Edward began, but was unable to finish his sentence.

"I don't blame you, Edward. Not any more. It wasn't your fault," I said.

"It _is_ my fault, don't you see? Even if I hadn't gone back to you, which is what I should have done, I should have found Victoria and taken care of her when I had the chance. She never would have gotten to you if I had finished what I set out to do."

I didn't know what to say to him at that point. How was I to make him see that no one was to blame for what Victoria did? I had no words, so we both remained quiet for several minutes.

"What happened when you woke up? How injured were you?" he asked, breaking the silence. I pulled away and his arms dropped to his sides.

"They kept me in a medically induced coma because of all my injuries. I had some broken bones and lots of cuts and gashes that had already begun to heal by the time I woke up. The scars you saw under my tattoo are from that night. I can't have children anymore. I had a hysterectomy because they couldn't get the bleeding to stop after losing the baby.

"I also had a subdural hematoma from hitting my head while going through the window or from the fall. They ended up doing a craniotomy to reduce the pressure on my brain and used titanium plates and screws when they replaced the section of my skull. I remember waking up with a terrible headache, my head shaved on the right side with a horrible scar."

Edward slowly raised his hand to my head, weaving his fingers into my hair, feeling the thick scar that was hidden there.

"Along with the baby, Collin and Sam Uley were both killed that night. I've struggled with guilt over their deaths for years. How is it that I survived when they lost their lives? How is that fair?"

"None of them should have died. None of them, but especially not your baby," Edward said, quietly. His hand slid from my hair to cup my cheek. He didn't say anything else, but his eyes said it all. I knew he was immensely sorry for what had happened.

"I recovered with some scars, occasional seizures and a significant personality change. I tried my best to run away from it all. After I left Forks that Fall, I never went back. I refused to speak to Charlie or Jacob and ignored them when they came out here to see to me. I didn't even go back to Forks when Charlie died. The closest I've been is Seattle for the wrongful death trial.

"I let myself get lost in drugs, despite my vow to stay clean. The drugs led to meaningless sex with random guys. I couldn't begin to tell you how many men I've been with because I don't know how many there have been. When I met Ben I didn't sleep around as much, but it still happened. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't die from overdosing at some point or contracting HIV or some other disease. How I made it through college is still a mystery to me." I realized that I was babbling and probably not doing myself any favors by continuing.

"Anyway, that's everything," I finished lamely.

"How can you not hate me?" Edward asked.

"I did hate you for a long time. Then I came realize that _I'm_ the one that made the poor choices. I'm the one that made me miserable. Sure, what Victoria did wasn't in my control, but everything else was. How I reacted to it all was in my power and I chose to see the negativity. I chose my path. Thankfully, I've grown up. What's sad is that it only happened recently. You're the one that opened my eyes. I suppose now the real question is where do we go from here?"

"We go wherever you want to, Bella. I will always be at your side, as long as you want me to be, that is."

"My past doesn't disgust you? All of the men? The drugs?"

"No," he said simply. "I'll admit that I wish they were never in your life. I'm a jealous creature by nature and I don't like to think about them. But it doesn't matter now. They're a part of your past. I hope to be a part of your future, if you'll have me."

He was still standing right in front of me so I looked up into his beautiful face. He looked so sincere, so hopeful that I couldn't help the small smile that came to my lips.

"It's been a long time since I was in an actual relationship. We can try, but it scares me," I whispered.

"We'll take it slow. How does that sound?" he said as he wrapped his arms around me once more. I laid my head against his chest and smiled wider.

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

**Whew. Put a fork in me, I'm done. **

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**Would you like to see some pics from the story? Like of Alice's room? Or Bella's tattoo? They're on the blog at www (dot) msrason (dot) blogspot (dot) com. The link is also on my profile.  
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**I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year! Don't drink and drive.**

**~ Rason**


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